Offer Smoffer

 lord have mercy.   I am so done with all of this,   I do realize I am a nurse and it is not appropriate for me to express this....but I wanna see live music, hug a stranger, go to the damn bar and sit at the bar instead of the parking lot.........

but....

whatever.

It has been quite comical living in this tiny space.  I am living with about 3 outfits, 25 pairs of shoes (because I couldn't leave my shoes) and one shared bathroom.   

Im thankful that Kevin has let us in....made room for us and said he will take care of us.  ( don't need anyone to take care of us, but it is divine and lovely and makes my heart happy to know he is there).

I have heard from my lawyer that the "ex" is going to accept the offer.   

THE OFFER.

hahahahahahahahahahaha

Smart on his part.

Of course he is going to win....he doesn't need to deal with me, who he despised, he gets the house and most of everything I have worked for and saved .

(note to people.....if you marry up....never have your own shit or investments...that way if you split you can half of theirs regardless of your input)

to the other half. 

get a prenuptial

Anyways, we will discuss that later. But sooner the divorce is finalized the sooner I can actually live.

You all know that one cannot buy a house , car , change insurance, move....etc....without divorce papers.   It's one of the dickiest moves ever.  They know you are stuck....if you are on the short ghetto side of divorce....just refuse to sign the divorce papers and you can live for basically free until the court says you have to sign.    For me...I have to continue to pay for all of his shit until he signs.    But, I'm good.  I got an extra job and am maintaining mine, the kid's and apparently his lifestyle for now.  And Im actually not too angry.   Just more done.  Move the fuck on.   Let me go.

On the flip

I'm happy.   Kevin is everything I have wanted, and how this happened I have no idea and don't really want to question it.   I just know I deserve it, and so does he.   Coming home every day to a person who is honestly happy to see me is the best.  We laugh, touch, kiss and do things together.   So simple....laugh, kiss the cheek and touch their butt once in a while and you are in.

Hopefully soon this divorce will be done.  I will lose my forever home and most of the stuff ( this is what happens when you are the spouse with the most money and independence regardless of gender ...this is part of women's liberation I suppose) I lose the goods and money, but gain a life I deserve with people who want to be around me.  Maybe a move is in my future.   Denver? Florida? Nashville? Connecticut?  I don't know.   but it will be something.

xo,

write ya later,

m

Craigs List , my dirty little secret

I have a routine. 

Of course I do....

Because, I have a bit of OCD and I like to do things over and over again.

So, many years ago I was looking for a dresser or something which very innocently put me onto Craig's List.

I'm sure you are familiar.

It started harmlessly...perusing the free crap...looking at pictures....moving from section to section....

Late at night, I would sit in bed, with a jelly jar of wine balanced on my chest and laptop on a pillow...I would meticulously click through every section of craigslist.

EVERY SINGLE SECTION

I soon discovered my 2 favorite sections.

Ride share and missed connections.

Every other day I would look at the ride share for my area....

did I need a ride somewhere , you ask???

Oh hell no....but a lot of others did.

Rides to parole, rides to ski, rides to California, Rides in exchange for weed....

rides to transport kids or dogs....

or even just rides to work.

I honestly think this is where Uber started: Craigslist Ride Share.

Recently I saw : "need ride from Denver to Las Vegas ...
( do not contact me for anything besides ride)

really?

well...if you are going to Las Vegas....and want a free ride, should I not ask if I get a little back seat action on the way?
sheesh, what is the world coming to?

It all seems way too easy....

Hell, every time I drive anyone to even the airport for free I feel like I should be compensated
...one way or another.

well, eventually I got to the missed connections.

yup...

as I looked through each one I thought...

"I LOVE THIS"

Some were sad, some are funny, some are just straight up porn, with pictures!...

but everyday I would look through them in hopes one day there would be one for me.
a missed connection for someone who needed to get in touch with me....yet didn't know how.

Years and years I have looked at these.

Friends who know me would laugh...
I started becoming the missed connection connector.

If I knew the place in which people were writing about, I would forward them.

Ex:

"to the adorable waitress at the walnut cafe ....I loved your shorts but was afraid to tell you....if you see this, I'd like to tell you in person."

Because I know the owner of the Walnut Cafe and I used to work there....I forward them right to her, so she can disperse them in the morning meeting 

I find it all quite endearing
And hysterical
although I have not received any feedback that one of the waitresses found their match made on Craig's

Sometimes at work I would write a missed connection to a funny coworker in hopes they would find it...

we would laugh and laugh as she would print it off and lay it on my desk and laugh at the foul, semi explicit missed connection I would write , just to see if she would catch it.
it became a naughty work game
"Hey....I think some trucker is looking for you....he saw you at the stop light on Pearl St....he wants you to check out his 'cabin' in his 18 wheeler'
oh yeah.....

vice.com

I still read them almost every day...

hoping to see a mystery missed connection for me...

"I saw you at the dog park....how I loved the color of your dog's leash"

"looking for my sweet Melissa ...."

"We got stuck in the same isle at Soopers behind the old lady....I smiled at you and you smiled at me....lets go out"
"your chicken sticks look good enough to eat"

I have it all planned out....

I'll keep watching and waiting for my Craig's List stalker to find me.

hurry up....
life is short

xo,
write ya later
m

A boring story and piece of advice

A world far far away there was a tired tired woman. Not just physically tired, but emotionally tired...

questioning everything in her life . You will make the right decision, you always do.  You will know when the time is right? You will do the right thing.

I hear this all the time about people. "Do the right thing".

Ahhh phooey.

What is the right thing? The right thing might just be, feeling good and doing what feels good for a change. 

When you hear someone say they haven't been touched in over a year, or haven't had sex in forever, or even kissed anybody in ages....what do you think?  

I think....that fucking sucks.  

Why?  Are they yucky people? Are they unable to love? Are they crazy? Or is it that someone is manipulating them?

Sometimes you have to look at someone and say ....fuck it.  just do it.  You live your one life and it needs to be a good one and shit is not always conveniently timed. People come into your life for a reason, if it is a shitty reason, they disappear, but if it is a real reason....they stick around, they are there ....

So when someone takes your hand and touches your leg and you are questioning, maybe you should just let go a bit. 

To feel wanted is an amazing thing for everyone. 

A kiss, the dart of a tongue, a smile, the brush of fingertips and that electricity.  If it is not meant to be, you won't feel that fire. Sometimes we have to tell people to do what they wouldn't normally do to see if it is right for them. Sometimes timing sucks and sometimes we have to put away our taught morals and remember , it's our life.  Grown ups.  Live.

write ya later,

m

Raising a Smart Teen is a Pain in the Ass

Raising a teen is weird.  

I'm not sure if we can really call it "raising"…it's more like push, shove, yell, cry, threaten and a shit ton of praying.

no kid comes with a guide book and honestly, teens are super scary bizarre.

This book would do my family no good.

Here are a few of the reasons:

1.  They have access to everything.  and I mean everything.  

When we were kids we had to use the Dewey Decimal System and if you were slightly lazy or dyslexic you gave up on finding out information first hand pretty quickly. Easiest ways were National Geographic and friend of a friend system.  You had to wait for a friend to fill you in from either their big sister's experience or their own personal…and sometimes even from a friend of a friend.  You remember. " My cousin's older sister's best friend, said if you smoke Virginia Slim Menthols they taste like candy"   

Now they just google it, or learn about it on Grand Theft Auto.

2. same genre. 

 I had to read every stinking one of Judy Blume's books to learn how to semi french kiss then when it was time I still did it wrong.  Same with my period.  If I didn't have Judy Blume I would have died in 7th grade not knowing if I would EVER get my period and why did all my friends get theirs first!?

now?  they just google it and half the girls are so GMO'd up they have boobies and start their periods in 4th grade.

Let's not even talk abut the porn factor and the search for Playboys in the woods. (and don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about)

3. Drugs they have now are bad ass.  

Sure we had coke, pills and acid…pot too.  We did our share and honestly Jungle Juice and Mad Dog were probably the most dangerous for our group.  Now I have to worry about Molly, Meth and her little sister Heroin.  It's one of my favorite thoughts.  My all ready slightly stupid teen decides to try out a lil toke on a meth pipe.  Guarantees basement living and no brain growth.   That's what we need.  Let's keep the Grand Theft Auto empire alive.  Whatever happened to just eating some shrooms, getting blasted and saying…."man I'm not doing that again….well at least not for a while!"       ?

Another thing is I now have access to everything.  I liked the days when my mom said, "Have a good day at school , Honey" and that was it.  She wouldn't have known if I was dead until the street lights came home and I wasn't there.  Now with all the electronics I can track my kids every move; and honestly….I don't want to.  Some things are better off not knowing.  My mom often had an idea, but hardly ever any hard evidence and that, my, friends is exactly what kept us friendly to each other.

I'm blessed with one of those kind, smart, artsy type teens.  He is sensitive, but his own person.  He thinks in his own way and I can no longer micro- manage that.  This is where the hardest part of parenting comes in.  Letting them learn their own lessons and make their own path, even if I see it may be a hard path.  No pushing or yelling will change that when they have their own brains.  

Sometimes my kid is right and I can't outwardly agree because I am the parent.  

 Like the other day when he says, "Why do I get a zero for not taking notes in class?  That is stupid.  I'm listening…. I don't like to write and listen at that the same time…I shouldn't get a zero for that, that is stupid"  

Yes, it is stupid.  It is stupid for an AP teacher to pass out Zeros to a kid who makes A's on the tests, but that is the rule and you have to follow rules.   That is the lesson.

"Yeah, well, whatever…I guess I'm going to fail then".

Smart kid.  Honors and AP and he may just fail, not because of tests, but because of marching to the beat of his own drummer with anarchy sticks in his hands.  Learn your own lessons kid.  I'm right there with you in my mind.

Alopecia Sucks.  

plus try your teen age years with no hair.

xo,

m

FML

After tossing and turning all night, thinking about things I have no control over, I finally fall asleep at 630 am.  Awesome.  Except I have to be up by 7.  Olive wouldn't get outta bed, then fought me every inch of the way, from eating breakfast to putting shoes on. 

Went out to start my car...

Nothing.

dead battery.

One of the kids left the door ajar for 2 days.

We had to "run" if you can call it that with a 6 year old and a 5 pound backpack.

got my 1 mile cardio in.

FML.

I hate Mondays

funny funny stuff

Ilin and I have been cooking...working on learning how to be a MAN. You know, so when he hits 15 and half and runs as far away as he can from this whack house he will know how to cook for himself and his goth girlfriend any type of crazy vegetarian food they might need to survive.

and still be politically correct.

(not Ilin, but may be one day)

So, the excellent Mom I am, I went to Target to do a little R&R and left him with a recipe for my personal favorite....Hummus.

"mom, what are Chicken Peas?"

Lord...You mean Chick Peas...

"yeah"

They are in the cupboard...aka Garbonzos

Off I went.

When I got home He announced he used the dried parsley, 4-5 drops of lemon juice from the plastic lemon, and 2 cloves of garlic.

I have to say,it was garlicky but YUMMY!

"hey Bubba, I have an idea. You cook dinner"

(smart, huh?)

I helped him with what he needed but he pretty much did the entire thing.

Pasta Primavera, fresh veggies and all. Everything had been cut and prepared by Bubba himself. He ran out of the pasta he wanted so the genius that we know he is combined 4 different types of pasta. Olive sat the table, Bobby groaned because he had to cook his own dinner

(no veggies for him, unless they are root kind!)

We all got our drinks. Everyone but Bubba sat down, because he was serving.

Turned around with the big bowl of pasta...

SPLAAATTTTT

all over the dog and the floor.

What did I do you ask?

Did I yell?

No..

I grimaced, smiled and scraped it back into the dish and said

"So, it will have a little dog hair in it, extra flavor"

No tears or anything.

We all quietly sat down and even his little evil sister said, "Bubba, you are a good cooker, even with the dog hair".

He's gonna make someone a good wife...I mean husband.