loving right now

Ben Harper....
I just can't get enough of you
I just can't...

Thursday night lovers...

I rocked my night tonight watching "Mr Eyebrows, Miss Fish and the Greek Gal" rockin' it on Summer Lovers. I remember being a teenager and thinking if this doesn't happen to me at some point in my life, I will just die, because this is WAY BETTER than a Judy Blume book....unfortunately I can say as an adult...it never happened. I may have a had a night in a gay club that semi resembled this, but I didn't wake up in Greece. Damn the 80's...

the chick in this movie "urban legend has it" died in a motorcycle accident. bummer.

I loved her, and him, with his sexy eyebrows, and Daryl too...with her perfectly flat torso....whatever the case ,I have now spent the better part of my evening looking for places in Greece with full access to fluffy muscled up eyebrow guy and an extra girl or two. I believe this would cure me from all sadness, along with greek wine.

Where is that "Regardiez Moi" chick when you need her?...isn't she Greek...or Minty, what about your hubby? He must come from the land of large eyebrows and flat girls...I just need to find a small cabana, large bed, nice beach, ample wine, olive oil optional and the dollar higher than their $$.

Got it? This would be a perfect vacation/school break for me.

I'm sure my sister (?) would watch Olive for 2 weeks.

Or for exchange of Colorado Living Quarters during ski season, central to all ski areas and many breweries.

I like...

When I get the IV in on the first try....

almonds

sprinkles on white frosting

impractical shoes

knowing I'm right

when the clouds look like they are upside down

the feel of a loving hand on the back of my neck

a best girlfriend's hug and cheek kiss for good bye

when they turn the sprinklers on at the cemetery

rolly pollies

clean sheets

Nursing Refresher

Clinical practice today. In a few weeks I hit the floor as an RN in training.
It's scaring the shit outta of me, so if there is anyone that has or is going through this, please comment me some good vibes.
I realized today, in class, I haven't actually done ANY of the stuff on a real person...I mean, sure I've given a bed bath. I've changed some bandages, placed a catheter...with another RN standing right next to me. This stuff is weird to do. You have to touch penises, vaginas, clean open wounds...make people feel safe and ok when you are a little wary. When someone is dying, you have to stay calm, hit the buttons, get help, and start the procedures without freaking out the family that my be standing right there.
You can't turn around an start screaming,
"He's Going Downhill...FAST....HELPPPPPPP!!!"
No one wants to hear that in the hospital. Just like you have to remember you cant say,

"Everything is going to be ok."

Because many times it's not going to be ok.
It's not TV...It's a real person and I can barely stay calm when my own kids hurt themselves. ( I have heard this is normal)
....nothing is normal in my life right now.
NG tube...ear to nose to Xyphoid process...clean not sterile.
head forward swallow.
choke choke=lungs...remove
etc etc
(fatmandy flikr site)

see what I mean...it sucks



good thing I wore my fancy red corduroys today...
because on top of everything else
i started my period in my pants.
perfect start to the day

spinny dress

I made the cute dress as seen on mmcrafts

Olive loved it. I used the cheap material because I wasn't really sure how it would turn out. I promised Olive I would make a nice fabric one.

this is the BEST spinny dress for little girls.

I do agree with mmcrafts...it needs a bit of jazzing up.

This is why I love to sew for 5 year olds...they love everything, and never ever want to take it off.

cherries or pits?

after a fabulous weekend of fighting over relationship stuff that never seems to go away, drinking a magnum bottle of crap wine with Synda, throwing away old clothes, I am possibly ready to re-evaluate my life and where I am going. yeah yeah...like I don't do this every four months...but the point is, I don't want to keep doing it. Life should be easier than it is for me. (Big cry baby I know.)
Here's the thing. I write and am online because it is a world I don't have at home. It's friends, attention, support and all around good feelings. The world wide web is an amazing thing if used in it's correct capacity. When not used in a friendly manner many things can happen. People get hurt, you learn things about people you never wanted to know (or should know) and life gets disrupted.
*NOTE* Don't look for things unless you are ready to deal with the end results.
So my head has been a muddled mess, having a hard time finding humor in things that I should, and not letting go. Talking about things only makes it worse in my household.
There are always, well almost always, lives before a new part of your life begins. This is truth.
In my new life, I have made many mistakes, I admit, but have learned from them. My online life has been quit. I have done this to bring relief into this area of my relationship...but it doesn't ease the mistrust. I have cut myself off from true friends, past and present, and hope they understand...and my true pals DO understand...they don't approve, but they understand.
I continue to make myself a better person, in my tiny tiny head....and hope good comes from it.
It will, one way or another...on my end.
The other end of this stick of dynamite also needs to be diffused. Or for lack of a better analogy, will continue to explode over and over again like a string of firecrackers....and I'm tired of putting out little tiny fires in my life. I can't continue to walk around putting fires out, leaping, ducking and only getting spurts of joy....I can't look away all the time, eventually I will see...Because when I do see, I want to see and feel happy, not sad.
live, love and be what you want back. I have a time frame and today it goes into action. I will not go longer than I should. I will take care of myself, learn, and become the strong person I know I am.
I don't want to hate myself for making wrong choices anymore...it's time to move on.

to top off my day, school started today. Long days are ahead, so you may hear me complain about it a bit on here, because I have to be strong at home. My schedule is unknown at this point...i can't quite figure out what is best for the kids and what the 12 year old can handle with the 5 year old. Do I come to work at 330 am and drive home at 8 am( to get 5 hours of work in), then drop the kids off at school then head to class? it's hard to figure out until I start putting it in motion. but...I'll still be around here...my little secret outpost...place to write, whine and laugh...at myself.

xo
write ya later
m

Girls night baking

Olive and I had girls night while the boys were at Rockstar Practice. We usually eat dinner in the living room on towels in front of the TV. Olive gets to pick the meal...I pick the show...She drinks whole milk (gasp) and I usually have a glass of wine. Today we broke stride...I suggested we do something fun. Mostly this is because we went to Target and she had a huge breakdown as I gently tried to not strangle her while explaining: we, (meaning she) do not always get a TOY when we go to Target, regardless of size or price. It went over like the Zeppelin...except in slow motion, which required a 7 minute time out in the middle of the store. This is always a bummer, but you know, things have to be dealt with in a timely manner and sometimes this is where it happens.

back on topic...

We decided to use the huge zucchini my office mate gave me to make chocolate zucchini cupcakes. I do not cook well. Not to say that I don't LOVE to cook, I just suck at it. You have to measure, follow directions, and not forget to set the timer in order for it all to do it's magic. I am not good at magic or directions; I am a wing-it girl.

Olive is good at dumping, cracking eggs, and tasting...me, I stir, pick out eggshells, and handle the hot stuff...so we set off as a team to see what we could do.

We used every cooking utensil in the kitchen.

look how chocolatey!!!

We completed the task with cream cheese peanut butter frosting. oh yeah and sprinkles...because everything is better with sprinkles.

The cupcakes were as moist as could be, the chocolate chips melted into gooey yummness...they weren't too sweet (but that is because I didn't have enough brown sugar), and that peanut butter cream cheese stuff...oh my god...who needs cake when you have that stuff.

the recipe came from Smitten Kitchen (for the frosting).

When we were baking the cuppy cakes I turned to my partner and said

"Now we must clean up".

She looked at me and said,

" I wasn't your partner, I wasn't helping...i was Watching...so I don't have to clean up....I'm gonna watch just a bit of TV before dinner."

The kitchen is clean, Olive is bathed and now I am going to watch TV with my Girls Night Vat of Vino...

next time you need a project...remember me.

xo

write ya later,

m

One more down...hey wait...

That's it!!!...no more kids!!! Hot damn diggity.


As I stated as I hop skipped and jumped to my bike, after dumping the youngest precious angel at her first day of Kindergarten,

"If I was a stay at home Mom... I'd be drinkin from a flask right now!!! Woop WOOP!!!"

Some young dad looked at me with wonder in his eye and said, "Lucky...I have two more at home."

haha naanny nanny doodoo...

No really, I take great joy in seeing the kids onto another milestone for them, and me. I know, I know, they grow up sooooooo fast. Yes, but that is ok, because if they are anything like the rest of my family, they never actually grow up and move out, so what ever I can do to help the process...including all day kindergarten...I'm for it!!!
I nicely packed an extra pair of pantaloons and shorts into her pocket in her backpack and whispered in her ear....Just in Case...that way you won't have to wear the "loaner clothes".
It probably won't happen...but just in case. (see, I'm a good mom)

I'm at work right now, thinking about going to the Toad Bar next door and having a celebratory shot just because.

Kindergarten...
5 years old...
She is so grown up and all I have to show for it is
more gray hairs, saggy boobs, and the thoughts that one day I will be able to vacation without kids.

Loving Mudpuppy

I came across this wonderful local Denver artist and had to post his stuff.

Mudpuppy

so adorable with their succulant Mohawks

Perfect for Baby's room?

Jellyfish...i love them...

These are going to be perfect gifts and I think if you know someone who is having a housewarming his stuff would be more than fabulous.
He does ask 4-6 weeks for delivery so we better start ordering now!
go look at everything...
oxoxxo

clean living again...finally

carpet guy came...ahhhhhhhhhh much better.

dirty windows, I see...that will be today.

are you supossed to tip the carpet guy? I tipped him 40$...hell he had a helper...so I figured he could give the helper the forty and keep the other 180$. They also did the stairs and the basement shag...which will never be better until removed.

I worked on Olive's dress...it should be done by tomorrow.

constructive behavior

I took my lunch break and used the time to cut out a dress for Olive using McCalls Pattern M5796...I hope she loves it. I'm sure she will, the girl LOVES dresses.
I need to whip up some bloomers and buy leggings for the school year, because modest she is not and I don't think all the other little kids in her class really want to look at her Hello Kitty Panties.
I love to sew...I just hate the long process of it and I hate that I never get it right on the first round. you know?

The carpet cleaners come tonight (thank god), so we are eating veggie burgers outside, then I can sew in the sewing room.

If anyone knows of a good look for curtains I need it. I bought some fabric to curtain up my windows (yes, I just used curtain as a verb) if the craft room.
I was looking at the new BH&G and they had a little spread on the color coral.
I never liked coral, but then again, i guess I do like coral because it revved my engines. I knew Bobby wouldn't go for a room of coral so I picked my craft room aka the laundry room.

I can't wait.
but I have to, because I am a slow mover...
and occasional shaker.

so mad!!!!

the lady who had the Hutch decided NOT to sell it. I KNOW it's because I told her what I was going to do with it.

so ...instead of firing off a bunch of angry emails...

I sent Bobby to Home Depot to get me a new LG washer, which we can't afford.

I'm really angry right now...

reaaaaaalllly

morning sunshine

Every morning I come to work without my makeup on. I know I shouldn't but I'm tired and getting a 5 year old out of the house in a timely manner takes every bit of essence out of me. So, instead, I come to work with makeup in bag and do it in my office. whatever. Sometimes I don't do it at all.
So, yesterday morning, Wendy says, "let's go down to the cafeteria and get some breakfast." OKie dokie. We head down the stairs and I say, "shit, I didn't put on my eyes" (because this is what Southern girls with blonde/red eyelashes say).
"Who exactly do you plan on seeing in our dumpy cafeteria?"
Well ya know what ? You never know. You should always be ready...just in case someone famous is down there and you want to comment on their last movie or book and not scare the bajeesus outta them.
"yea, I guess you are right", I said. "Who could be there?"
I mean really, short of the overweight I.T. guy eating his weight in green chili burritos and the occasional street person...who could I see down there.
Breakfast it is.
As I came around the corner, who was standing waiting for some scrambled egg whites or whatever a Greek God at the Hospital eats....
This Guy...or at least someone who looked just like that, in nice scrubs.

I ducked my head down as I heard Wendy laughing. Really!? REALLY? Where does HE work....? must be ER...
Wendy sidles up next to me as I get my water and I glance over my shoulder ...he's checking out Wendy's legs as far as I can tell.
"Oh My GOD...I am never listening to you again...I TOLD you, you never know!!!"
damnit..
note to self...always put on your eyes...just in case, even if Wendy says, "It's just street people and I.T guys".

National Geographic , but I don't care

I sunk to a new low this evening...but I'll get to that shortly.

I did not get the fabric to make my lunch sacks today, I decided to wait until I get my fabric hutch.

I did take Olive to her Kindergarten class to do her evaluation and meet her teacher where she proceeded to belt out her ABC's, tell the teacher she has no idea where she lives but she knows it's down the street, and that her mammoo likes to run and then drink beer.

That's my girl.

So directly after that I went home, strapped on my running shoes and went for a non productive run in the 95 degree heat. As usual, I had to stop at mile 2.5 to potty in the bushes, which is always a feat, then took off running again. I made it 4.65 miles before I thought I would fall over dead from heat and then walked the rest of the way. Needless to say, when I got home....I had a beer.

After cleaning up I did something I NEVER ever do.

I got dressed san bra. Then went to the store. Flopping freely under my Jimi Hendrix t shirt. Where I live, there are hippies everywhere so I decided, what the hell, live a little. It was nice.

I didn't wear any underwear either.

Now I'm relaxing, drinking pink wine (rose), and watching the new show "Three Sheets".

in comfort.

crafty...semi crafty

Last night I went home and decided to sew. I attempted to make some Oilcloth lunch sacks and totally screwed them up. I need to go back and get more fabric today so I can try it again. They are cute. I just didn't measure well. (because, people like me have no time for measuring) I'll post the pictures when I'm done...I'm not putting a bunch of effort into them since they are for the kids and possibly a gift or 2.



the problem is the cloth I'm using from Hancocks has fuzzy on the inside, but I don't want to line it. (Lazy)I don't know...Maybe I SHOULD line it. Any suggestions?

Friday we are picking up my Hutch so that I can start making my craft room better. Well, If you have any suggestions on the little bags let me know. I'll post MY pictures of MY bags tonight.

I think I found my fabric Hutch!!!

Isn't she Pretty?

On Craigslist for 100$...
It will work perfectly in my craft/laundry room. I hopefully will get to go see it this weekend and then have it moved in and ready to go

TODAY WE FEATURE...

Synda Rorex Photography

go look...
what do you think?

there is a smell taste in my mouth

I worked my second shift at the long term care facility Friday night. I worked the Alzheimer's unit, which was actually quite nice. I learned they don't give them as many meds so I was able to get done passing all the pills by 830, but was still lacking on the actual "care" part. I enjoyed it. I love the little people who yell for their dogs when there is no dog insight. Or tell you how beautiful you are even though they can't see you..makes me smile.
After dinner when almost all the the meds were passed, Fran walks up to me. Fran is this very New York looking older lady with the thick coke bottle glasses with black rims and is always very nicely dressed. You would never know she had any issues at all....she always looks as if she is on her way to a Bar Mitzvah.

She walks up to me and gently taps me on the shoulder. She has tears in her eyes.
"What's wrong Frannie?" I say.
"Can YOU help me?"
She asks me this as she is digging open her mouth and leaning down to show me something inside the cavernous hole. Now, I don't get grossed our very easy, but sometimes teeth and mouth freak me out. I step back and get my breath, just in case.
"Here, Look right Heeeeereeeeeeeeee!"
She is pulling her lip down so far I'm thinking her teeth may POP out, but they don't. She is digging her long, red painted fingernail into the side of her gums, digging desperately at the base of her tooth.
"There is SOMETHING there!"
"Fran, all I see is your tooth...stop digging at it and go brush your teeth,I'm sure that will help."
She turned to me and whimpered with tears in her eyes..."why can't you just pull it out? Can you give me some tweezers?"
Jeesus christ NO...
She wrapped her arms around my neck and started sobbing right into my face. I felt so bad, but there was nothing there. Just an old tooth...
She was angry for the rest of the evening.
I finished my shift, drove home, and immediately hopped into the shower. As I washed all the smells of the long day down the drain, I took a deep cleansing breath. All I could taste was old people. I could taste the smell of old people.

It smells like the ZOO...

As Olive came down the stairs this morning she yells to me,
"Mammoo, come here!"
"What? Come on we gotta go!"
"No, Mammoo...come here...smell right around here..."
as she waves her hand like a magic wand over the carpeted stair landing.
"Mammoo...smell...It smells like the Zoo right here."

Nice

Damn Dogs...


Time to call the carpet cleaners, in all reality, I'm saving my extra money from my new job for hardwood floors and a personal trainer, not necessarily in that order.

smells like the Zoo....Lord, give me strength

Old Skool Punk

I think this is why I think the kids today are so cute. I love the little punkrock 7th graders. I remember how hard it was to get funky clothes. Literally, I had to go to the Salvation Army to get clothes. My poor mom...she would beg me not to wear some of the stuff I had...and I would say , "think of all the money you are saving!"

I'm the little punk rocker in these pictures...It was probably around 1986/87...
I'm tiny...like a midget...But Boy I could work that punk rock 'bidniss'.
Shaved heads and no worries, I had no idea or care what people thought of me.
I just assumed everyone loved me.
Last night I spent 4 hours dealing with the ancient Apple, hooking up the only scanner we have and started scanning pictures for Facebook. I obviously was either the thief of many photo albums, or had the need to photo EVERYTHING from 1983 onward. Boxes and boxes...and I only made it to 1987...I was trying to be careful what I would scan so as not to start any fights among new lives, because I believe many of my old friends, never really talk about their past...I appear to be a common denominator in many people's lives. I think I was possibly the good common denominator, I had many groups of friends, many who didn't realize they crossed paths in the ways which they did. There were not many pictures of me, because I was probably taking the pictures...but there were many many pictures of people, in different day, a different life, possibly secret lives.

An old boyfriend posted....
"if I had a dollar for every brain cell I killed back then...I wouldn't have to work now!"
Everyone agreed.
xo
v8grrl

NOTHING...

i'm empty...nothing...no thoughts I can even put into writing...it's weird...
right now I just count the hours I have to sit at work...go home and sit some more.
Sometimes I take my running shoes out and look at them...sometimes I even put them on, put my ipod on, walk out the front door and sit on the front steps.
interesting.
I say...go legs...they just bend and sit.
nothing
empty

Pain in my neck

really, I keep thinking I'm having a heart attack, but if you go back a few posts...I thought that before and was given Xanax...which I'm out of...so my only other thought is that it is
work.

school is out for the summer for me, an entire 2 weeks to catch up, order books,get the kids schedules together, and figure out the remainder of my life as I know it for the next 5 1/2 months. Really? What could possibly go wrong in 5 months right?
This is why I am having a heart attack...
Everything...
and to think I think of myself as an optimist.

Back to the little sign up there.
it's true.
I'll get back to you when I have
1. realized I'm NOT having a heart attack and can get my shit together
or
2. I run outta here, yanking at my hair, screaming and then realize I have plenty of time for everything (because I'm not coming to HELL anymore)

write ya later
v8

the new Barbie Fashions

Olive has a new career...

Barbie clothes design and hair. Lovely. she finds scraps of fabric and whips up new clothes using string rubberbands and hairties....it's actually really funny. Yesterday they all had "bras" fashioned from tissue...even Ken, lucky guy. Enjoy the styles...she may be the next Marc Jacobs

haircut...and bow, from stuffed dog...this Barbie had long flowing locks last week.

Look at the Wedge cut she gave this girl...

Nice

star skirt, with light blue elastic belt

good for those PMS days

front view....notice the matching hair bow

Oh...and this Barbie skateboards in a dress...

(of course she does,unlike when I was a kid...she just wore high heeled Gogo boots and looked like a hooker)