Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
celebrate good times...come on!
I have a race on Sunday. 10k...my first...I'm going by myself, no one to watch or cheer me on, but...that is ok.
I have been obsessing about health lately. I think I may need some help. I stress, I worry...my underwear feels tight. Are my shorts tighter? jeesus. I need to stop.
I ran today and ran and ran and ran. my Nike+ said I burned 534 calories....then I got on my little 3 speed cool cruiser and rode another 6 miles....of course I rode to get some beer, but still. It's all wrong in so many ways.
next on the list:
After 11 years of being together Bobby has decided we need to have an anniversary. The other night we went out with Kris and she explained how they really celebrate each year as an "oh my fucking god...we made it...better live it up" They go to Vegas or wherever they feel...take turns planning...Bobby had some sort of epiphany, decided he needed an anniversary. So this week he emailed me( because that is the hight of our conversations),"pagliacci's this week? you know our anniversary?" yeah yeah...
next thing out of his mouth...what are you getting me?...
hmmm
any suggestions any one?
Maybe full body armor for the motorcycle he just bought, so that we can celebrate our 12th?
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The Vibrators - Punk rock, baby
This is what I did last night...
Went and saw old skool punkrock...
back when it was hardly more than pop...
Best thing I'm now old enough to buy merchandise and not break the bank.
that has got to be the coolest thing about getting old and having money
Enjoy a few minutes of fun, on me.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Thursdays...
It used to be my night to grab a beer, read "Baking with Plath" and the try to be inspired. Why wait to be inspired? I wasn't waiting...I was initiating inspiration.
Today, Thursday, I had to move a little quicker. I have 15 minutes before I have to walk to meet Olive while she meanders unsafely home from school, pretending she is a Big Girl.
I all ready grabbed a beer...I ate my salad...and i read a few blogs. 15 minutes...I have 15...14...13 minutes.
Ok, I just finished reading "The Accidental Buddhist:Mindfulness, Enlightenment, and the Act of Sitting Still" Dinty W Moore (can you imagine)?
I feel enlightened I feel on the right path, even if I do have a beer in my hand.
I snooped on my kids computer, read his Facebook, found out he doesn't know how to tongue kiss and doesn't, yet, look at porn (according to his history file). I tidied up the 6 year olds room and found hidden food items crammed all over the place. (future food issues?)
I must be doing something right...I must be...
Tonight, Bobby is gone to practice, Ilin goes to the dentist then I plan to take the 3 of us to Fancy dinner in Boulder. We will order whatever we want and not think about things for a while. Write at ya tomorrow
xo m
Today, Thursday, I had to move a little quicker. I have 15 minutes before I have to walk to meet Olive while she meanders unsafely home from school, pretending she is a Big Girl.
I all ready grabbed a beer...I ate my salad...and i read a few blogs. 15 minutes...I have 15...14...13 minutes.
Ok, I just finished reading "The Accidental Buddhist:Mindfulness, Enlightenment, and the Act of Sitting Still" Dinty W Moore (can you imagine)?
I feel enlightened I feel on the right path, even if I do have a beer in my hand.
I snooped on my kids computer, read his Facebook, found out he doesn't know how to tongue kiss and doesn't, yet, look at porn (according to his history file). I tidied up the 6 year olds room and found hidden food items crammed all over the place. (future food issues?)
I must be doing something right...I must be...
Tonight, Bobby is gone to practice, Ilin goes to the dentist then I plan to take the 3 of us to Fancy dinner in Boulder. We will order whatever we want and not think about things for a while. Write at ya tomorrow
xo m
Oh Ashton
You better hope she thinks it isn't true, because I sure wouldn't want the wrath of Demi upon me!
grrrrrrr
Hard to believe that wasn't enough for a young man like yourself...
wowza...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
360 days of my life #194
did you know that is what those guy lines are ? I'm working on those around the sides.
I have a long way to go but maybe by summer? We'll see.
Arms too.
To the gals who are working out via the web with me...lets do this thing!!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
"blog like no one reads it"
which is what I intended when I started this blog. A place to let my inner child shine, be a crybaby, dream big, and not give a damn.
I came home from my shift last night with an email in my inbox that said "sold the hotrod, new project in garage :)"
Sometimes things should be family decisions.
I go look in the garage. yup no hotrod, my beloved hotrod...but let me be clear it wasn't mine, and according to household supremacy, it never would be mine because some things are just "mine" or "yours'' and in-between the two shall never meet...and there sat a Harley...as in motorcycle. Pretty awesome huh? Even more awesome if it was mine, which it is not, but even morer awesomer if the person who bought this 50K mile rattle trap knew how to ride a motorcycle. And this is where my problems began. He has never ridden a motorcycle, has never taken a lesson and up til last month has never shown any interest in anything with 2 wheels.
So that is what I say...wouldn't it make more sense to take a class, see if its a lifestyle you can handle or will enjoy? See if you can hold the goddamn thing up with a full tank of gas?
But no...
I bring him down, I'm a nag and lecture, I don't support him and his hobbies. I have always brought him down about his guitars and musician ship. He sold HIS car to buy HIS new project it doesn't effect me or the family. His friends' wives let them do whatever they want and never question a purchase.
good fuckin deal for them...His friends also take their wives on vacations, dinners, nights out,gifts and really support them in doing things as family.
Who cares? not me...I came to that realization a long time ago...The prince on a white horse got killed somewhere on the way to my house when I was 16 and it has been a freak show since.
I know I shouldn't bring this stuff up, this is stuff I keep to myself. everyone has their problems. I have worked long and hard on building my self esteem and I will be damned if I will let someone keep saying what hag I am.
Here's the bummer part. I love him and I do support him. Being with a musician is a nasty habit and a self sacrificing life. They are conceited asses, but that is what I go for.
Here's the other clincher. I live my life in a total lie. a complete and total fucking lie...so here I blog like no one reads, knowing a few people who read this will quickly judge me and shake their heads, like I do to myself all the time. do you think I don't fucking know what a liar I am to myself? I support strong woman. As a friend, I will be the first one to tell you to run from that asshole...or to tell him to hit the bricks. I am a poor example in my life and the way I live.
I dream in color of how life could be...how ironic my life is. How every day I let go by, i am punishing myself.
I turned my head many times...ignored what i saw. i went to therapy. learned how not to compare or drag all my baggage to each argument. To start each conversation with respect and visualize a better outcome. I do this...I do this in my daily life. I have changed.
I let go of what I was taught by other men, breathe and see things for what they are. What he brings to the table is because of him not because of what I did or didn't do.
I keep to myself, I smile, and dream of when the clouds will open and there I will be full of light and it will shine so fucking bright it will knock him over. I believe its not too late...but what I bring to the table, shining light or whatever, is nothing if there is no receptacle (not including the garbage) to collect it.
Depth comes from within. Belief in goodness of my life comes from within. I have made mistakes but let them be just that, mistakes. I can't live in the past, although lately I find looking back at the past and people in it brings me to a land of wonder and what ifs...but what ifs are nothing if never acted on.
I support everyone in my life, friends and sometimes foes. I stay strong, because I am strong and if nothing else I am a badass when it comes to strength.
I don't want to die thinking I didn't do my best for every person in my life now that I know better, so this path and journey has become a challenge. A challenge of wills, love, thought and hope.
If only I knew this 20 years ago...but no what ifs
only what shall be and what I can make be.
I came home from my shift last night with an email in my inbox that said "sold the hotrod, new project in garage :)"
Sometimes things should be family decisions.
I go look in the garage. yup no hotrod, my beloved hotrod...but let me be clear it wasn't mine, and according to household supremacy, it never would be mine because some things are just "mine" or "yours'' and in-between the two shall never meet...and there sat a Harley...as in motorcycle. Pretty awesome huh? Even more awesome if it was mine, which it is not, but even morer awesomer if the person who bought this 50K mile rattle trap knew how to ride a motorcycle. And this is where my problems began. He has never ridden a motorcycle, has never taken a lesson and up til last month has never shown any interest in anything with 2 wheels.
So that is what I say...wouldn't it make more sense to take a class, see if its a lifestyle you can handle or will enjoy? See if you can hold the goddamn thing up with a full tank of gas?
But no...
I bring him down, I'm a nag and lecture, I don't support him and his hobbies. I have always brought him down about his guitars and musician ship. He sold HIS car to buy HIS new project it doesn't effect me or the family. His friends' wives let them do whatever they want and never question a purchase.
good fuckin deal for them...His friends also take their wives on vacations, dinners, nights out,gifts and really support them in doing things as family.
Who cares? not me...I came to that realization a long time ago...The prince on a white horse got killed somewhere on the way to my house when I was 16 and it has been a freak show since.
I know I shouldn't bring this stuff up, this is stuff I keep to myself. everyone has their problems. I have worked long and hard on building my self esteem and I will be damned if I will let someone keep saying what hag I am.
Here's the bummer part. I love him and I do support him. Being with a musician is a nasty habit and a self sacrificing life. They are conceited asses, but that is what I go for.
Here's the other clincher. I live my life in a total lie. a complete and total fucking lie...so here I blog like no one reads, knowing a few people who read this will quickly judge me and shake their heads, like I do to myself all the time. do you think I don't fucking know what a liar I am to myself? I support strong woman. As a friend, I will be the first one to tell you to run from that asshole...or to tell him to hit the bricks. I am a poor example in my life and the way I live.
I dream in color of how life could be...how ironic my life is. How every day I let go by, i am punishing myself.
I turned my head many times...ignored what i saw. i went to therapy. learned how not to compare or drag all my baggage to each argument. To start each conversation with respect and visualize a better outcome. I do this...I do this in my daily life. I have changed.
I let go of what I was taught by other men, breathe and see things for what they are. What he brings to the table is because of him not because of what I did or didn't do.
I keep to myself, I smile, and dream of when the clouds will open and there I will be full of light and it will shine so fucking bright it will knock him over. I believe its not too late...but what I bring to the table, shining light or whatever, is nothing if there is no receptacle (not including the garbage) to collect it.
Depth comes from within. Belief in goodness of my life comes from within. I have made mistakes but let them be just that, mistakes. I can't live in the past, although lately I find looking back at the past and people in it brings me to a land of wonder and what ifs...but what ifs are nothing if never acted on.
I support everyone in my life, friends and sometimes foes. I stay strong, because I am strong and if nothing else I am a badass when it comes to strength.
I don't want to die thinking I didn't do my best for every person in my life now that I know better, so this path and journey has become a challenge. A challenge of wills, love, thought and hope.
If only I knew this 20 years ago...but no what ifs
only what shall be and what I can make be.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Boulder, my town, is burning down
and it's scary
This is of a community called Gold Hill. Very old mining area with so much history. Now it's gone. Boulder has never really had a fire like this and although we live in the Mountains, usually we can get things contained rather quickly.
Rich and poor have come together for this one.
Where I work is less than 4 miles from this fire. There is a mountain ridge that seperates the town of Boulder from the 4 mile canyon. Our usually pristine air is thick with smoke and the kids are not allowed outside.
The animal shelters are full and we all shudder to think of the livestock and horses who weren't rescued...let alone the animals who were stuck in vacationing families homes.
This fire, as of yesterday, was 0% contained.
go look at the pictures. it's amazing.
here's the link
here's the link
Sunday, September 5, 2010
360 days of my life #186
"stitches real...monster effects, photoshop"
First weekend away by herself with friends...
falls on a fire-pit grate and gets 9 stitches on the inside...5 on the outside.
You could see her skull...
too bad it;s not halloween
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
the list: oooh I'm doing pretty good...
Do you have a list? let's see it
here is what I have on my temporary paper plate:
1. send off new resume to a few hospitals for telemetry floor (hearts)
2. grocery shop
3.get tags for motorcycle
5.keep training for 10k Sept. 19
6.Hot yoga once a week ( I'll check this off when I do it 3 times)
7. reupholster my chair...
8. door for lil trailer
9. wheels for lil trailer (in hopes we can use it labor day)
I think the chair will be the death of me
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