hat by Synda @ TonsynI spent the day yesterday with my 11 year old, Ilin Blue. When I look at him I wonder, "where did this creature come from?" He's his own person, which as a parent is something we all strive for. He's pretty independent, smart, quiet and often quite funny...so where did he come from?
Yes, I know where he CAME from, I just wonder who delegates the social aspect?
As we sat down to a plate of gnocci and my 2 glasses of red wine...he had root beer...we discussed life. As if we were one some sort of first date we started with small talk. He noticed a baby sitting next to us....
"Mom, look at the fat rolls on her arms, she's so cute...she looks like Olive, but not as fat."
"No, not nearly as fat."
He wanted me to talk about when he was a baby. Was he fat? Yes, Skinny, FAT,chubby, then super skinny. He wanted to talk about when times were normal for him. When his dad and I were still together. Although I don't think he really remembers that, just the novelty of it. We talked about starting middle school. He asked about what I did when I was in school. Of course I lied and told him how good I was and all the clubs I was in. I left out the part that I was in the counted cross stitch club and made it sound like I was the head of the yearbook club. I asked him what he was going to try. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "football".
ok, Mr 75# of skin and bone. nice choice. I gulped my wine and said, "Wow, starting out strong huh?"
He said he's not real good at running, he gets winded (duh) and doesn't care for the running shorts and white shoes they wear....(that's my boy), but maybe football. OK then. Who am I to say?
We shared a salad and the bread, finished up and went for a walk on Pearl Street.
He's such an awesome spirit that it's sometimes hard to comprehend. We saw a street person with no leg, in a wheel chair,stinking and smiling in the warm sun. Ilin just nonchalantly said, "That really sucks."
Yes it does. That was that. Reality at it finest.
We went to Buffalo Exchange and looked at cool old Tshirts and I told him he would have to wait on school clothes til next month. He just said, "Ok, Mom, I don't need anything right now".
What I really wanted to say is that I don't have enough $$ to buy new clothes because we just spent it on lunch and I paid 65$ for all your school supplies...and I still have to rent that huge bass instrument for your orchestra class, but I didn't. I just smiled and said we'll come back when I get paid next week.
He puts up with me,he puts up with his step dad, he has a sister who has leukemia(dad's side)and another sister who is a pain in the ass and all he says is " It's ok mom, I don't need anything".
Have I helped bring a caring boy into the world for the next generation of women or have I created a child who is going to need therapy and will inevitably hate me in a few years?
It's a question of deep concern for me. I guess I will just roll with the punches and hope for the best...My sweet kid. I'm crossin my fingers for him