Break upon Pressure

 Beautiful Life

All belts should break upon pressure.

Because sometimes thinking smart is not in the picture.

I'm angry because this has become a thought pattern, although I was told.

If not the proper help, they succeed eventually.

This belt broke.

I'm here, but no one asks if I am ok.  

I don't use belts so that is not an option, 

Nor would it ever be.

My insides scream for a situation I have no ability to fix.

I am the parent 

So I continue to ask the Universe, and the Earth we are on,

Give him some light 

And make the belts break

Every time he thinks they are an option.

Where are my people when I need to talk?  I don't ever want to burden anyone because I am put on this planet to help others....not to burden.  The failure I feel is so immense it is almost overwhelming.  Like a heavy blanket.  I am here.  Working, parenting, loving, leading and caring every day...but it is difficult.  Difficult to sometimes find the happiness I need to help others.  The person who used to ask me every day, "how was your day?" is no longer and there is no-one who has stepped up to take that place.  This is a hard hurtful spot inside me. I'll be ok.  I know it. My weakness are these kids and walking looking backwards is not helping to build the strength I need to move ahead.

write ya later,

m

Gaslighting ....get over yourself

My control has been out of the ball park lately, Seriously.

Out

of 

the

park.

I'd like to tell you my crying factor has subsided, but no....

that is still hanging tight.

I can cry just thinking about shit...

Nothing even has to happen

but whatever.

One thing I no longer need to cry about??

My life.

My life is good.

but what surprises me, still, is how people want to gaslight.

in case you are confused:

"Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that often occurs in abusive relationships. It is a covert type of emotional abuse where the bully or abuser misleads the target, creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality."

People are dicks.

Honestly, we all are sometimes.

Holding onto anger and punishing is silly.

Be strong.

A long time ago a lovely therapist told me to let go of the things I cannot control.

It brings great relief.

She said I needed to try to understand that that what people are putting towards me is not about me, but about them...

and I laughed.

It made sense....

All those years, I knew I wasn't perfect, but I also knew I was 

kind

beautiful

an empath

and 

honest....

Until I couldn't be anymore.

I also learned that the people who matter most

ie: kids 

They will find out the truth, 

they figure it out

good.

That doesn't matter but what does is that they know I was there,

every damn day,

every day that I could barely get my own ass out of the bed or my mind straight

I got up

and did what I knew was best 

I fought for them and loved them

and allowed them time to hate and to heal

I think that is pretty fucking awesome.

so,

when someone says

"I think you’re a horrible role model for children

 I don’t agree with your way of parenting. I never have..."

I bite my tongue, shake my little head and laugh

as childish as it can be.  it sums it all up

gaslighting no more.

The power of me and my knowledge and my freedom and my love

I'm good.

real good

ABCDE....

xo,

m

Empath's Rule

 To walk away or to stay? That is the question I have asked myself many times in my life. Not an easy question by any means, and not a question to take lightly. One random thing I think about is: 

Man, you really do travel this life alone.

The best one can hope for is that you cross paths with people who you can at least spend some enjoyable time with, before your time is over. 

Amen

My time recently has been eaten up by family responsibilities and maintaining the health and sanity of those within my small small circle.  I realize this is not uncommon, but yet, when do I take a minute to step outside my area and take a few breaths for myself....without guilt, fear or anger?  A work friend and I were discussing the counseling I was attending for my daughter, and a bit of the scares and heartbreaks  I have experienced with my two kids. How I never feel like a good parent if my kids have fallen into these holes of hurt and pain...but I fight like hell every day for them to see their beauty. I would not change a thing in my life right n ow except for them to be what we see in them and put the fear and judgements from the world behind them. I cry every time I speak of either one of them, not for sadness, but for my fear that they may never see how amazing life is.  

When are you going to get some counseling?

OMG, no shit.  I feel bad for the therapist I eventually sit with.  At this point I am working 2 jobs to cover life expenses and therapies for O, so that she can be safe and stay out of the hospital. Believe you me.......when I get a free day and an extra $150 I am IN.

When does the fun begin?

Honestly, everyday is a pretty good day.  All in all I really don't have much to complain about, just things to manage.  Am I sad some people have walked away? Very much so.  But they have their lives too.  I am not their inner circle....but I will almost always be there for them. I like to think that we all need separation  to move in the directions needed so that we can come back to each other stronger and with more love and knowledge.  I feel confident in my heart and head that the few people whom have turned away know that I love them dearly and will always and I will be right here for them if they ever need me, a hug, a dinner, a cocktail, a place to just sit and breathe.  I know that.

Love when you can love and never forget it

Yeah, that      Love and hugs are an amazing thing. Closeness and intimacy are secret worlds. No one will ever again make me feel guilty of how much, who, when or why I choose love and laughter. For each time and person I have chosen, or those who have loved me, I am grateful. Especially grateful for the loves who are still here, so that we can remind each other how special friendships are. how longterm unconditional love can not be trumped by petty ideas and life rules.  

An Empath's rule: My heart will always be open to you

As will my sense of humor, my brute honesty, and my abilities to love and piss off at the same time.

Now off to start this wonderful Sunday.

write ya later,

m

Holding on for Life

Broken Bells

Girl take a seat, rest your weary bones

Your secrets safe in my hands

Tell me about the years and

Let me buy an hour

Maybe help me to understand

Ooh ain't nobody callin'

Ain't nobody home

What a lovely day to be lonely

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

Light another cigarette

Burning in the cold

Waiting on the street for your man

You're trying not to look so

Young and miserable

You gotta get your kicks while you can

In the lighted corner, sitting on your own

What a lovely day to be lonely

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

Well you might belong to another time

Still you have to carry on here

No where else to go and you never know

What to hide and what to show, no

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

Judgey Judgey...Just love the way ya do...

Just be happy

So many things to be happy for

See this? 

Yeah those jerks in the picture with me?

They are happy...

The bald one in the middle (alopecia...go back and read) has no real reason to smile like that, yet he does.

He is part of my inspiration to be this person for him

Loving him through trauma was so difficult as a parent.

To love, fear, protect, and try to stay strong was fucking hard!

But look, 

He is still very much alive, and smiling.

The other one?  

Olive Bijie.

Together we are tackling teen years; her learning that boys want to touch your boobs, regardless of age, and how to traverse nicely through divorce and still smile.

She keeps my emotions in check and by that I mean:

She pisses me off, she makes me laugh, she films me way too much for Tik Tok and Snapchat and I have learned to be beautiful for her....

even when I look in the mirror and see ugly.

She sees beautiful.

I want the people I love and even the ones that I am not super fond of right now to see the beauty in love.

We are strong and love comes in so many different forms.

Do we need to question the way one person loves, feels love, or finds love against another?

I don't really think so.

If something makes you happy or feel loved or beautiful 

do it.

fuck it.

Some people like S&M,

some people like holding hands...

Some people like 3 or 4 people and some people like animals 

(although I may have to frown upon doing stuff with animals ,,, not sure they can consent)

But what I am saying is what makes you happy and beautiful should be ok.

and accepted.

They said Bubba should not be in love again....

it hasn't even been 6 months since his girlfriend died.

but who the hell wrote that rule?

Why does he have to hide and pretend he isn't in love with someone?

He is in love...

and it's ok.

love is awesome.

That girl...Olive Bijie.

She is in love every day...

until one such love tries to touch her boob or hold her hand.

She's almost 16 and not ready for that kind of love....

and that's ok, too

I told her...

"they will be there when you are ready"

How will I know when I am ready, Mom?

"because you won't mind when they touch your boob

....simple as that....

you might even want them to"

Gross, Mom...not gonna happen.

yes, yes it will.

So for everyone reading.

lets love more and fight less

let's give some money to the guy on the corner...

just because he loves booze doesn't mean you can't give him a boost.

Let's connect with old friends 

Lets understand that just living a life isn't really living....

until you start loving.

and if you are in a situation where you have no love...

fucking change that shit.

because we all deserve it.

and maybe let someone hold your hand and or touch your boob once in a while.

seriously.

lighten up.

quit being so damn judgey judgey.

and PS:

write ya later,

m

now go hug someone

OCD.... i have anxiety.

I'm having anxiety.
I wake up in a freaked out state.
I'm counting.
shit
It started when one of the girls at work said we should all go back to school.
Immediately I stressed.  We?  I started feeling that feeling of being behind.  I am behind.  I am behind in life, i am behind in everything.
Then the kids.
Am I reflecting my "behindness" on them?
Of course I am.
I am stressed they will fail....
Because I am failing.
Bigger stress...Not sure what I am failing.
SEEEEEE?


I paid the bills.
I vacuumed.
I worked out....then I realized I have not RUN
I have not run in a month?
What if I can't run anymore?
of course I can run...right?

knitting.  i cant knit because I can't finish anything.
Last night I cooked the worst dinner in my life.
I have anxiety.

fuck

later
m

Veggie Pot Pies with Olive (the kid)

 So we decided to make some good hearty food for the -1 degree weather we finally got here in Colorado.  It was cold and I wanted Pot Pie.  I wanted the kind that comes in the cardboard box from when I was young.  The peas were bright green and the carrots unnaturally orange, but to me….ohhhh so good.

I searched for recipes but most were meat, or vegetarian and way too complicated, I mean, I don't want bok choy or fennel in my pot pie.  I just want yummy, thick, burn your mouth pot pie.

I took the best recipes I could find and used the basics then went ol' free form on it.

Here's the pics…(the recipe will be below)

 Get your stuff together.  Fresh chopped, but feel free to use frozen…I'm not eating it, you are.

Saute, have the kids help…more likely to eat/try it.

This looks like…well, I'm guessing if you are still reading this you know what it looks like.

It taste good, I swear.

Olive..helping.

 Make your own crust if you want, but I had 2 in the freezer.

Each pie crust (cut one…ball up and re roll) makes 2 tops.

Plop them on…brush some cream/milk on top

they don't need to be perfect…they are "rustic"

Don't forget to poke holes

Done…and HOT.mmmmmm

Recipe (give or take)  

3 large carrots chopped

3 potatoes cubed 

1 Cup frozen peas 

1 onion chopped

2 stalks celery chopped

1 container of button mushrooms

(feel free to use whatever you want, but this is POT PIE NORMAL)

1 box (15 oz) veggie broth

3 T. flour

Butter (yes butter)

Milk or cream

2 frozen pie shells thawed but kept cool in fridge.

sage, thyme, salt  and pepper

white vinegar

preheat oven to 350

use dutch oven or heavy bottomed sauce pot

Add butter, let melt.  add onion, sautee until translucent.  add celery and carrots, sautee for about 5 minutes until cooked al dente.  Add mushrooms and potatoes.  Now add the flour and 3T butter stir over medium heat for about a minute or so, turn the heat down if you need to.  Don't burn the flour!  just cook it until it gets kind of gloppy and coats everything.  Don't panic, It looks bad but just keep going.

 At this point I added enough veggie broth to make it look like filling.  I believe I used the entire box.  

The broth will start to thicken due to the flour.  I then added about a 1/2 C of milk/cream.

as the filling cooks it should thicken.  If it thickens too much add more milk or broth or water, watever you have.  Turn the heat down to low and add the peas….mmmmm peas. 

Now season with the seasonings to taste.  Please taste it.  Your tongue will know what it needs.

It should look about like that gross picture up there.

I turned the heat off and let it sit.

I had 4 new bowls I got from Target Home section at $1.37 a piece on sale.  They were a little big for the average kid, but Ilin, Bobby and I thought it was an ok size.  they probably hold 2 cups.

Throw what ever oven proof container over the pie shell, cut out with about an inch extra. Set aside.  Do this for all 4 dishes.  I had to re roll the dough and cut again.

Put the dishes on a cookie sheet to save you a mess.

Take a ladle and put the filling into each cup.  I left about 3/4 inch from the top.  Put the crusts on top of each dish and pinch it at the top, around the bowl edge.  Be fancy if you want, but these little buggers are impressive no matter what you do.  

brush with a little bit of milk (makes them shiny)

Poke holes in top for venting.  I put each persons initial on theirs.

cook for 45 minutes.

Take out and let sit for 10-15 minutes

Enjoy!

(be careful, they are atomic hot)

have a salad on the side to balance.

PS: if you want to make these vegen…I don't know.  sorry  If you want to add meat.  add rotisserie chicken or precooked chicken.  ( I did that for Bobby)

write ya later 

m

spread the love

Painted cookies

Holidays are right aroud the corner.

and guess what?

I have to work.

Saturday thru Tuesday…

Now I would say I'm not complaining , but I am.

I don't want to work 4 in a row.

Not over the holiday!

It pisses me off.

So, with that said, Ilin, Olive and I made cookies.

Shortbread and Gingerbread….

then we PAINTED THEM!!!!

I have never done this and it was so easy.

You need:

Royal icing

paint brushes

food coloring

and we used a little paint mixing bowl

we made royal icing:  

4 C. confectioners sugar

2 egg whites

lemon juice

beat the egg whites until firm, not stiff

add sugar and lemon juice, beat until smooth.

Frost the cookies, let them harden (this is why you use royal icing)  I'm not sure why royal icing has to taste so bad…just ignore that part, because I never eat the cookies anyways.

Once they are hardened you can dip the brushes into equal parts food color and water and paint away.

make sure you put down plenty of parchment/wax paper…unless your kids are meticulously clean.

Yes, there is a zombie reindeer and a cookie with pubic hair.

 I sure hope Santa is not offended, 

he never brings me what I as for any way.

Enjoy your holiday!

xo 

M

Vegan Samosas w/Ilin and Olive

The kids were both home today.  I sometimes hate the fact they disappear to the basement or bedroom and just do what they do.  So, with that said, today I made them come out of their caves and join me in the kitchen.  I need some kid time after the tragedy of yesterday.

(the reason we chose samosas)

While in San Fran for my sister, Susie's 75th birthday, we had these yummmmmmy samosas at the picnic.  We all loved them, except for Bobby who stayed at the rental sick…but the kids and I ate them up.  So our goal today was to have a little mom/jackass time and attempt to cook those bad boys.  First thing first…I did NOT want to fry anything, my cholesterol is bad enough.  Ilin argued the point everything taste better fried, but I won…seeing how we don't have a fry daddy.  I opted to use Phyllo and probably after all said and done, the same amount of oil that would have gone into the fryer.  Seriously.

We used the basics of this recipe from "The colors of Indian cooking"   and started upon our cooking adventure.  The potato part was easy, the funny part was toasting the seeds because they popped all over and made Olive scream, and the best part was the outcome.

I'm not going to rewrite the recipe because I really did just use her recipe…of course her kitchen looks nicer and she didn't make quite the mess we did, so just look at her pictures and pretend it's my kitchen, you'll probably never see my kitchen any way…so let's keep it mystical.

I want to tell you to not be scared of this recipe.  It's easy, yummy and I've found when kids help cook, they tend to eat it.  It's a weird thing.

there were a couple things we changed in the recipe.  

I boiled the potatos with the skin on and mashed them…there were still big chunks in them…not mashed to oblivion.

I also used veggie oil instead a pound of butter.

This keeps the recipe vegan.

Now look at the result and happy smiles.

we had extra potato/pea mix which I put a lid on and am going to freeze.  

This would make a great gift, because I think Tamales don't have to be the ONLY lil xmas cooked gift.

these are yummy, and look so presentable.

Last but not least.  If you have only cooked cookies and sweets with your kids, venture out.  Let them help make dinner.  Like I said, they are more apt to eat a new food if they cooked it.  

Give it a try….

write ya later,

xo, 

m

Linda Blair

Your Falafels are fine…
Mine are fine…yours are fine.  Just eat.   I don't want to be here all night.

But they taste burnt.

Olive, they are fine…they are fried, not burnt.

I sip my wine, and wait, and wait, and wait.

"Mom, Olive has so much food in her mouth she can't swallow it", Ilin says.

Jeesus Christ, I think to myself.  Why can't anything be easy?  What the hell is wrong with these kids?  They are making me nuts, driving me to drink more than even my liver wants, and they are sucking the life out of me mentally.
I glance over as Olive's cheeks are about to explode, eyes bulging from her head.

Damnit Olive…just eat it, quit playing around!

Ilin's giggling and trying to look unamused.  Olive has a big tear hanging from the corner of her eye.

I look away and take a big gulp of 5$ wine, which I have plopped an ice cube in.
Vacation sounds good.  mmmmmmbeach.  I look at the TV in the Falafal place.  X Games are on.
There is a 12 year old kid who just did a back flip on a motorcycle.   My kids can't eat a proper meal with out choking.  great….Great job I did.

Olive excuses herself to the bathroom where I assume she spits the food into the toilet.  I gulp the remainder of my wine.
Let's get outta here.  I wanna get home and sit…just sit and knit.

Home is hot.  It's been 103 here all week.  Dry and miserable and even more without air-conditioning.  The fires make the air hard to breathe.  We all just melt into the furniture for a while then I say its time to hit the hay.
My bedroom is hotter than hell.  Above the garage with no wind to cool it.  Even with the fan and nakedness I'm still burning up.  I fall asleep sweating, cranky and tired.

MOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

What was that?  Ilin!  What was that noise.
wait, I know that noise…what
Oh My Effin God….no…

MOMMMMMMMMMM, Olive is Yaking every where!….

Fuck…fuck …arggghhhhh…

The spray was phenomenal.  Epic at best.

Her bed was covered.  It was sprayed on the wall (i followed the path), on the fuzzy pink rug she loves so much, onto the hardwood, into the hall, onto the new carpet "The new FUCKING CARPET!!!!!!",
on the wall in the hall, into the bathroom, in the bathroom drawer(which just happened to be open),in the tub, then she obviously remembered we puke in the toilet….which is where she was, head draped over the dirty toilet bowl.

"Goddamnit!, Fuck!  Come ON!  What the…. I don't want to cleant this shit up!"
My eyes filled with tears as the anger filled in my body.  True anger.
I looked at Olive who looked at me with tears, gasps, and a true apologetic look of fear.
How can I feel like this?  I could hear the curse words streaming from my mouth, unable to slow them, let alone stop them.
My head raced with every old lady crotch I wiped that day.  Every old man set of balls I powdered.  The messes I cleaned all day.  Nursing kindness I established with each of my patients through out the day.

I walked from the bathroom, took a deep breath, then turned around.  "I'm Sorry, Olive"
"Mammoo, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was going to happen"
"yes, I know"

I got the mop, steam cleaner, vacuum, and sponge.  Turned the shower on and put her in it as I started to clean.  I'm a bad, bad mom.  I know that.  
"here's a washcloth…use soap."

I cleaned it…I sprayed the febreeze, I took deep soothing breathes to right my mind….then I spent the rest of the night, holding Olives head and telling her I love her and her saying the same thing to me, and secretly praying this is not the one thing she remembers.  How awful her mom treated her when she threw up all over the house….Even though her mom is a nurse.

xo,
m

Cooking to make my liver happy

My liver is killing me.  

Seriously.  I even copped out of riding the Motorcyle to Denver to do more drinking with friends this afternoon just to give it a rest. 

 I hope it thanks me.  

I started my weekend hanging out with my friend Kris.  We began knitting at 9 am, which did not include drinking, although at that point I wished it had.  Later in the day we ended up at Oskar Blues to do more knitting and let the girls hang out in the play area, while we did some more drinking.  Then the men joined us which meant more drinking and food…then home, only to start all over the next mid morning.  We headed to Grimm Brothers Brewery, drank and knit…the men talked motorcycles, then when we were done there we headed to Kris's house to sit outside with the fire pit, let the girls play and do, yes you got it, more drinking.   Today we were to go to Denver to see some friends and drink some more, but I stayed home to cook.  Sheeeewwwww.   I had to, I just couldn't drink another drop, until later at least.

I cooked today.  I made stew for Bobby, enough to eat and one batch to freeze.

I made these divine Apple Muffins from the website "the girl who ate everything"

 the batter was so thick!  then Olive sprinkled the brown sugar on top

 Kid's ate the leftover batter, gross

 Wilma enjoyed them

Ilin gave them the thumbs up

so go check out that recipe.

Now I'm making veggie pot pies, gonna do my p90x and knit some more

have a great fall day!

x

m

Schools Out (almost) a few hints

As a kid I couldn't wait until summer.

As an adult, I dread it!  They are home, invading my nap time, and the general Yin and Yang of things.  One of the main things- they eat you out of the house.  Kids, given ample meandering time, will ingest the weight of a small human in snacks and crap they would never usually eat.  

There are a few things you can do to help.  Lock them up, lock the food up, or shop wisely.

I tend to start least resistant first...ie:  shop wisely.

I start shopping for summer stuff about 3 weeks before school is out...STOCKPILE and hide...this is my best advice...unless you are made of money and don't care and if that was the case you would have stopped reading all ready.

I do clip coupons from the Sunday paper.  Remember, get the inserts from friends if they don't use them.  if you have 3 of the same inserts, that is fine, because you will have extra coups.  One of my mottos with coupons though, is when it becomes too much work, forget it.

One of the big no-nos is DON'T BUY STUFF YOU WOULDN'T NORMALLY BUY.

If you don't usually drink Minute Maid, don't just buy it because you have a coupon.  Whatever you usually drink is probably cheaper.  Save the coupon until it is really on sale, then use it.  The coupons posted in the sunday paper will never get you the best deal that week, gotta save them for about 2.5 weeks.  You will figure it out.

I start buying snacks 3 weeks out....because man, kids can eat some snacks, and when they bring friends over...they eat more snacks than cookie monster.

Here's an example:

Today at KingSoopers.   I was shopping, and when I got to the the bakery section where they put out the day olds and the scratch and dents I found:

Raspberry filled crumpets marked down to 1.48 from 3.50 (bought em)

Quaker oats Brown Sugar Cereal  1.89 from 4.29 (bought 3 boxes)

Rice Krispies and cocao Krispies marked down to 1.89 and I had a coupon -1.00 for 2...(bought 2)

Artesian breads .89 (bought 2)

***with the rice krispies, my kids don't really like the plain, so I mix the box of plain with the cocoa and they eat it, and it works perfect!  I take everything out of boxes so they don't know what the hell they are getting.  :)

*** the crumpets: I put them 2 at a time into bags or freezer containers and freeze them,the same with muffins.  Then when the kids want them I take them out (the night before), or add them to a lunch, frozen, when they are going some where.  Perfect for Sleepovers...I can take the whole bunch out the night before.

I also buy the day old specialty bread and freeze it for when we cook out we can make grilled bruschetta.

But the definite key with this is don't buy anything over the price you would normally spend!

Today I also bought a bunch of things that were buy 10 get 5$ off.  It was stuff like pasta...bought bags of shells for pasta salad this summer.

granola bars....bought about 6 boxes for when they go riding or we go in the car.

(AGAIN)...I take stuff out of the boxes and put it into the cabinet and regulate how much I put out, because if you put 20 bars out...they will eat 20 bars.  I put 10 out then put the rest in the hidden pantry in the garage where it is NOT really hidden but they are too lazy to go out there to get it.

I make sure I always have things they can make easily alone.

We make bean and cheese burritos 10 at a time and freeze them.  They can run the microwave all alone so I don't have to worry.  These Bean and Cheese burritos are easy and for the cost of tortillas, beans, and cheeze you can get 10-12 for the price of 3 pre-made frozens.  Plus the kids can help ya put them together.

I buy Ramen.  Not healthy, but my kids love it.

Fruit...and when the fruit starts to go south, throw it in the freezer, then the kids can use it to make smoothies in the summer.  They can run the blender alone too.

Yogurt.  I buy the cases of 12...I freeze some, the kids like it semi frozen and it lasts longer.

Cake Mix...you can get the boxed stuff for .89 when its on sale.  I always have 3-4 boxes so I can make cupcakes.  easy!

Cream cheese, for the cupcake frosting...when it's on sale for .99 i buy 4-5 of them and freeze it.  Lasts forever and its perfect for frosting.  Not so good for spreading but any baking its great for after frozen.

Otter Pops..when they go on sale for 40 for 1.99 I buy 3-4 of them and they are a staple for summer kids.

we always have fresh fruit and veggies...

I cut up radishes, carrots, melon, etc and have them in separate containers in the fridge and the kids will eat those.

Remember, if they have to cut or prepare, they are less likely to eat it....so have it ready.

Variety is the key.

So good luck...

enjoy the summer.  

365 days of my life #81

invasion of teens privacy...nursing

short quick note...

because I should take a nap so I'm not doing a 24 hour awake thing again.

I'm going on my 4th 12hour shift this week.  If I'm going to pay off the bills I might as well get it done and not lolligag about it.  

2 of those shifts are callback which means time and a half pay (golden time).

That is the whole idea with the nursing schedule. Pick your shifts wisely.  Pick them in the beginning of the week so when they need help in the middle to end you are getting CB and overtime which can triple your pay per hour.  So, remember that, lil nurses.!

Story of the week:

Took care of a teenager...which is not very common at our hospital because we have a children's hospital...but this kid needed orthopedic nursing so ,voila....It was me.

Kid was snowboarding, went off a jump...and landed on his ass.  How many times have we or our kids done this?

many

well...

this lil bruiser, broke his hip and had a spine fracture...c4-c5 (cervical)...and pretty darn close to that oh so worry some c1

(look it up)

I'm not gonna go on and on about how awesome this 18 year old was...but he was.

When he came to the floor his parents were totally whacked out and freaked out and controlling.  They wouldn't let us put a foley catheter in his penis so that he wouldn't have to get up to use the bathroom.

They kept saying he didn't NEED pain medicine...

Damn, the kid broke his hip and back!

One thing after the next.

I finally smiled to the parents and said, "He's 18...I'm going to talk to him in private"

Ooooh nelly...they didn't much like that, but it is what it is.

As the kid was laying in the bed whimpering I leaned over him and said,

"Hey you...were you wearing your helmet?..."

~~~yeah

"well, it looks like to me that damn thing did ya no good....you could have used an ass helmet."

he got a big smile and laughed

I asked him if his friends took a picture....

~~~no  :(

"crappy friends you got there...man, that was probably air of a lifetime and NO ONE took a picture!?"

So...that was my interaction...

But I did have him back the next night, per request!

His family stated they absolutely did not care for the nurse they had the rest of the shift and could they please, request someone else...preferably that girl with the tattoos.

It's hard for me taking care of these younger kids.  

The girls are fine but the boys, there is a thin, thin line.

They need help, yet they get so embarrassed.  They have no idea what is going on and what is right or wrong.

When this kid had to go the bathroom, I showed him the urinal, explained how to use it, and gave him some privacy.

5 minutes later the light for his room was ringing.

"I can't do this laying down or sitting in the bed....I have to stand"

Ok, kiddo...No problem...let's get ya up, and I'll tell ya what, I'm going to try to do this as dignified for you as possible,  I'll turn around backwards and you can hold onto my short lil shoulder and I wont look.

"ok"

~~~grimace,grunt, grimace~~~

He was up...everything in place, and started to pee...

then he says to me....

I think I have to poop...

I think I might have pooped.

~~~~Hmmmmm....

I gently lift the back of his gown and say..."nope nothing...shew, thank goodness!"

Heehee

"I can get you a bedside commode and you can go potty right next to the bed"

~~~can I pee in there too?

"yup, multi functioning!  It's your lucky day."

All went well with the bedside commode.

He called, he had done his business and was ready to get back into bed.

I come in with the wet wipes and all the stuff we need to clean up...

I take one look at him and say, "Ok...million dollar question, can you reach to wipe? Because I, personally have no problem doing it, but if you would rather, you definitely can..."

he attempts to reach back then looked at me with these teared up eyes and said, "can you please just do it for me?"

Yes sir...short and sweet... I promise I will try to be gentle

swoosh...done

"thank you"

The next morning when I was leaving his dad came up to me and gave me a full body awkward hug and kiss on the cheek and said,

"thank you so much...you were so awesome."

No, your kid is awesome...even if his hair is sticking up crazy,,,someone needs to take a picture and facebook that business!

a day's work...

sometimes it is so worth it

"I Love You Snowman" by Olive 6 years old

We are constantly looking for things for Olive to do...Ballet, acting, baseball, soccer...

anything to help her develop her 

little self.

You know what?  I think she might all ready have a talent we should be encouraging a bit more.

Last night while we made dinner

she made this:

(and in PEN!)

Art by Olive  6 years old

The models

Halloween, you got my goat.

I'm taking a few minutes to eat my oatmeal before I start in on Ilin's costume.  I need the fiber, because this costume has my ass in a knot. I have to figure out how to get the fabric on the big head....It's actually baffling me.  

I helped him do the foam on the head and sliced the end of my finger off, leaving a trail of blood behind.  At that point I wanted to throw the big head thing on the floor and yell, "that's it!!! I'm done!"  but I didn't.  I got a bandaide and continued on, silently cursing the entire family and the holiday, in my head.

Halloween has alway been one of my favorite holidays, but after having children it has become a chore...you parents know what I mean...right?  It can't possibly just be me!  I mean between the costumes and the fall festivals I want to curl up in a ball and hide.

Olive brought home a piece of paper from school asking for more stuff from us for their "classroom" party.

"Mamoo...can you make MORE cupcakes?  PLEEEEEASE"  

no

"PLEEEEEASE"

I said, no.

"PLEEEEAAASSSSSSSE?"

Let those other lazy ass mom's do something, I refuse and I don't care.

***pout pout***

Olive, I'll send a bag of carrots.  How's that?

"Ok, Mamoo.  I guess veggies are on the list"

good

Sugar Sugar

My son attempted to please me with sugar cookies today.

I worked last night, got home at 9 am and he went to his dad's at noon. When I got up there were sugar cookies on a plate. Granted they were an odd brown color, and tasted like baking soda, but it is the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a while.

Then I went and picked up Olive from daycare, came home and the dog puked the equivalent to the amount of water which flows over Niagra Falls onto the middle of the living room carpet.

awesome

PS22 check it...

Go to You Tube....click on any of the PS22 videos...My god that Music instructor has got to be beside their self. It's awesome...Inspiring and just plain ol cool. it's great to see a teacher who allows something besides Bach to plow through the school and change a life or 2...

All about one hell of a teacher!!!! Gregg B

360 days of my life # 100

360 days, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

360 days of my life...missed a bunch, what #?

inky, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

"That's my mom", I hear from the little girls playing with the dolls..."the one with all the tattoos.."..."and My daddy has them too!"

360 day of my life #76

get your barf bag...

Don't ask, the kids sink was clogged...I took it upon myself to clean out the drain...here it is...
bleck...what the hell? two years of Dora the Explorer toothpaste, do it yourself haircuts for Barbie and herself, by the 5 year old..and god only knows what else from the teenager...
barf...
one more reason not to procreate

360 days, originally uploaded by v8grrl.