Day 200: Just Relax and do the Pony

The days are good lately.

Finding myself is quite hysterical most of the time...

with moments pondering, sprinkled with slight reprimands from friends,

and returns to Earth moments from the Universe....but I'm hanging in there.

Day 200

Relaxing at the lake...and yes I wear a bikini

I'm slightly irritated with myself for not having kept a list of the things I wanted to do and have actually done this summer.  This is really unlike me, because I am a list maker.  Makes me feel better about how quickly my days blend together when I realize I have possibly completed a few tasks.

This past week, Sissy came and hung out with me for a staycation. Our main goal was to hit the big Hooplagers Pool Party at Wibby Brewing...

and that we did.

My poor poor liver.  I'm not sure what the deal is with those beer festival pours, but they get me messed up.

Last year, I went by myself and had a great time....This year was even more fun.

I have to say the absolute best part was the silent disco.

I love to dance, so when sissy said, "Let's go" I squealed like a piglet.

We possibly were the oldest in there, but who cares.  We are products of the 80's, knew all the dance moves and all the words and were given a "watch out'"area when Sissy started to "ride the pony"

Not familiar?

Here...

We were dying laughing, sweating, singing, spilling beer....

Note to all:

80's silent disco cannot be missed, even if you think...

"no...I don't dance, it will be embarrassing, people will stare, etc."

   Ya know what ?

Do the fucking pony and have some fun...

After the festivities, we rode ( on bikes so as not to drive) our slightly drunk, bikinied, old lady selves home and complimented each other on our dance moves and made sure to tell all our friends who said," I'm not going to a stupid pool party at the brewery with blow up pools, beer and pink flamingo floats...that's stupid" 

they missed out.

In short, the weekend staycation was great.

Only a few times did I lament on the fact I am still in a weird place....but it was easily brushed to the side with a reminder of how awesome life is.

How awesome I am...

How precious life is...

How just doing and being happy is ok....

How doing what is good for your self does NOT have to come with repercussions.

Really, you answer to no one....

except yourself.

So, as I said to me...

screw it...

do the pony, wear the bikini, laugh at yourself

and be ready when someone says...let's go.

As we get older it is harder and harder to find friends who are not stuck in the circle of what they should be doing according to friends, family, silly ideas...

Rarely do you come across the friend anymore who calls or texts and says,

"I'm coming to get you...we are going funnin' "

Don't miss out, because as I am quickly learning, tomorrow is not a guarantee....not even close.

I refuse to go down wishing I had kissed more, danced more, ate more macarones, or traveled solo...

yup

Write ya later

xo, 

m

365 days: Today I did a thing ...day 189

I did a thing,,,,

outside my comfort zone. 

I was invited to hang out with the Litas , an all women motorcycle group.

I was nervous, why?.... not sure...

maybe because I'm old and I think I'm cool and shit, but am really not.

But anyways I went.

Rode the scoot to the private party and crossed my fingers.

It is always a bit weird going to do something completely alone, but I don't hate it...it's just a bit awkward at first.

I got there...

and they forgot to tell me it was a dress up party, meaning....dresses, so no one had ridden their bike.

Oh well.

It was a mixed bag and it turned out quite nice.  

they were welcoming and were huggers (which I love) 

all different ages and skills.

I liked it.

The Litas Colorado

I took a picture of them before the group pic and they are really cute.

The other group I visited in Denver a few years ago, was never very friendly or welcoming. 

They were very cliquey and it seemed more of a fashion show than a place to meet and ride with like minded people.

I felt out of place there....

I am a solo person.  I love hanging with people and having fun, but as soon as people start comparing riding boots and kevlar and when their next finger tattoo is happening , I'm out.

It's one of the main reasons I don't hang out with many girls.

I don't fit in.

So, I hope this group is different .

I hope I can find a bit of camaraderie.

PS.  I have been riding alone, more lately.  It is quite liberating, quiet and thought provoking.

I still wish I had someone to ride with once in a while...

for now, 

I will do

xo,

m

Bleeding to death...almost

It's like Dexter all up in here....

I have literally been bleeding for 3.5 weeks now. 

I'm gonna be honest, I am not sure how any living creature can bleed this much and still live.

I can attest to the fact that I don't feel great.

I am going to say maybe it's my period's last hurrah,

so that I don't forget about all the. miserable times together.

I should have invested in some tampon company, or at least toilet paper.

I'm exhausted.

I am also going to guess that it could be something else,

because I haven't felt great for a while.

but I'm a bit too scared to go get it checked.

As you may know I had a boob scare a few years ago and had part removed...

but also decided not to take the chemo.

so...

at that point the dr said, we will keep an eye on everything.

I'm hoping it has not reappeared in the boob's second favorite spot to send cancer cells...

the uterus.

I'm gonna say it's menopause ....yep, that is what I am going with.

on top of bleeding my entire relaxing getaway, I also ate some luscious fruit and found out in a quite sucky way that being allergic to latex also means you are often allergic to many of the yummy tropical fruits and apparently lobster and shrimp (which I kind of all ready knew).

I had a bite of lobster, some unidentifiable yummy fruit, bananas and plantains

and my mouth developed a crop of sores, swelling and yuck.

( about the same as when I had latex rubber bands on my braces)

It's gross and it hurts.

I hope this is just an ugly phase I'm going through, because I don't have enough energy due to blood loss to workout or run, I can't eat anything good right now because of my mouth....

and after I work all day I am so tired I cannot even bring myself to do a damn thing, except get in the bed.

send me some good vibes...

I'm tired of this 

I want to go have fun and feel perky again.

I want to stop looking at my bed like it is my second home.

(as I type this from my bed)

any suggestions?

write ya later,

xo

m

365 days: Day 185 Punta Cana ...relaxed and washed out

DAY 185

Higuey, DR

 Something about the colors makes me happy

she smiled for a minute...ziplineing

Yes,  I booked a trip to Punta Cana DR when people are dying there. So what?  I like an adventure and a good deal.

Stayed at Barcelo Palace on Bavaro Beach and for all inclusive resort it was fine.

No one died, and I feel semi relaxed.

beaches were white and warm,

People were friendly 

I relaxed....

what more can I say........

except.....

I'm a dumbass for thinking it would be different.

Will I ever learn?

It really is time to move on...

really

(Look at that dumbasses sweet face)

vacationing with me is an adventure...

If you want it to be.

I enjoy trying stuff...

I tried almost every bite of food put in front of me...yes even meat, because when you don't speak the language it is important to not be rude....although a few locals helped with which meals traditionally did not have meat.

I like to do things....but I also like other people to take the lead, so if you are not strong enough to take the lead and decide what you would like to do, you will either be doing what I want to do, or nothing at all. 

If you decide things at the last minute while in a 3rd world country...it most likely won't happen because things need a bit of planning.

Something I discovered which was quite nice and new to me...

separate beds.  I slept like a baby.  Not my ideal sleeping arrangement when traveling with a person I am in love with, but....

situation was just dandy with the double beds. 

If you aren't having relations, kissing, touching....no need to be in my space.

I realized I find dark skinned DR men with light eyes, extremely attractive.

I was thankful I did not have the opportunity to really explore as much as I wanted to. ( wink wink)

If you sleep through half the vacation...

you are going to miss out, not my problem....

I can sleep at home...

I like to dance...and gamble occasionally

these things should happen while on vacation.

I cannot wait to meet someone who likes to take a bit of the lead...

I'm not saying all the lead, just someone who steps up, can make a reservation, can get a taxi in a different country, will carry the money and tip, and can try new things.

can't wait.

I posted a pic of me in my bikini, because I do wear a bikini and don't really care if I have a fat belly one day...

mostly I care because I don't find myself attractive looks wise.  My body is ok, but lately I feel washed out, old and pretty ugly.

(honestly though, I am all those things hahaha)

but it doesn't make me happy looking at pictures.

I am back home, getting mentally prepared for work and what comes next.

life is grand

write ya later

m

365 days : I run so you don't have to

you are welcome...

Today I ran so you don't have to.

I would like you to know we did NOT run far, so don't worry

Foxxy and I ran 2. 2 miles 

Then she gave up...

Looked at me as if the heat was going to be the death of her....

I looked at her and said, 

"Don't worry, I gotta poop....so we are both done"

She panted home the last mile and I concentrated on not having to go poo.

It's a runners thing.

maybe it's just my thing.

Anyways, I did minimal thinking on my run, which was nice.

A couple of times I thought...

wow, my legs feel pretty good and I'm gonna chalk that up to doing nothing for the past week or so.

I'm calling it my recovery drink and eat week....

and scroll through Instagram and then feel shitty for doing nothing all week, week.

pretty much a good week in my book.

As you can see from my picture I am carb loading for the mere fact I can.  

This was the first time in a while I looked at myself in the mirror and thought

you look good.

you are in a good spot.  

Looks good on you 

50 is good

....

well, don't look at that part, ignore that part....

and ignore that toenail that fell off from running yesterday

but everything else....

good job, lady

Sometimes, a good break from everything really pays off

I noticed it has made the house feel better.

Me, just doing what I want and not fretting.

the vibe is good.

did you hear that?

I gotta good vibe goin on.

2 days from now I will be relaxing in my bikini, giving an additional zero fucks, wishing I could tan, as I slather on the 50 block...

Wishing I could hold my liquor better,

and wishing I looked more put together....

but all that....

that is NOTHING.

Lately,

Ive literally been rocking this shit.

so, go relax...

I all ready ran, 

If ya wanna carb load, go ahead,

because we good 

xo,

write ya later