Friday, April 27, 2012

the story begins

*** rude offensive material will follow this disclaimer…

I lived with him for less than a year.  One of those inbetween things that is supposed to make you feel good.  'Live a little' they told me, so I did.  I'm sure I have done crazier things in my life.
He was out of character for me.  Good looking, dumb, and large in stature, all the recovery items one would need per my best girlfriends.
I worked nights, he worked days (when he worked) ,and sometimes we met in-between, sometimes we just passed each other as we moved along.  One evening I came home to find him passed out on the couch.  Not atypical for him.  I kicked the couch and there was no movement.  "Hey, big, stupid dummy…you sleeping on the couch?"  No answer…good.
I walked over to turn the computer off.  I touched the mouse and up popped a full screen shot of a girls pantied crotch.
Figures.  Little pink panties in a picture that was taken via cell phone under a table.  Very artsy, Big Dummy.  Not surprised I just shook my head and chalked it up to loserville.  I scrolled the picture down.  Oh Big Dummy, an open chat session,too.  How crafty and suave you are.
This is where one story ends and true heart break
 begins.  A heart break of a life time.

girl:I cant wait for you to get here, baby.  My body is all yours
big dummy:Soon, Mama, soon….just have to get a bit more money and Ill be all yours
BD:I hate this place, this house and her ugly ass meat curtains.
g:Oh baby, soon you will never have to see those again…..

What did that say?  What the fuck?  Meat curtains?  What is that?  After a few googles later I had a pretty clear image of exactly what meat curtains were and my heart sank.
Cruel bastard.
Who would say such a thing?

Up to this perfect trifecta of a moment in my life I had never even thought about my private parts.  They were fine to me.  I haven't compared them to many, thinking everyone is different, right?  Apparently not. A person I was occasionally sleeping with thought I was disgusting and had explained, in detail ,why that was, to another person.  Eeek Gads!
I glanced at the couch and thought about killing him. Lorena Bobbit his ass.  But my arms were stiff at my sides.  I walked over, tapped him on the shoulder, then kicked the one leg which was hanging from the couch and said,"Get out of my house"……
"Get your asshole self out of my house!"
BD:  "Oh Baby, what the hell?  what are you talking about?  come on…."  He glanced over at the computer and didn't say a word.

"Get your shit, take your car, and get out"

There was no real fight, no discussion, he got his small amount of belongings and walked out the door.  Passive aggressively leaving the computer on with Miss Pink Panty, non meat curtains, staring at me.

The computer, he left it all wide open for me( no pun intended) so that I could spend the next 5 hours reading explicit emails about myself; my ugly, deformed self.  The beginning of a lifetime story I'll never recover from, but has put me on a road to laughing at myself and learning what ugly really is…..
and let me just tell you….
its not just about my private parts…my meat curtains.

stay tuned…


Ciera said...

wow. None of us are built perfect unless we've been operated on! Sheesh.

Deb_a_na said...

Wow! I've been reading your blog for a short time. I like it. I enjoy your writing.

I guess after goggling this phrase myself, I too have "meat curtains". I don't get the ugliness though.

You're right, he is just a big dumbass!