yeah....I miss you, I think

Dumbest thing ever. 

Nothing but silence.

I see you there, 

Quiet,

Watching but not talking.

You are watching me

I am watching you

But yet ,

So quiet....

Mind numbingly quiet

Miss you

I think

talk

don't be a boob

It is coming up to my 5 years, post atypical cell growth in my right booby. 

Cancer.  

I'm not to worry because they said it was clean margins when they removed a 2"x 4" part of my tit.

So, why do I worry?

Because I'm a nurse and I deal with cancer diagnosis' every day.  What I do know is that cancer is never cured, you are never a winner. if you live long enough it comes back.  Maybe not in my boob....but probably somewhere else.

When I went through all this, I did it pretty much alone.  I did not want to worry my family. To this day, my kids still don't know. I waited until the surgery to tell my other half.  Post surgery I was to start chemo and do mammograms every 6 months.  I did a bit of soul searching and with talking to my oncologists,  opted to not continue treatment.  The answer was that it is a 75% chance that it will return within 5-10 years with no treatment.  Because it was a clean catch and not ductal or lymph nodes I chose to not participate.  It's been fine. 

5 years is January.

 ( after the surgery .... this was called a breast saving mastectomy....they take a big scoop out and leave everything else.  Mine was not ductal , I was lucky)

This past few months I have noticed a lump in 

the same breast.  But not too big.  I have lumpy boobs anyways so I am not going to stress until the new year when it is time for my mammogram.  

For people who aren't aware ....here is what you can look for in breast changes

No need to worry....

But I do worry.  I have some underlying bone pain in weird places, I have lost a bit of weight and I have a weird feeling.  (yes a weird feeling).

I will make an appointment with the dermatologist, pretty sure I need some business on my pasty skin corrected too. 

5 years.  

I'm going to just go with it.  I guess the best advice is to cross that bridge when I get there.  I'm not sure I can walk across that bridge alone this time.   

I'll just hope for no bridge....zip.... 

clear my mind....

don't worry

my boobs are real....but this is funny

write ya later, 

m

lost in translation

One of my friends is a quiet communicator. 

Let's say silent. 

How does one communicate with a person who is silent?

How do you know the truth from bullshit? 

How do you connect?

Buried in their darkness, or is it just me.

I understand that each person is their own and each person has their own demons and issues which delays connection due to trust. My demon basket overfloweth, so I get it.

 Lost in translation. 

Open hearts, connection, passion....

It starts there.....

trust, stories, secrets....

touch.

Back to reality.

For many people, connection at the surface is enough. 

My connection is deep. I cannot even hold a friendship together if we have not shared depth. 

Shallow does not connect with me. 

my favorite is to share secret laughs and stories between.

it is unbreakable 

it is 

tight

Blank stares, lost in translation....

write ya later,

m