Friday, July 12, 2019

365 days: Today I did a thing ...day 189

I did a thing,,,,
outside my comfort zone. 

I was invited to hang out with the Litas , an all women motorcycle group.
I was nervous, why?.... not sure...
maybe because I'm old and I think I'm cool and shit, but am really not.
But anyways I went.
Rode the scoot to the private party and crossed my fingers.
It is always a bit weird going to do something completely alone, but I don't hate it...it's just a bit awkward at first.
I got there...
and they forgot to tell me it was a dress up party, meaning....dresses, so no one had ridden their bike.
Oh well.
It was a mixed bag and it turned out quite nice.  
they were welcoming and were huggers (which I love) 
all different ages and skills.
I liked it.

The Litas Colorado

I took a picture of them before the group pic and they are really cute.

The other group I visited in Denver a few years ago, was never very friendly or welcoming. 
They were very cliquey and it seemed more of a fashion show than a place to meet and ride with like minded people.
I felt out of place there....
I am a solo person.  I love hanging with people and having fun, but as soon as people start comparing riding boots and kevlar and when their next finger tattoo is happening , I'm out.
It's one of the main reasons I don't hang out with many girls.
I don't fit in.

So, I hope this group is different .
I hope I can find a bit of camaraderie.

PS.  I have been riding alone, more lately.  It is quite liberating, quiet and thought provoking.
I still wish I had someone to ride with once in a while...
for now, 
I will do



xo,
m

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Bleeding to death...almost

It's like Dexter all up in here....


I have literally been bleeding for 3.5 weeks now. 
I'm gonna be honest, I am not sure how any living creature can bleed this much and still live.
I can attest to the fact that I don't feel great.
I am going to say maybe it's my period's last hurrah,
so that I don't forget about all the. miserable times together.
I should have invested in some tampon company, or at least toilet paper.
I'm exhausted.
I am also going to guess that it could be something else,
because I haven't felt great for a while.
but I'm a bit too scared to go get it checked.
As you may know I had a boob scare a few years ago and had part removed...
but also decided not to take the chemo.
so...
at that point the dr said, we will keep an eye on everything.
I'm hoping it has not reappeared in the boob's second favorite spot to send cancer cells...
the uterus.
I'm gonna say it's menopause ....yep, that is what I am going with.

on top of bleeding my entire relaxing getaway, I also ate some luscious fruit and found out in a quite sucky way that being allergic to latex also means you are often allergic to many of the yummy tropical fruits and apparently lobster and shrimp (which I kind of all ready knew).
I had a bite of lobster, some unidentifiable yummy fruit, bananas and plantains
and my mouth developed a crop of sores, swelling and yuck.
( about the same as when I had latex rubber bands on my braces)
It's gross and it hurts.
I hope this is just an ugly phase I'm going through, because I don't have enough energy due to blood loss to workout or run, I can't eat anything good right now because of my mouth....
and after I work all day I am so tired I cannot even bring myself to do a damn thing, except get in the bed.

send me some good vibes...
I'm tired of this 
I want to go have fun and feel perky again.
I want to stop looking at my bed like it is my second home.
(as I type this from my bed)

any suggestions?
write ya later,
xo
m



Monday, July 8, 2019

365 days: Day 185 Punta Cana ...relaxed and washed out


DAY 185








Higuey, DR

 Something about the colors makes me happy
she smiled for a minute...ziplineing

Yes,  I booked a trip to Punta Cana DR when people are dying there. So what?  I like an adventure and a good deal.
Stayed at Barcelo Palace on Bavaro Beach and for all inclusive resort it was fine.
No one died, and I feel semi relaxed.
beaches were white and warm,
People were friendly 
I relaxed....
what more can I say........
except.....
I'm a dumbass for thinking it would be different.

Will I ever learn?
It really is time to move on...
really
(Look at that dumbasses sweet face)
vacationing with me is an adventure...
If you want it to be.
I enjoy trying stuff...
I tried almost every bite of food put in front of me...yes even meat, because when you don't speak the language it is important to not be rude....although a few locals helped with which meals traditionally did not have meat.
I like to do things....but I also like other people to take the lead, so if you are not strong enough to take the lead and decide what you would like to do, you will either be doing what I want to do, or nothing at all. 
If you decide things at the last minute while in a 3rd world country...it most likely won't happen because things need a bit of planning.
Something I discovered which was quite nice and new to me...
separate beds.  I slept like a baby.  Not my ideal sleeping arrangement when traveling with a person I am in love with, but....
situation was just dandy with the double beds. 
If you aren't having relations, kissing, touching....no need to be in my space.
I realized I find dark skinned DR men with light eyes, extremely attractive.
I was thankful I did not have the opportunity to really explore as much as I wanted to. ( wink wink)
If you sleep through half the vacation...
you are going to miss out, not my problem....
I can sleep at home...
I like to dance...and gamble occasionally
these things should happen while on vacation.

I cannot wait to meet someone who likes to take a bit of the lead...
I'm not saying all the lead, just someone who steps up, can make a reservation, can get a taxi in a different country, will carry the money and tip, and can try new things.
can't wait.

I posted a pic of me in my bikini, because I do wear a bikini and don't really care if I have a fat belly one day...
mostly I care because I don't find myself attractive looks wise.  My body is ok, but lately I feel washed out, old and pretty ugly.
(honestly though, I am all those things hahaha)
but it doesn't make me happy looking at pictures.

I am back home, getting mentally prepared for work and what comes next.
life is grand

write ya later
m



Monday, July 1, 2019

365 days : I run so you don't have to



you are welcome...
Today I ran so you don't have to.
I would like you to know we did NOT run far, so don't worry
Foxxy and I ran 2. 2 miles 
Then she gave up...
Looked at me as if the heat was going to be the death of her....
I looked at her and said, 
"Don't worry, I gotta poop....so we are both done"
She panted home the last mile and I concentrated on not having to go poo.
It's a runners thing.
maybe it's just my thing.
Anyways, I did minimal thinking on my run, which was nice.
A couple of times I thought...
wow, my legs feel pretty good and I'm gonna chalk that up to doing nothing for the past week or so.
I'm calling it my recovery drink and eat week....
and scroll through Instagram and then feel shitty for doing nothing all week, week.

pretty much a good week in my book.

As you can see from my picture I am carb loading for the mere fact I can.  
This was the first time in a while I looked at myself in the mirror and thought
you look good.
you are in a good spot.  
Looks good on you 
50 is good
....
well, don't look at that part, ignore that part....
and ignore that toenail that fell off from running yesterday
but everything else....
good job, lady

Sometimes, a good break from everything really pays off
I noticed it has made the house feel better.
Me, just doing what I want and not fretting.
the vibe is good.

did you hear that?
I gotta good vibe goin on.

2 days from now I will be relaxing in my bikini, giving an additional zero fucks, wishing I could tan, as I slather on the 50 block...
Wishing I could hold my liquor better,
and wishing I looked more put together....
but all that....
that is NOTHING.
Lately,
Ive literally been rocking this shit.

so, go relax...
I all ready ran, 
If ya wanna carb load, go ahead,
because we good 

xo,
write ya later

Saturday, June 29, 2019

365 days :maybe it's not generational.... day 177


Day:177

today this girl went to her first job.  
That's Tripp in the background, one of the owners of Tortugas in Longmont.
They needed a dishwasher and this  freshly turned 15 year old said ," I am in".

We , well most of us, have worked a labor job at some point in our life.  
I have done them all. 
Growing up in the tourist town of Destin, Florida I worked mainly kitchen....because that is where the work was. It was hard, sweaty, work....but I met some of the most amazing people ever in the kitchens.  I learned about work ethic, food, cleanliness, teamwork, anger management and love in those kitchens. 
Everyone should work in the kitchen at some point. 
True fact... 
washing dishes teaches you respect and understanding of service industry and teaches you what the low man on the totem pole really is.

This girl, Olive Bijie, showed up, having never worked a real job let alone operate a dish machine, busted her ass, and made it through a busy Saturday night .... 
I am proud of her.
Before she went in we talked to her about work ethic and how she is strong  and sassy (which is requirement #1 of kitchen work)
and she is not a quitter.

just so you know....
I thought she would be crying when I picked her up.
but NO....
she was standing there tired, but smiling, with a togo box of high end food and the owners saying 
"she did great...it was so busy.... we want her back if she will have us"
her response....
" I like money...I'll be back"

We say this generation and the last are lazy...don't want to work, want to start at the top and never do manual labor....but here I have a 15 year old girl, who is baby sitting, dog watching, and now working washing dishes.....
so maybe it's not generational...
maybe it's the upbringing?

I'm a really proud mom right now.
She exceeded my expectations and did it...
 and I hope she excels at it.
even if it is dishwashing
because if you are going to do a job...
do your best,
whether it is washing dishes or brain surgery

do your best.
do your fucking best

xo,
write ya later 
m