Per my therapist,
I am to make less lists and do a bit more relaxing, chicken watching and stretching. To the average person this would be an easy task, but to me ..... it is close to despairingly impossible. It allows me much,
too much, time to think about life. This opens another door. Why am i not wanting to think about life?
What the hell is wrong with me that I cannot let go, relax and contemplate the beauty of being above ground and all the great things I have experienced and have yet to experience?
Why does my mind want to dwell in the past and torture me with the thoughts of the things I could have done differently?
Could I have saved them?
Could I have saved Sissy?
Would she still be here to help me navigate these crazy days my mind has been happening?
Therapist says no.
What happened happened and it wasn't because of me ( which I know) and I could not have changed the path she had chosen........
It is time to move forward and stop thinking about could have beens and start thinking about what can be, and enjoy it a little bit.
What the hell is wrong with me that I cannot let go, relax and contemplate the beauty of being above ground and all the great things I have experienced and have yet to experience?
Why does my mind want to dwell in the past and torture me with the thoughts of the things I could have done differently?
Could I have saved them?
Could I have saved Sissy?
Would she still be here to help me navigate these crazy days my mind has been happening?
Therapist says no.
What happened happened and it wasn't because of me ( which I know) and I could not have changed the path she had chosen........
It is time to move forward and stop thinking about could have beens and start thinking about what can be, and enjoy it a little bit.
On that note...
Why do many men over the age of 50 pick women half their age +7 years, give or take?
This came up on my news today. What is the science behind it? There must be a study?
My homework for the week will be to see if there is actually a study.
It will keep me from making a lists.
I am grateful for the new amazing job that I landed. I really do believe things happen when they are supposed to and this new nursing job has been a career saver for me. To be able to care for people, in their homes, without being micro managed, having a great team, and the care I'm giving is not "critical" home care. Home infusion for chronically ill, administering medications like IgG for chron's and ulcerative colitis , and biologics for people with MS and scleroderma.
The people are thankful, I am thankful and the schedule is great.
well I am going to go do a bit of sewing and THINK about going to Yoga .
write ya later
m
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