Friday...and 2 hours to go

Hell to the Yeah...Because of NO MANDATORY OVERTIME....I will be leaving in about 2 hours approximately 9 am, right about the time my coworkers roll in. Hee Hee...Today I'm leaving the work for them....

Yesterday I went and bought the

so my butt can look like this:

Synda and I did the moves in the living room as my 12 yearold and his buddy had to be directed to LEAVE>>>GO AWAY!!!!!.
I plan on running today, and trying to eat properly. 60 days til beach.
Everything is toning up, yet we can't quite figure out how to get rid of the layer of Mom Belly. (Synda, we really should take a picture so people know what we are talking about) . Synda pointed out yesterday, that if we had started working out this hard right after the babies were born (5 years ago) we would be looking bangin' right now. No kidding. But we were in denial and now we pay the price.
The funny thing about the Jackie Video was : everyone had spray tan abs. We need those...they should sell the spray tan with the video...they would sell more videos, I'm sure of it!
Between the fake lesbian boobs and the spray tan I couldn't quit giggling...
but as far as review of the workout...it's the exact same...and I mean EXACT as SHRED. We are thinking that possibly Jillian Michaels and Jackie were Lesbian Lovers...makes it all that more interesting huh?
Picture it...picture it...see it in your mind

now let it go...

I will quit droning on....Later today I am going to do a Workout Giveaway...so check back :)

the drive to work

I drive the same way everyday...same time...same days. I drive it so often that I sometime arrive at work not remembering the drive at all. A frightful thought....so today I payed attention. I observed my fellow drivers and was quite shocked at the view. The beauty of the Boulder Foothills made my eyes wonder left and right, then I began to look at each car I passed or ones that passed me. Here is what I observed:

people eating breakfast as they drove: bagels, weird paper wrapped fast food, donuts and I even saw one young man eating a BOWL of cereal as he drove with his elbow and knees.

one man reading a book on his steering wheel

one man reading the newspaper

one man shaving his face with an electric shaver, and doing quite a nice job considering he was driving.

I passed a lady who was flattening her hair at a red light, the light turned green, I zipped by as the people stuck behind her started to honk....interesting...didn't realize you could plug one of those in while driving.

a older lady removing huge beer can type rollers from her hair...she had really big hair.

one small child licking the window...el yukko

many dogs in many unsafe places in the car...including a farm dog riding in a flatbed truck on top of a tool box...I thought to myself, I hope his toenails are short because my stupid dogs would slide right off of their on their toenails.

many other types of normal car driving activities; nose picking, zit picking, hair twirling, kissing, and paying attention to everything but the road.

So, tomorrow I will go back to the safe, non mind scarring way I usually drive...in my own little world...Me and NPR...and a safety cup of coffee.

Call me crazy

Maybe some of you saw the Joaquin interview with Dave Letterman. Hysterical...
BUT...this is what I'm thinking. He's pulling a fast one, wasn't this the man who was considered the greatest actor of his time a few years ago? Note the resemblance of the 2 "greatest actors" of their times below/ You may recognize them as:

Kaufman and Phoenix
Tragically hip, smart and amazing.
Pay attention kids...Joaquin wasn't the first.
I don't really care either way because I think it's hysterical. Joaquin may do some drugs, but this isn't a guy pulling a Winehouse...this guy shows up, he performs...people talk.
He knows what he's doing

If you want to watch the video it's below...and quite funny

Thanks freak

Hey, thanks Pseudo Stripper Broad for squishing up against me the other night at Scott Weiland. I asked people around me...it wasn't just me who thought the fact you were licking your boob sweat and inappropriately touching yourself was totally gross...but also the fact you were moaning so loud we could barely hear Scott ...was just....I don't know...yuk.

not sexy....no matter what you think you look like.

thanks for ruining my Xmas Present...
(if I don't stand behind the Amazons...I'm stuck next to the freaks)

Time to start our adieus....

To our 41st president of the US.....The man we referred to as our leader.....the great public speaker which all other countries judged us and our intelligence....We will take the next few days and put a light on some of the more colorful moments of President Bush.

This morning I gawked in awe at the TV. CNN had some snippets of Bush's speech. He was saying something about not being a man to dwell on mistakes (if that is what we are calling them).....Don't be so hard on yourself Mr. Bush, maybe you were having a rough few years, maybe it just wasn't your forte...it's ok, you will soon be forgotten and placed in a small section of 7th grade civics/history books as the oopsie we called #41: "W".
Hell, even Nixon had a few intelligent things to say.
So, here is one for today from Bush:
(not an exact quote, but close enough)
" Don't tell me FEMA was slow...if you think that, you are wrong. I went and talked (not spoke?)
to some of those Helicopter Drivers...they were there pickin people off of roofs".

hmmm, Prez. Bush...that wasn't FEMA...they were the Coast Guard...they have nothing to do with FEMA. One other question? Are they Helicopter Drivers....or PILOTS?
Weren't you a Pilot? Didn't you go to Yale?
We will never "misunderestimate you".
It's all strategerie.
write ya later,
m

I didn't tell anyone

I was up all night last night thinking about how I would explain my situation to friends and family. You see, I snuck off and took my licensing for LPN on the 7th. The test sucked. I'm a smart chick...pride myself in figuring things out. This test is a CAT which bases each question off your previous question...I believe the main goal is to prove you can safely take care of a patient and know how to delegate your priorities in odd situations. I heard somewhere also, that it is based on the time you answer the questions. I had no problem with the time. They give you 85-205 questions. If you answer so crappy or so good it can cut off at 85...if they need to know more ...the test continues. Needless to say my test cut off at 85...slammo...and I honestly had no idea. The questions were each a crapshoot except for maybe 7 of them. Those I knew. It took about 1 hour and 20 minutes. I don't screw around contemplating about answers. I jst put them down and move on.

Last night...I thought about how I would tell people when they asked what my future was and why I wasn't doing the nursing, that I was not chippy enough to actually pass the boards. I ate chocolate in the middle of the night and cried.

today...

The Pearson VUE Testing service has recorded your unofficial results as shown below. The Board of Nursing to which you applied for licensure will mail your official results to you within approximately four weeks of your exam date. Please note that a passing result alone does not authorize you to practice as a licensed nurse.

Exam Date:	Wed, 7 Jan 2009 at 10:00 AM
Candidate:	melissa graves
NCLEX ID:	21354800
Registration #:	228469878
Exam:	NCLEX-PN: The National Council Licensure Examination for Practical Nurses
Grade:	pass

I can move on now.

Reason 2008...

Not to have kids....You don't get to go to New Year's Parties, unless your friends have kids and are in the "loop". Our friends are having the "New Year's Eve Party of All Time" this year at their house. cool...love it...except it's an "adult party" which does not mean, everyone is dressed or undressed performing acts of S&M to ring in 2009, but means....NO KIDS. Whatever. I swore to myself at one point that I would never do that to my friends. (I do draw the line with dogs who grab things off the tables or pee in the corner at my house)...but kids, (even though I'm not a big fan)...Bring em...Have a cocktail, we'll put the kids downstairs with the stacks of DVD's and bowls of popcorn, containers of legos , and YOU my Friends...can relax....so, once again this year I'll be ringing in the New Year with my cheap bottle of bubbly, probably somewhere around 945...maybe that is when Japan rings in theirs and then hit the hay...just so I can get up and work again tomorrow. Wah Wah Wah. Screw it.

off the subject a bit...
Yesterday I got an email from Bobby ....
"wanna go to CA. for the weekend of the 17th?"

Holy shit?! Really...did he remember my birthday? He's actually going to take me somewhere, and he apparently has planned it, too. I wonder if my friends are in on this? I need a few days off so bad I can taste it. How awesome is this? What will we do with the kids and dogs?...who cares I'm sure he's thought it thru. My 40th birthday...He's going to bring it this time. I will be able to feel like a rockstar, getting on the redeye to fly into LA, party with old friends and head home on Sunday. YESSSS! As I start dreaming about it I email him back and say that sounds great...Sissy is coming the 20th...but the 17th is the weekend before right? How are we getting there. then I wait. I wait half the day for a reply, thinking he must be getting his ducks in a row. Then the emails come, one after the other...

"Well, I was thinking we could fly...but is that too much $$$?" ( I don't know,you should be planning it)

"Yeah the NAMM show is that weekend, I haven't been in years" ( What the Fuck? the NAMM show?...what about my 40th birthday? (for all of you not familiar, the NAMM show is a weekend convention which is equivalant to a Star Trek convention except it's for Guitar Nerds so you can only imagine) You MUST be joking? )
This is when my balloon burst. I should have known...He wasn't taking ME to CA. He needed to ask if he could go and figured that would be the right way to do it. My emails stopped at that point, either he had a moment of clarity, which I highly doubt, or thought he would let me think about it. When I got home I said, Really? the NAMM show? Why are you asking me to go, you don't want me to go...you want to take Olive and me to the NAMM Show? I have an idea, how about you fly yourself to the NAMM Show and enjoy yourself with your friends and I'll see ya next week. "Ok" he says..".sounds good, you sure it's ok if I fly?" whatever...Although just a wee bit in the back of my mind I think...I should say, you know what...WE do want to go...I think that would be great...We'll hang with ya all day at the NAMM show and make sure it's good and FUN for you...No, I wouldn't really do that....but I did think about it. So, for my 40th birthday week I get to lay around while he enjoys himself in Sunny CA.
Welcome 2009 Maybe things are going to change.
xo
m

Knitting under the influence

I walked in the door last night, a bit late but not bad, I did have to stop and feed a friend's cat, so not too late. "How are you?" I feel fine, I guess. I'm tired. I didn't sleep last night....my mind races when I'm sleeping. I often wake with a start, like the feeling when you have overslept the alarm. "I dreamt I could never potty train Olive and she had to go to college still in Pullups, then I chopped Ilin's head off for not cleaning his room and in the midst of all of that I was trying to take my NCLEX, but couldn't remember anything....so besides that , I'm fine" I popped open a beer. "Yeah, but how's the anxiety?" ........Oh yeah, that.
You see this Saturday I woke up fine. I actually had a pretty good sleep, no worries, just sleep. When I woke I felt a bit dizzy and my knees were a bit weak. Odd, but I am almost 40. I took a shower and could barely stand upright...and then a bit of tingling started in my arms....my chest hurts, right in the middle. "Bobby, I feel weird." "What do you mean weird?" "I feel like my chest is doing something weird...I can't breathe right"
I got out of the shower and just kind of tried to suck it up. I'm fine...I'm fine...about a an hour later we were sitting at the carwash waiting in line. "Bobby, I need you to take me to urgent care...I'm having a heart attack or something...I don't know...I feel,... not right." "Can we do the carwash first?" "I guess...just get me to the Urgent Care as soon as we are done"
By the time we got around the corner to the urgent care my head waas spinning, I was shaking like a leaf, I couldn't breathe and I really thought I was a goner.
They got me to the back hooked me up to the EKG...ran some tests and let me rest. The Dr. came back and asked me a few questions and then handed me a prescription for Xanax, told me to follow up with my Primary, and try to figure out what triggers it. "you mean I'm fine?" yup...Panic attack. Just realize you aren't going to die from it...that is the first step.

Well, that was pretty anti climatic, which is good I guess. We left, went to the mall and finished my day.
When I got home last night...the flutters in my chest were there again. Bobby wanted to eat Sushi so I drank my beer, said my "I'm not going to die" mantra in the back of my head and went to the Sushi place. I ordered a wine...relaxed, thought about the thin line between whack job and normal...the line I now appear to be wavering on. My life is normal, I'm busy, I do things, but my head races. Full of things I should do or haven't done....thoughts of cleaning base boards in the bathroom as I sit here and drink my wine....It's not normal....or is it? It's like having sex and thinking of the laundry that needs to be done...normal, yet not normal.
I ordered a saki..."How's the anxiety?" Stop IT...I'm fine...it's normal. Maybe I just need a few more lists, or a vacation or something. But in the back of my mind I know that I'm the person on the vacation who is fine the first day then starts thinking that I have only 5 more days of vacation...4 more days of vacation, 3 more days of vacation, gosh in 2 days we have to go back to crappy work... and how relaxing is that...maybe it's normal
Just let it go...breathe...I'm not gonna die, I'm not gonna die, I'm not gonna die....Xanax won't let me.

Just in case you weren't familiar:

• Palpitations, pounding heart, or fast heart rate
• Sweating
• Trembling and shaking
• Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering
• Feelings of choking
• Chest pain or discomfort
• Nausea or abdominal distress
• Feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint
• Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself)
• Fear of losing control or going crazy
• Fear of dying
• Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations)
• Chills or hot flashes

Dun with Diamond Dave

my family is going through a VanHalen phase.
It's because of Booby (term of endearment)...
he loves to think he should have been in the band...except for the fact he wasn't a VH brother. He does play as well...
so, if you are a fan of Diamond Dave...take few minutes
smile, relax, enjoy the season

http://www.thetyser.com/


Pre holiday Bitchy is going through my office at an amazing pace...
Someone up front just yelled "FUCKING IDIOTS" (sounded like Napolean Dynamite)
and then threw the phone.
I've just been hiding at my desk avoiding all things fattening
and meditating with Diamond Dave

SnB Pleasantries!!!

What a happy evening. Last night I reluctantly got out of the house to go see Bobby play at the Bluebird. I got home late from work, didnt even have time to change my clothes from work. Just put on some different shoes and grabbed my knitting bag (because you just never know) and hopped in the car. "Load in is at 6!!!!" He yells. I yell back , as I'm changing shoes..."Load is at 6 my ass...we will rush around like chickens with our heads cut off, get there promptly at 6 then stand around waiting for the hippies to do their sound check....it's a big scam!"
But, Bobby, being the prompt person that he is never likes to be late so we left anyways and what happened? just guess...we get there...the ripe hippies do their sound checks then they turn to Bobby and say "18 Wheeler doesn't get a sound check ...just line check" I turn and glare at Bobby...but I didn't say " SEE!!!!!" So we got the group together and headed across the street to the Goose to have a few beers and my favorite yummy nachos. Lalalaaaaaaa...walk across the street, open the door, look to the right and Effin A!!! Girls KNITTING!!! think think think think...SNB...Cool SNB...Denver SNB, not Longmont SNB (no offense)...but Tattoos...beer...Smiles!!! One of the girls (Moxieknits) looks over and points and says "HEY, I know you...Well, I know him and you are her...HI!!!!" (this does not make any sense to anyone except her and me and anyone who has ever only known someone via the web...) I jumped for joy and ran over and gave her a probably unwanted hug, but Hell...that's the kind of freak I am I was so excited I couldn't contain myself :).... Then I realized...I don't know these people, they don't know me and I probably shouldnt bother them....so what did I do, you ask? I pulled up a chair and started yapping. What a ding a ling I am...whatever. I had fun...I enjoyed what little of them I got to know and hope to see them again....

Synda, you would have loved it...it was like coming home.

We made it home after Bobby played by 1115, which is perfect and my night was over.
Fun Full and Satisfied.

yippee..

so, it happened

photo by sweeetkiki on flikr

Yesterday I had a breakdown. A blubbering,snot pouring breakdown. I'm not sure what's going on, but I do recall people saying, "be prepared for when you are done...people get depressed."

Odd..but it appears to be truth, along with the fact it's the holiday season, -14 degrees here, and I can't seem to get my head organized. It's weird how when I had absolutely no time to even take a crap I could have my entire week planned down to the minute....right now I can barely get myself to work.

I made it to work this morning after navigating the iceskating rink of a road and appeared to, once again, be the first person to work. That's fine...I'm an early riser, but I had a feeling about today. My boss started in yesterday about how she feels like she is getting a sinus infection. As she is telling me this, I glance over at the little calendar I keep beside my desk with everyone's schedule....AH Ha! Yup...what does she think I was born yesterday? Schedule has her off for 5 day starting Thurs...so, I guess she feels like she needs an extra day off or two and the easiest way to get it is to just call in sick. Next, I get the email from my office job share person. She won't be in again today. Her days don't start for vacation until the 24th....so can't really explain it, except that she was out yesterday and if you are out of work for 3 days in a row you get to use this bank of special "sick reserve days" to cover your pay, oppossed to using your vacation days. So, the way I see it, I'll be working by myself until the first of the year. I hate work. On a good note, if they aren't here I can turn the radio on to bad holiday music, do my stomach crunches on the "workout balls" we sit on and eat whatever I want at my desk without feeling guilty. On a crappy note, I have to do ALL the work myself.
The office is a strange dynamic and it goes in waves. It seems like my coworkers attempt all this work when they think they are going to recieve something in return...once the holiday bonus came out the work stopped, people got sick, and nothing is getting done. I actually had one coworker come in yesterday and wandered about the office, ordered a few things from purchasing, decorated the windows, announced it was lunch time then went home. Lord, and we wonder why people get laid off.

I have some things to post from our arts and crafts night...but my computer from 1992 can't load anything from 1995 or later here at work. i'm not fluent in DOS so we will have to wait until I get home.

Manic, OCD, and a drunk...all in one weekend

It started earlier this week.  I knew that after my long shifts at work then to clinicals (530 am-1030PM) I was done with school for the week.  One of the nurses at clinicals asked me,"How do you feel, you know, with school almost over and a new journey about to begin?"  Hmmmmmm  Not sure...I try not to think too far ahead.  She says to me," I always would get depressed."  

Thursday morning it hit me.  She's right!...I'm depressed.  What will I do with all my time?  I have to get a new job...Completely new, something I've never done before.  It's not like waiting tables or answering phones, nursing is new.  School is over in 18 days and a year and a half (actually 4 years since I began the entire process) and that's it.  

I decided that I would start my vacation week of no school with my Synda.  I left work early to hit a yarn shop with the girls and then the wine shop and hang out.  The little ones played and we sat and drank, and drank, and gossiped, and drank some more, had pizza, knitted poorly (had to rip it out the next day) then at 1045 pm Synda says, "Uhhh, we did NOT drink 2 bottles of wine did we?"  Yes m'am it appears so.  Yikes and i have to drive 20 miles home.  I gathered my kid, knitting and stacks of magazines on loan from Synda and headed home and thought how the wine only takes away the boredom until the headache sets in which is approximately 7 hours later for me.  I didn't let that stop me.  I sat my goals for the weekend and Saturday morning I started to try to avoid the depression.

(Click for bigger pics)

First...I went shopping then made Spanikopita

Next in line Needle Holder.  Kinda fun.  I had bought that material for 3$ for a yard.  I used about 20" for the holder and lined it with some left over fleece.  It only took about an hour.  I didn't care so much for sewing all the lines to hold the needles...but I didn't quit...I just grabbed a nice cold beer and kept going.

I finished this yummy little neck warmer and started one that is only 2 rows wide..They are cute and easy to do.  I'm hoping to get some up on Etsy before holidays.

While I was busy doing my stuff Olive made her own hair clip from some broken toys.

Good job, Olive!

As I was saying, idle hands are the Devil's hands and we'll have none of that around here.  I got up this morning and cleaned out the pantry...got rid of everything we don't,won't or can't use....and didn't look back.  

Next up the kid's bathroom, but honestly I think I might be losing steam.

Depression for me is evil.  Loneliness, gets me into trouble, and free time is the bane*of my existence.

All in one weekend.

* "bane" was once a very serious word. The Old English "bana" meant

literally "slayer" in the sense we now use "killer" or "murderer."
Early on, the English "bane" was also used in the more general sense
of "cause of death," and by the 14th century "bane" was used in the
specialized sense of "poison"

So, you can only imagine what the next few months have in store for me.  If only I could get my writing back on track.  

yeah...Rock N Roll Baby

Perfect weekend this weekend...Except for a few minor details.
First I think I might have done a few drunken Blog comments....I'm blaming it on Plath. I always read her blog last and then I feel the need to comment on stuff even though it doesn't pertain to anything...so whoever was the recipient of those comments..oopsie :)
Let's see. I started out my weekend...thinking about what I was going to get myself with the midmonth paychecks. Middle of the month is good if all the planets are in a row and I have gotten everything paid for the first of the month. It means I can buy groceries, save a bit of $$$ in the pot, and maybe treat myself to some fancy tights or shoes (talkin' 50$ and under type of fancy)...anyways...I had been eyein' up a pair of cool socks from American Apparel, so I thought I better check my bank account. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What?!!!! Someone is buying Coach bags in Cerritos CA. with my $$$$ All my money, plus some. Nice. Must be Karma for something I did, all though I don't know for what , because I pretty much keep to myself. First thing I think is Bobby must have a girlfriend...shit...wait a damn minute, he can't be that stupid. Noooo I call him to find out about the girlfriend. "Oh, Yeah(he says)...They called from Merchant Services WEd. night and said someone was using the card, but I told them I have my card and that I am not in CA. so they better not let that go through." BUT they did let it go through!!!!! Looks like they caught the 300$ paintball excersion, the 285$ fish market purchase, but for some reason felt the crook needed a 600$ Coach bag. Which in turn Bounced every $4.27 purchase for Starbucks, or groceries, and Daycare checks...which as you all probably know led me down the spiral of 25$ service charge hell. Which puts me at just about -429.83$ Yes...Yes.... Breathe....

God Bless America. and my thoughts that people are good, gracious and honest. God Bless the Woman or fabulously Gay man who is strutting their stuff throughout smog ridden CA. right now, swinging my just released Winter Coach bag (please let them have gotten a nice one and not some ghetto pastel "C" bag). God bless the credit union who I have banked with for 20 years and knows that the biggest purchase I may ever have will be at Target the day after Xmas....God Bless them for calling to let us know the charges were happening and then LETTING THEM GO THROUGH ANYWAYS!!! God Bless them for tacking on the additional 25$ service fees one after another as the fake charges went through...and God Bless them for relizing I had savings, for vacation, in the account right next to it that they could continue to pull money out of. God Bless them and their safety measures....the fact we saw it happening, called the bank and they told us "I'm sorry, it's after business hours, you will have to come into the main branch (45 miles away) to contest the charges in person on MONDAY!) uhhhuh. Monday.
So, what did I do? Eff IT!
I went out on Saturday. Partied it up at the Fox Theater with the Hell's Belles and the Mighty 18 Wheeler, shopped my grocery ass off, bought Olive a new carseat, Ilin a new Bionichle, Bobby a new shirt, 2 fancy 6 packs of beer, filled the gas tanks up with gas....and rented movies for Sunday. Screw it...They can sort it out on MONDAY!!!! The way I see it...if all hadn't gone to Hell, I would have 1400 in my checking account, not -437.39 give or take a few bucks. God bless corporate America.

I'm done bitching, I'm done. Pretty much. I did have fun at the Fox. The guys rocked. I love hangin in the green room with the free cocktails and awesome view and the security guards swishing you in and out through different doors. It was nice...Synda and Chad came and even though it wasn't like seeing the Police or something it was cool. Thanks to Bobby and his guest list.

I got a shitload to do this morning before I go to clinicals. I'm at work right now...get this crap over with then start again.
write ya later
m

Thursday post...if easily offended, don't read

Sorry...  

There is  a difference between fucking someone and being fucked...it's a big difference with a  thin line/slippery slope, especially when you are dealing with women.  As I get older I see things that break my heart...in more ways than one.  Call me old, call me knowledgeable, call me cool.... I don't care, just listen....because it comes with age and most mothers, regardless of their knowledge, won't tell you this.

I'm not really sure if it comes with street smarts or with experience ....possibly age, but it came to me and I can't stand seeing my friends not understand it.   Here, let me try to explain.  Women need love...they need touch...they need more than a vibrator can give them.  They need knowledge, friendship, companions and good sex.  These things often come in a package.  If you are pretty,smart and cool...you usually have a good relationship, sex and love.  On the other hand if you have been burned, abused and become wary...you don't.  You search for love outside the norm...you search for touch...and physical contact.   When you are certain age, maybe you search for a fuck...get it out...feel wanted, needed......orgasmic.   Whatever the case you need it and you will get it wherever it shows itself.

fine...feel it, be it, do it...but there is a difference of power in this fuck and it makes me sad to see my friends not distinguish the difference.  When you need it and have low self esteem it's almost a power abuse thing.  They think they are being "loved,wanted and fucked" when really they are being used.   Try to explain this to someone who can't or won't understand...  They have the need to need but the not the need to rationalize.   As a woman, you can want it,need it and do it...but the minute...the MINUTE you give up the power...you are being fucked ...and not fucking.  (this is different when in a long term loving relationship)  When you are out, you need to have the power to say when, where, and if...  I have no issues with woman loving sex,loving having some strange...but you need to be in power of the decision...You say when...not take it when.

This is the difference between fucking and being fucked....and it's important. 

I barely can talk about this...it kills me, it hurts me to not help.  You know the woman...The cute underly dressed "good" girl who disappears at a party and reappears disheveled and then tells you later ..."he's going to call me tomorrow"..... Yea, he's going to call you... to suck his dick...or whatever you did last night...not to meet your family.

On the other hand, I respect woman who can say, yeah...I love it...and I'm single so why not?  We will have a nice dinner, there are rules, he will follow the rules and then we will have mad passionate sex and that's that.  Maybe I'll see him tomorrow...maybe not ,it's my choice...whatever... I have other things to think about.

Ladies, woman, be strong....be exquisite, stand up, take control, be sexy...but don't fuck for love....don't fuck because they want you...think...be in control.  people notice, people talk...come on...be the person you should be, be the person you can be.

Maybe i'm not the one to talk.  I don't fuck for love, but I want and need love.  I need to be loved and wanted.  Good Catholic upbringing keeps me from searching...but I'm still a woman...I'm still beautiful...I still need it...But I can be in control.

Hello Vagina...It's me, Menses talking

Dear Vagina (and all parts attached),

I'm here to ruin your week.  Don't worry, we'll try to make it painless, although it doesn't quite seem possible to accommodate your needs anymore, including the pain part.  We try to arrive at the most in opportune time to keep you on your toes...so be ready.  I really don't want you to think life revolves around me...BUT...you know....I am important.  I heard from the brain that you were having a bit of stress.  She said it was something about school and the scheduling and trying to fit life, work and a new future all into one packet.  I thought this was hysterical....and the best part?....Since you don't have unprotected sex anymore or go on romantic vacations, I thought this would be a perfect time to arrive...and boy I was right.  I win every time.  Your brain also told me she remembered you didn't have any tampons under the sink last time you were looking under there...so I really thought it would be nice to show up a day early, percolate all night in your uterus so that when you rolled out of bed at 515 am there would really be no forgetting about me.  I want you to remember that until menopause, even though you don't actually need me anymore, I am going to be here for you.  Full Force.  Possibly even more so than before.  I heard from your pain tolerance that you were thinking you were pretty tough, ha, we'll see about that.  Boobs reminded me the other day they could barely remember what it was like to be pregnant, so I thought I would shoot some unneeded hormones their way also... No bra is going to feel good for the next week, don't worry, you are tough, you can handle it..and like I said before, at least you don't  have to worry about being pregnant (you took that joy away from me after the last kid...I'll never let you live that down, well, at least until menopause).  Oh yeah, if you are thinking "I can't wait til Menopause gets here"...well you better think another thought because Menopause is my neighbor and we have been working out a game plan with Ms Midlife Fat roll, Mr. Hot Flash, and Dry Vagina....oh yeah and the last we heard from Zits , Wrinkles, and Stray Hair...they said they would definitely be back from vacation for that...they said they wouldn't want to miss it.  

One last thing, I called Temperament and let them know "games on". We'll be waiting in the background when Bobby gets home.  So be ready.  Tongue all ready said she was not in a cooperating mood and Foot-n-Mouth is not far away.   Right hand has been primed to be able to pick up the gin bottle and taste buds are on hiatus so when you think 3 drinks will suit you better than 1, we will all be ready to move forth with our plan to destroy the rest of your week, and if we work it out perfectly, we may even be able to ruin the family's week too.  

Love you,

Menses

i did want to point out one thing

Invite only....
(possibly one of the biggest problems in general of the Rep. Party)

OR

Free to The People....

You decide

Life is too short...

To spend time voting on Judges and issues. I really should not say this, because I am an avid voter and actually take it pretty seriously. I get the book and start studying the issues at least a month in advance.
Oh What did you say? Book? What Book? There is a book that goes with voting?
Oh yeah...let me tell ya a little something, here in Colorado, we have a Flipping Book of issues. Approximately 30 issues to vote on and then we have to vote on whether to keep all the judges(10-15) and such. I have heard we have one of the longest voting ballots around. So, last year when we could barely get everyone in to vote in a timely manner before polls closed, it didn't surprise me one bit. Like I said, I believe everyone should vote, but maybe people should consider doing a little research before you close the curtain. When these people walk in, and boy howdy you can tell, you know it's going to be a long process. They have no idea. They don't know the issues which in turn causes them to read every little word before casting a vote (which they should do...but at home before you go vote) and they take forever! ...You guys do realize you can just vote for the President, Right?
In all the local papers they put out a practice ballot for us idiots in Colorado...you can fill it in at home with a beer in hand, ask your neighbor's advice or drive around and read all the signs, whatever the case, you can do it before you go to the poll. That way, when you get there it's in and out in about 9 minutes. I timed it...and that is from when you close the curtain until you reopen. Now multiply that fast 9 minutes by all the registered voters in your community...some being old and slow...some being dumb and slow...some just being dumb...and some not being able to read in English....This is why we have problems in Colorado at our polls.
So, do us...and me a favor....Practice before you vote, so that I don't have to waste my precious time off at the gate.
Oh yeah and note to newspapers and people with the info...How about info on the judges...Why we should or should not keep them? Who do they support, what are their beliefs...that way I can make and educated decision on their livelihood opposed to voting according to if they are female or not.

Dear Lord....

Dear Lord,

please help me to not strangle or at least to not amputate this small creature.  I realize she means no harm.  I also understand that she was "just looking for , you know, the little thing that goes with the Little Pets".  The problem is ,Lord, I didn't understand the magnitude of upkeep one tiny child would require and without my drink of choice, which I don't have, because the keeper of the cocktails is at band practice tonight and I don't feel right going to the liquor store with kids in tow....

even if they do pass out suckers there,( I do have some morals, thank you Monsignor Cunningham) I don't think I can do this...

I have asked for help before, but this time I'm serious.

2 hours later and hugs and kisses to the My Pretty Pony Beach Cabana, Weebles Treehouse and accessories, one Fisher Price Bus with blinking lights and real horn sounds (thank you Lord) packed into Target bags and placed in the back of the car to go to Santa's Workshop so that the elves could fix them up and send them to some other kids...

question asked by small self centered child?

"so I can get more, Mammoo?"

Yessssss...So Santa can bring more shit.  Soon Honey.

yes...and I do realize the room is bland compared to most...but at least it's clean

So Lord,  Thank you for giving me the strength....

Now maybe I can go write...and also try to figure out why the entire middle half is underlined.

.

still need a costume idea

So, I found a few that you still have time to whip up.  Let me know how it goes.

this first one is quite clever.  I'm sure you can put your own spin on it.

(click on the links to see where they came from)

fake midget  

this next one kind of freaked me out...but it is good.

really check it out

WTF costumes

Maybe a few costumes for the entire family?

Just think twice before wearing these to the Neighborhood Halloween Parade...or at least don't email me back and bitch if you do.

anna maltz

How about a set of costumes for a night out with the girls?  I guarantee you will be a clit...I mean HIT.

Vagina Ladies

you and your husband could go as He devil and She devil

Oh wait...those aren't costmes.

how about for your 2 bestest guy friends

the Ambiguously Gay Duo?

Or this for your gross friend...

Me no likey

Well, anyways...whatever you choose have fun

where a rubber...and don't drink and drive...

and for the parents out there.... when trick or treating parents come to your door.  ahve a cooler of beer and small cocktails for them to trick or treat out of....make it worth their while.

Day of Urology

Did I tell you guys that the other day I saw more dick than a whore on Colfax? Well I did! Big Dick, little dick, hairy dick, big balled dick...no balled dick (if you can believe that one) and inside the dick. There are truly some things which can not be explained without seeing it first hand....to me, Urology is one of them.

Singing Penis | Funny Jokes at JibJab

please watch the video...it's educational  :)

Many people do not realize that when they do anything with the penis the Dr. goes through that tiny little hole at the end of the penis. It involves a cool machine which looks similiar to a video game stick and lots of water...

tool for cramming up the penis hole....

the Beautiful Prostate

Yeah...Lot's of water. It was amazing. Did you know they scrape the prostate off with a "hot loop" in order to widen the area? Well you do now, and I saw it all first hand. It's not all doom and grossness in the urology surgery area. There was some humor. The nurse (not me) shaved the wrong side of this super hairy Yeti and the Dr. had a meltdown and said as punishment she would have to reshave so that at least it looked like they had some sense of what they were doing... Then some guy actually sat up why they were doing the procedure!!! Yikes scared the piss put me (no pun intended). MORE DRUGS!!!!!! Don't worry, the man and his penis were fine. I on the other hand was totally freaked out!

So, so far I have experienced many things and still haven't figured out what I like, even penises didn't keep my interest for very long. Maybe I can get some good suggestions for nursing. I think I might like VA. They have lots of stories, lot's of issues and could use a few good nurses. Hmmmm? I gotta go back to school. You guys have a great weekend....I'm gonna have myself a Martini after school. One more week down.

write ya later

m