Saturday, March 1, 2014

I Drug Tested my Teen

Yup, I sure did.  He's been acting weird.  He's been lying about weird things and not remembering anything.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  On the way home from work I stopped at Walgreens and got one of those drug tests that checks for anything and everything.  The little voice in my head said to be ready for what it might reveal, I told that voice to shut up.  I know...I know.

I got home, marched up the stairs handed him the cup and said,  "Look.  You have been acting the fool the lately, I don't know what's going on and I need to know.  Would you like to tell me what this is going to say before you pee in the cup?  it's your chance to be honest."  He looked me in the eye and said, "It's going to be clean"
I thought to myself...sure it is buddy...you apparently don't know how long that shit stays in your system.   I say, "you sure?  I'm doing this because I love you" (classic mom line)" Right now I don't trust you and I need to get you and us back on track.   Are you scared?"  He said , "yeah, just because it's weird, but I understand why you are doing it....and mom, It's going to be clean.  I haven't smoked pot in over a month, from the last big talk we had.... I decided then I had to stop."

off to pee

I had him set it on his dresser and we stuck the cardboard thing in with 8 windows to check everything from pot and alcohol to meth and heroine....and we waited.  10 minutes staring at his nice clear yellow pee and watching for the double red lines to appear in each window.   Ever so slowly the double sets of lines like 8 tiny pregnancy tests started to appear.  There was one which was a bit faint...."What's that one?"    That my son is THC...weed.  He looked at me then looked at the card and said "look the lines are there!...I TOLD you....one month or more it has been."

He was clean.  17 years old....and clean.   I was not clean of anything at 17.  You could have waved that card above my pee and it would say....FAIL.  I was happy for him, I was happy I could tell my other half...he's not on drugs...but not happy that it doesn't give us any reason for the decisions he is making.

Being a teen sucks ass.  I can mark the month on the calendar when things started to go from good decisions to I don't give a fuck decisions.  I can say I don't blame him.  The kid lost all his hair when he started high school....1 month later the kid contracted Tuberculosis.... 2 weeks later he got hit by a car on his bike and was charge with riding on the sidewalk  and had to pay for the rich lady's car who rolled a stop sign.  Is life fair?  Fuck no...but that doesn't mean I can baby my favorite child.
This kid was my savior, this kid I had plans for, this kid I spent days at home reading to him and using flash cards, and telling him how amazing he was.

this kid who is gifted and failing high school was not in my plan.

at least I can say it is not drug related...and I can also say that he gave me a hug afterwards, as I cried and told him why I am so scared for him...He just said..."Mom, I love you...I am not mad...I understand, I'm scared for me too sometimes ."....and maybe that is enough

Xo,
m

1 comment:

Lapetitemort said...

=(
I feel for you, so much. Parenting has to be one of the hardest jobs out there.