Monday, February 10, 2014

Come on get Happy ...exes, teens, and everything in-between

"Do you think this is the life I wanted when I chose to move here?"
Uhhh, let me take an educated
"Damn right"
Well, honestly, this is not exactly the fucking Partridge Family to me either.

Don't say anything you cant take back....don't say it. Bite your tongue.

For once my tongue has been bitten.  I will let everyone decide their fates.
You can't always be right, you can't always be happy, and you sure as shit can't always control what everyone else is doing.   The saddest most embarrassing part is dealing with a teenager who is constantly giving you the middle finger.  Bless his little heart.  Is this what I had thought would happen with my first born?   hell no.   I still dream of first dates and kids filling the basement, proms, and family vacations of fun.   Not exactly what is going on here right now.

I bite my tongue when my parent friends exclaim the intelligence of their children and the beauty and joy they bring.  The scholarships and college interviews.   The pictures of their teens sitting behind the wheel of their first car, so happy and ready to move forward with adulthood....everyone on the same page...stressful but joyful.


The Ex rails me me with his passive aggressive parenting and blame game.  "It's your was YOUR decision...not mine."  "This is your fault."  

That is fine with me.  I'll take the blame, but if that is the case , get the hell out of the way and let me deal with it.  Not your way of dealing: " here, did your mom tell you there will be no more Internet?  Oh she said until your grades are a B avg. ?What a Bitch,  let me get you this phone, I'll pay for it  and here's a new iPad, just in case the computer won't work. "   
Hey jack ass, our kid needs a job, a car and some help getting his grades about forking over some dough for a tutor?
How about for once, instead of saying " that is what I pay you for" do something.  How about you be a father instead of a playmate?  How about as they say...STEP UP TO THE PLATE.

The teen had a job...he got fired.  pretty awesome ,huh?  17 and all ready cant keep a job, all because he didn't feel like going and his dad said if he wasn't working every weekend he would take him snowboarding , but he seems to work all the's a good thought .  Just don't go to work, go snowboarding and hope they don't really care.   Yeah, how did that work out?  

It's embarrassing.  
Almost horrifying to watch .

I'm losing my relationships due to not being able to handle all this.  I've all ready lost the man who used to make me laugh.  Nobody wants to be second or third.  I know I sure as heck don't , yet some how I have become last.

Isolated in a messed up home I designed all by myself.
This design is not working for me....
I'm investing in a wrecking ball...
so prepare yourself



Anonymous said...

I love the raw emotion. Thank you for sharing. Makes me know I'm not alone in my battles.
Here's one for you....
My oldest daughter, pregnant at 15, 17 & 20 (all different fathers)
My youngest, 4 class 4 felonies currently pending.
We were and still are great and supportive parents. The girls grew up in a loving and stable home. We ate dinner together, laughed and prayed together. We loved each other and them opening everyday.
My only (un asked for) advice is to understand you can only do what you can do. Be that example your son needs and allow him to do with that what he chooses.
God bless you through this time.

v8grrl said...

Thank you....I needed that....I really did. ( and personally, I'll take any advice I gan get)

Queen of the Trailer Park said...

I am so sorry that you are going thru this :( I wish I could take you out for a beer and you could try and teach this left handed girl to knit, I wish I had a tool that could help you remove someone's head from their ass AND clear their eyes to see. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE see and KNOW how awesome you are and how unbelievably BIG your heart is, how strongly it beats for those that you love and even those that you don't. You are one of the strongest and most loving people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. It would be so easy to not give a shit, but that is not who you are...I think you should grab Olive and meet me in Destin this summer...I'll buy the beer and the yarn, bring you needles. Love your face
xoxo - P

Lapetitemort said...

This makes me hurt for you.
I have nothing to offer as I don't have kids. I know you have the biggest heart and do only good. I just want you to get through this and come out happy.

Anonymous said...

I'm hurt for you & mad you aren't being appreciated. All you can do is ... as somebody said ... all you can do. You can prepare the soil, plant the seeds, water, fertilize, weed, talk to the seeds... do all kinds of things small & large; but you can't MAKE the seed sprout & grow. I wish I could do "A Christmas Carol" time travel w/ kiddo to show him how hard you worked & how your life was NOT easy (& I only experienced a small part of it vicariously). I wish he could see & grasp the struggle that you have worked so hard to try to shield him from- visions of the camp stove fire come to mind. I cannot imagine many things more frustrating than watching your own child that you have lived your life for making poor decisions that you KNOW will have negative consequences. But, you MUST take care of you. See a counselor, maybe do family therapy w/ kiddo & maybe bio dad/armchair critic, too
I think having an objective professional to act as a sounding board to hold you accountable for taking care of yourself & not beating yourself up may be the most important thing - holding bio dad accountable for his sabotage & shenanigans & holding kiddo accountable for string & working toward goals may be just he thing. You & I both could have made some different decisions in H.S. that would've made things easier in many ways - w/o so many colorful life experiences though. I think the scary thing is that we both know people who didn't "rise above" those bad decisions. Lastly, one thing I learned in working w/ parents - especially moms - is that there is a major cultural lie / peer pressure / not sure best term - but basically there is this pressure on moms from pre pregnancy probably - to put forth this B.S. public facade about perfect kids & perfect parenting. Whether it's dealing w/ post-partum depression, breast feeding, terrible toddlers, learning challenges, behavioral issues, etc. etc. - FB & social media have just given a bigger megaphone for this perfect parenting/perfect family / perfect kid BS propaganda. That is my "THIS MUCH I KNOW IS TRUE"... everybody is struggling & making mistakes & staying up nights worrying & crying & feeling helpless & like a failure in an ammt. directly related to the amount of ridiculous parenting bliss & perfect kids & magical marriage image being projected. PLEASE Give yourself hugs from all of us who know & love you - & find support to take care of you. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Also, call me ANYTIME - 228 three six three zero three one zero.

one of many said...

Hey, I LOVE YOU. Life is fucking hard and sucks most days. I KNOW. I saw you left Facebook :( I miss the daily connection, but I get it. I had a tough few days at the beginning of the week and was ready to disconnect from it all. You are not alone. I will always be here for you (well until I die). I hope you keep in touch here.

v8grrl said...

i love you guys...thank you