Arriving on Friday afternoon was like walking into the past. Landing in my home town, in which I escaped from so many years ago, held a feeling I didn't realize I had in me.
Home....Old home....history home
I drove the Miracle Strip to my destination
not really worrying about time or distance, and you know what ?
I arrived...
no stress.
That was the last part of my
"stress"
Well, honestly it wasn't stress it was something I am unable to describe....
but it was something.
I'm just going to type what I feel.
Not sugar coat anything for anyone
because, honestly, this is for my heart and a way to sort out feelings
We sat and reminisced , and really did whatever she felt well enough to do.
Would it have been easier if she was literally on her last day? maybe for me.
but I was thankful for this time.
We ate...
and I welcomed that.
She had a rough night....and that made my heart break.
As we talked we discussed life and death and the untimely way it shows up.
She told me she wasn't scared to die anymore.
She had a dream
She dreamt (or not) that she was above her body, she said,
" I was looking down on my body and I wasn't scared. Not at all. I was fascinated....my body was like transparent and I could see every vein in my body...it was glowing the most beautiful blue. Myssi, I wasn't scared. But what did amaze me was that I could feel warmth and comfort. I realized we have one life and we need to love and be the best we can. My body looked so amazing under me...
then as I was looking around, there was a warmth and I swooped back down into my body in the bed.
Thats when it was weird because I wasn't sure if I was actually dead or alive. I knew I needed some water, so I slowly got up and walked to the bathroom to get a sip. I still felt weird so I still wasn't sure what was real or not. the retrieval of water went well in the bathroom so I thought , what the hell, I'm hungry so Im heading to the kitchen for watermelon. By my 5th bite of watermelon I knew I was alive....but what I saw and felt was very real."
"but I'm not scared"
Well, I'm scared.
The reality that we are no longer young and invincible.
We are older and we may not have long to live.
Friends are passing and there is really nothing we can do.
I text her every day.
I look to see if she has turned on her phone.
The past 3 days she turns on her phone and sends this :
I'm guessing this may be the last bit of conversation I have with her.
It has been 22 hours with no check in.
E
I
E
A
love you,
m