Friday, August 1, 2008

...(repost) until tomorrow,,,comment now

Sexuality and sex are an uneasy topic for most people, unless talking about the person 2 cubicles down, your gay best friend, or the unbelievable amount your friend of a friend is getting from that super hotty across town. When you attempt to talk to a significant other who is partaking in said sexual activity it's a whole 'nother ball game.
I, and all my friends who really know me and have had a few cocktails (no pun intended) with me, know that I can't give a proper blowjob...whatever that is. I have been around in circles with all my friends, many who valiantly offer tips and encouragement, and I must say that as much as I appreciate all the help...it just doesn't work.
Last night I took it upon myself to refer to my self help book for mediocre blowjobbers,pick a plan, and give it a try. The first step (don't worry, I'll spare you the details) was to talk to the other half who would be required to partake in my endeavor. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I'm pretty sure that bringing up my shortfalls was not much encouragement to him to let me try. Yes, most men would say,"Go for it!" But mine had a few other words to say:

"You don't have to"

"I know I don't have to, I want to"

"I know, but, I'm just saying, it's ok, it's really not a big deal."

"Well, it's a big deal to me. I feel like I've short changed you in the male bonding department. You know, when all you guys are talking about great blowjobs and how So-n-so stepped up to the plate last night...you got nothin'....ever. You always do your share and I do nothing, I mean I do stuff, but not that...so tonight, I, with your permission, am going to go for it."

Not really the best way to set the mood, but with a bit of small talk I headed straight for third or fourth base, maybe it's actually second base now...I don't know. I remembered all the fancy moves, replayed the pictures in my head from the book, could hear girlfriends telling me what NOT to do. All I could think about was that this is a lot of work, not bad work, just odd work. Lot's of stuff to remember when you are a novice....keep going, seem to be doing ok....hmmm how long does this actually take? Do I take this long?.................................... I wonder what is on TV.............Is it happening? Maybe that's it....No, I watch porn, that's not it....maybe I should check or ask..........maybe not........1,2,3,4 twist, turn,swish.......ok...it has to have been at least 45 mitutes if it were a minute....I'm done....I think I did it.

"Why'd you stop? You have to keep going."

"Oh my god, you didn't? I thought you did. You need to be more vocal or something....I tried."

"You were doing good, you can't stop...at all. It takes a bit of concentration on my part. This is new for me, you know what I mean....it's weird"

"what do you mean it's weird? it's all weird isn't it? Just don't think about it like that. Was I doing ok?"

"Yeah, you were doing good......honey, it's just....It's dirty."

WHAT?!!! It's dirty? I didn't understand what he was talking about. Of course it's dirty, it's sex...it's sexy dirty, not dirty dirty.....I better ask.

So I ask....uncomfortable pause,"Come on, it's just me. We do stuff, what do you mean it's dirty?...it's supposed to be sexy, I think it's pretty hot. I mean people pay good money for this, they don't pay me, of course, but you know."

This is what he said to me, which made me melt and remember why I love him.

" I think that may be the problem. You were doing great, don't get me wrong, I think I'm having a hard time with the fact you have my penis in your mouth....it's dirty....I love you and it's just weird, if I didn't love you it would be different."

ok then...

I guess I can see that. I try not to think of that stuff. Seriously, I really don't think about it all when I'm the one in the hot seat. We decided I could give it another go (yea, for me) ...He so kindly said, maybe the weekend? Maybe we can switch up a bit. It is a weird topic, it's a dirty topic....

yes, it is.

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