Yoga day 10

Yoga day 10, yeah, shut it....

I missed a few.

But, I'm still going.

No where near where my athletic ability was 3 years ago, but times have changed and the fact I keep moving is at least something, right?

I'm super tired,

but maybe that is normal.

I get up at 445am and head to work by 515am

I am working 4 full days a week, 

then I picked up Fridays at the hospital as a PRN.

It's all good 

Therapy for the kid is not cheap....

but like hell would I ever deny her help or the chance to talk to a therapist.

This is parenting,

this is love.

the kid may hate me right now

but that's ok.

we got this.

I have a few goals 

I have a lot of shit I would like to yell at the world

but I am learning silence is key

I am learning to live in my skin

and live in my life

happiness

love

Can't wait for warm weather

SUP boarding

travel

National Parks

Roller Skating

Gravel Bike

Running if my feet allow

Camping

Music

Outdoor Parties

friends

Gardening

 

Good stuff

write ya later

m

 

Empath's Rule

 To walk away or to stay? That is the question I have asked myself many times in my life. Not an easy question by any means, and not a question to take lightly. One random thing I think about is: 

Man, you really do travel this life alone.

The best one can hope for is that you cross paths with people who you can at least spend some enjoyable time with, before your time is over. 

Amen

My time recently has been eaten up by family responsibilities and maintaining the health and sanity of those within my small small circle.  I realize this is not uncommon, but yet, when do I take a minute to step outside my area and take a few breaths for myself....without guilt, fear or anger?  A work friend and I were discussing the counseling I was attending for my daughter, and a bit of the scares and heartbreaks  I have experienced with my two kids. How I never feel like a good parent if my kids have fallen into these holes of hurt and pain...but I fight like hell every day for them to see their beauty. I would not change a thing in my life right n ow except for them to be what we see in them and put the fear and judgements from the world behind them. I cry every time I speak of either one of them, not for sadness, but for my fear that they may never see how amazing life is.  

When are you going to get some counseling?

OMG, no shit.  I feel bad for the therapist I eventually sit with.  At this point I am working 2 jobs to cover life expenses and therapies for O, so that she can be safe and stay out of the hospital. Believe you me.......when I get a free day and an extra $150 I am IN.

When does the fun begin?

Honestly, everyday is a pretty good day.  All in all I really don't have much to complain about, just things to manage.  Am I sad some people have walked away? Very much so.  But they have their lives too.  I am not their inner circle....but I will almost always be there for them. I like to think that we all need separation  to move in the directions needed so that we can come back to each other stronger and with more love and knowledge.  I feel confident in my heart and head that the few people whom have turned away know that I love them dearly and will always and I will be right here for them if they ever need me, a hug, a dinner, a cocktail, a place to just sit and breathe.  I know that.

Love when you can love and never forget it

Yeah, that      Love and hugs are an amazing thing. Closeness and intimacy are secret worlds. No one will ever again make me feel guilty of how much, who, when or why I choose love and laughter. For each time and person I have chosen, or those who have loved me, I am grateful. Especially grateful for the loves who are still here, so that we can remind each other how special friendships are. how longterm unconditional love can not be trumped by petty ideas and life rules.  

An Empath's rule: My heart will always be open to you

As will my sense of humor, my brute honesty, and my abilities to love and piss off at the same time.

Now off to start this wonderful Sunday.

write ya later,

m

Holding on for Life

Broken Bells

Girl take a seat, rest your weary bones

Your secrets safe in my hands

Tell me about the years and

Let me buy an hour

Maybe help me to understand

Ooh ain't nobody callin'

Ain't nobody home

What a lovely day to be lonely

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

Light another cigarette

Burning in the cold

Waiting on the street for your man

You're trying not to look so

Young and miserable

You gotta get your kicks while you can

In the lighted corner, sitting on your own

What a lovely day to be lonely

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

Well you might belong to another time

Still you have to carry on here

No where else to go and you never know

What to hide and what to show, no

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

On This Harvest Moon .....I'm still in love with you

 Life is strange...

and beautiful

10/10/21

💙

I will keep this simple 

we waited a long time 

for this 

people may say otherwise,

but they did not see the love in his eyes

for me

for her

for us

and her happiness with a new chapter

and family who opened their arms

to her broken wings

and loved her.

just as he loves us

To the people I did not tell

there was a reason or 

reasons

fear,

selfishness

not wanting to answer the questions

To the people who knew

I thank you...

we thank you...

for your beautiful support through the last 2 years

and for all the 

love you have sent

There are still many people I love and hope to never lose in my life...

ever

you all know who you are 

and my love and friendship will forever be here

A new, beautiful, loving chapter is about to begin for us

And a time to begin to heal 

not just my heart but the 

hurt I carried with me

xo,

write ya later

m

broken nose and a WTF

I kept wondering why she was pacing back and forth. 

I glanced out of the corner of my eye and she was walking back and forth and in circles. 

Thats not like her, I thought.

As the realtor and I were finishing our discussion I heard K yell,

"Olive, holy shit...OLIVE!!!!"

As I turned she was wobbling and went face first into a tree by the edge of the driveway, 

then into a pile of  large landscape rocks.

seizure.

I yelled,"call 911" over and over again 

until I could hear the realtor giving a clear address and saying Olive's age and the situation.

Kevin was trying to turn her over, but I knew we should not move her too much, so I pushed him away and carefully flipped her 

and held her head as she screamed a primal weird scream....

her eyes looking at nothing, but everything.  

It only lasted about 10 seconds, but seemed longer.

I cradled her head and made sure she could not move it.  

I felt her nose gently....

broken for sure.

I looked at her ears,

no blood yet.

the egg all ready forming on her forehead.

The next several hours were spent at the emergency room....

standard scans and blood work.

I texted her dad before I even left the area it happened.

K...came in, 

then we decided he should leave so that when dad came he could come in with no issue.

Covid and the ER keeps people from having visitors, but because Olive was under 16...both parents or care givers, are allowed.

As K left Olive cried.

She asked me ....

"did you text dad?

why isn't he coming or texting"

He must be busy and not have his phone....

you know he would be here.....

One hour, two hours, 3 hours.....

still no answer.

"mom ....why isn't dad coming?"

well...as we were finishing our paper work....

he texted....I told her this....

"He called...He didn't have is phone...he isn't near home so he can't get back....he loves you....and is worried."

but what he really said to me...

"WTF?....I'm not near home.....and Where were YOU when this happened???

(standing next to her)

Hmmmmmmmm

sure.....makes me wonder what the fuck is going on over there"

he didn't ask how she was, or that he was going to hurry home to see if she is ok...

or....let me talk to her ....

wow that is really scary.

he said .......

Hmmmmmmm 

and questioned the situation.

my heart broke...

broke because this is not who I was with...

or was it?

It broke because I cannot and will not be able to continue to explain and cover

It broke for Olive.

She's tucked into bed with a broken nose, a concussion and a huge lump on her head.

I'm checking on her continuously ....

the dog at her side.

I want her to know I Love her so much

we all do.....

but today....

I feel different

not my love for her....

but my hope....

for love

write ya later

m

Together

Life is so weird.

awesomely weird.

let me just tell you .....

like you care.....

Recently I lost a best friend

 ....or more.....

a love..... 

a piece of my heart....

just like that.

no longer.

"never contact me again"

I am who I am....I will never leave people I love....ever.

but this hurt.....

In the interim....I am working and laughing.

My kid is blossoming into this amazing soul 

with big thoughts and opinions, 

beauty that just pours out of her.... 

a mouth like a mini sailor 

and I adore her.

I laughed as she went on and on about how MY life should be evolving....

How Kevin is her "G" 

and she is moving to San Fran ( regardless of cost)

I admire her .

As I move through this divorce ...going on a year + now.

I know I am good.

I think a lot about how things could have been different....

but it doesn't matter.

why waste time on that

I think about how people change and that is something we should all realize...

and that is OK

My life in this little tiny place is happy

I have a lover who adores me and we mesh...

we laugh...we talk...we cook...we do things....

together.  

It is so great.

the kid is happy 

She is involved and present ....

this place is tiny, yet she is always present

unlike the big house....

she is here....

smiling....

and her friends are here too

I love it.

I feel like a mom..... a parent

When this is done....

and I can delete all the messages and pictures from ,y life and start over 

with hopefully 5$ to my name....

things are gonna get wild 

52 year old wild.   

xoxo

m

Costa Rica here I come

Judgey Judgey...Just love the way ya do...

Just be happy

So many things to be happy for

See this? 

Yeah those jerks in the picture with me?

They are happy...

The bald one in the middle (alopecia...go back and read) has no real reason to smile like that, yet he does.

He is part of my inspiration to be this person for him

Loving him through trauma was so difficult as a parent.

To love, fear, protect, and try to stay strong was fucking hard!

But look, 

He is still very much alive, and smiling.

The other one?  

Olive Bijie.

Together we are tackling teen years; her learning that boys want to touch your boobs, regardless of age, and how to traverse nicely through divorce and still smile.

She keeps my emotions in check and by that I mean:

She pisses me off, she makes me laugh, she films me way too much for Tik Tok and Snapchat and I have learned to be beautiful for her....

even when I look in the mirror and see ugly.

She sees beautiful.

I want the people I love and even the ones that I am not super fond of right now to see the beauty in love.

We are strong and love comes in so many different forms.

Do we need to question the way one person loves, feels love, or finds love against another?

I don't really think so.

If something makes you happy or feel loved or beautiful 

do it.

fuck it.

Some people like S&M,

some people like holding hands...

Some people like 3 or 4 people and some people like animals 

(although I may have to frown upon doing stuff with animals ,,, not sure they can consent)

But what I am saying is what makes you happy and beautiful should be ok.

and accepted.

They said Bubba should not be in love again....

it hasn't even been 6 months since his girlfriend died.

but who the hell wrote that rule?

Why does he have to hide and pretend he isn't in love with someone?

He is in love...

and it's ok.

love is awesome.

That girl...Olive Bijie.

She is in love every day...

until one such love tries to touch her boob or hold her hand.

She's almost 16 and not ready for that kind of love....

and that's ok, too

I told her...

"they will be there when you are ready"

How will I know when I am ready, Mom?

"because you won't mind when they touch your boob

....simple as that....

you might even want them to"

Gross, Mom...not gonna happen.

yes, yes it will.

So for everyone reading.

lets love more and fight less

let's give some money to the guy on the corner...

just because he loves booze doesn't mean you can't give him a boost.

Let's connect with old friends 

Lets understand that just living a life isn't really living....

until you start loving.

and if you are in a situation where you have no love...

fucking change that shit.

because we all deserve it.

and maybe let someone hold your hand and or touch your boob once in a while.

seriously.

lighten up.

quit being so damn judgey judgey.

and PS:

write ya later,

m

now go hug someone

365 days :maybe it's not generational.... day 177

Day:177

today this girl went to her first job.  

That's Tripp in the background, one of the owners of Tortugas in Longmont.

They needed a dishwasher and this  freshly turned 15 year old said ," I am in".

We , well most of us, have worked a labor job at some point in our life.  

I have done them all. 

Growing up in the tourist town of Destin, Florida I worked mainly kitchen....because that is where the work was. It was hard, sweaty, work....but I met some of the most amazing people ever in the kitchens.  I learned about work ethic, food, cleanliness, teamwork, anger management and love in those kitchens. 

Everyone should work in the kitchen at some point. 

True fact... 

washing dishes teaches you respect and understanding of service industry and teaches you what the low man on the totem pole really is.

This girl, Olive Bijie, showed up, having never worked a real job let alone operate a dish machine, busted her ass, and made it through a busy Saturday night .... 

I am proud of her.

Before she went in we talked to her about work ethic and how she is strong  and sassy (which is requirement #1 of kitchen work)

and she is not a quitter.

just so you know....

I thought she would be crying when I picked her up.

but NO....

she was standing there tired, but smiling, with a togo box of high end food and the owners saying 

"she did great...it was so busy.... we want her back if she will have us"

her response....

" I like money...I'll be back"

We say this generation and the last are lazy...don't want to work, want to start at the top and never do manual labor....but here I have a 15 year old girl, who is baby sitting, dog watching, and now working washing dishes.....

so maybe it's not generational...

maybe it's the upbringing?

I'm a really proud mom right now.

She exceeded my expectations and did it...

 and I hope she excels at it.

even if it is dishwashing

because if you are going to do a job...

do your best,

whether it is washing dishes or brain surgery

do your best.

do your fucking best

xo,

write ya later 

m

Veggie Pot Pies with Olive (the kid)

 So we decided to make some good hearty food for the -1 degree weather we finally got here in Colorado.  It was cold and I wanted Pot Pie.  I wanted the kind that comes in the cardboard box from when I was young.  The peas were bright green and the carrots unnaturally orange, but to me….ohhhh so good.

I searched for recipes but most were meat, or vegetarian and way too complicated, I mean, I don't want bok choy or fennel in my pot pie.  I just want yummy, thick, burn your mouth pot pie.

I took the best recipes I could find and used the basics then went ol' free form on it.

Here's the pics…(the recipe will be below)

 Get your stuff together.  Fresh chopped, but feel free to use frozen…I'm not eating it, you are.

Saute, have the kids help…more likely to eat/try it.

This looks like…well, I'm guessing if you are still reading this you know what it looks like.

It taste good, I swear.

Olive..helping.

 Make your own crust if you want, but I had 2 in the freezer.

Each pie crust (cut one…ball up and re roll) makes 2 tops.

Plop them on…brush some cream/milk on top

they don't need to be perfect…they are "rustic"

Don't forget to poke holes

Done…and HOT.mmmmmm

Recipe (give or take)  

3 large carrots chopped

3 potatoes cubed 

1 Cup frozen peas 

1 onion chopped

2 stalks celery chopped

1 container of button mushrooms

(feel free to use whatever you want, but this is POT PIE NORMAL)

1 box (15 oz) veggie broth

3 T. flour

Butter (yes butter)

Milk or cream

2 frozen pie shells thawed but kept cool in fridge.

sage, thyme, salt  and pepper

white vinegar

preheat oven to 350

use dutch oven or heavy bottomed sauce pot

Add butter, let melt.  add onion, sautee until translucent.  add celery and carrots, sautee for about 5 minutes until cooked al dente.  Add mushrooms and potatoes.  Now add the flour and 3T butter stir over medium heat for about a minute or so, turn the heat down if you need to.  Don't burn the flour!  just cook it until it gets kind of gloppy and coats everything.  Don't panic, It looks bad but just keep going.

 At this point I added enough veggie broth to make it look like filling.  I believe I used the entire box.  

The broth will start to thicken due to the flour.  I then added about a 1/2 C of milk/cream.

as the filling cooks it should thicken.  If it thickens too much add more milk or broth or water, watever you have.  Turn the heat down to low and add the peas….mmmmm peas. 

Now season with the seasonings to taste.  Please taste it.  Your tongue will know what it needs.

It should look about like that gross picture up there.

I turned the heat off and let it sit.

I had 4 new bowls I got from Target Home section at $1.37 a piece on sale.  They were a little big for the average kid, but Ilin, Bobby and I thought it was an ok size.  they probably hold 2 cups.

Throw what ever oven proof container over the pie shell, cut out with about an inch extra. Set aside.  Do this for all 4 dishes.  I had to re roll the dough and cut again.

Put the dishes on a cookie sheet to save you a mess.

Take a ladle and put the filling into each cup.  I left about 3/4 inch from the top.  Put the crusts on top of each dish and pinch it at the top, around the bowl edge.  Be fancy if you want, but these little buggers are impressive no matter what you do.  

brush with a little bit of milk (makes them shiny)

Poke holes in top for venting.  I put each persons initial on theirs.

cook for 45 minutes.

Take out and let sit for 10-15 minutes

Enjoy!

(be careful, they are atomic hot)

have a salad on the side to balance.

PS: if you want to make these vegen…I don't know.  sorry  If you want to add meat.  add rotisserie chicken or precooked chicken.  ( I did that for Bobby)

write ya later 

m

spread the love

Vegan Samosas w/Ilin and Olive

The kids were both home today.  I sometimes hate the fact they disappear to the basement or bedroom and just do what they do.  So, with that said, today I made them come out of their caves and join me in the kitchen.  I need some kid time after the tragedy of yesterday.

(the reason we chose samosas)

While in San Fran for my sister, Susie's 75th birthday, we had these yummmmmmy samosas at the picnic.  We all loved them, except for Bobby who stayed at the rental sick…but the kids and I ate them up.  So our goal today was to have a little mom/jackass time and attempt to cook those bad boys.  First thing first…I did NOT want to fry anything, my cholesterol is bad enough.  Ilin argued the point everything taste better fried, but I won…seeing how we don't have a fry daddy.  I opted to use Phyllo and probably after all said and done, the same amount of oil that would have gone into the fryer.  Seriously.

We used the basics of this recipe from "The colors of Indian cooking"   and started upon our cooking adventure.  The potato part was easy, the funny part was toasting the seeds because they popped all over and made Olive scream, and the best part was the outcome.

I'm not going to rewrite the recipe because I really did just use her recipe…of course her kitchen looks nicer and she didn't make quite the mess we did, so just look at her pictures and pretend it's my kitchen, you'll probably never see my kitchen any way…so let's keep it mystical.

I want to tell you to not be scared of this recipe.  It's easy, yummy and I've found when kids help cook, they tend to eat it.  It's a weird thing.

there were a couple things we changed in the recipe.  

I boiled the potatos with the skin on and mashed them…there were still big chunks in them…not mashed to oblivion.

I also used veggie oil instead a pound of butter.

This keeps the recipe vegan.

Now look at the result and happy smiles.

we had extra potato/pea mix which I put a lid on and am going to freeze.  

This would make a great gift, because I think Tamales don't have to be the ONLY lil xmas cooked gift.

these are yummy, and look so presentable.

Last but not least.  If you have only cooked cookies and sweets with your kids, venture out.  Let them help make dinner.  Like I said, they are more apt to eat a new food if they cooked it.  

Give it a try….

write ya later,

xo, 

m

Test Knitting Pattern for Johnny Vasquez

I just completed a test knit for Johhny Vasquez from A New Stitch A Day

and Ravelry.

It's called the Sidewinder+Slouchie Beanie

Should be published soon.

It was a fun pattern and easy enough for beginners, especially now that we have Youtube.

 Olive seems to look good in it.  We added some Decor, which were actually barrettes.

 Cute Huh?

I Lurves It.

I really should be writing more, but I cant seem to get my head straight enough to write.  I'll tell you what, I have enough to write a short story, just about the Family Reunion.

heehee

xo,

Off to Tricks and Treat

m

Halloween…The Feather Mohawk

I'm the kind of, " are they having beer or wine at that school function?" kind of mom.  I believe more people would show up and the school could make a huge profit.  You, know …charge 6$ for a tiny beer…I know I would pay when I had to sit through some of those recitals….
Back to the point.  I'm not always really involved with the kids stuff.  I volunteer.  I make the cupcakes, I do the low end….but Halloween…I like Halloween.  I like making the costumes.

I made this Dead Mau5 for Ilin
Powerpuff for Olive
I've even been known to knit a Princess Lea Wig 

This year I said I'm tired.  Ilin is too old and I always seem to have to work.  But as the days got closer I felt empty inside.  SO!!!!  i decided to try a lil sumpthin' , sumpthin'.  When we were in San Fran we stopped at this Steam Punk ( Distractions) store, and I saw these amazing Feather Mowhawks.  Upwards of $500.  I was mesmerized.  
I had tried earlier that day to get Olive to agree to be a Lucha Libre, because we were seeing those masks all over the Mission …for CHEAP.  she said NO way.  spoil sport.

All right…

I couldn't just do nothing.  we talked about a mime…or a princess…then I said, lets try a Feather Mowhawk

I did some googling

and headed out to find feathers.  

I couldn't find any great feathers, because once again I waited too long and didn't have time to order.  Hobby Lobby, junk stores, and any craft store had to work…oh yeah …plus 2 Feather dusters from Target.

I used this Link at Instructables to get started…He does a great easy job and his instructions are easy enough to follow.  He has a cool site too   HAR.MS
I added some of my own

Sew the hat part…

used Unicorn Buckrum  (love saying that)

added the support like the guy did

then Started messing with the feathers

FUN

What a mess

I know it doesn't look like much…

But, I think it will

I have to get back to work.  I have one more day to finish this becasue I have to RN for the next 2 days and her school festival is Saturday.

It's a bit too early to start drinking, although if I had some Bailey's or something I would add it to my coffee.

Bobby is not feeling well, which I believe is a way to get out of Halloween.

grrr

I'll keep you posted. 

xo

m

Waterworld vs Alopecia

So we went to Water World last week… It was Aok….except for all the dirty feet, bandaids, and gross shared inner tubes.  

Olive learned to swim at Aunt Kandy's so of course she thought she was invincible.   Crazy!  Kris and I chose some crazy slide to start with since Olive had never been down a water slide….

I said, "I'll go first"

Big dummy!

They said cross your arms and legs, which I thought a good idea that way my boobs wouldn't come flying loose and scare the kids…as I started down the slide I really thought, "Not bad".  Then off I flew, Pitch black, water up the nose, wedgie up the cootch and lord I couldn't think or breathe…well, I did think…"Shit! Olive is right behind me and she hasn't ever done anything like this in her 8 years of life!"   with that last thought streaming through my mind I came shooting out of the tube of darkness into 8 feet of water!!!   I rearranged my lady parts and swam to the side, just in time to see Olive shooting like a marble down the death chute into the deep water.  I yelled "swim!, swim!"  (like that is going to help)  She gasped and dog paddled with a look of hatred on her face to the edge of the pool where I yanked her up by one arm and congratulated her on her very first slide.  Some nice parents on the side lines clapped and yell "Awesome landing".   If it wasn't for that, she would have yelled then punched me.  Moments later H came sliding out of the hole laughing and squealing.  (of course, she is a tough one).  We all got our suits in order and out shoots Kris.  Gasping but smiling, she comes to the edge, "Wow, that scared me!  I can't believe the girls did it!"  As the girls ran off to find the next tube of hell to go down Kris and I looked at each other with relief, "it really was scary wasn't it?"  "yeah, all I could think about was how scared the girls were gonna be".  "Me Too!!!!"  " Well, that's out of the way…"

We were at the park all day.  We stood in line after line.  Ilin and A were going to every crazy ride possible then we would some how meet up with them to go on the big 4 person inner tube rides.  

Ilin went hatless.   It was really amazing.  He and A didn't even seem to care or notice anything.  I kept quite and tried to be encouraging.  As Kris and I walked our tubes up to a starting point…she leaned over and said, have you noticed the people staring?  Yeah…I noticed.  But Ilin doesn't seem to notice.  She says to me, "It's really pissing me off"  I guess it kind of goes with the territory.  I mean his head looks crazy, but you can tell he didn't really plan it that way.  It's mostly kids, but let me tell you what breaks my heart.  A lot of teen girls were pointing and laughing.  I can't think about that.  One thing I can think about is…who doesn't teach their kids to be polite.  You wouldn't really laugh and point at a little kid who had cancer.  well, hell, maybe they would.

Whatever the case.  He did it…he went to the water park…sans the hat.

Here are our monthly Alopecia head updates

You can see where it is totally bald. (no hair follicles left)

The sides and his neck and that top part are totally smooth

 People say just shave it…but you can REALLY see the bald spots when he does.

The way it has grown right now, he can do this awesome

Donald Trump comb over, and thank goodness he is pretty tall because most people can't see the top of his head.

He has lost almost all the hair on his arms and legs.

Eyelashes and eyebrows still intact.

This school year is going to be interesting.

One last good thing.

I found a young girl via my readers of this blog to friend him on Facebook.

I think it really helped.  He came down and told me…"She lost her hair just like me…and she is doing ok."  I hope they continue to talk.

and…if she is reading this….

Thank you, xoxoxox

m

Linda Blair

Your Falafels are fine…
Mine are fine…yours are fine.  Just eat.   I don't want to be here all night.

But they taste burnt.

Olive, they are fine…they are fried, not burnt.

I sip my wine, and wait, and wait, and wait.

"Mom, Olive has so much food in her mouth she can't swallow it", Ilin says.

Jeesus Christ, I think to myself.  Why can't anything be easy?  What the hell is wrong with these kids?  They are making me nuts, driving me to drink more than even my liver wants, and they are sucking the life out of me mentally.
I glance over as Olive's cheeks are about to explode, eyes bulging from her head.

Damnit Olive…just eat it, quit playing around!

Ilin's giggling and trying to look unamused.  Olive has a big tear hanging from the corner of her eye.

I look away and take a big gulp of 5$ wine, which I have plopped an ice cube in.
Vacation sounds good.  mmmmmmbeach.  I look at the TV in the Falafal place.  X Games are on.
There is a 12 year old kid who just did a back flip on a motorcycle.   My kids can't eat a proper meal with out choking.  great….Great job I did.

Olive excuses herself to the bathroom where I assume she spits the food into the toilet.  I gulp the remainder of my wine.
Let's get outta here.  I wanna get home and sit…just sit and knit.

Home is hot.  It's been 103 here all week.  Dry and miserable and even more without air-conditioning.  The fires make the air hard to breathe.  We all just melt into the furniture for a while then I say its time to hit the hay.
My bedroom is hotter than hell.  Above the garage with no wind to cool it.  Even with the fan and nakedness I'm still burning up.  I fall asleep sweating, cranky and tired.

MOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

What was that?  Ilin!  What was that noise.
wait, I know that noise…what
Oh My Effin God….no…

MOMMMMMMMMMM, Olive is Yaking every where!….

Fuck…fuck …arggghhhhh…

The spray was phenomenal.  Epic at best.

Her bed was covered.  It was sprayed on the wall (i followed the path), on the fuzzy pink rug she loves so much, onto the hardwood, into the hall, onto the new carpet "The new FUCKING CARPET!!!!!!",
on the wall in the hall, into the bathroom, in the bathroom drawer(which just happened to be open),in the tub, then she obviously remembered we puke in the toilet….which is where she was, head draped over the dirty toilet bowl.

"Goddamnit!, Fuck!  Come ON!  What the…. I don't want to cleant this shit up!"
My eyes filled with tears as the anger filled in my body.  True anger.
I looked at Olive who looked at me with tears, gasps, and a true apologetic look of fear.
How can I feel like this?  I could hear the curse words streaming from my mouth, unable to slow them, let alone stop them.
My head raced with every old lady crotch I wiped that day.  Every old man set of balls I powdered.  The messes I cleaned all day.  Nursing kindness I established with each of my patients through out the day.

I walked from the bathroom, took a deep breath, then turned around.  "I'm Sorry, Olive"
"Mammoo, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was going to happen"
"yes, I know"

I got the mop, steam cleaner, vacuum, and sponge.  Turned the shower on and put her in it as I started to clean.  I'm a bad, bad mom.  I know that.  
"here's a washcloth…use soap."

I cleaned it…I sprayed the febreeze, I took deep soothing breathes to right my mind….then I spent the rest of the night, holding Olives head and telling her I love her and her saying the same thing to me, and secretly praying this is not the one thing she remembers.  How awful her mom treated her when she threw up all over the house….Even though her mom is a nurse.

xo,
m

Let's rock this thing

Happy 4th!!!

Vintage Schwinn~ V8grrl

Summer in Colorado

It"s here.  Not quite so hot you can't do anything but still hot enough that excertion at mid day will melt you.

Longmont, Colorado sits right at the base of the foothills so we often have a nice warm breeze.  This time of year brings the everyday 30% showers, which I love.

We have made a deal with each other and Kris B and family that we  WILL attempt to enoy our surroundings this summer.  

Hike once a week

Bike instead of drive

use all the patios in town and at our houses

and camp.

This was our first week of summer  

xo

Pistol

the vacation Homey week

We did some cooking of Vegetarian Stroganoff

 ( I hate that word)

Tday we went to the Bart's and for some reason I have no pics of the women or me…

It was quiet and good and the kids kept entertained.

The boys went snowboarding a few times…and we even got the Xmas lights and tree up, thanks to the 65 degree weather!

It's a boring post but it was a non eventful week (good)

Now I have to get working on Christmas ! 

organizing the vacation pix

You have to take care of the pictures from vacation quickly, otherwise they just sit there.

I need a better way to do it

Right now it is from camera to iphoto then to flikr then to Picnik then back to flikr

See what I mean? 

what do you guys use for editing? 

I am so lazy

But...

I did find this little gem from the last day of vacation

on the Pier on Okaloosa Island

7/10/11