Friday, October 7, 2011

Life is hard, but

You just keep on going.  Well, that is the game plan anyways.  The past few months I have had a hard time coming to the realization that I work.  It seems odd doesn't it?  I went to school to become a nurse and couldn't wait to get started.   Now, I'm exhausted and my little pea brain can't wrap itself around the fact I MUST go to work 3-12 hour shifts a week to keep myself employed and the family with benefits.  It's not much to ask, so what is wrong with me?  Before I got this coveted full time benefited position I worked halftime and I was happy and functioning, although a bit guilt ridden.  You see, I worked 3 shifts a pay period (in 2 weeks).  The money was less, the benefits not as good, but I was happy....and I could pick up extra shifts for "golden time" if I wanted.  
Is it me?  Just never satisfied?  possibly...
Is it working the 12 hour night shifts and being a crappy sleeper?  maybe
Or is it the fact I just want to be a stay at home mom and go to knitting group in the morning and volunteer for the kids field trips?
this picture actually looks like me :)
You see, if I could just figure out how to function I'm sure it would be better.  How can I incorporate real life and 12 hour night shifts?  How can I work out?  How can I grocery shop or garden when I am so tired...or better yet zombiefied?  3-12's, a lot of people would die for that!...Even I'm not sure I could go back to 5-8's.
Life is hard, but it seems to me its even harder when you can't grasp the reality it hands you.  There are no classes for this, or really good pieces of advice.  You just keep doing what you need to do.

My friendships, at this point in my life, are non existent which makes life non escapable.
There is no Friday Afternoon Club to attend or couples family fun night.
It's an abyss.  
Its life.
It's time to figure it out.
You guys have a great weekend
Somehow my schedule got all put at the end of one week and the beginning of another so I have 3-12's on one night off the 3 more 12's
basically 6/12 hour shifts in a row.
Thats basically an 80 hour work week in 6 days….at night.
xo
m


ps: and people wonder why I'm such a crotch

3 comments:

Queen of the Trailer Park said...

We are blogging the same stuff! And we CAN do this shit because we ARE already doing all this shit...I am AMAZED at how much you do and what YOU have accomplished my friend. If and when I ever grow up...I want to be a lot like you.
xoxo - p

one of many said...

Don't let your job swallow you up. Life is so much more. While I realize you have children to support, you do need balance. Give your schedule a good try, but if you continue to feel out of balance then make a change that works for you. I hope you can find time to let your social relationships thrive again.

Anonymous said...

Guilt sucks, and it leads nowere... And life is so short for not doing what we realy like to do! I used to be like that, always either feeling guilty either not doing what I felt like to do. But now I'm working on it, seriously!!!

Good Luck,
Su.