So, that is how I roll, love it or leave it, and honestly, many people leave it.
With that said, I have been spending many quality hours on my own. I met a great man in a running group who has really been a mentor. Encouraging when he he should be and scoldingly brutal when need be. He set me on a schedule and has helped me see my strength again. We talk when we run, which is nearly impossible for me, but it allows me to focus on breathing and to open up about my issues as I run. To me, it is like a therapist in sneakers. Over the past month I have been given some great thoughts from the outside world on how to maintain a bit of happiness at home, when sometimes it seems there is no way. To not expect emotion from people who do not have that kind of emotion and to search for what makes me happy...and follow through.
The follow through part has been the hard part. With kids, it's not so easy. I would love to travel nurse. Really, I could take the entire family in the summer, but it doesn't seem feasible. Bobby is lost in a job that is going nowhere,but through my running and talks I have found from a male point of view that is something he needs to conquer without my voice in his head. He needs to be the bread winner and he cannot quit and do nothing. He has to figure it out. So, I will be quiet and let him do just that.
In the in-between, I am just trying to stay happy. Be me. Let my friends be them, and just not expect so much from people, except myself.
I am strong, not everyone else has found their inner strength.
My goal is to not worry so much about bills and money and enjoy life as we have it right now and in the near future, because when it is all said and done, I want to say I did that...and had some fun.
write ya later