VD there is no real cure...

get some ointment.

For your listening and thinking pleasure of all my midlife friends, 

who have found love, 

have lost love, 

have made mistakes, 

have thought too much...

have looked in the wrong places

I heard eventually the fear goes away

You are Welcome

xo,

m

Sirens    

its time to finally come clean

and start 

fresh

if you would like to read the lyrics

what I did today 365 days

Today Kids, Eddie and I went on a hike up at Lions Gulch Homestead, which was so beautiful.  It was a 6.2 mile hike we only made it 5.5 before it started storming.  It was worth it.  The kids helped each other and seemed to enjoy...and the dog has been sleeping since.

When I got home...there was action out the back door!

Apparently after the break down a few days ago of me weeping that my life is in disarray and I can't believe all the half done things around the house, Bobby decided to start the deck.

He wouldn't give me the price of the wood because he knew my asshole would tighten up so tight that the tears would be forced from my eyes just from the pressure...and it would appear to be a break down again.

 working on the right side

 No, it's not skeletor, its Bobby

 Ed enjoying the 3 feet of deck

much nicer...

He's so cute

We ran out of screws before I had enough planks put down to put my table on there

Bobby's back hurt and my feet hurt.

At least it's a start.

I won't break my leg when stepping out the back door when drunk.

360 days of my life #74

360 days, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

360 days of my life # 59 (missed a few)

Its sad when your new favorite thing is a vacuum cleaner.

Just let me tell you a bit about this thing. It's no Dyson, couldn't justify spending 599 for the one I really wanted... BUT this thing sucks like a 50$ hooker...Joking joking, don't get offended and run away. It is really awesome. You want to know why? Because a man finally did the vacuum justice, they hooked a dog brush to this thing! You heard me, a dog brush!!!

You can vacuum the fur right off man's best friend before it even hits the carpet.

Just between you and me. I tried this with the old vacuum and it just about sucked the entire dog into the vacuum. This one comes with a long hose and a deshedder brush.

I'm in love.

Love Love Love

360 days of my life #31 & 32

360 days, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

And all of my tax return...thanks IRS

360 days of my life #26

better, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

360 days of my life #23

update on Ed

The night was long for me,listening to each labored breath. It was the same feeling as when one of the babies had a cold and all you can do is watch and hope they breathe. Gurgle, gurgle...breathe.

Being the responsible party in charge, I was required to poke Eddie every time his breathing stopped. I knew in my head the lapses in breath were dreams and good pain meds, and as much as I wanted to pop some of his pain meds (don't think I didn't look it up), I didn't...and stayed awake the entire night. He got up 4 times to hobble down the stairs and go potty. Whimpering each step, yet still wagging his fluffy tail.

We headed back to the vet at 8 AM for the morning check up. The Dr. listened to his lungs and poked, prodded, and smiled.

"Yesterday, I honestly didn't think he would make it through the night...He really stole all our hearts yesterday. "

We aren't out of the woods...but we can see the the thick grass ahead. Rest, love and hopefully no bronchitis or pneumonia and he should be up and moving within 3 weeks.

As we all know disaster strikes fast and furious and often without a break. I try not to acknowledge the feeling of fear when I look at the calendar and know that I have gone many months without a reality check. I try to sweep it under the rug and think of the big picture with in the Universe. Everything happens for a reason.

Many things are so very minor and often silly to even fret about when I watch the news of the world. My Universe seems so trite...yet I must remember that my Universe is part of that Universe and it has it's reasons, cause and effect.

Thanks for all the great prayers and good thoughts...

and to Ms. Sara I would like to thank her for also praying for the bill :)

the total damage was 875$ this included 4 xrays...and the revisit was no charge :)

a miracle in it's own right!

Honest Dr's...who did the right thing...yet had a backup plan if things had gone wrong.

360 days of my life #22

At 7:20 the Angelic Miracle Worker Most Amazing Person/Vet in the world wants us to please come up so we can talk about Eddie and what we can proceed with. She said she got a small tail wag...and he peed!!!!!! (good) I jumped with joy. She said he is hurt very badly, but his bones are not broken. His insides are bruised, jumbled and she is very amazed he has recovered as well as he has. They don't have an overnight staff at the animal hospital, so she wants us to bring Eddie home for the night. ....OK...i am a nurse, but I am very scared. What if he starts to go down hill? You know he must have horrible pain...he can't talk. How will I know? She said if something takes a turn for the worse we are to transport him immediately to the emergency clinic (we are pretty lucky to have one right around the corner)...she will let them know what the situation is.

The kids have cried. Olive wrote a memory book, just in case he goes with Tonka....and Ilin is upstairs playing really angry sounding Punk Rock music on his bass.

I am drinking rum and coke ( i hate rum, but it was the only thing available) in the pint glass....and Bobby has measured the area for a 29 foot fence and called every fence installer in the area. We all deal differently.

I know that Ed was given to us by a weird fate...a weird higher thing that knew that he was what we needed as a family right then. I believe this. He's just a stupid big dog, but he has brought us all together in a way that nothing else could have at that time. Believing this has led me to also believe that being taken away so quickly could never have been in his cards. We need Ed and he needed us.

Last night I told Eddie , " Buddy... I love you so much. Thanks for having found us."

Life goes on...but I want it to go on with Ed.

it was my fault, I left the dog door open. He's a husky...they jump fences.

He took a full hit from a mini van going to fast as usual up our street. He went up and over into the windshield. They say this is better than going under for a dog his size.

His lungs on that side are hemorrhaging and have many contusions. He amazingly has no broken bones. The police think the car was going about 40 or so...It was so loud that someone called 911 and 2 cops the humane society and the neighbors came out. Eddie ran up the 6 stairs and the humane society lady said he just was laying on the steps...like he was waiting when she walked up. She told me he is very friendly...yeah I know. blood was coming from his mouth and he looked at me with the saddest sorriest eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Ed...I knew I left the dog door open and I didn't come back." "please forgive me"

The police were so helpful. She called the dog hospital we go to and told them we were coming. Eddie got up and cautiously got in my car and we sped the 2 miles to the animal hospital, even though the cop told me to please not speed there...they knew I was coming.

The vet couldn't get the Xrays they needed until he settled down and to this point still can't get some of the Xrays. She could see that his lungs on the hit side were bad...good news...the diaphragm is intact, now we have to wait and see what if his bladder made it... She told us we could go back and see him...he was so doped up he could only move his eyebrows. I pray he knew it was us. i whispered in his ear I was sorry, and that I need him to make it for my own selfish reasons...I won't be ok if he is not ok...not right now.

I am one of those people who totally will say if a dog damages a limb...just cut it off...they are strong. This can't be cut off.

My 5 year old just walked in...the tears all ready flowing. "he can't stay there!!! he has to come home...He can't die like Tonka"

I have lost so many things in my life. My parents, my brothers, friends and relatives..it appears that all my ill grief is saved to mourn for these pets. I am not good with emotions...I have 2: Anger and Hysteria...those are my best 2. Grief...not so good.

360 days of my life #20

eddie cruisin', originally uploaded by v8grrl.