Stitch n Bitch

Tonight Synda and I venture out of the normal confines of comfort and will be heading to the Boulder "Stitch n Bitch" at Purl Cafe. It's always an adventure for us, especially heading into Boulder. I know for a fact the Denver chapter is full of cool punk rock types....but Boulder? hmmmm
The People's Republic of Boulder can often be a little weird and let's say "hippified".
Whatever, I'm always up for meeting new people and Synda is always, mostly, willing to tag with me to giggle and roll her eyes.
We'll let you know.

banned

It appears Ilin's public school has banned Lord of the Flies.

It should be a crime to ban books.

To me, it's like the TV or radio...if you don't like it don't, look, listen or read it.

Jeez, it was mandatory reading when I was in 7th grade.

What a shame....

Monday and 4 hours and counting

dI've decided to attempt 4 10's this week. A full 40 hours at the hospital. In order to do this I have to get in early, because I start falling asleep at 445 pm and secondly, it's miserably longer than any normal 10 hours. So, I'm sitting here listening to Pandora Radio, rockin out to Journey and Joan Jett and lazily looking out the window. I actually still have work to do, but can't keep focused.

The other day I primed my pump to head up to the floor to do the crap part of my job. I had worn a nice outfit, slapped my badge on and even applied some lipstick. All papers in order, I take a deep breath and do the "slap, slap, knuckles" with my partner and say "go get em and good luck...meet ya back here in 10". Off I go.
First room....lady sleeping. One down 4 more to go. ( I have a policy of not waking old people).
Room #2 ....tap tap tap...."Mr Young and good looking, may I come in?" No answer, so I do what I have to do and go in.
"Hi, Mr Myagegoodlooking, My name is Myssi. I'm a financial counselor here at the hospital and I came to talk to you about your insurance."
pause...He barely looks at me and starts...
"Where the fuck is my doctor? I want to go home, I don't know what is going on, some jackass who barely spoke English was just here asking for my insurance card ...I all ready gave to some one else...you incomptant idiots! (hey that's redundant asshole) find my doctor, nurse, or I'm leaving"
hmmmm okie dokie.....I see him look at me, finally...I'm standing there with my clipboard,trying to look sympathetic....he looks me up and down, then looks away.
He glances back at me...""Myssi? right?, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I just want to know what's going on...let's start over ok? Go back outside and knock again"
I waited a second for the next round, but decided he was serious, so I turned on my heels, when back out the door, shut it quietly and knocked again.
tap tap tap...
"come in"
"Hi, Mr myagegoodlookingguywhoisnowanassholeinmybook,My name is myssi and I just came to talk to you about your insurance. I wanted to tell you that I know you couldn't speak when you came into the hospital, but I was able to find your insurance information, I have called them and let them know you are here and did all the notification for you...." :)
" Thanks, Myssi.....You guys are pretty persistant around here"
I smile and tell him, I realize it sucks to be in here. My job makes it suck for me to be in here too...But the good thing is...his deductable and out of pocket max has been met and he does not owe us anything for his inpatient hospital stay.
He smiles and says, "I'm really sorry, thanks for letting us start over, your job must be worse than me being here"
I tell him it's not always bad, sometimes I can help...he's one of the lucky people. He has inurance :)

I don't talk alot about what I do for a living. I'm the person who you see on medical shows that comes into the room and tells the patient's family they need to pay a trillion dollars before they can go home. I'm the money collector while you are sick in bed. People say I'm good at it. I care. I help people not be scared when they don't have the money. I find a way to get them help...if possible....it's not always possible.
I'm also the one who walks into the ICU when your family member is on their deathbed and tell you Everything on the financial end. Usually these people call me. They are scared and have no idea how much a bed in the ICU cost (3864$/nght) and what should they do. i take care of it for them. Sometimes they cry, then I cry....then I say here's my card....worry about this (the patient) we can deal with the rest later. Sometimes the person is homeless, or is a street kid. I get them free (charity) insurance, and then make sure they have clean clothes when they leave. I always ask them what size they are....then I head to the closet in my office and pull out whatever I can find in the clothes we have collected and bring them clean stuff, right down to underwear. I try to find clothes that might fit their need and look. it's the least I can do.

When I'm on my way home from my shift that always seems 3 times longer than it is, sometimes I just zone and pout. Life is so unfair for some people. People shouldn't have to wait for their limb to be falling off before they come in to the hospital. They just shouldn't.

Tomorrow is another day and it will be another set of copays I have to collect. I'll have to hear how people can't buy anything for their kids if I take their money, it's holiday time...(so usually I don't take it).

it's just a job right...breathe...someone has to do it...and at least I can finish my day thinking I care, and I'm truley sorry.

Manic, OCD, and a drunk...all in one weekend

It started earlier this week.  I knew that after my long shifts at work then to clinicals (530 am-1030PM) I was done with school for the week.  One of the nurses at clinicals asked me,"How do you feel, you know, with school almost over and a new journey about to begin?"  Hmmmmmm  Not sure...I try not to think too far ahead.  She says to me," I always would get depressed."  

Thursday morning it hit me.  She's right!...I'm depressed.  What will I do with all my time?  I have to get a new job...Completely new, something I've never done before.  It's not like waiting tables or answering phones, nursing is new.  School is over in 18 days and a year and a half (actually 4 years since I began the entire process) and that's it.  

I decided that I would start my vacation week of no school with my Synda.  I left work early to hit a yarn shop with the girls and then the wine shop and hang out.  The little ones played and we sat and drank, and drank, and gossiped, and drank some more, had pizza, knitted poorly (had to rip it out the next day) then at 1045 pm Synda says, "Uhhh, we did NOT drink 2 bottles of wine did we?"  Yes m'am it appears so.  Yikes and i have to drive 20 miles home.  I gathered my kid, knitting and stacks of magazines on loan from Synda and headed home and thought how the wine only takes away the boredom until the headache sets in which is approximately 7 hours later for me.  I didn't let that stop me.  I sat my goals for the weekend and Saturday morning I started to try to avoid the depression.

(Click for bigger pics)

First...I went shopping then made Spanikopita

Next in line Needle Holder.  Kinda fun.  I had bought that material for 3$ for a yard.  I used about 20" for the holder and lined it with some left over fleece.  It only took about an hour.  I didn't care so much for sewing all the lines to hold the needles...but I didn't quit...I just grabbed a nice cold beer and kept going.

I finished this yummy little neck warmer and started one that is only 2 rows wide..They are cute and easy to do.  I'm hoping to get some up on Etsy before holidays.

While I was busy doing my stuff Olive made her own hair clip from some broken toys.

Good job, Olive!

As I was saying, idle hands are the Devil's hands and we'll have none of that around here.  I got up this morning and cleaned out the pantry...got rid of everything we don't,won't or can't use....and didn't look back.  

Next up the kid's bathroom, but honestly I think I might be losing steam.

Depression for me is evil.  Loneliness, gets me into trouble, and free time is the bane*of my existence.

All in one weekend.

* "bane" was once a very serious word. The Old English "bana" meant

literally "slayer" in the sense we now use "killer" or "murderer."
Early on, the English "bane" was also used in the more general sense
of "cause of death," and by the 14th century "bane" was used in the
specialized sense of "poison"

So, you can only imagine what the next few months have in store for me.  If only I could get my writing back on track.  

Sad but True

A few years ago, one of the young girls who worked in admissions with me said," I think I have a missed connection!" I said, "WHAT?"
She went on to explain to me about Craigslist "missed connections" and showed me the one she thought was hers :). Cute, and oh so addictive. It's a secret pleasure I have and although the hospital has blocked it I have figured out how to get around the firewall to still view it. I randomly click through them. Reading one to 'purdy gurl at Walmart' and then click the 'RE:' to see how perfect they will be together. I make up stories while I'm at work about how the 'couple who dance next to each other at Red Rocks' are now dating happily with a great story of how they met.

What is Wrong with ME!? Am I that pitiful or that romantic. Is it because, romance is gone and I'm always looking for the real romance of things. I mean this can't be it can it? People go through their days and then all of a sudden it hits them like a drunk driver...ROMANCE. I know, in my heart, this is what is going to happen to Bobby. One day he will wake up, be on his way to work and say...Damn...I'm lucky. His knees will get weak and he will want to turn around to find me and tell me.

Yeah...uh huh...this is what keeps me reading Missed Connections. Not to find mine, but to secretly help others find theirs. Fantasy at it's finest.

I met Bobby on Yahoo Groups....(remember Yahoo Groups, before myspace?) Sometimes I wonder if he was just trolling and ended up with me or was it romantic? We chatted a bit, called on the phone, then met in Vegas for the Rockabilly Weekender. Was it a connection? Yes...we are still here 7 years later...ups and downs...and the computer, one of the main arguments in our lives. (we both know what happens on the computer)

Anyways...check out the missed connections they are funny. I have been known to send them to people I know...a secret admirer thing, you know to make them feel good (they don't know it's me). I just say stuff like " To the girl on the HOP with the blue scarf, your eyes lit up my day...you are beautiful."

It makes people happy to know they were noticed. That's all. Doesn't it?

your resident weirdo
m

yeah...Rock N Roll Baby

Perfect weekend this weekend...Except for a few minor details.
First I think I might have done a few drunken Blog comments....I'm blaming it on Plath. I always read her blog last and then I feel the need to comment on stuff even though it doesn't pertain to anything...so whoever was the recipient of those comments..oopsie :)
Let's see. I started out my weekend...thinking about what I was going to get myself with the midmonth paychecks. Middle of the month is good if all the planets are in a row and I have gotten everything paid for the first of the month. It means I can buy groceries, save a bit of $$$ in the pot, and maybe treat myself to some fancy tights or shoes (talkin' 50$ and under type of fancy)...anyways...I had been eyein' up a pair of cool socks from American Apparel, so I thought I better check my bank account. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What?!!!! Someone is buying Coach bags in Cerritos CA. with my $$$$ All my money, plus some. Nice. Must be Karma for something I did, all though I don't know for what , because I pretty much keep to myself. First thing I think is Bobby must have a girlfriend...shit...wait a damn minute, he can't be that stupid. Noooo I call him to find out about the girlfriend. "Oh, Yeah(he says)...They called from Merchant Services WEd. night and said someone was using the card, but I told them I have my card and that I am not in CA. so they better not let that go through." BUT they did let it go through!!!!! Looks like they caught the 300$ paintball excersion, the 285$ fish market purchase, but for some reason felt the crook needed a 600$ Coach bag. Which in turn Bounced every $4.27 purchase for Starbucks, or groceries, and Daycare checks...which as you all probably know led me down the spiral of 25$ service charge hell. Which puts me at just about -429.83$ Yes...Yes.... Breathe....

God Bless America. and my thoughts that people are good, gracious and honest. God Bless the Woman or fabulously Gay man who is strutting their stuff throughout smog ridden CA. right now, swinging my just released Winter Coach bag (please let them have gotten a nice one and not some ghetto pastel "C" bag). God bless the credit union who I have banked with for 20 years and knows that the biggest purchase I may ever have will be at Target the day after Xmas....God Bless them for calling to let us know the charges were happening and then LETTING THEM GO THROUGH ANYWAYS!!! God Bless them for tacking on the additional 25$ service fees one after another as the fake charges went through...and God Bless them for relizing I had savings, for vacation, in the account right next to it that they could continue to pull money out of. God Bless them and their safety measures....the fact we saw it happening, called the bank and they told us "I'm sorry, it's after business hours, you will have to come into the main branch (45 miles away) to contest the charges in person on MONDAY!) uhhhuh. Monday.
So, what did I do? Eff IT!
I went out on Saturday. Partied it up at the Fox Theater with the Hell's Belles and the Mighty 18 Wheeler, shopped my grocery ass off, bought Olive a new carseat, Ilin a new Bionichle, Bobby a new shirt, 2 fancy 6 packs of beer, filled the gas tanks up with gas....and rented movies for Sunday. Screw it...They can sort it out on MONDAY!!!! The way I see it...if all hadn't gone to Hell, I would have 1400 in my checking account, not -437.39 give or take a few bucks. God bless corporate America.

I'm done bitching, I'm done. Pretty much. I did have fun at the Fox. The guys rocked. I love hangin in the green room with the free cocktails and awesome view and the security guards swishing you in and out through different doors. It was nice...Synda and Chad came and even though it wasn't like seeing the Police or something it was cool. Thanks to Bobby and his guest list.

I got a shitload to do this morning before I go to clinicals. I'm at work right now...get this crap over with then start again.
write ya later
m

My Mammoo.....

I spent half of the Thursday night looking for  a post a did about my mom right after she passed.   Of course I couldn't find it.   I save everything and of course that got thrown out with the bath water.  typcial.  I miss my Mamoo.  Today would have been her birthday.  She was a dancer from the age of 4.   She danced burlesque in Chicago with all the great dancers...  It was her life.  She met my dad dancing.  i guess they both had not so great relationships and when the timing was right they got together.  He took on her truckload of young kids, she took on his group of older kids...there was a 22 year age gap.  My dad took care of her...loved her...took her around the world.  They went to Italy, NY, SanFran,and Bermuda.  Wherever they wanted----they went.  I don't know much about them.  I was the "little mistake" that happened, yet their pride and joy.  The youngest of the 13 put together...I was much the afterthought if we could say thought at all.  That's ok.  I grew up fancy.  I traveled with no complaints.  I hung with seniors.  I was independent.  When I was about 8 my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's ...but my mom held strong.  She took care of him through thick and thin. She took care of him in the house until he died...Not once wavering to put him in Long Term care.

But me? I was a shitty kid.  I was punk rock...I ran away, I lived alone, I lived with druggies....but my mom was always there.

The last time I saw her was October of 2003.  She asked Ilin and I to come visit for Halloween.  We went to my sister's house in Michigan.  I stayed strong, which I'm not good at, was polite and did not cry.  We had a fine time.  When it was time to leave she went to the airport with me.   I could barely look at her...the metallic smell of chemo and sickness...the new eyebrows growing over the "tattooed eyebrows" she had to have due to pride and upkeep when the others fell out.  I wanted to ask her so many things....but I wasted that time.  I just sat there, blinded by the mere fact I had done nothing...I had done nothing.  I kept quiet.  She reached over, patted my leg and said, "you know I love you right?"   

               

" yup, of course I do, Mom...don't worry about it"

"You did the best you could, with what you had." she said.

" I know,mom...I love you"

We were sitting in the airport load out and they were flagging us to move, get out or do something....I got my bags and the kid...."Ilin, tell Gramma you love her"

As I got everything together I leaned into the car window....she said with that look in her eye, 

"I'll see you at Thanksgiving...don't worry...and Myssi, take care of that baby you got  in there."  

I had not told my mom about the baby...wasn't even sure if I could keep it.  I just looked at her and said..."I will, Mom....I love you...I do."

I knew that was it...the last time I would see her.

She died around this time that year or so... I can't really remember.  I didn't go back to help her pass...I left that to my sister...something I'll never forgive myself for.  

When all the stuff was sorted and sent out there were boxes of crap sent to me....old pictures and report cards.  Mom's dance cards and flyers.  Everything you could possibly think of and along with it....Notes to the baby, dresses for the baby who she never met, and letters of love to me...sealed in envelopes stuck inside weird things...telling me I will be ok...and I was a good kid...despite it all.

Today would be my mom's bday...she died of cancer and COPD 7 months before Olive was born.  She didn't get to see how I turned out, how smart Ilin is or how adorably obnoxious Olive is...I'm sure she would have laughed...I'm hoping she can see through the clouds....that it is ok...I'm ok...and I'm strong...She taught me strength, morals and the loves of life and I respect her for that.

A young picture of her...

Pictures of me...a bit older than she was....How can two people be so different?  Yet so close?

I miss you Mom...and it's ok.

remember Goat Girl?

my soap...before Etsy...before online purchasing...I had to beg and steal to get it anywhere....My pride and joy...so much work...so little giveback.   I remember when Henry Bendel's took it on their special little table in NY....I remember when i was given the top 10 award in Marie Claire.   

Could have should have would have....somebody called me the other day and wanted to know if they could buy the rights to the picture...I said no...not ready to give her up.

weird I don't have a picture of the Sugah' Scrub with the goat with the Afro...she was based on Foxxy Brown....yuppers....

If only I had Etsy back then  :)

Thursday post...if easily offended, don't read

Sorry...  

There is  a difference between fucking someone and being fucked...it's a big difference with a  thin line/slippery slope, especially when you are dealing with women.  As I get older I see things that break my heart...in more ways than one.  Call me old, call me knowledgeable, call me cool.... I don't care, just listen....because it comes with age and most mothers, regardless of their knowledge, won't tell you this.

I'm not really sure if it comes with street smarts or with experience ....possibly age, but it came to me and I can't stand seeing my friends not understand it.   Here, let me try to explain.  Women need love...they need touch...they need more than a vibrator can give them.  They need knowledge, friendship, companions and good sex.  These things often come in a package.  If you are pretty,smart and cool...you usually have a good relationship, sex and love.  On the other hand if you have been burned, abused and become wary...you don't.  You search for love outside the norm...you search for touch...and physical contact.   When you are certain age, maybe you search for a fuck...get it out...feel wanted, needed......orgasmic.   Whatever the case you need it and you will get it wherever it shows itself.

fine...feel it, be it, do it...but there is a difference of power in this fuck and it makes me sad to see my friends not distinguish the difference.  When you need it and have low self esteem it's almost a power abuse thing.  They think they are being "loved,wanted and fucked" when really they are being used.   Try to explain this to someone who can't or won't understand...  They have the need to need but the not the need to rationalize.   As a woman, you can want it,need it and do it...but the minute...the MINUTE you give up the power...you are being fucked ...and not fucking.  (this is different when in a long term loving relationship)  When you are out, you need to have the power to say when, where, and if...  I have no issues with woman loving sex,loving having some strange...but you need to be in power of the decision...You say when...not take it when.

This is the difference between fucking and being fucked....and it's important. 

I barely can talk about this...it kills me, it hurts me to not help.  You know the woman...The cute underly dressed "good" girl who disappears at a party and reappears disheveled and then tells you later ..."he's going to call me tomorrow"..... Yea, he's going to call you... to suck his dick...or whatever you did last night...not to meet your family.

On the other hand, I respect woman who can say, yeah...I love it...and I'm single so why not?  We will have a nice dinner, there are rules, he will follow the rules and then we will have mad passionate sex and that's that.  Maybe I'll see him tomorrow...maybe not ,it's my choice...whatever... I have other things to think about.

Ladies, woman, be strong....be exquisite, stand up, take control, be sexy...but don't fuck for love....don't fuck because they want you...think...be in control.  people notice, people talk...come on...be the person you should be, be the person you can be.

Maybe i'm not the one to talk.  I don't fuck for love, but I want and need love.  I need to be loved and wanted.  Good Catholic upbringing keeps me from searching...but I'm still a woman...I'm still beautiful...I still need it...But I can be in control.

Senior Care

First week of clinicals has left me feeling sad and empty.  Not because of the draining factor but for the mere fact we throw away our elders.  Senior Citizens stuck in rooms, 2 people per area, left at the mercy of an often very un-compassionate CNA.  Waiting for someone to help them get onto the toilet and getting yelled at if they attempt it by themselves.  You better hope you have Alzheimer's by the time your kids leave you there.

No control...over anything.

I learned to pass millions of pills, fabulously mixed with thickened shakes or applesauce. I reminded the disgruntled LPN who was teaching me of "best nurse practice".  "hey, don't you want to check this insulin first?"  "How about we sign off on the Narcs before we forget?"  "You need a glove before you draw that blood...and maybe an alcohol wipe?"  I had a lot of eye rolling, but I'm sorry, it's for the patients safety too.  

I slowly picked through tray after tray of pills...looking at each bubble pack and comparing it to the order.  I found one set of orders where the nurse had been giving the wrong amount of Coumidin for 5 days.  She forgot to alternate.  "oopsie" she said..."little med error, bound to happen."    And yes it is, especially if you never even look at the order.

They try to teach us to treat every patient as we would our mother, or someone we dearly love.  The problem here is that you are dealing with LPN's (which are one degree lower than RNs) who became LPN's 15 years ago and never moved forward.  They got a job in long term care than stopped and now are not happy that we are there, learning new things and possibly moving further than they.  They are angry and it shows.  

My nurse yesterday laughed as I talked to each patient, rolling her eyes and prodding me to go faster.  I  asked how they were feeling and got the standard reply of "ooooh I hurt all over".  I bet you do, sitting in that wheelchair all day.  I had a couple of funny things happen.  One CNA came to me and said Ms. SOandSo has pain under her breasts.   OK, I can look at that.  No big deal.  So I go into her room and the CNA is "getting everything done at once"  which I applaud her for her time management but everything should not be done on the toilet...out of respect, dignity and it stinks in there.  So as the CNA is giving a spongebath, brushing teeth, letting Ms. SoandSo take her nightly crap, I walk in and say,"Let me me see what you have going on here...among everything else"  With a  smile...I lift a large pendulous boob which would give Africa a run for it's money, and take a looksee.  Oh My.   So the Aide tells me she swears she cleans under there.  I give her a sideways look because by the look of the cheese under there it hasn't been cleaned in at least 3-4 days.  I get the medicated powder and gloves, wet wipes and a piece a candy...(remember, this is all being done as she is taking her nightly, possibly weekly BM, and it is a little ripe in there)...and I gently lift each boob and instruct the CNA to wipe GENTLY, not wipe all the skin away!  Jeesus!  Here let me get some sandpaper and scrub under your boob for a minute.   I dry it gently and start squirting the powder into the vast depths of the folds.   "OOOH  that is NIIIICE,  I smell Gooder, huh?   I Love you, You must be new.  You are so kind...I smell so gooder"   Yes, Ms SoandSo, you smell gooder and hopefully your boobs feel better."  

One down 30 more patients to go.   

Next few rooms go smoothly then another CNA says Mr. Bigbutt has a few red spots.  Okie dokie...let's look.  We get him in the lift, get him up, I gently pull down his underwear and there you see 3 huge redspots...you can tell they are sore.  I put gel packs on them to help until the wound care nurse can get there.  1 hour later the CNA says oh yeah, somehow Mr. Bigbutt's pads came off when I was changing him.   ?????? These things are "stuck" to his ass with gluey stuff, also he has ahd a major stroke and couldn't reach his own ass if he wanted to.  So I go in to take a look and put new on.  The Cna had gotten the chucks stuck on the top of the gel pad and I guess when there was some resistance ,she just gave a good tug..., which in turn yanked the skin right off of his ass.   Owie, you say>?   Well that is right.  Now, not only do we have a red spot we have and open bed sore.   

I felt bad for him and angry for the rush job people feel they have to do.

I'm not bagging CNA's .  I was one too.  I think we just need to make it a goal to care for people...not just get through the shift.  (maybe it's a training thing)

All in all it was good....3 more weeks of it....in  a place we can't make a difference except by being nice.  I took the time to talk to the people and listen...I'll probably take longer than most but it's the least I can do.

I realize this is a topic many people don't care about or think about, but you should...there is an entire generation of people who had amazing lives and now are stuck in a place they must call home with room mates they don't care for and caretakers who just go through the motions.  rough I say...and a bit embarrasing, for us as a nation.

515 AM conversations with a 4 Year old

"Mammoo, I just can't find any outfits for Sleeping Beauty in here."
(looking in little purple bag)

"Olive, this bag is for the little pets."

"Mammmmmoooooo.....that is Leroy, Pablo, and Laquisha! Those are Backyardigans!"

"Yes Olive, those are little 'type' pets."

"NOOOO! The squirrel and the bunny are Little Pets...the others are Backyardigans and I don't know why you put them in here!"

sigh

"Olive, go look in the Little Mermaid Purple Chest and see if the Sleeping Beauty clothes are in there."

"Oh YEAAAH!, Mammooo you are so smart."

yup.

(back to brushing teeth)

commitment phobe

If it's not one thing it's another. I'm not sure if my mind is in a different time zone or maybe it's just me. Whatever the case, it's getting worse. Last night when the stupid little old dog had to go outside for the 20th time that evening I got out of bed, in the dark, did my yelling for the 20th time and clopped naked down the stairs...well almost down the stairs...I missed the last 3 and ate carpet at the bottom. Damn Dog!!! Don't panic, I was fine, except for the carpet burn and bruise on my knees...BUT if I had been 5 years older I guarantee I would have broken a hip. I just know it.

Maybe it's the universe trying to warn me about something...and not gravity. Maybe it is saying to pick a path and stick to it. (yes, I realize this has nothing to do with the dog peeing.) Maybe it is saying to make a commitment and stick to one. Yes, that is what it is saying.

So starting today 11/11 and the time is 10:11 am....I will make one commitment, finish it and start again. ( i promise this isn't going to be like the 100 pushups, although I did finish that program)

Today my commitment/goal is to have a great clinical experience and learn...learn alot, so that when I'm done I have confidence.

Now, back to reality. I'm sick and tired of work and school and desperately need a vacation. I am trying to plan the vacation to Destin but am unable to make a commitment on airline tickets. The reason being the cheapest I can find are 200$ round trip, gotta get 4, and the return time is at 550 am. I don't think I can bring myself to get the family up at 330 am on our last day of vacation. The next plain tickets are 260$ which puts us over the 1000$ range for tickets. Not gonna do it. (note to people without kids, as fabulous as kids are...this is one reason to not have them)...So, although I have found a little condo for about 600$ a week I can't commit. Someone help me.

I will make that commitment tomorrow.

trying to get inspired.

Thought I'd start my sister's laptop bag.   

this is as far as I've gotten....

then I started yahooing synda...which led to depression...because we are lazy

Last go Round.....

Next week I start my last round of clinicals and I have all ready begun my downward spiral of stomach aches and lack of sleep.  What is up with that?  I get all worked up and freaked out about the unknown and there is no one to talk to about it.  As I've stated efore, I'm not really sure if Bobby even knows where or what I do all day.  He does now know that I am in school but if he had to find my school or know my schedule...forgettaaboutit.   So, I can't talk to him.  The people at my school are all so nonchalant about everything I feel dingy telling them that I get scared....although I'll gladly tell them when I haven't taken a poop in 4 days.  

Geriatric clinicals...nursing home, smells, poopy, incontinence....and many many pills.  Let me say that again....many many pills...and I will be responsible for passing them in pudding to the correct patient at the correct time in the correct manner.  jeesus...  this is why I can't sleep...I can barely get dinner on the table for my family in a timely manner and now I have this task?  breathe.........................

I'm gonna be fine.  Right?  Aren't there any nurses out there that read this crap piece of blog?

Hello Vagina...It's me, Menses talking

Dear Vagina (and all parts attached),

I'm here to ruin your week.  Don't worry, we'll try to make it painless, although it doesn't quite seem possible to accommodate your needs anymore, including the pain part.  We try to arrive at the most in opportune time to keep you on your toes...so be ready.  I really don't want you to think life revolves around me...BUT...you know....I am important.  I heard from the brain that you were having a bit of stress.  She said it was something about school and the scheduling and trying to fit life, work and a new future all into one packet.  I thought this was hysterical....and the best part?....Since you don't have unprotected sex anymore or go on romantic vacations, I thought this would be a perfect time to arrive...and boy I was right.  I win every time.  Your brain also told me she remembered you didn't have any tampons under the sink last time you were looking under there...so I really thought it would be nice to show up a day early, percolate all night in your uterus so that when you rolled out of bed at 515 am there would really be no forgetting about me.  I want you to remember that until menopause, even though you don't actually need me anymore, I am going to be here for you.  Full Force.  Possibly even more so than before.  I heard from your pain tolerance that you were thinking you were pretty tough, ha, we'll see about that.  Boobs reminded me the other day they could barely remember what it was like to be pregnant, so I thought I would shoot some unneeded hormones their way also... No bra is going to feel good for the next week, don't worry, you are tough, you can handle it..and like I said before, at least you don't  have to worry about being pregnant (you took that joy away from me after the last kid...I'll never let you live that down, well, at least until menopause).  Oh yeah, if you are thinking "I can't wait til Menopause gets here"...well you better think another thought because Menopause is my neighbor and we have been working out a game plan with Ms Midlife Fat roll, Mr. Hot Flash, and Dry Vagina....oh yeah and the last we heard from Zits , Wrinkles, and Stray Hair...they said they would definitely be back from vacation for that...they said they wouldn't want to miss it.  

One last thing, I called Temperament and let them know "games on". We'll be waiting in the background when Bobby gets home.  So be ready.  Tongue all ready said she was not in a cooperating mood and Foot-n-Mouth is not far away.   Right hand has been primed to be able to pick up the gin bottle and taste buds are on hiatus so when you think 3 drinks will suit you better than 1, we will all be ready to move forth with our plan to destroy the rest of your week, and if we work it out perfectly, we may even be able to ruin the family's week too.  

Love you,

Menses

i did want to point out one thing

Invite only....
(possibly one of the biggest problems in general of the Rep. Party)

OR

Free to The People....

You decide

U R fired......

+

=

I'm so happy for us as a country
v8

Life is too short...

To spend time voting on Judges and issues. I really should not say this, because I am an avid voter and actually take it pretty seriously. I get the book and start studying the issues at least a month in advance.
Oh What did you say? Book? What Book? There is a book that goes with voting?
Oh yeah...let me tell ya a little something, here in Colorado, we have a Flipping Book of issues. Approximately 30 issues to vote on and then we have to vote on whether to keep all the judges(10-15) and such. I have heard we have one of the longest voting ballots around. So, last year when we could barely get everyone in to vote in a timely manner before polls closed, it didn't surprise me one bit. Like I said, I believe everyone should vote, but maybe people should consider doing a little research before you close the curtain. When these people walk in, and boy howdy you can tell, you know it's going to be a long process. They have no idea. They don't know the issues which in turn causes them to read every little word before casting a vote (which they should do...but at home before you go vote) and they take forever! ...You guys do realize you can just vote for the President, Right?
In all the local papers they put out a practice ballot for us idiots in Colorado...you can fill it in at home with a beer in hand, ask your neighbor's advice or drive around and read all the signs, whatever the case, you can do it before you go to the poll. That way, when you get there it's in and out in about 9 minutes. I timed it...and that is from when you close the curtain until you reopen. Now multiply that fast 9 minutes by all the registered voters in your community...some being old and slow...some being dumb and slow...some just being dumb...and some not being able to read in English....This is why we have problems in Colorado at our polls.
So, do us...and me a favor....Practice before you vote, so that I don't have to waste my precious time off at the gate.
Oh yeah and note to newspapers and people with the info...How about info on the judges...Why we should or should not keep them? Who do they support, what are their beliefs...that way I can make and educated decision on their livelihood opposed to voting according to if they are female or not.

Go VOTE!!!!

The other night while Olive and Ryland were trick-or treating Olive received ......OBAMA TATTOOS!!!! Actually we received quite a bit of fabulous propaganda...not just for voting...at one point Olive came running down a driveway yelling, "Mammooo......I got a BOOK!!!" My old punk rock brain started thinking, before she even got close to me, Book...book? think ...think .......OH YEAH....."burn in Hell Books" for trick or treating. Good job.... hahahaha...whatever...made me laugh....

Feel free to use Olive as your Desktop Wallpaper if you love Obama as much as she does.

vote Now!!!
Remember, today it is your turn to voice your opinion. You don't have to vote as I do...Just vote :)
This is the beauty of the US...
Later this evening we will be at the Pumphouse watching it on TV....as we Munch on our "Freedom Fries and Veggie Burgers"
I want everyone who voted today to leave a comment that states as such!

love ya!
M

Last day of classes...mostly

today was my last test....

can you believe it?   Only thing left is Geriatric clinicals and I'm done.  All classes are done

this last test...I think I made a C  :(

I hope not worse....oh well...I don't care...I'm done

 new future here I come...New Pay here I come...then on to RN

even if you've had enough

they were soooo damn cute.  

I won't post the horrible pictures of Synda and I, but I will tell you that we dragged the cooler of beer in the wagon for a long way...we also had to stop and pee in the pushes.

it was a great night.