Tuesday, January 11, 2011

M.M.S The curse

Let me preface this with I should be working out right now.

(this is not me...if it is you...I'm sorry...and where is your best gay friend to tell you to stop it?)

With that said.
My underwear is tight, and you know, if you have been reading my "journals", that I can't bear to have tight underwear.   Most people would just suggest to go buy a larger size.  Not me.  
I refuse.  
I can't do it.  
I don't want to to do it.  
I want things to fit the same all the time, unless it is my bra...then maybe it would be nice for me to have to go get a larger size....but, as all us Mommy's know...the top half gets smaller and saggier as the ass end gets bigger and bumpier.
I have often pondered why this is.
I believe one of the reasons is we eat like crap.
We make breakfast for the kids...
take a few bites...
Make lunch for the kids...
Lick the peanut butter spoon (ok, have a couple of spoons of peanut butter)
swish it down with cold crappy coffee.
Then usually treat ourselves to a stand up lunch of 
whatever is easiest to reach and doesn't need heated up in the kitchen.
I believe it is also because we start buying these:

(this is also not me...I would not be caught dead in that.)

You see, "Juicy" on her ass is one thing...because her other outfit is a Victoria Secrets ensemble and a pair of wings.
"Juicy" on our asses...um, I wouldn't call it juicy...
If you have these pants, get rid of them...and don't donate them, we don't need any street person sporting these either. And PLEASE,please... don't give them to your 13 year old daughter 
(that's another entry).
We start wearing Mom Suits...the outfit of mammas around the world.
Drawstring and elastic stretch so our asses have no restraint.
Hell, I may even stop wearing pantaloons under these things.
Stretchy...
there is no accountability with these.
That is until you try to cram your white self into a bathing suit mid April.

Listen, I'm just saying....
we can conquer the curse of the spreading cheeks if you just stop buying larger underwear.
and those Mamma Mall Suits.

I will be upstairs...
working out in my too tight pantaloons. 

xo 
m



2 comments:

Lapetitemort said...

Amen.
I have probably 100 pair of underwear, varying sizes. There are some crammed in the back of the drawer that I am determined to get into with no fat bulges...

Don't Take My Advice said...

Just get yourself a pair of Pajama Jeans instead.