To the GYM!

Epiphany...

If you want to be more fit,

you actually have to do the work. 

seriously.

The way I think about it every year, 

is

if I start now, by June I'll be semi fit.

using the term semi, loosely

very very loosely.

53.

I like to be fit.

Not muscular 

Just fit

so that I feel better about my self and so that my underwear fits ok

Call me crazy,

But I hate when pictures are taken and my arms look a bit thick.

Or my legs a bit shapeless.

At this age, no one is looking but me at myself.

and that makes me laugh.

When I think about me I still think I'm 27

But then I look in the mirror and the classic thought...

How and when did I turn into my mom?

Not that my mom looked bad

I just thought I was 

ya know 27

not 53

I signed up for Chuze gym

got the whole shebang.

30.00 a month gives me access to everything,

even the pool.

Classes, weights, private training....

so really there will be hardly any excuse.

Today I went in and did an easy 

full body workout to start.

day 1 

complete

Anyone else getting ready for summer?

m

We All Need Gucci Therapy

Real life scenario

Nurse Julie, "Have you guys tried to get therapy through Employee Assistance Program"

Me,"Yeah, tried to get it for my kid...no one accepts it"

Nurse Sally,"no shit, and if they do? it's ghetto"

Me, "It's like the Cost Cutters of therapy"

extended pause.....

"I don't need Cost Cutter Therapy, I need some damn Gucci therapy....

I'm in a bad place and I can't even get on the waitlist for the runway"

That was the conversation at 5am at the nurse's station on a Wednesday morning. 

True story.

Julie, " what do you do when your family is sick?"

Me, " I want to kill them"

also me....

driving,

 on the way to work, 

crying,

 looking at the snow-covered front range, 

at all the beauty, 

and at the same time, thinking how much shit I have been through,

 and really....

how I just want to fall off the planet.

"I feel so much, yet so little...I cry a lot when I am alone and nothing brings me happiness anymore, not even beer"

"Girl, that is some real life compassion burn out"

Yeah, that is why I cannot use that cheap ass therapy.  

I need some real, 

top shelf, 

no fucking around therapy, 

Gucci Therapy

but,

there is none.

I have been reminded by friends and family many times in the last 2 years that I really need to partake in some sort of therapy.

The list is long, and I'm not even sure a therapist would know where to start....

I sure wouldn't know where to start talking.

Maybe cost cutters isn't so bad?

Maybe they are the gateway to the future of my relief. 

They don't get paid much, but they are trained for the basics.

But honestly, 

M needs some real talk therapy.

Real ability to go back to the start and figure out why I am such a stubborn, empathetic, tearful, soul.

Is there an answer within therapy?

anyone?

does anyone know the answer to this?

hmmm

damn Gucci Therapy

I need it

we all could use some Gucci mental health therapy

write ya later

m