icy bed

It's weird how I always enjoyed sleeping in the middle of the bed when Bobby was gone.  Last night was a little different.  I had gone up earlier and turned my side of the heating blanket on, like always, and he turns his on, so that when we get in it's nice and cozy.

I washed my face, crawled quietly into bed, slid my leg over and his side was

Ice Cold.

Freezing..

Empty...

strange, but I didn't reach over and turn his on...I just scooted way over to my side, pulled all the pillows around me like a cave and fell asleep.

He is breathing a bit better but they say he cannot come home yet due to his respiratory status.  A few more days they say...a few more days....

then the new issues begin.  

He liked the new doctor, a pulmonologist.

The dr looked him in the eye and said, "I will accept you as a patient, but the minute you don't do what I ask of you, you are out."

~~~good, I thought~~~

Maybe this will help him see that being able to breathe is actually quite a big deal which many people take for granted.

With out breath, there is no life...it's the beginning and the end of it all.

Like I told him and some of my friends:

"this is not how he is supposed to die, he screws up all my plans!!!

The plan was; I would strangle him with a guitar cord in a fit of rage after he purchased another damn Marshall Amp!!!"

Not from an asthma attack...

Not by his own doing...

if anyone is going to die...it better be because I was pissed!

I take back my angry eyes

Bobby is in icu

How does it happen?

You know, I try to be compassionate, loving,and such but I guess I just can't!  I'm a bitch.  Really.  I woke up this morning in a foul mood even though yesterday I kept it together quite nicely.

I was put on call for Wednesday night so I didn't have really any stress for Thanksgiving, which was quite nice.  A friend from the hubs work emailed and wanted to know if we could join them at their parents house.  Great!  That sounds fun. Eat with them Tday, then cook ours the next day.  It will be nice to be around family, even if its not ours.  

As luck would have it, and every other Thanksgiving or Christmas, Bobby was "sick".  It's a common theme around here.  He will never admit it but I believe it might be psychosomatic.

More Holidays than not, he is sick with a cold or runny nose or cough or flu.  

So, yesterday, he stayed in bed until 11am.  I made him call his friend and say we couldn't come over.  He stated that maybe he would be better later....hahahahahaha

As the day went on.  I did notice he was a bit too sick to actually help me with anything, but he appeared to be able to drink cocktails and talk on the phone.  So as my mood stayed up, because I swore I would be  nice, I could feel it boiling below the surface.  Olive helped me with the Thanksgiving meal.  You know we had to go through the normal hoopla of making that huge bird for Bobby, who only eats white meat, and I end up trying to figure out how to utilize the rest for the next week...we made our tofurky...and we watched daddy hobble around sniffling.  We made it through dinner and Olive and I stayed up to watch all the holiday specials and daddy went to bed.

Last night,here's where my foul mood quadrupled....Olives alarm clock went off at midnight, because she is trying to stop wetting the bed at night.  The issue is she doesn't hear it, I do, so I have to get up and yell and scream for her to go potty.  Bobby snorkled in his own snot all night keeping me awake with his snoring and turkey farts.  This morning at 430 am Eddie, the dog, got up and started doing crazy ass laps up and down the stairs  until I threatened to lock him in with Olive.  

I got maybe 18 minutes of sleep.

now everyone is going to pay.

Damn this holiday.

Ok, thanks for letting me vent...I'm sure it is going to get better.

I'll go read everyone else's blogs about how awesome their families are, and how they set the tables with designer dishes and hand blow glasses that they did their selves while breastfeeding their cherubic, non vomiting infant.  

Enjoy your day

love 

m

thankful

I'm thankful the lady we just took the plate of food to around the corner didn't scoff in our face.  We weren't sure if she had any family.

We Were right...

she was home alone...

Olive with the big ol Bird for just Daddy

Turkey for Dad

Tofurky for us

Not bad, not bad

design for living room = stress

I don't know.  Synda says to search everything for what I like.  I have not a clue what I like.  I like...I like...I WOULD like it to be done by someone who knows what they like.  Which obviously isn't me.  Here's the criteria:  huge long room with big stone white fireplace, kids, dog, corner windows, and just too much...It's very 1960's, which I DO like.

I need to take some pictures.

Maybe send some to Design Sponge?

I want to keep the 60's feel with a modern approach (hmmm that sounded so designerish didn't it?)

I told Bobby it would be easier to throw everything out and start again....but i don't know where I would start.!!!!

ARGGGGHHHH

on another note: got some knitting started and one finished :)

 this is the start of the  

Through the Woods, or While They Play (something like that) pattern

don't ask me what happened to his mouth...but he's cute

Saved Huge..How exciting!

So, today I took the time to do my couponmom.com .

I find clipping coupons the easiest part of the so called grocery game, the hardest part keeping track of everything!  I have been clipping the coupons from the Sunday paper for about 3 weeks now.  Only clipping the ones I may actually use, like avoiding 6 different kids of pillsbury biscuits.

Then you head over to coupon mom.  Pick your store and click on the ones you will use.  It kinda puts together a little grocery list. I avoid picking anything that won's save me over 35%, unless I really need it.  I also had an entire bunch of Holiday coupons from Safeway they sent me in the mail....NEVER underestimate the mail flier.  It had a 10$ off with card on entire purchase and a bunch of FREE things (taco shells, ketchup, mixed salad;etc)

I made my list and headed to Safeway.  It's a total pain in the ass.  Coupons flopping everywhere, nothing is ever in order, you have to read everything....You almost need a coupon desk that would hook onto the shopping cart.  (brilliant idea for anyone so inspired)

Took me about an hour.  BUT:

my total bill was about $113.00 then after all the stupid coupons and the discounts...I saved $52.52!!!  Read it and weep!

Thanksgiving, non thanks

Thanksgiving... It's right around the corner. 

 I am probably one of the few, but I hate it.

It's not because I'm vegetarian, or because I'm not a big sports person, it's because we have no real family here.  Coming from a HUGE family when I was younger to moving as far away as possible has been a bit of a strain.

I chose my path so it's ok...I'm just saying, it's a start of the Holidays and all the things that it could be, but really isn't.

We have our own traditions and we make do...

but it can never make up for when I was a kid and waiting for my brothers to come home...or to see what my Aunts had brought...or better yet the gobs of nieces, nephews,cousins, and such that showed up for the day of festivities.

I don't remember all the arguing my now older family is often involved in, but I'm sure it was there.  I only remember the greatness of November.  The tag football, the trampoline jumping, and the late evening kick the can.

It is now eerily quiet.

A trip to the Zoo.

A turkey for one.

A late afternoon movie

followed by bed.

Yo Gabba...Rocks, check it!

Olive has all ready discovered the Yo Gabba Gabba Vans and has demanded Santa bring them for Xmas.  I too, have demanded a pair for Xmas, but they don't come in my size!

(you know I sent Vans a scathing email!)

They are just tooooo cool for school.

Angelina, If you ever get sick of Brad...

You can always just do Rob Lowe...

To me, I can barely tell the difference.

 I hate it when people ripoff my style, but this is too much.  

I guess Californication couldn't get Brad, so they got Rob instead, and made do.

I've heard Brad is stinky, anyways.

Rather be digging ditches

You know, life is too short to be wasting time yelling and rushing around, but there is, honestly, something about mornings at my house that make it HELL.  Bobby gets up and leaves before anyone even stirs. We sleep in, well, sleep til 655 am.  School starts at 8 am for the older and 820 for the younger which , feasibly, gives us plenty of time, especially since the school is within walking distance.

But NooOOOoooOO.

Here's how a relaxing morning at the Graves house begins.

Multiple alarm clocks, which are poorly set going off, starting at 645 am, snooze button hit by 6 year old after yelling from brother and mom to turn the damn thing off! (She has the worst alarm clock, it sounds like a bull horn and she usually sleeps through it).

Then: the race for the shower.  I usually win, but sometimes the teen wins, which means I have to wait, because our house is not happy with 2 showers running at once.

This makes me bitchy. (are you surprised?)

This means I have to get dressed instead of just meandering nakedly to my bathroom.

Dressed...down to start the short order cook station.

Down comes Crankmaster, aka Olive.

"Here's your Oatmeal" Plop.

"is this Banana and Cream?" 

"Yes, Olive"....wait for it, wait for it...

"I SAID>>>>>> I don't like the Bananas and CREAAAAAMMMM it tastes like nothing!!!"

(i am going to kill you, whispered in my head)

"Olive, you picked this out...so you are going to eat it"

Then the tears and then the slowest eating in your life with lots of gagging and gasping.

Down comes the teen, who although he just showered, still smells like Teen Spirit. (What the hell is that weird odor? if anyone knows please tell me.)

"Hey, Kid, did you wash in there, you know with the soap and stuff?"

"yeah..."

"Clean clothes?"

"yeah"...

Ok never mind, maybe they all smell like that...kinda BOish with a mix of sweet and sour.

"Make sure you put on some of that fancy Ol Spice would ya?, just in case someone gets within 2 feet of your aura."

I make lunches,because my kids are veggies and Olive likes to announce when I say, "Olive its Meatless Monday at school...you know the ONE meatless day a week...started probably just for you?"

'I KNOOOOOW, but MOM  they give my 3 pieces of yukky cheese on white bread, they don't even give me a piece of lettuce or tomato! ...OR MAYO. It's gross."  

"Did you tell them, Olive?"

"Yes, they don't speak English"

great...I doubt that, but whatever...I'll make you your gourmet sandwich and then you can shut the ....up!  (with a smile)

At this point the teen is surfing facebook, because he is ready...waiting, quietly, knowing to just watch out, because the Tasmanian Devil usually lets lose right around know.

Olive..lets get a move on, you got 8 minutes for hair, teeth, socks, shoes, and jackets...its snowing.

"I KNOWWWWW!"

ok then GO.

saunter, saunter.

Teen says, "Mom, she's doing it on purpose."

is she really smart enough? 

little shit, she is doing it on purpose.  I can feel my blood pressure rising.  

OLIVE...Lets go!!!

now we have 4 minutes and I still have to get them in the car.

Teen starts car, best part of the day for him I'm sure. 

I try to stay calm....I do, really.

Olive, screw the teeth get some shoes on.

She comes down with strappy sandles.

WTF?

"Olive, Its's SNOWING!"

so...

Please, grab some socks and your boots, and your jacket and your hat and your gloves and your backpack and your flippin lunch.

"HONK HONNNNK"

I start scrambling,grabbing, and clutching, slapping a hat on her uncombed head because I am no longer in control.  I probably never was in control, hence the problem.

"OWWW, my head...!!!"

Olive, Please, just go...please.

"I AMMM!"

finally in the car.

We drive to drop the teen off, then zip around the corner to elementary school.

I can smell Olive's nasty breath from the front seat.  
The dog is trying to tongue kiss her, it smells good to him at least.

Her hair is balled up on one side.

She is wearing her brother's jacket which is totally pissing her off. (she outgrew hers)

and she has no mittens.

"Where are your mittens?"

"I don't know...gone"

great.

I take a deep breath and tell her what any mom on the verge of a break down would tell their child to do.

"go in that school, go straight to the lost and found, and pick yourself out some fancy mittens, if anyone says anything... play dumb"

"Mom, that's stealing..."

Olive GET out of the car!!! 

Get OUUUUT!!!!!!!!!

She hops out, slams the van door shut...
grunting and groaning...
takes about 5 steps then turns around and with a great big smile:

waves and blows a million kisses.

I can see her mouth the words "I love you".

She hops off with her balled up hair and stinky breath.

They are like dogs at that age, not a clue and forever faithful.

Thank god...

but to tell you the truth, I  think on mornings like this I would rather roll outta bed and go dig ditches.

Well, maybe not.

Quick Fix Candlestix :Urban Outfitters Faux

Oh what a can of Spray Paint can do!.

I've had these things since we moved in 5 years ago.

they have potential but are just too Ugly

 Ugly, not even anything close to cool, except for their actual "make-up"

Washed, sat out to dry, then went to work....

Poof...Purple Spray Paint in a nice flat color 

So easy and so rewarding.  

Now just like Urban Outfitters minus the 75$

They match my Shag print perfectly, now to do the frames I have been stockpiling.

 On a side note:

I forgot to post this from Halloween, Synda and me, assuming the position on Halloween; beer, masks, scary noise, and candy.

my first Merino

reminded me of fall grass...so I got it...no help from anyone.

We just got back from the Boulder County Hand Weaver's Guild and I was not impressed.

First of all, no one would help me, and I would be more vocal about it, but I feel like maybe I should be nice.  I'll say this, a bunch of old bittys.  Was it because I wasn't wearing my fancy felted shoes, or one of those ugly old lady vests?  Whatever.  I still bought this...It was 25$ (is that too much, I don't even know)  I honestly don't even know what to do with the stuff, except say I have it.

I ask one of the ladies if I could snap a picture of all her beautiful packages of fluffy unspun yarn...

She looked at me and said , NO.

I said it is for my blog I'll list your website and you know it's like free advertisement.

No...I'm an artisan, I don't want people copying my dye lots.

Yea yea ya old twat.

So when I got home I went straight to Ravelry to renew my faith in knitting and such...

Shew, thank god there are cool people there.

so here's my new yarn, I'm not telling you the store or the website of where it came.

Now...you guys got any ideas of what I can do with 4 oz of Merino?

love ya...

out to reseed the yard

Alice in Wonderland Wristlets

So, I got this cute pattern off of Ravelry, from VO knits (which I love)...i gotta add her to my blog roll.

Anyway, I did them on some crappy acrylic that was leftover, just to see how they would come out.  Well they still need the buttons, but they are really cute.  One small problem, I ran out of the cream color for the tattered lace part.  That little string laying there on the wristlet is all I have left and I believe this was just some crap I picked up at a yardsale in a plastic bag.  I really need to get in the habit of keeping all the lot #'s or something.  That way at least I can google it and see if I can find some more.  This crap was just balled up in a ball.  I'll ask around and see if I can find some at the Hobby Lobby in the crapola bin.

These were super easy and quick, only clincher is you need about 4 different size needles in progressively larger sizes.  I just kind of winged it.

They are supposed to look tattered, madhatter, lacy look.

Perfect for a quick gift to someone who would appreciate hand knit coolieos.

(Note:  never give knitted objects to people who don't like original stuff, they will throw it in the washer, or never wear it...two big knitting NO-NO's)

I would also like to report that Ilin is better today. 

He ate a fried egg sammy and gatorade; sat in the sun and then went to his dad's house.

You see, as the lesser parent (in his mind) I only get him when he feels bad.

Dad gets fun Ilin, I get sick homework Ilin

I'm off tonight, I'm going to start another tiny knitting gift( trying to get rid of some of my acrylic stash)

then hit the hay.

Gotta work Saturday night and Sunday night

write ya later

have a great weekend!

Only as Strong as...

When I think of you I remember laughter. 

I remember bee stings and lady bugs, music and books.  Things that are no longer a part of my real life.  The first touches of real love, for me.  Giving me the knowledge to love and live, to think myself beautiful.  
You sang to me in front of people and looked only at me.
 Allowing me to feel love, no matter how long it took. You ran to me instead of away, spoke loudly and made me listen until I knew you would not leave.

It comes and goes, why can't it stay? 

20 years it has been and I still think about it.

It was not all ladybugs and Jane's Addiction. 
You scorned me and my heart broke. 
Bukowski became my reading. 
My heart learned quickly that nothing lasts, people are only as strong as their weakest point.  My weakest point would never be weak again. It was my heart.  You vanished, I ran away, leaving bits and pieces in an ugly trail of life lessons.  

People came.  People went, but I never believed in love again. I could not believe. I ruined lives, often including my own.

My heart gave in... Life seemed good, yet good was not good enough.  I was not good enough.  So, I closed my eyes and remembered...
Weakest point, weakest point. 
I need strength.
A strength that cannot come from me, my heart, or my past.  

I need belief or to be able to believe to grasp hold just so that i may let go.

Lessons continue to be taught in manners I choose not to acknowledge. Strength in strength from within and from what cannot be controlled.  Knowing it should work out in the end.
But,oh, what my head wouldn't give to tell my heart to let go, and be.

That feeling,
 that flutter,
the thought that it will never be felt again;
broken.

360 days of my life # 265 sickieepoo

the funk has arrived at our house and as usual the scrawniest one gets it first.  

The Victim:  Ilin Blue: 

13.5 yrs old

77#

5'1"

He is being plagued by the stomach yuk.  Fever,barfing chills and such.  He ate last night then tossed and turned in agony, afraid to puke.

I would take a broken leg in five places before I chose a night of nausea.

I'm guessing this is the beginning of our cold season and unfortunately it always starts with Ilin because he travels the weekends to his Dad's house...(that is what I blame it on)

So as Ilin lays in bed,clutching his RugRats pillow, I am anti-bacterializing everything in the house.  I am praying that Bobby does not get it, because he is a horrible sick person, and crossing my fingers little Miss Olive doesn't get it because I absolutely hate seeing her puke.

Off to play house nurse now.

write ya later

fabulous find

I treated myself to this little wax melter for self waxing!

It was $19.99 at Sally and the pot of Hard Wax was 6.99

the total cost is less than it costs to get my lip chin and eyebrows done!!!

today I waxed, dyed the sparkly grey from my hair and am now going to make lasagna for dinner.

what a day...I feel like a new person.

I love my little waxy thing.

Also, I need to find a writing class, I'm bored with my idle hands and diary writing.  I need a memoir, or a story... a real life story

To live

Embrace me

I have been thinking 

Love has no boundaries

Entangled legs, nose to nose,

breath to breath

whispers,

"It's going to be ok, I'm right here,

I'll never let go"

job interview

I have another job interview today.  A bit exciting.  If it's meant to be it will be.  Some of the other nurses frown upon going out and applying for new jobs when you are a fresh nurse but...everyone starts somewhere.  We are all new at one time and how else are you to learn anything.  So, I say go for it!

I've printed off my resume

should I bring my recommendation letters from last year?   

I think i will.

what the hell right?

I hope they don't ask anything too crazy.

later guys!

Halloween at a glance part 1

what a weekend!!!

Between working and drinking I barely had time for the festivities!  I jest, I jest!

Daddoo did have to pick up the slack while I was sleeping and recovering from the night shift.  It appears he did ok!

We went to the Longmont Halloween Parade and saw so many great costumes!

The little werewolf was adorable, he was walking around making that growly face at everyone, he was probably 5 years old

what creativity for our puny town!

Then Daddoo took over his least favorite chore before Synda, Ryland and Chad came over for Trick or Treating

Pumpkin Carving!!!!

 I love it when she wears jeans and a tshirt...Maybe I'm turning into Angelina Jolie

 Eddie ate plenty of Pumpkin, then had the shits today...dogs love pumpkin and its a good stool softner! (just in case you ever have a constipated dog)

Carve away, Olive!

This was the very first time she got to do her own.

I was sleeping at this part, so I couldn't protest or do any of that Mom gasping and air sucking in fear of finger amputation.

You know, back in the old days Mom would hand us the four crappies serrated knives which were as long as our arms and just say, "Be careful...don't track that shit onto the carpet when you come in!"

I guess I still have all my limbs.

plus:

Daddoo was in charge....he never worries about this stuff.