Not sure how to say it without hurting my feelings. But here it goes...." You are a bitch". Outspoken, easily riled, passionate, and loyal... You will never be accepted for the fiery red head you are.
The truth : everyone wants to be a part, but no one for the long haul. it's heartbreaking. Hush, hush...
I can't keep friends, never could. I'm too much. I was raised to be independent, too independent. As a 20 something I always kept my mouth shut. I watched ,people do crazy things. I watched people, cheat, lie, steal, and die and i kept quiet. One day I said, if that was me ...I'd want my friend to say something, I'd want my friend to tell me I was going to die, or that I was doing shit that would eventually kill me...and if I heard someone in distress I would never walk away...I would help...I would call 911, because you never know.
Now at 40 something I am virtually friendless. I have the drive bys. The friends who call for a beer, a favor, or if they need someone to do something crazy with, but not a single friend who would stop by if something was up. Not a friend who could look at me and say, " hey, what's up? You look like there is something going on".
Here's a little funny humor. I wanted to run away and leave my hubby one night ( long story) and I had no where to go. NO WHERE! I drove around the block, sat in the car and cried...then went home and apologized .
I am the fun one, the vocal one and the one you can count on for pretty much anything. I'll be there for you, even if I haven't seen you in months, because I care. I will tell you if your new boyfriend is an asshole and that I saw him at the bar with another girl...because I care.
But what I need ? Is a friend . A friend to go to dinner with, sit on the couch with, laugh with and go a Vegas trip with.
A friend I know who will show up when I least expect it.
Write ya later