Double vision

I woke up this morning to find my eyeballs puttied together like nobodies business. It was as if I had slept 18 hours with my eyes semi cracked so that they dried up and crusted over. It was disgusting. After the momentary panic of believing I had gone blind in the night, I patted my way along the wall to the bathroom to try to steam them open.
I got in the shower and and still couldn't see. I started to panic. Cursing the new contacts I got on Monday. Those contacts are killing my eyes. They are daily wear contacts and are supposed to be healthier for my eyeballs than the ones you wear for a month. I don't believe it.
I got out of the shower and dried my pitiful pink eyes and about cried thinking how I have to poke my finger into my eye and place another contact in there today in order to see. I put the left one in...wahhhh I hate these things, when are my glasses going to be ready, stupid eyes!!?? I put the right one in and then started getting ready for work. Every time I blink it feels like sandpaper. whimper , whimper. Oh my God, I'm going to have to be blind today, which I can't be, because I really am blind and there is no way I could even do anything that involves seeing, which would eliminate work, let alone driving to work. I looked in my eyeball to see if maybe the contact was in inside out or if there was possibly a tree growing from my cornea. Maybe I just need to rinse it off. So I take the left contact out and out come 2 contacts! One was rolled up behind my pitiful eyeball! GROSS! but once it was out it feels like a new eye. How do you put 2 contacts in one eye? This is why blind people shouldn't have to do this stuff.
Reminds me of the time my girlfriend had 2 tampons in....but I'll save that for TMI Thursdays.

please let my glasses be ready today...please