As I have pointed out many times before...I don't sleep. Not by choice, but by some sort of evil curse. As Bobby lays next to me gurgling in his own snot and snores...I lie awake. I toss and turn. I listen to Love Line, then I listen to BBC America. Sometimes I lay awake and listen for wildlife....you know do all the things you do in bed except the good stuff; ie: sleeping or sex, neither of which I ever get, even by myself (TMI, It is Thursday after all).
Last night,as I listened to the whistling of Bobby's nose and gurgling of his snores I must have dozed off. Only to find myself being tortured by thoughts which were uncontrollable. The ones which remind me we have a basement just like Jon Benet's family...with a little secret room, where I am sure someone is hiding out waiting for me to fall asleep so that they can snatch my second born, and no one would hear (well, Bobby wouldn't hear,remember I don't really sleep). Thoughts of how I need to start my own business and am required to do the entire business plan while I sleep. Better yet, how I am so behind everyone else in life I should just get up now and start my new life...do things faster better and actually finish everything I start.
Last night was a night of thinking I was peeing the bed. Every 7.5 minutes I would come out of a daze and think, "oh my god...I have to pee. Did I all ready pee?" Reach down, feel the sheet. No pee. Get up wander to the bathroom, pee a dribble. Go back to bed just to do it again 7.5 minutes later. Yes I realize this is stupid, and I don't have an underlying problem. The problem is that I'm still trying to potty train the 4 year old not to wear a pull up at night so it is a direct reflection of my poor parenting skills that I must think I'm peeing the bed all night.
On top of that, Bobby's band The Mighty 18 Wheeler is having their CD release party this next week and we have been playing the new CD non stop. So much, that I can't stand to think about it (even though it rocks). So, as I went in and out of my pee filled REM state the background theme music was "My Broken Angel" from their CD. I kept yelling in my head...."this is MY dream!!! Everyone else that has to do with my normal life get the F out! Where is Brad Pitt to rub my bottom as I try to relax? Where is that mirror which makes me think I am better looking than I really am? Get OUT...Music Be gone! "
It's not fair. It's not fair that there is no escape from my reality.