Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Friends over forty

Not sure how to say it without hurting my feelings.   But here it goes...." You are a bitch". Outspoken,  easily riled, passionate, and loyal... You will never be accepted for the fiery red head you are.
The truth : everyone wants to be a part, but no one for the long haul.  it's heartbreaking.  Hush, hush...

I can't keep friends, never could.  I'm too much.  I was raised to be independent, too independent.  As a 20 something I always kept my mouth shut.  I watched ,people do crazy things.  I watched people, cheat, lie, steal, and die and i kept quiet.  One day I said, if that was me ...I'd want my friend to say something, I'd want my friend to tell me I was going to die, or that I was doing shit that would eventually kill me...and if I heard someone in distress I would never walk away...I would help...I would call 911, because you never know.

Now at 40 something I am virtually friendless.  I have the drive bys.  The friends who call for a beer, a favor, or if they need someone to do something crazy with, but not a single friend who would stop by if something was up.  Not a friend who could look at me and say, " hey, what's up?  You look like there is something going on".

Here's a little funny humor.  I wanted to run away and leave my hubby one night ( long story) and I had no where to go.  NO WHERE!   I drove around the block, sat  in the car and cried...then went home and apologized .

I am the fun one, the vocal one and the one you can count on for pretty much anything.  I'll be there for you, even if I haven't seen you in months, because I care.  I will tell you if your new boyfriend is an asshole and that I saw him at the bar with another girl...because I care.  
But what I need ? Is a friend .  A friend to go to dinner with, sit on the couch with, laugh with and go a Vegas trip with.
A friend I know who will show up when I least expect it.

I'm here.

Write ya later


Anonymous said...

I feel the same way! I used to have lots of friends and can get along with almost anyone. But, then I came out and all my friends are now uncomfortable around me. Actually it is probably more that I'm uncomfortable around them. I don't call them, and they don't call me. I have work people, a few church people, but absolutely no one that I feel like I can call and meet for lunch. Well, that and I think Sweet Tea would be jealous of a friend that she and I didn't share. But I crave one. She has old friends that she talks with on the phone. They don't live in town so she doesn't get to see them much. And she shares them with me when we are around them. I used to be a social butterfly, constantly on the phone with or having lunch with friends. Now I only talk to Sweet Tea. I'm calling it a life phase. At some point I'll have friends again. I'm sure of it.

Queen of the Trailer Park said...

I am soooo going to cash my air miles and head your way!!!! Or meet you somewhere!!! I wish that we lived closer and that it would be different because I WOULD be there for you because I know how you feel...we are leading a very parallel life (I think we have even commented on it before - shit our girls sleep on the same bedding even!) My last post with the trees?! I was getting ready to walk out on my 20 year marriage and the only place for me to go was a motel : ( Feels like in high school when I had acquaintances in every peer group but no one would let me join for keeps.
I need to work out some bumps in my life right now...really long story, but I would like to meet up again...Destin was just too short : (

Anonymous said...

Hey ya putz. You got a frickin best friend in da south!!! I'm just to frickin far away to stop by and hang out otherwise I would pedal my cracked framed Huffy over to your house and harass you all the time.....damn it! Nor am I independently wealthy....the 'toilet blender' idea has just not taken off like I thought it would, even when I dropped the price to $19.95 and order now and get a sample possum for your first toilet blender test trial. Geezzzz I thought the born in 1969 and on the 23rd day a month apart and mutual fans of the airstream trailer made us friends forever....heh! Okay, well anyways, there are friend in La Florida that wish we were closer to hang out more....like the ole days....(out in the snowy night walking the streets with just your panties and a t-shirt on lookin for a place to chill).(period) WARNING! KEEP IN TOUCH! *(just because something is not seen does not mean it doesn't exist.....FAITH in your FRIENDS)......xoxoxo, scooter

S.T.M. said...

I'd be there, if I could.

Schooner Tuna said...

Well, I suck at reading blogs evidently, so I've just now stumbled upon this one. It definitely made me scratch my head. Not about the "no friends" thing, as I have no friends, either. I have acquaintances, and people I know I would be friends with if (they lived closer) (weren't so busy), but honestly, Joe's my one and only. I'm not complaining. I pretty much hate people. They're such a perpetual disappointment. And the "real me" (who few meet) is pretty over-the-top, would be shocking and horrifying to most.


But it was really puzzling to read about you. See, I always thought you were one of those "gravity" people that other planets orbited around. You're so smart and funny and talented and involved. I would have never guessed...I always feel lucky when I get to see you - it's like hanging with Elvis or something. For what it's worth, I love you guys, and I feel more enlightened now. Before, like when Bobby was sick, I thought "oh, she's just inundated with help...I'm just the weird wife of that weird guy that her weird husband used to work with (all of which is true, but that's beside the point)- I would just be in the way."

I'm officially tossing that out the window. Don't get excited. I don't want to learn how to knit, and I will never, ever go running with you. But I would totally dig just going to lunch or out for girl's beer sometime. I mean, if you want to, or whatever. You know.