Thursday, January 28, 2010

360 days of my life #24

360 days, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

I will be trying to lighten the blog posts this weekend but right now it is still too much. I could momentarily amuse you by talking about the 93 y.o. man I took care of on Sunday. He was learning how to use the urinal. Yeah, that is what I thought ...how do you live to be 93 and not use a urinal or a coke bottle or something...hell, even I have tried to pee into a Mickey's Big Mouth at a time or two of need.
But anyway...He couldn't really get up to walk safely...and didn't really want to because he had back issues, so I gave him the urinal...standard practice. I went out of the room to give him some privacy and was watching the heart monitor and noticed his heart rate shooting up. 72...83...96...107...
?????
back into the room...
"tap, tap, tap...Mr Oldie, you doing ok?"
"yeah I just need a little goddamn help....uh..."
I walk in and assess the situation. He is definitely sitting on the side of the bed...good sign...but then I noticed he was yanking and struggling with his ...uhhh. member.
Out of respect I did NOT just walk over and yank it and say "let me help you".
I nicely said, "Mr Oldie, could I help you stand up just a bit to make things a bit easier?"
grumble grumble...
I helped him stand up ever so slightly so that he could pull his wiener out from under his butt cheeks where it appeared to have retreated to....normal wiener safety area. He then jammed the plastic urinal halfway onto the flaccid thing...and proceeded to pee on the floor with a happy sigh.
Yup.. I left him to his peace and when he was all done and I was helping get his legs back into bed, i threw a towel on the floor by my feet and quietly wiped it up and then pretended to empty the urinal into the toilet...."flush......."
"Good job Mr. Oldie...you did a great job using that crazy thing."

2 weeks of school...i am all ready behind and can't even remember the way to put eardrops in. I'm tired, my kids hate me...and I want to fall off the earth degree or no degree.
Maybe it's the weather...but I doubt it....
you know what is really sad?
I'm even sick of wine.
that's a damn shame...




7 comments:

one of many said...

Even speech pathologists have to help old men with their weiners...it's good patient care. It totally amazes me how the balls totally engulf the flaccid little bugger with age so that nothing really sticks out to reach into those not so handy urinals. I hope I die before someone has to help me toilet.

Small Town Mutha said...

How about a beer?

Kris said...

No. I think you're right. I think it is January. This month has just sucked. I'm sure February will be better.

Anonymous said...

Hang on, Honey. Mr. Oldie and I need you. :-)
"Don't worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything. Tell God your needs, and don't forget to thank Him for His answers." My positive thoughts for you.

How's my virtual friend Eddie?

SaraO :-)

k said...

Come on Wonderwoman - just a few short months - then you and I will enjoy the wine or whine together.

JB said...

I knew as men got older their noses and their ears got bigger but I had no idea about their dingleballs.... hmmmm

I tried calling you the other day chica, but I can never get through to you on the tele... I may be flaky but am always there for you on the phone! I love listening to you so anytime lady!

Douglas said...

Switch to absinthe and leave my peeps alone!