Yoga day 10

Yoga day 10, yeah, shut it....

I missed a few.

But, I'm still going.

No where near where my athletic ability was 3 years ago, but times have changed and the fact I keep moving is at least something, right?

I'm super tired,

but maybe that is normal.

I get up at 445am and head to work by 515am

I am working 4 full days a week, 

then I picked up Fridays at the hospital as a PRN.

It's all good 

Therapy for the kid is not cheap....

but like hell would I ever deny her help or the chance to talk to a therapist.

This is parenting,

this is love.

the kid may hate me right now

but that's ok.

we got this.

I have a few goals 

I have a lot of shit I would like to yell at the world

but I am learning silence is key

I am learning to live in my skin

and live in my life

happiness

love

Can't wait for warm weather

SUP boarding

travel

National Parks

Roller Skating

Gravel Bike

Running if my feet allow

Camping

Music

Outdoor Parties

friends

Gardening

 

Good stuff

write ya later

m

 

Yoga day 2

 

At this point 

Don’t really care what I look like 

I completed day 2 because I’m not a quitter 

Almost was 

But got it done at 8pm

I do hope I can get back to running

I ran 2.5 miles and the next day my plantar fasciitis was saying hello 

Again 

Even with 6 months off

So maybe the yoga would help

Because

My other half had taken up running

Because he wanted something we could do

Together

And now he’s a runner

And apparently I’m basically crippled in the feet

Which 

Makes 

Me 

Sad

Running

Although I was never good or fast

Was my flex to

Myself 

Now I have nothing 

Except the hope my feet 

Will heal

Xo

M

Gifted a damn bloom Orchid Bullshit compared to Life

Hey Oh, Hello

this happened last night.

My 79 cent orchid from the Kingsoopers throwaway bin

 in which I have been nursing back to health for a year...

bloomed.

My takeaway?

Keep caring, loving and doing

it'll happen

consistant and persistant

bwahahaha

that's dumb, but you get the drift.

On that note, my damn foot is hurting again.

I am trying to start training for a race and boom

foot pain

It's killing me on the inside because running was my way of clearing my mind.

even if I wasn't going far, it was mind clearing.

I have ordered some new running shoes and will be getting rid of all my others and see if that is the issue 

including my work Danskos

I am also going to start 

Yoga with Adrienne online.

I've been told that stretching may help my feet

how the fuck that works, I don't know.

I should know, because I am a nurse and I did take many years of anatomy and physiology

but my heel baffles me.

so, on the advice of some non medical person via Tok Tok, 

I will Yoga.

hey at least I'm following Yoga advice and not Joe Rogan's

I'll shut up now.

listen....

that Orchid?

Don't be scared of Orchids.

here's what you do

Bring home, 

get some orchid bark.

dump all the dirt out that it came in but keep that weird little plastic pot.

Make sure there is plenty of drainage....I cut slits in the sides too

clean of the roots and clip the nasty roots 

you can google this on Youtube

then rinse the roots, put in pot and put those bark chips around.

I then run the water through the pot and let it drain.

after the water has drained put back in decrative pot.

I place in a north facing window

it's by my kitchen sink so maybe it gets some humidity, I don't fucking know.

But I watch its leaves,  too much water they get weird and wrinkly soft, too little water, the same way

but don't panic 

just water like once a month...

and change those wood chips 

2x a year. 

and I always say watch a You Tube about it

but don't give up.

well even if you do 

it's just a fucking Orchid.

you can get another.

I'm gonna go Yoga

maybe I need to keep track of my yoga 

be accountable

let me see how day one goes

xo

m 

 

Gaslighting ....get over yourself

My control has been out of the ball park lately, Seriously.

Out

of 

the

park.

I'd like to tell you my crying factor has subsided, but no....

that is still hanging tight.

I can cry just thinking about shit...

Nothing even has to happen

but whatever.

One thing I no longer need to cry about??

My life.

My life is good.

but what surprises me, still, is how people want to gaslight.

in case you are confused:

"Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that often occurs in abusive relationships. It is a covert type of emotional abuse where the bully or abuser misleads the target, creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality."

People are dicks.

Honestly, we all are sometimes.

Holding onto anger and punishing is silly.

Be strong.

A long time ago a lovely therapist told me to let go of the things I cannot control.

It brings great relief.

She said I needed to try to understand that that what people are putting towards me is not about me, but about them...

and I laughed.

It made sense....

All those years, I knew I wasn't perfect, but I also knew I was 

kind

beautiful

an empath

and 

honest....

Until I couldn't be anymore.

I also learned that the people who matter most

ie: kids 

They will find out the truth, 

they figure it out

good.

That doesn't matter but what does is that they know I was there,

every damn day,

every day that I could barely get my own ass out of the bed or my mind straight

I got up

and did what I knew was best 

I fought for them and loved them

and allowed them time to hate and to heal

I think that is pretty fucking awesome.

so,

when someone says

"I think you’re a horrible role model for children

 I don’t agree with your way of parenting. I never have..."

I bite my tongue, shake my little head and laugh

as childish as it can be.  it sums it all up

gaslighting no more.

The power of me and my knowledge and my freedom and my love

I'm good.

real good

ABCDE....

xo,

m