Kinda gross...but real

(if you could only see a bit closer I'm wearing a Tshirt that says Boys Lie...and those are real jeans...not maternity)

That was me 4 weeks before giving birth to said monster below.

I have a few friends who are pregnant right now and I want them to know it's not too bad (hahahaha)

The picture above was probably a Saturday night before I'm heading out to the dive of choice to suck down my non alcoholic beer and plate of nachos.  I look back and think...I was cute.  Remember...1.  I do not photograph well and 2.  I am 5' tall...so I was HUUUGE!!!

I gave up a ton...but was paid off by delivering this little bundle of joy on 6/26/2004

She was somewhere around 9#...and they super glued that ribbon on her head with KY Jelly (I kid you not)

She is almost 5 now and still has that scowl.   

Childbirth is crazy...it's the hardest thing you will ever do...initially.  Then you discover that raising kids is even harder.  I honestly believe this is why they make us so goddamn strong and bitchy...We can give birth and protect our young like nobodies business, yet we can also turn on a dime and kick their asses to the curb when need be.

I want to tell my few friends that I was an amazing pregnant chick.  I mowed the lawn and worked (waiting tables) until I gave birth...well actually I was painting the ceiling in the bedroom when I went into labor...  

Birth is beautiful and ugly...wrapped into one odd package.  Your Vajayjay will never be the same...yet it doesn't seem to matter...It's a secret club.  You get a break for a while.  Woman talk to you about stuff you couldn't even imagine.  If you just keep it light and open your mind you will hear amazing stories of birth and life.

You are going to love ....

most of it...

and when you want to hear the truth about something ask...there will be plenty of Mama's who will tell you the honest truth....yet they will also tell you "I can't really remember...I think you really forget that part."

You will lead your own path, you will have help...but most of all you will have joined the secret club.

***ps...the boobs are the saddest part...My boobs got to an overwhelming 44DD...it was gross

Fatty Tuesday

Back...it's Tuesday, I thought it was Wednesday, but it is Tuesday and not just any Tuesday...
Fat Tuesday. Where us Catholics (practicing or NOT) feel the need to get it out of our system before that man comes crawling out from behind the rock to save our souls.
I woke up this morning thinking about not just Fat Tuesday, but the fat on my little ass. 5:15 am I looked at the clock and said, "get up, please M, just Try...you won't have **time (**you will be too drunk ) to work out this afternoon, so get up." I thought good and hard about Jillian Michaels and the Shred Video waiting for me and turned over and went back to sleep for 30 more minutes.

When I did get, up I did NOT do the video as I had intended but did grab my sneaks to run on lunch so that counts right? While I am on the subject of the Shred video....I like it. 3 levels 20 minutes and my legs hurt. Here's a question I pose to you. Is it possible that my ass has raised itself up a bit which in turn is making my pants a bit tight around my hips? I am on week 3 of doing this video about 5-6 times a week...I have not lost a single pound, but the tops of my thighs are like rocks (no joke) , stomach is pretty tight (minus the little layer of baby fat), and I swear to God that my ass is moving up. Usually I would not be fond of my ass moving because when you hear this you think of jiggle type movement, but I think my ass is moving north. Which is a good thing because when you are 5'1" you don't want anything to move South...

I have 13 weeks=91 days to get fit. I think that is ample time. I still haven't taken a picture, but I'm going to blame that on Synda, because SHE won't take a picture I don't want to either...but I think it may be the only way to tell if my Ass is moving North.

<~~this is....not me, but it could be,but it's not.
Back to Fatty Tuesday...

we will be going to the Lefthand Taphouse to enjoy beer and drag. Join us if you are in the area.
I'll be the one with the fabulously North Ass...if you are looking to say, Hi.

xox
write ya later
m

El Luncho...minuto thoughtos

I used to work with these Hispanic guys who would always just put an 'O' or an 'A' on the end of everything.
I know it's not Spanish, definitely not English...and I'm guessing by the way they would always say things, it's not Spanglish either. Yet I still do it...and it cracks me up.
Right now I'm eating El Luncho...then later I will get in my Trucka and drive to my Casa.
me? Mui Intelligente...o....

A couple of craptastic thoughts I've been thinking about while dining on my el Luncho...
You people do realize that when you pull into a parking spot there is a right direction and a wrong direction? Don't give me that stuff about being a female and not being able to park. That doesn't fly with me. I can parallel park a 1950 Ford Coupe like Danica Patrick drives F1's...yet I can't pull my stupid not so mini-van into a regular parking space to the left. I will drive around a parking lot until the perfect space appears...I don't fear for my car...it's the other cars I feel fear for. So I save myself the stress and always park to the right. It's like my big penis...it has to go the right.

me(well what I think I would look like), not happy about parking
www.youparklikeanasshole.com

Yesterday when I went to the grocery I slowly drove the correct direction down the parking row...with the spaces pointing TOWARDS me. Find one...start to pull in and this ding a ling in a huge ass Lexus is PULLING THRU!!!! look...you don't pull through. It puts you aiming the wrong direction upon discharge. Needless to say I about nailed her. She gave ME the stupid woman look, hands in the air, confused, and telling me to back up!. Criminy lady. You don't Pull THRU!... I backed up(that's the kinda girl I am) and had to circle around again. It made me think. People just don't take the time to learn the proper etiquette and road rules to driving. To me it's like backing in. It's fine if your car fits the spot, but if you back in, and the car is close to the line...you throw the entire parking area off by 6 inches. So just don't do it...unless you are 75+ and don't give a rat's ass about parking spaces...(which is partial reason Handicap spaces are sooo wide).

My lifeo...mucho boringo...
these are the things I think about.

My el Luncho is calling me

Pathophysiology

Dammit...
173 QUESTIONS
26 pages front and back

multiple choice, multiple answer (select all which apply), T/F, and fill in the blank....


i missed 49
I'll be lucky if I get a 72...
Criminy

uh huh

Here's my day today.

I went to the Lefthand brewery  drank my share of SnowBound 14% beer and am now sitting here listening to Lilly Allen's Smile   ...yeah..just go ahead and smile..thinking about more beer.. but needing to study... Pathophysiology   wanting to get laid...seems more important to fix the problem and the need...  wanting to be needed and accepted, and possibly loved.  I look at my body and say...not so bad, maybe even beautiful in a piece of art type of work ...tattoos, white skin...soft, lovely...now that i am working to rid myself of the angry chub, he says curves are beautiful, thin is gross..."soft is what I want"

hmmmm...everything separate from my thoughts.

i look down and think...not bad..pretty, colorful, thoughtful, and ....

gotta study

Friday from the Universe

Friday...thank you, thank you for getting me through the week. My letter from the Universe ,yes I get email from the Universe, along with Hancock fabrics,Borders, and some odd email from Christian Singles(?), anyway the message said:

"Feeling incomplete does not make you so. It's how legends are born, giants are made, and history is written. It's why you're here. To ever so briefly escape your true identity as you live with an unquenchable thirst that will lead into adventures of grandeur, discovery, and a realization that love is all there is.
You so rock, M
The Universe"

With that said, today I think I will concentrate on not quantity of daily crap, but my form.
Sit back, relax, think, think:
form
I can do it...
Escape true identity...feel uneasy,do something harder than usual:
form

(if i could have photo-shopped my face on there I would have)

I have this exact pose, right now, in my office chair.
This is my preparation for the weekend.
Watch out Weekend!

All together now...

whys my layout all freaky?

Synda...
fix it...I think it's my work computer effin with me.
telling me to quit blogging.
All the links have moved "lucy goosy"
all over my page.
Is it just me?
or is it whacked.

Look...I don't need this shit this
morning...I like things to be the
SAME
everyday...
got it?

fix it, please...someone
m

Call me crazy

Maybe some of you saw the Joaquin interview with Dave Letterman. Hysterical...
BUT...this is what I'm thinking. He's pulling a fast one, wasn't this the man who was considered the greatest actor of his time a few years ago? Note the resemblance of the 2 "greatest actors" of their times below/ You may recognize them as:

Kaufman and Phoenix
Tragically hip, smart and amazing.
Pay attention kids...Joaquin wasn't the first.
I don't really care either way because I think it's hysterical. Joaquin may do some drugs, but this isn't a guy pulling a Winehouse...this guy shows up, he performs...people talk.
He knows what he's doing

If you want to watch the video it's below...and quite funny

what I'm talkin about

Fuck me Pumps

Love it....feelin it

OK, Sick of being happy

I'm sitting at my desk ...working, unlike any other person in this office (well, besides the fact I'm blogging...but I pride myself with my multi-tasking skills). It's pissing me off.

I got here at 7 am. The next person rolled in around 830, the boss around 930, then they went out to smoke, then came in and helped each other put on their "patches" (so they can quit smoking)...now they are all out in the main area sitting on workout balls talking about cookies.

First of all, if these idiots quit smoking that means they will have to do some work...so with that said, I don't think it's going to work out. See, really you are not allowed to smoke at the hospital so they have to walk across the street, 4 times a day to puff one down. I would say this takes up no less than 1 hour and 30 minutes a day.
Wait a minute...I'm looking out the office window and they are actually out their smoking again!!! Didn't they just come in and put their patches on? Jeesus H Crackers....If they fall over dead, I'm gonna take my time calling the comm. center.

The 2 other people in the office sit out in the front munching on cookies, drinking chai tea and talking about what they will eat next. It's classic.

I just want to work,get done and get out. Maybe I should start smoking.
criminy...
people are weird.

It's about 10 and I've all ready done almost all the work ...i'm gonna have a cocktail at lunch. screw it

Keep on ...Keepin on, Baby

What season is it? What month? Am I stuck in some sort of weird limbo year time warp? I can't figure out if I'm coming or going. I guess I thought when I finished school I would get a job and start something new, but here I am...confused as to what I want to do. OH WELL....it's ok, M. just keep on keepin on.



Can't you hear it callin your name? I just gotta get out...Let's go...
It's almost Spring...It's a Sunshine Day.

Now where the hell did I put those flares? If Bobby hid them I'm gonna break his neck.

What's Love Got to Do With It?

Obviously, not a whole hell of a lot. First I would like to warn everyone not to waste their $5.75 matinee money on "He's Just Not That Into You". It pissed me off, then made me sad, then made me seem like a bitter old crotch. Seriously.

I left bitching and complaining about how damn wimpy the girls were..plus how horribly desperate they made the female race...and then on top of that it basically confirmed all evil thoughts I've ever had about men, the reasons for marriage and the fact 98% of men will cheat if given the opportunity. Grrrr...see there I go again sounding like the bitter old crotch that I am.

One redeeming factor? It had the MAC guy in it. He didn't look as cute in the movie...but had a good role....probably the most realistic.

Oh yeah...I now have another reason to hate Scarlet Johanson and her ginormous titties. She's odd looking...and she can't sing, and now in my eyes, a marriage wrecker.

I drove home from our girls day out thinking about how many emails I've accidently come across to other woman when it seems everything is ok. How many times I've question my body in comparison to others, screw it....hell he would ...hahahaha (that's a little 'bitter old crotch' humor). Maybe he's just not that into me...anymore.

Sunday I rose early and went to Hot Yoga to make myself feel better, never actually works, but makes me feel like I'm doing something. Then the family and I headed off to Target. As we strolled down the isles getting the cheapest version of everything I could possibly find I decided I needed a Panini maker. Bobby and I stood in the isle,blocking traffic, discussing the benefits of having a Panini maker (well, that was after I explained what a damn Panini was) when we saw one of our old friends shopping in the same isle with his daughter. Bobby was poking me and giving me that weird one eyebrow raised head tilt...huh?

I said Hi and asked how he was doing, and our friend just answered with...
"P and I are separated."
No hi, how are you doing, nothing...just, "we are separated." I asked what had happened and he said he came home from a business trip and the house was packed up and she was waiting with the keys in her hand.

Then he got that odd, pasty, about to tear up look. I'm guessing from all my years of experience there was a bit more involved...maybe no more sex, maybe no more laughs, maybe too much laundry, possibly another person?

I'm So Sorry...Hang in there...bummer dude...

What the hell do you say? We finished the small talk and exchanged phone #'s and we left. As soon as we rounded the next isle Bobby announced , "wow, that really sucks...they always seemed so happy".

Yeah, I thought to myself...they did. bummer, bummer for the kid, bummer for B to have to restart at 40 when all he wants to be is a dad and a husband. He mentioned to us that he has never even really done social stuff...just family stuff in the past 15 years and he's not even sure where to start.

I guess if I was a guy I would tell him to go get laid by a 22 year old, but that goes against my "bitter old crotch" standards. Instead I just continue to dwell on the fact that people are people and it's never what it seems and I'm jealous of all the people who have that true love and I'm sad for all the people who get separated after all the time put in.

All of this in perfect timing for Valentines Day.

Livin' la vida Loca

It's Friday and another week has seemed to have passed by without much excitement. I can't decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing. What I can decide is that it is often somewhat unsettling for me to be constantly in flux. Am I really in between things or am I actually just living life?

I used to say,"When I get older." At some point I realized that I am older and I'm missing out on life by waiting for something "big and better" to start happening.

It is happening...it's called living life. novel idea, huh?

One of my goals this year was to start really living life, yet I haven't quite figured out how. Does it start with small little spurts of life and then KabAAaaam! You are living it? Does it need to be exciting?...or just rewarding? Right now I haven't quite mastered either one of those. Do I need to take up a hobby, or let a few go?

I plan to set a few goals...more than just toning up...i think I need to tone up my life, not just my ass. I have a couple of ideas.
1. I need to find something that is helpful to others...
2. I want to plan a secret vacation for Booby and I
3. I want to go away with the girls one weekend without guilt.
4. I want to start riding my motorcycle again (without fear)

Life is what you make of it (not quite sure how many times I can tell myself this) so I need to start making it. Starting is the hardest part for most people but finding the starting point may be even harder for me.

good bye Lux...my savior...xoxox

Lux Interior...
You and Mr Lydon were my saviors in school...
I hope your life above or below is all it should be.

he IS still Alive...and

Possibly reincarnated...except Clint isn't dead... I don't, care I love them both. LOOOOVVVEEE

Thanks freak

Hey, thanks Pseudo Stripper Broad for squishing up against me the other night at Scott Weiland. I asked people around me...it wasn't just me who thought the fact you were licking your boob sweat and inappropriately touching yourself was totally gross...but also the fact you were moaning so loud we could barely hear Scott ...was just....I don't know...yuk.

not sexy....no matter what you think you look like.

thanks for ruining my Xmas Present...
(if I don't stand behind the Amazons...I'm stuck next to the freaks)

Visualizing

I've been visualizing...
I have 120 days until my vacation. I can do it. The biggest loser does it in 90 days, if even that.
So, I'm thinking getting a 5'2' body down to 107 # is feasible.

of course I don't have my own airbrusher....but I can do this.
My letter from the "Universe" said to me this morning
"Keep visualizing, M, keep visualizing"

Along with my thoughts I have tried to pick up my workouts.
I did my hot yoga Sunday.
Actually made myself a bit sick when I was laying down in Vinyase and all I could smell was Nachos. If that wasn't a sign to stop stuffing my little trap with cheese I don't know what is.
Visualize, M...

I am trying to eat more protein and do my cardio and strength. I think I really need to pump up the cardio to 5 days a week, but my schedule doesn't allow it right now, unless I can squeeze it in at work....

I'm going to take a picture of myself so that I can do a comparison, scary huh?

Tonight I have school then we are off to see my other boyfriend, Scott Weiland, play in Denver.

xoxox
m