Rather be digging ditches

You know, life is too short to be wasting time yelling and rushing around, but there is, honestly, something about mornings at my house that make it HELL.  Bobby gets up and leaves before anyone even stirs. We sleep in, well, sleep til 655 am.  School starts at 8 am for the older and 820 for the younger which , feasibly, gives us plenty of time, especially since the school is within walking distance.

But NooOOOoooOO.

Here's how a relaxing morning at the Graves house begins.

Multiple alarm clocks, which are poorly set going off, starting at 645 am, snooze button hit by 6 year old after yelling from brother and mom to turn the damn thing off! (She has the worst alarm clock, it sounds like a bull horn and she usually sleeps through it).

Then: the race for the shower.  I usually win, but sometimes the teen wins, which means I have to wait, because our house is not happy with 2 showers running at once.

This makes me bitchy. (are you surprised?)

This means I have to get dressed instead of just meandering nakedly to my bathroom.

Dressed...down to start the short order cook station.

Down comes Crankmaster, aka Olive.

"Here's your Oatmeal" Plop.

"is this Banana and Cream?" 

"Yes, Olive"....wait for it, wait for it...

"I SAID>>>>>> I don't like the Bananas and CREAAAAAMMMM it tastes like nothing!!!"

(i am going to kill you, whispered in my head)

"Olive, you picked this out...so you are going to eat it"

Then the tears and then the slowest eating in your life with lots of gagging and gasping.

Down comes the teen, who although he just showered, still smells like Teen Spirit. (What the hell is that weird odor? if anyone knows please tell me.)

"Hey, Kid, did you wash in there, you know with the soap and stuff?"

"yeah..."

"Clean clothes?"

"yeah"...

Ok never mind, maybe they all smell like that...kinda BOish with a mix of sweet and sour.

"Make sure you put on some of that fancy Ol Spice would ya?, just in case someone gets within 2 feet of your aura."

I make lunches,because my kids are veggies and Olive likes to announce when I say, "Olive its Meatless Monday at school...you know the ONE meatless day a week...started probably just for you?"

'I KNOOOOOW, but MOM  they give my 3 pieces of yukky cheese on white bread, they don't even give me a piece of lettuce or tomato! ...OR MAYO. It's gross."  

"Did you tell them, Olive?"

"Yes, they don't speak English"

great...I doubt that, but whatever...I'll make you your gourmet sandwich and then you can shut the ....up!  (with a smile)

At this point the teen is surfing facebook, because he is ready...waiting, quietly, knowing to just watch out, because the Tasmanian Devil usually lets lose right around know.

Olive..lets get a move on, you got 8 minutes for hair, teeth, socks, shoes, and jackets...its snowing.

"I KNOWWWWW!"

ok then GO.

saunter, saunter.

Teen says, "Mom, she's doing it on purpose."

is she really smart enough? 

little shit, she is doing it on purpose.  I can feel my blood pressure rising.  

OLIVE...Lets go!!!

now we have 4 minutes and I still have to get them in the car.

Teen starts car, best part of the day for him I'm sure. 

I try to stay calm....I do, really.

Olive, screw the teeth get some shoes on.

She comes down with strappy sandles.

WTF?

"Olive, Its's SNOWING!"

so...

Please, grab some socks and your boots, and your jacket and your hat and your gloves and your backpack and your flippin lunch.

"HONK HONNNNK"

I start scrambling,grabbing, and clutching, slapping a hat on her uncombed head because I am no longer in control.  I probably never was in control, hence the problem.

"OWWW, my head...!!!"

Olive, Please, just go...please.

"I AMMM!"

finally in the car.

We drive to drop the teen off, then zip around the corner to elementary school.

I can smell Olive's nasty breath from the front seat.  
The dog is trying to tongue kiss her, it smells good to him at least.

Her hair is balled up on one side.

She is wearing her brother's jacket which is totally pissing her off. (she outgrew hers)

and she has no mittens.

"Where are your mittens?"

"I don't know...gone"

great.

I take a deep breath and tell her what any mom on the verge of a break down would tell their child to do.

"go in that school, go straight to the lost and found, and pick yourself out some fancy mittens, if anyone says anything... play dumb"

"Mom, that's stealing..."

Olive GET out of the car!!! 

Get OUUUUT!!!!!!!!!

She hops out, slams the van door shut...
grunting and groaning...
takes about 5 steps then turns around and with a great big smile:

waves and blows a million kisses.

I can see her mouth the words "I love you".

She hops off with her balled up hair and stinky breath.

They are like dogs at that age, not a clue and forever faithful.

Thank god...

but to tell you the truth, I  think on mornings like this I would rather roll outta bed and go dig ditches.

Well, maybe not.

360 days of my life # 99

v8grrl, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

I'm getting my Mojo back

there is a smell taste in my mouth

I worked my second shift at the long term care facility Friday night. I worked the Alzheimer's unit, which was actually quite nice. I learned they don't give them as many meds so I was able to get done passing all the pills by 830, but was still lacking on the actual "care" part. I enjoyed it. I love the little people who yell for their dogs when there is no dog insight. Or tell you how beautiful you are even though they can't see you..makes me smile.
After dinner when almost all the the meds were passed, Fran walks up to me. Fran is this very New York looking older lady with the thick coke bottle glasses with black rims and is always very nicely dressed. You would never know she had any issues at all....she always looks as if she is on her way to a Bar Mitzvah.

She walks up to me and gently taps me on the shoulder. She has tears in her eyes.
"What's wrong Frannie?" I say.
"Can YOU help me?"
She asks me this as she is digging open her mouth and leaning down to show me something inside the cavernous hole. Now, I don't get grossed our very easy, but sometimes teeth and mouth freak me out. I step back and get my breath, just in case.
"Here, Look right Heeeeereeeeeeeeee!"
She is pulling her lip down so far I'm thinking her teeth may POP out, but they don't. She is digging her long, red painted fingernail into the side of her gums, digging desperately at the base of her tooth.
"There is SOMETHING there!"
"Fran, all I see is your tooth...stop digging at it and go brush your teeth,I'm sure that will help."
She turned to me and whimpered with tears in her eyes..."why can't you just pull it out? Can you give me some tweezers?"
Jeesus christ NO...
She wrapped her arms around my neck and started sobbing right into my face. I felt so bad, but there was nothing there. Just an old tooth...
She was angry for the rest of the evening.
I finished my shift, drove home, and immediately hopped into the shower. As I washed all the smells of the long day down the drain, I took a deep cleansing breath. All I could taste was old people. I could taste the smell of old people.