Today was the last day of my true clinicals. It was uneventful, which is just fine. When I walked out the door the clouds opened up and rays came down and all seemed right in the world. Truly right, although only momentarily...it was A-OK. I danced a little jog, did a little yelp and wished there was someone to kiss. I hopped in my car and went home, changed clothes, slapped my running shoes on my feet and took off for a mind cleansing run. As I ran, the semester flew off the ends of my fingertips. The anger and angst for my teachers were pounded out through the bottoms of my soles and I ran. I listened to NPR and thought about an old lover who told me,
"why not run 7 miles? You have two working legs...why not?"
And he was so right. Just run.
I thought of Forrest Gump, "Run Forrest, RUN!!!.........Run Myssi RUN!!!!"
My mind weaved in and out of NPR and Ira Glass's soothing voice, as I thought of how my life is my own and I can make time for myself. I wished I could take the burdens this old friend seems to be carrying and run them away for him....because it seems he may never be able to run far enough.
I want to make things right.
I willed myself to forgive the anger which wasted my mind space on someone who didn't believe in me.
Everything pounded out on the pavement, slowly, evenly, with direction.
As I rounded mile 4.5 a biker came by and yelled, "You GO girl!!!!" and thumbs up.
my heart opened.
my mind cleared.
and it was A-ok.
I arrived home, went upstairs, and scrubbed everything else off, and down the drain. Felt the strength in my legs, the slight pain in my knees, and smiled.
One more test, 4 more weeks, and another part of my story will begin.
Because I am strong.