So, it's been a bit .....
closer to a year than not
If you have been reading this blog for a while you pretty much know my jam. my humor, my kids, my knitting, my marriage....or non marriage.
19 years....
I finally made a decision and I am going to take the time to do a bit of discussion as a 51 year old woman going through a divorce in which I was the instigater of.
People change
We all deserve happiness
We don't have to just stay because...anymore
I spent 22 years caring for a beautiful family,,,,
in that time I went to school (twice) waitress to bachelors of science degreee....
becoming a nurse with insurance etc.
becoming a nurse with insurance etc.
all with a couple of kids and working full time.
I loved, I supported, I had great friends and family....
I had a marriage.
It was beautiful....we laughed, we rode motos , we saw bands....
we traveled, cared for kids....
but people change
and that is OK
I have always been a person who needs others.
I grew up in a huge family with my brothers always around.
Someone always loved me
As I went through my years I was always the independent girl...but deep down I needed love, touch, acknowledgment
I still do.
some people like to say,
"Take a break....be alone ....love yourself"
nope...
I love love
I love being WITH someone
I WANT to be with someone who desires to be with me.
now that we have that clear.
I'm getting a divorce. OMG.
we all deserve happiness.... I have no hatred....
I just want to be with people who want me....who build me up....
who want to have fun
who love and love life.
and love others.....
so, people change
I have many friends and men I adore....
and women I adore....
with this change...
this man I am seeing right now .....
people can not be happy for us...
for him
Yes...19 years we were together....and no one will ever know our lives
but my new life....
just let us be happy
the super sad part is?....
his friends always say " I got your back"
but they have left him
The ones who were my friends ....
fuck it.
call me a whore,
unfaithful,
shitty....
I know I'm not.
I'm a grown ass woman
but for him
the new man...
he loves his friends,
and they have shunned him like he carries the plague
all over being happy
Loving someone
honestly loving.
we are not 22
we are more than halfway done with our lives and we want what we want
honestly....
at my age just let me love.
a divorce is a divorce.... yes it hurts, yes its expensive (doesn't have to be)
but for my friends to take sides and to act like we are different now is heart breaking
Ive watched many of my friends go through stuff the last few years which is ridiculous.
if I don't agree I say something,....but never cut them out when they need love most.
Our hearts are strong
but our minds are not when it comes to people we have trusted and befriended for so long
my heart breaks for my guy
how his friends have left him and talked shit and gossiped
almost worse than girls
well
that's my diatribe on being friends and having someone's back
how being 50 plus years old and moving on to have true happiness in your later years is so frowned upon.
I've served my time.
no one did wrong.
we just need different things now.
so have my back
ya know
?
xo,
m