Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Flapjack Aren't Just for Breakfast Any More

It came up at the book club the other night: "Flap-Jack Boobies".
Yes I said it, it is a real thing and if you are a mom that birthed through your vagina and possibly breastfed you know what I'm talking about. It's an evil thing...evil, evil, EVIL. These are the types of things that snap you back into reality when you start thinking a little bit outside the box.
You know the thoughts like I have at age 40.

"Hey good lookin...good job, Mamma, you been workin out, just don't look at your backside. Take your glasses off when you look and always remember that you gave birth and you have a bit of an excuse...besides all that...you are one hot MILF, especially since you have no luxuries of plastic surgery, personal trainers, or good genes".

Yeah that's me...
Until Ashley brought up the fact of flap-jack boobies.
First thing I thought...F her...They nourished our kids....Then I thought again...
Damn it to hell.
(she doesn't even have kids!)

She's right, we have flap jack boobies. This is a phenomenon that Moms often get after birthing and losing weight, usually to a weight which is less than previous or when you are older. OLDER! Damn it. You can camouflage with good bras, but cannot contain them in bathing suits, laying on your side, or on your back...or just plain naked. Flap Jack boobs. I hate you boobs. Moms who stay on the chubby side usually don't have this problem...Their boobs stay luscious and luxurious.
I'm feeling older by the day. I looked at them yesterday at every angle possible and now all I can think about is silicone or saline.

I'm on a diet, I don't want any flap jacks.


spiffydoug said...

Remember that the undersides are a breeding ground of microorganisms! Wash with disinfectant soap at least once a day to prevent spread!

v8grrl said...

I have spread...that is the problem!


Anonymous said...

I am slightly disturbed by this.

Cynthia Dark and Light said...

I'm savoring the thought of my "undersides being a breeding ground for microorganisms" as I believe this too occurs with aging. The undersides don't breed shit when you're young! Can't wait for older age.

v8grrl said...

it is a reality...deal with it....one day you too will have floppy junk.

Cyn: Older Age.....bwahahahahahaah

Tonym144 said...

Not good? That's your opinion. I love flapjack tits!