Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Heavy

 I have so much anxiety I am freaking out.  I know that doesn't make sense but I can't move forward I just sit here.   I'm feeling very hateful and very overwhelmed.  As I sit I realize how I have wasted my life.  How I haven't completed things I should have.  How I yelled at my kid last night to no end, for stupid shit.
What is wrong with me?   Everything and nothing.
I have been drinking more than I should.  I have not been eating like I should and I have quit sleeping.  I have quit cleaning.  I have quit doing anything.
I dread going to work.
I cry on the inside....I try not to look unhappy, but my skin is sallow and my hair is falling out.
I was told to make a vision board
I looked at some on Pintrest then realized it was too much...what if I make one the. Never accomplish a god damn thing on it.  
I stopped going to yoga, I stopped working out....when my head gets too full I run, but always with fear of running too far and not making it back.
Very few have checked on me.  Life goes on.
Spring is here.  My favorite season and I just want to curl up in a ball and die


M

2 comments:

S.T.M. said...

I'm checking in <3.

SOUL said...

So... I stumbled across your blog... I relate to SO MUCH.
What's the update on the biopsy? How's the anxiety? How's the boy? Most of all...HOW ARE YOU????
I would love to see a new post. Your writing style is the BEST. even when life sucks.
I hope you are well and happy