icy bed

It's weird how I always enjoyed sleeping in the middle of the bed when Bobby was gone.  Last night was a little different.  I had gone up earlier and turned my side of the heating blanket on, like always, and he turns his on, so that when we get in it's nice and cozy.

I washed my face, crawled quietly into bed, slid my leg over and his side was

Ice Cold.

Freezing..

Empty...

strange, but I didn't reach over and turn his on...I just scooted way over to my side, pulled all the pillows around me like a cave and fell asleep.

He is breathing a bit better but they say he cannot come home yet due to his respiratory status.  A few more days they say...a few more days....

then the new issues begin.  

He liked the new doctor, a pulmonologist.

The dr looked him in the eye and said, "I will accept you as a patient, but the minute you don't do what I ask of you, you are out."

~~~good, I thought~~~

Maybe this will help him see that being able to breathe is actually quite a big deal which many people take for granted.

With out breath, there is no life...it's the beginning and the end of it all.

Like I told him and some of my friends:

"this is not how he is supposed to die, he screws up all my plans!!!

The plan was; I would strangle him with a guitar cord in a fit of rage after he purchased another damn Marshall Amp!!!"

Not from an asthma attack...

Not by his own doing...

if anyone is going to die...it better be because I was pissed!

The Corner Office

i spent part of my work day changing offices. It was a cluster F. the new director is moving his stuff in and we have to move out!!! OUT...to a tiny little office. You just don't know what it is like to lose an office you never even deserved... the ever wanted corner office with windows on the second floor. We always kept it hush hush about our office, knowing deep inside eventually someone would find out how flippin awesome it was and make us move. Well that happened last week. Our department finally got a Director and he came in to meet us and said " Whoa...wait a minute here...this is a NICE office" as we were jammin out to PINK and crunchin on crackers. I turned around and thought to myself "SHITHOLES...here it comes...the I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but this office is going to be mine, news". and 3 days later...the email telling us we need to look for another office arrived.

we looked...they sucked, then we sucked it up and opted for the tiny office next to the sweet undeserved office we had been using for 4 years...and said..."it's better than the basement. We will still have windows..."

So, today, I had to start moving our stuff. If we worked in any real company, I'm pretty sure someone would come to help us, but instead I had to clean out all the old crap the last person left behind...which was fairly easy....I pulled the recycle bin right into the office and started dumping. Someone had the nerve to ask me if I should be saving any of it....I shot fire balls out of my eyes and they shut up. I called someone to get us a desk that we found on a different floor, got that moved in and then started the task of moving the computers.... I finally got so angry I yelled Fuck All Of This Crap....I'm Leaving!!!! and as I walked out the door my co-worker said, "see ya in the morning?" " Yeah...see ya in the morning."

stupid work.

Too Early for Real Work?

my kid ,taken by Mike Stowe

I got up at 440...trying to get my work hours in.
Time is irrelevant at this time of the day. It's different.
It's different than coming home from a late night of debauchery,you are going to work.
The people who are up are different. When I looked into each car, it was mostly people you would prejudge as not even having jobs...losers...bummy looking people, and me,of course.
Young men who look like neigh-er do wells up at 430 am going to WORK!!! A schedule which would kill most middle to upper class people. I thought about it. These are the blue collars who work at 430 am get off work at 5 pm, drink beer at the local tavern and start over. The back bone of America. Strong working stock. Made me proud. Of course I was probably a bit delirious from being up so early, but proud.

write ya later
m

The Office/Hen House

My work is so stupid...wait, let me rephrase that, the PEOPLE at my work are so stupid.
Today we have a departmental meeting which is mandatory to discuss workplace friendliness.

REALLY? please.
Don't talk friendly with me...I am the most down to Earth, tell it like it is, friendly person here.

It's literally like living in an episode of "The Office".
There is an area downstairs where they do pre-registration phone calls. I call it the Hen House.
New people who get hired for that position, never stay down there. There is no light, the women are either crazy or go crazy from working down there, and they appear to turn into weird rotting shells of people.

Today for the meeting we must enter that Hen House and try to figure out what happens to grown adults once they start working in that room. They can't get along, they bicker between them selves, and they basically stop doing anything to help anyone.

They have survived down there for a long time without any intervention, but last month we hired a new person who spent one week down there, came back up stairs and went straight to the supervisor and said, "What the hell is wrong with those people down there?"

I about fell out of my chair. Bwahahahahahahaha

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

The new person looked at me and stated, "They told me you were a Bitch...."

What ? ME!? whatever...you will soon see the light, or not, since you are stuck down with the smock wearing, comfortable shoe wearing, ergonomically seated, fat-rearended clucking group of 40-50 somethings that can't play well with others.

So, Friday when I was out, some poopie hit the fan, someone started crying (that person is 52 years old), the new person left a note on my desk that said , "you are NOT the Bitch...I figured out who is." and now there is a mandatory meeting.
Ha...
That same new person asked me as I passed her in the hall this morning, "Should I take the high road at the meeting, or say my mind?"
I smiled and said..."the High Road is an easier walk."

But I secretly hope she speaks her mind.
Bitch.

Monday and 4 hours and counting

dI've decided to attempt 4 10's this week. A full 40 hours at the hospital. In order to do this I have to get in early, because I start falling asleep at 445 pm and secondly, it's miserably longer than any normal 10 hours. So, I'm sitting here listening to Pandora Radio, rockin out to Journey and Joan Jett and lazily looking out the window. I actually still have work to do, but can't keep focused.

The other day I primed my pump to head up to the floor to do the crap part of my job. I had worn a nice outfit, slapped my badge on and even applied some lipstick. All papers in order, I take a deep breath and do the "slap, slap, knuckles" with my partner and say "go get em and good luck...meet ya back here in 10". Off I go.
First room....lady sleeping. One down 4 more to go. ( I have a policy of not waking old people).
Room #2 ....tap tap tap...."Mr Young and good looking, may I come in?" No answer, so I do what I have to do and go in.
"Hi, Mr Myagegoodlooking, My name is Myssi. I'm a financial counselor here at the hospital and I came to talk to you about your insurance."
pause...He barely looks at me and starts...
"Where the fuck is my doctor? I want to go home, I don't know what is going on, some jackass who barely spoke English was just here asking for my insurance card ...I all ready gave to some one else...you incomptant idiots! (hey that's redundant asshole) find my doctor, nurse, or I'm leaving"
hmmmm okie dokie.....I see him look at me, finally...I'm standing there with my clipboard,trying to look sympathetic....he looks me up and down, then looks away.
He glances back at me...""Myssi? right?, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I just want to know what's going on...let's start over ok? Go back outside and knock again"
I waited a second for the next round, but decided he was serious, so I turned on my heels, when back out the door, shut it quietly and knocked again.
tap tap tap...
"come in"
"Hi, Mr myagegoodlookingguywhoisnowanassholeinmybook,My name is myssi and I just came to talk to you about your insurance. I wanted to tell you that I know you couldn't speak when you came into the hospital, but I was able to find your insurance information, I have called them and let them know you are here and did all the notification for you...." :)
" Thanks, Myssi.....You guys are pretty persistant around here"
I smile and tell him, I realize it sucks to be in here. My job makes it suck for me to be in here too...But the good thing is...his deductable and out of pocket max has been met and he does not owe us anything for his inpatient hospital stay.
He smiles and says, "I'm really sorry, thanks for letting us start over, your job must be worse than me being here"
I tell him it's not always bad, sometimes I can help...he's one of the lucky people. He has inurance :)

I don't talk alot about what I do for a living. I'm the person who you see on medical shows that comes into the room and tells the patient's family they need to pay a trillion dollars before they can go home. I'm the money collector while you are sick in bed. People say I'm good at it. I care. I help people not be scared when they don't have the money. I find a way to get them help...if possible....it's not always possible.
I'm also the one who walks into the ICU when your family member is on their deathbed and tell you Everything on the financial end. Usually these people call me. They are scared and have no idea how much a bed in the ICU cost (3864$/nght) and what should they do. i take care of it for them. Sometimes they cry, then I cry....then I say here's my card....worry about this (the patient) we can deal with the rest later. Sometimes the person is homeless, or is a street kid. I get them free (charity) insurance, and then make sure they have clean clothes when they leave. I always ask them what size they are....then I head to the closet in my office and pull out whatever I can find in the clothes we have collected and bring them clean stuff, right down to underwear. I try to find clothes that might fit their need and look. it's the least I can do.

When I'm on my way home from my shift that always seems 3 times longer than it is, sometimes I just zone and pout. Life is so unfair for some people. People shouldn't have to wait for their limb to be falling off before they come in to the hospital. They just shouldn't.

Tomorrow is another day and it will be another set of copays I have to collect. I'll have to hear how people can't buy anything for their kids if I take their money, it's holiday time...(so usually I don't take it).

it's just a job right...breathe...someone has to do it...and at least I can finish my day thinking I care, and I'm truley sorry.

Because my life is boring right now

I got this great email from a dear friend....I changed all the names...I should save it for Friday...But it may be perfect for Monday....here it is long, but oh so funny:
"...so here it is WTF is up with people?

I don't understand why people find it so difficult to show up at work and do their job. Its not like we have it rough we basically just have to show up but, apparently even thats asking too much. Everyday no matter who it is thats working they are late. Not a 1 or 2 minutes late but at least 30 min late. Of course the only time its busy is in the morning when I am by myself. Today Dorka called at 7:30 "I overslept, I'm going to be late" no shit, you're already late. So once again I'm working by myself with a line of people, not so patiently waiting people. So 1st thing, I check in a lab patient then then I have to wait 5 min while the printer is "warming up", well thats nice, I didn't get a chance to warm up this morning. Then of course the annoyed employee wants their $5.00 petty cash and they are special you know, so they shouldn't have to wait. Then its the limited English speaking person who just doesn't understand why they have to pay $30 for their ER visit they have a wecare card, doesn't that just magically make their bill go away?...well, yes it does, all but $30 of it went away...then they pull out their huge wad of cash and pay. Next up is the lovely construction guys who are working on something somewhere and are suppose to meet someone sometime at someplace. Well thanks for all the info guys I appreciate it and yes it would be my honor to figure it all out for you while you stand their and stare at me. And of course while all this is going on I'm trying to answer the WORK phones....then finally say screw it and gave up answering, which prompts another visit from Lola in the ER to find out why I'm not answering when SHE calls to tell me that she is sending me some more things to do.
I say,

"Listen, I'm not answering because I'm busy and yes I can hear the phone ring and yes I can see that its you calling and yes I can here the tubes dropping down into the station and yes I know they are probably from you sending me more crap to do and yes I know the reason you won't walk the damn papers over like you do every morning is because you know I'm alone...busy...and could use a little help and heaven forbid that help come from you even though there is absolutely no one in the ER and we always rush over to help you out!"

So my morning pretty much sucked and then Dorka (almost forgot about her, huh?) strolls in at almost 9:00 coffee in hand...WTF wheres my coffee? Then even after she finally shows up it takes her an hour to get ready and come out of the cashiers office all the time I'm still registering all the patients, answering the phones, and doing bedboard. Then just about as soon as she comes out Susan comes over for breaks...good I'm ready for a break (remember I still need a coffee) but oooo Dorka goes on break. Ok, thats fine I can wait, at least Susan is here, (the only other sane one left) and I can get a coffee in a few. But noooo Dorka doesn't come back until the bedboard meeting is about to start and I've already had phone calls all morning asking "wheres my bed" so needless to say I have to stay and I have to let go of the idea of having a nice cup of coffee...it just wasn't meant to be. Its 11:00 lunch is in an hour no problem...right? Well, Dorka goes to lunch 1st but first decides she needs to make a couple of phone calls. She finally leaves and then doesn't come back for an hour. Now its 1:10 and I literally just stood up to leave for lunch when Bosslady comes out and says Lola in ER is "slammed" and needs help. She has three people to register...the same three people that have been here forever. Ones been here over an hour the next 45 min and one for half an hour, what she has been doing since they first got here I don't know. Anyways, I sit back down, whats another missed lunch break. Finally at 1:45 I go to lunch. Thats good at least now when I go back to work I'll only have another hour and a half before I'm off... thats good. So after lunch I begrudgingly go back upstairs, Susan looks over my shoulder to check on the ER to see if she should go help Lola before she goes home. I told her no just go home don't give her another break there's not even anyone to reg she'll be fine. I was wrong about 10 min after she left Leann called and wanted to know when she was getting her afternoon break. Seriously, SERIOUSLY!?? I about had a nervous breakdown. Let it go, let it GO...its friday its almost time to go home. I was so excited to see Sasha walk in (never thought that would happen) she was early and I could go. Not yet, she had to go do something first but would be right back. Silly me I was on the phone working when she came back so she was going to go get some water. After 15 min I realized "get some water" was really code for" flirt with the security guard". She finally came back and I was on the phone again so she was just going to go talk with Bboy. To top things off Janet came in to do an interview and while she waited for the sucker who applied she stood behind me while I was talking on the phone and ran her fingers through my hair (you all know how much I like that). Seriously...she kept doing it the entire time I was on the phone and even after as I was trying to give Sasha report so I could get the hell out of there. What is wrong with people and why do they always feel the need to touch my hair??, I don't really know you, I don't know where your hands have been or when was the last time you washed them, huh? So...with that my day was done. It couldn't have ended sooner....no really.....couldn't it have ended sooner?
All I can say is....What The Fuck....its my new favorite phrase

Me

thanks A....I couldn't have said it better...I swear

early morning...on a cool Saturday

It's 6:30 am here and I just rolled into work. I have abandoned taking the bus or doing anything eco-friendly, although I did pull my co-workers recyclables out of the garbage when I got here, for just plain old driving. I didn't want to come in. It's the weekend, no one else has to work...well, none of the people in my household who were looking so snug curled up under the warm blankets have to work, as I looked for clean clothes to put on. Curses to them!

I didn't put on makeup, I barely brushed my hair, I broke dress code and wore jeans, because who cares I all ready have been written up, and prayed I didn't see anyone I know as I walked into my office. The co-worker left the heat on 94 so as I unlocked the door I could feel the sauna. Jeesus. Well, I guess instead of being at work I'll pretend I'm sitting at my laptop, although it's not a laptop...it's one of the 1987 CPU's for work, and pretend I'm on the beach in Jamiaca. MMMMMMMMm much better...Jamiaca....

Except this is not Jamiaca. The realities of life some times smack me in the face.
At school Friday the head of the Nursing Department came in and said the nursing list for 2009 is full, which means I will not be getting into the RN program until possibly 2010. I can work as a LPN until then, but I want to just get it done! I am not going to let it deter me. I have completed all of the prereq's and many people haven't , so when I graduate in Dec from LPN, they said I have to wait 3 weeks to take the NCLEX...then as soon as I pass that I believe I can sign onto the RN list and maybe some people will drop. Which happens. Inbetween that time I will get my ducks in a row, as they say.

My goals are:
Take a vacation.
Do something for my kids.
Pay off my bills
Get better health inurance
Buy Bobby a Vespa
Do the best I can do


My motto right now is to not worry about things that may happen 3 months from now. The goal now is to focus, get through this last set of LPN clinicals. Learn my Med. Pass so I feel comfortable doing it. And to maintain our bills. I can't control everything, which scares me, because last time I let stuff go something was discovered which set me back a bit.
done...
write ya later,
m

the case of the office/desk job

My pants are tight. It pisses me off. It makes me not want to eat ever again, except that I love french bread...and pasta (I have switched to wholewheat). Are my pants tight because I'm getting fatter? Or are my pants tight because I sit in this spinny office chair where my feet don't touch the ground for 9 hours a day?..."office spread".
Office jobs are bizarre to me. When I used to wait tables I would say to myself at least 50 times a week, "What I wouldn't give to sit at a desk, not have to pull out cafe tables or refill ketchup, and possibly have paid sick days!!!" Now I think to myself...I should get a part time waitressing job just to get some movement in my life.
More Randomness today...
Office jobs make me want to be a cleptomaniac. When I walk around the office I see things I want. Is that wrong? For instance, the lady across the way has a red stapler that stands up on its end. Where did she get that? We order our office stuff from the same purchasing area. Did she bring it from home? Why would you bring your stuff from home? I'm going to take it. Except she'll know, because I sit too close. Same with pens...I like other people's pens...My pens always suck ass. Maybe someone is stealing my pens. I also like to look through peoples office drawers when they aren't here. I get here really early and it started one day when I needed some Splenda. I started poking through people's drawers and they had everything but Splenda. I'll tell you what, I'm surprised we don't have mice in this office seeing how much food these office ladies cram in their drawers. It's gross. Do you really need emergency "Little Debbie" in there?
Anyway, back to the topic at hand...my chair is making my ass big. I am going to start running again today. Even if it kills me and it might. I am on week 4 of the pushups. I'm pretty sure everyone has given up. Bobby even started complaining when his first set was 30 last night. Well, Mr Wussy, the entire idea was to get to 100 pushups!
I have one more month of summer to get my ass in shape (this has been a lifetime goal). Running, pushups (for my Madonna Arms I'm working on), and maybe I'll try some hiking.
write ya later.

The 4 am post....

It's so quiet at the hospital at 345 am. The halls are empty and it is like a big cave. I always come in the through the ER doors and say HI to the admissions girls and they always have that look like they have surfed the entire internet and are drained of all brain power. I then walk toward ICU to clock in. This morning there was a person sleeping on the couch with Martha Stewart playing on the TV. They looked uncomfortable and I wished I could turn off all the lights for them, but they are programed to stay on. I'm sure the comfiness of the couch was the least of their worries. After I clock in I wonder down the hall past the coffee cart, past the quiet OR's and to my dark office...When I get in, I often want to just curl up and go back to sleep...but I don't have a pillow. I am going to put this on my list.