Showing posts with label artsy fartsy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label artsy fartsy. Show all posts

Friday, August 2, 2019

Ghost .......in you...she don't fade.......

tonight I have written 2 posts...I unloaded my heart and then stuffed it into the draft file
you can thank me later.

I went back to working out.
Thanks Jen!

I'm determined to get abs by Oct 29....even if no one sees them, I am going to do it.
Yup...
love me some abs....
Bought new underwear...15 pairs....15 pairs of fucking underwear.
but not really "fucking underwear" just underwear.  Because I don't fuck...or have sex, or kiss, or touch, or even really look anymore.
which gives me ample time to work....
and to go to the gym....
and read....
knit...
and organize my underwear drawer.
It's rewarding.
not.

I'm good.

I bought tickets to see Ben Harper.
it is pretty trivial, but it was a huge deal to me
I did something for myself.
I bought 2...hoping a friend would go,
because seeing and hearing music with someone is great...
it's like looking into someone's secret space when you share music...
It didn't work out.
I will still go, because it is part of becoming independent.
and I love Ben Harper.

It's all good.

The girls at work asked why I haven't met someone.
Just get a boyfriend, or a friend with benefits.
I smile and think how easy it should be.
How the men I have met are right there in front of me...
and I am not attracted.
I smile politely and listen....
and shake my head....
there is nothing there
I cannot imagine anyone looking at me,
I cannot imagine talking to someone....
or letting someone talk to me
or letting them in.

on the other side...
when he talks to me
I melt....
I cannot even.




Just take me away,
escape for a day or 3
hands,
lips,
dancing in the kitchen,
napping.





underwear....
underwear drawer....
just undies....nothing else.




A race is on I'm on your side
And hearing you my engines die
I'm in a mood for you
For running away
Stars come down in you
And love, you can't give it away
Inside you the time moves

And she don't fade
The ghost in you
She don't fade
Inside you the time moves
And she don't fade




write ya later,
m









Monday, April 22, 2019

365 days: Yin and Yang ...My heart is like paper

What a night 
and then another ....
Yin and Yang of life I suppose.
With each birth there is a death
 and just as life has it,
with each death there is a birth.


Ilin Blue "Oozium"


Saturday at Helikon Gallery we celebrated the birth of this young man's art, which is going to bring him into a new life.
People flowed in from all over to see his art they had been hearing about.
The artists were all talking and excited to see who this artist was.
This artist, Ilin Blue, was a surprise to them all.
The gallery owner had no idea that Ilin ( Oozium) was only 22...
had never once shown his art before....

The gallery filled up...
they ran out of drinks....

The owner came up to me and said,
"we have never had an opening to this extent before, with this many people showing up on opening night for a group show....they are all here for him.  He has all ready sold all of his art, and it has only been 1 hour"

This young man, with the shirt he bought and pressed 2 hours earlier, clean pants and Elliot's ashes around his neck, smiled from ear to ear 
( check out the Denver Grillz)

He spoke to people as they came in.
Other artists and visitors asked for pictures with him.
He was happy.
A much needed change from the last 3 weeks.
I whispered, "your Muse made this happen...she is here..."
He smiled at me and I gave him a big hug....
Sometimes , just sometimes, good things can grow out of horrible.
 The gallery owner pulled him aside and asked if he would be willing to do reprints, ...
"of course!"
As I walked around the galleries looking at other art I realized how special tonight was.
One artist said " Have you seen the young man's art downstairs in the main building? We heard he may be coming to our gallery to stay for a while.  We can't believe his stuff...we heard he draws too....
That young man is on his way up...we hope he stays here."
I smiled and said, 
"that is my son."
My beautiful broken son...

I believe they said around 300 people walked in to see Oozium...the artist with his art on 3 full walls, 
with no art schooling, past shows, or artist tribe...
Awkwardly shaking hands, and humbly saying ,
"thank you, man"
with his signature little bow, prayer hands and huge smile.
The night was grand.
As I left the owner came up to me and said,
"we would like him to consider a full gallery show in 2020 if he is interested. 
All walls, floor to ceiling. I just can't get enough of his humble attitude and if this is his beginning we can't wait to see how he progresses."

This beginning stemmed from an end. The Muse who had all the paperwork ready to submit for this art show....then died.  
The submission that almost did not happen because he did not feel like he could do it.
But we said, "Elliot would want this"

and now the doors are open for a rebirth.
They offered him his own studio, 
A group of people with like mind to help him get out of his head and into the world.
A place to find a bit of refuge from his sadness.
a new Tribe.....
minus,
the only 
person
he 
ever 
wanted 
to 
be 
with.
The Muse...Ashton/Elliot

He enjoyed the opening, his friends kept him safe...
He went out....he came home...
all was beautiful

All was so good that he said,
"it's time I go back to the apartment"
The next day he gathered all of his stuff and went back to their little apartment,
unpacked and sat down on the bed in which she had only died 1 month prior to the day...
and cried,
and cried, 
and cried.
By the time he called I could only understand little bits and pieces but as his mom I knew the pain.
"Mom, this fucking sucks, I want her...physically next to me and she NEVER WILL BE AGAIN"
no, you are right...she never will be.
"I'm laying in the bed and I just want her, so I can tell her how great it was, how I want her to be proud, how I did all of this for her"
I know....but that is not going to happen and she opened this door for you...
please Blue, don't let her down now....cry, be sad...but breathe.
"I'm lonely, mom, I'm lonely and scared that I will always be lonely"
Blue, at night, we are all lonely, you must find a way to be ok with being lonely...
Have a place to put your sadness every night, 
then remember 

we are all alone when we close our eyes at night...

it won't get better, but it will get easier and at some point you may find solace in the fact you can be in the bed with your heart and mind open and be ok with you, just you.
You will make friends, you will go out, you will eat and sometimes you will just go out because you know you should....
and that is good.
But we are all alone at night.
I love you Ilin Blue.
I am so proud.
Only you can hold your own heart in your hands and make it ok 
I can only be here....
watching and listening
and Blue,
remember....
she would be so proud....
she wanted this for you.
❤❤

Each Death Brings Birth


Write ya later,
m


Such a Simple Thing
R.Lamontagne

Tell me what you're feeling

I can take the pain
Tell me that you mean it
That you won't leave again
Tell me what your heart wants

Such a simple thing
My heart is like paper
Yours is like a flame
I can't make you see

If you don't by now
I'll get through these chains
Some how
Some how
Take it if you want it

I'm so tired I just don't care
Can't you see how much you hurt me?
It's like I wasn't there
Tell me what your heart wants

Such a simple thing
My heart is like paper
Yours is like a flame
My heart is like paper
Yours is like a flame

I can't make you see
If you don't by nowI'll get through these chainsSome howSome how

Tell me what your heart wants
Such a simple thing
My heart is like paper
Yours is like a flame
My heart is like paper
Yours is like a flame





















Saturday, February 16, 2019

Pheromones ? ADD ? and Hot Tubs


2/14/19

MCA Denver Winter Opening (outside)


As I walked around the MCA I felt quite nice. It did not hurt that the UBER driver announced he wished he could walk us right up to the door because we looked gorgeous .
My vintage dress was staying put, not ripping or falling off and my heels were comfy( nothing makes for a worse night than uncomfortable shoes, no matter how great they look), and my huge 1940s wool and fur white cloak was show stopping (even missing a button).

We walked in and the first thing I noticed, was that a few men ,stepped to the side and did the arm wave and guided us into the building, smiling and with a little look. 
I thought, "odd". but it was nice. A beautiful 20 something girl stepped out of the elevator and came right up to me and said, "You look beautiful...your hair is amazing and that dress., saw you from up there !..that dress is perfect" ....
Hmmm feeling quite good...but I really just want to have a glass of beer , because you know...that's what fancy people do, and see the art.
We found our way from the photo booth to the bar then onward to the main gallery.
All I could think was 

1. I love this art and all of this
2. This is where every cool person should be with their Valentine.
3. YEAH  this is pretty fun

We looped around and the amount of well dressed pretty people was impressive, but honestly, I was not paying a whole lot of attention. I was concentrating on not spilling my beer and getting a little closer to the paintings I wanted to really see.
As I was shimmying between people to get up front to the one  special piece, I felt a touch on my back.
I didn't jump, or turn around to punch, because I was holding my beer and as stated I was trying not to spill, plus it was actually more of a slide across my back, very gently.
gave me a bit of a chill
I glanced around and a very good looking man was back a little bit and he smiled and nodded. 
I tried not to look confused and do the point and "me?" thing so I just smiled and nodded back and turned around.  I felt a little confused but then realized what someone had said to me recently. 
Let people acknowledge you. 

I wandered from piece to piece then found A, so that we could go get another cocktail ( and she wanted some pictures of herself by a few of the pieces of artwork because she was looking like a piece of art also)
Found the drink line and stood behind some adorable young ladies who were on date and so cute.  Gently touching each other and smiling, with a few giggles....so I leaned forward and said, "y'all look perfect tonight." and they smiled, giggled ....and we laughed about the drinks and the drink line. They really did look perfect and summed up what I would imagine was the perfect date night.
As I was waiting for A, I saw across the way the tall man, actually I kind of felt him before I saw him. 
He was just watching me. 
I couldn't figure out who he was with because he was with a group of beautiful women and men who were quite loud and moving from place to place without really looking at anything.
I turned to get my drink and pay, and when I turned back around he was behind me a few back in the line. He never spoke to me, he winked and gave a little smile again, raised his empty drink cup and gave a little shrug. 
Interesting, I don't think he was blind, or drunk, so he actually was checking me out.
I did not stay to see what would happen because I wanted to get to the other sections and I knew A wanted to get up to the dance party.
It felt nice, and if I had been there by myself I probably would have pursued that a bit more, except I still wasn't sure if he was there with anyone, because it was Valentine's Day. But I'll tell you what, that little hand slide across the back was a ballsy, and pretty hot.

A and I had a great night , there were many compliments from young women to A and me on our looks. And to think A was worried she was overdressed....I said there is no such thing. 
We danced and laughed, got A's pictures she wanted for Match (haha) and made it to the second Uber, where once again , the driver was quite charming.
( I would like to point out, A got one of their phone numbers and is going out Sunday)
Would I have like to have been there with a lover or someone who enjoyed my company?(  besides A, I love going out with her...but you know what I mean)
Of course...it would have been awesome...But art gallery openings aren't for everyone, and getting dressed up is not for everyone, but I think , yes it would have been quite sexy and amazing.
My night and interactions with people were perfect.
I was there to drink the beer and see the art...and be dressed up, 
check check and check


I did look nice.  

Is this what they would consider Pheromones working?
It might be .
Or is it just not caring? Letting go and being open.

It's interesting how my attitude is a bit different the past few weeks. You know, since my attitude adjustment.  I'm present but semi calm and open. 
Things have felt a bit different and it is a bit weird.

Besides the Gala,
 I went out with my neighbor to the local pub ;we had the same thing happen.
My friend is actually more of a chatter than I am and we were drinking Vodka Tonics at the bar, yapping about life and vacations, and I kept announcing to her " I have to be up at 4am...no more, plus you have to work too"
We weren't paying attention to much around us because we go there all the time and were much too busy gossiping and laughing. I looked like shit, but because it was my local I didn't care....It's Longmont, I had actually just thrown clothes on over my PJs. and put a hat on.
after D, had ordered about her 75th V/T  I said "That's it Young Lady I'm Paying and driving your drunk ass home!" As she was professing her love for me I glanced around and the 2 men sitting next to us were laughing.
The man directly to my right, called the bartender over... and held up his card and said, " I'm buying theirs and get them one more round, except she might want water ( he whispered ) pointing to me"
I laughed and said "No way mister, you can't pay for this, she just drank the Caspian Sea in Titos Vodka and ate dinner...too much, we got it...we are good, but thank you"
He looked at the bartender shook his head and handed over his fancy metal credit card and waved his hand for that extra round.
"Really, thank you"
He laughed and kept watching the game on the TV.
I announced to D, he paid for our bill and she said, " really? That's great !woop woop", then started to try to have a conversation with him
It was comical.
We talked about vacations and travel, and D was telling him about her trip she was heading out on to Mexico.
He was a bit older, maybe early to mid 50s and funny. 
He said he traveled a lot, had a private plane and a handler.  
"A HANDLER? WTF?" I was laughing so hard.
He nonchalantly said he had to travel for work all the time and because of his ADD he just can't get to where he needs to be correctly. He has often ended up in the airport bathroom panicking.

I could tell he was listening to D talk, but he was looking at me with everything he said.
I asked him what he does when he gets to where he is going.?
He said the handler is there and arranges the limos, food etc so he just shows up to where he needs to be and tries not to panic.
wow.
He asked about my travel.
We talked and as D was talking over us...
he leaned over and said ," can I give you my phone number,  or card? " 
I smiled and said I am currently with someone, and I am so flattered...
Jokingly I said, "Besides, I like to travel and you are not a good traveler"
He said "well you might not always be with someone and I would like you to take my number...or if you want to take a ride on a private plane, I live around the corner....also, I am a good traveler, if I have a handler"
he handed me his card 
I looked at it for a second, smiled and put it in my pocket....I patted him on the knee and said thank you again for the dinner  and drinks..."I have to get her home....she is demanding Hot Tub."
I looked at the card the next day and smiled.  
President of some international shipping company and consultant....
(with severe ADD which was not on the card but should have been)

I'm just going about my days, doing what I need to do to be a better me without someone stifling me and in return maybe I might be throwing off some pheromones.
maybe...
now is not the time
hahaha 
I have too much on my plate.
but I'm open to whatever comes my way as I work out this situation 

write ya later,
watch out for Pheromones
xo,
m








Monday, May 12, 2014

craft room and yarn hole! Lets do this thing

Shit shit and more shit.   
So today I start to fix and throw away and try to make something out of this place we call home.
It gets to a point where you have lived some where so long you don't really care any more, then one day you look around and say 
Jeesus, this place is a mess and we have such great space and I bet if someone else lived here they would make it nice

so I am going to make my space nice.
Of course as soon as I started the man came down and said you can't just paint...you cant just put stuff in here.
well why the hell not!?


Just go back out to your garage.



the front loader broke...I had to spend 600$ on a new washing machine on Mother's Day which really really pissed me off.  so that wont be here until 5/25.  that gives me time to paint.

I'll keep ya posted and in the mean time if you have any ideas via pinterest etc...send them my way

Thursday, January 2, 2014

New Year's...It's resolution time....Just be awesome

Here we go.  
As I get older I start to set my goals more in the medium range, with a few fancy ones thrown in.  One of my friends has a great way of thinking of her new goals.  Make a goal...then add a bonus.  I like that.

1. girls weekend getaway.
2. travel...alone.
3. Motorcycle ride, camp, ride.
4.  read a book every other month
5. run a 10k ( my friend has run a 10k a month on her list....whaccco!)
6. Pottery class
7. Art class
8. Writing class (  scares me)
9. yoga my heart, mind, soul
10 get a passport   (seems silly huh?  it just is a lot of paperwork)

and remember...
write ya later,
m

Sunday, December 30, 2012

RE-solution: to do more art

Every year I say this and that.  I can't even go back to look for fear of how depressing it could be.
I'm thinking this year: Not so extreme.
Stay healthy….I will do that by running when I feel like it, working out at least 3 times a week and my big one; try to only have drinks one day a week.   That should kill me dead by January 7th.

I want to do more art.  Mostly because I suck and it helps me concentrate and try to get out of my head a bit.  It may even help me finish a few things.

I really like the idea of starting things.  BIG PLANS, you know.  Start a project, buy everything, start it, then realize, wow, I have to clean this shit up.  This is definitely not as much fun as it looked on Pinterest.  
Eff You Pinterest.

Another goal.  
Continue my secret meditation practice and my readings from different teachers.  I do actually realize I'll never hit Nirvana, but I can shoot for Prahna, right?
Yoga, meditation and a few less beers may bring me a wee bit closer to the right level. 

I'll tell you one thing.  I attempted to find Zen in cleaning the paintbrushes today after Olive and I had arts and crafts.  

 digipic of Clint Eastwood.   hard to see unless you are avout 40 feet back.   Squint your eyes uo
Olive working on Harajuki .  She is quite the artist.

Well, tomorrow I'm back to work.
I had a nice relaxing 5 days off.

Write ya later

Friday, November 9, 2012

Circular Needle Holder …clothespins

Yesterday I started cleaning the craft/laundry room.   
I had all my circular needles (which I dont use very often because I have since acquired some knitpicks interchangeables) in a needle wrap...pretty unsuccessfully.   They were a mess.  
So….I came up with an easy fix

Off to Home Depot.
1 piece of steel/metal   1.58   1 inch wide and 1 foot long
clothespins                   1.29
magnets                       4.00
glue gun


You may have some of this stuff just hanging out.  I had magnets but I wanted stronger ones than my bottle cap magnets.
The metal strip I got has holes in it so that I can nail it to the wall….or because its magnetic, I can put it to metal.  Imagine that.

Painting the clothes pins would be quite fancy also.
 You can easily romove the needles.
 I'm sure you crafty people can make them look more hip
But I like the industrial look.
Enjoy!

Friday, July 6, 2012

First Yarn Bomb

Cherry Creek Arts Festival…about 7 minutes total…   needs a chain and ball

would you smile…?
I would

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Ideas, I'm actually thinking again!


Since I am still trying to figure out my living space I have been collecting pictures.
I have this really cool vintage mirror I found in the garbage years ago and I thought something like above would be cool, but with a twist.

Its been sitting in the garage, waiting for the love.
This weekend we will see what she can give me in the beauty department!, I'll post pictures.
summer is nearly over and the deck is still not done.
oh well pick your battles.

gotta sleep, i gotta work tonight so ....maybe something fun will happen at work

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Thank you Mrs Mint Julep

For the new setup!
I couldn't quite figure out how to get the thing centered so it ended up BIG...But I LOOOOVE it.  
kiss kiss

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

"I Love You Snowman" by Olive 6 years old

We are constantly looking for things for Olive to do...Ballet, acting, baseball, soccer...
anything to help her develop her 
little self.

You know what?  I think she might all ready have a talent we should be encouraging a bit more.
Last night while we made dinner
she made this:
(and in PEN!)

iloveyousnowman

Art by Olive  6 years old

snowguys

The models