very few things make me....

more angry than a cup which leaks. It put me over the edge this morning. I got this cup for Christmas, because Bobby didn't think it appropriate that I was taking my coffee in the car in his beer pint glasses. The little pink travel cup is cute...nice shade of pink, but it is faulty. I tried to look past it...I even used it without the lid, which Bobby stated defeated the purpose, so he got out his little tool set and tried to fix the "button". It appeared to be fixed.
This morning, driving down the highway, I tip the cup back, get a nice swig of hot coffee and then it just pours out from the seam, between the lid and the cup. Thanks to me I was wearing black and had my jacket buttoned, but man I was pissed. The worst part was I didn't believe it was the cup. I thought it was my faulty lip, so I did it again. piece of shit cup.

Shut UP!!!

I hope your Xmas went well.....

we could NOT afford that Barbie Dream Townhouse that Olive was screeching about for the past 2 months but look at what we found!!!!

A gigantor Lundby Spiel Hause....I am in love....

Bobby was laughing so hard at me while we were setting it up. I was drooling thinking of the decor I could put in this thing... A coat of contact paper, little rugs, and a day on Ebay searching for Vintage 1970's teeny tiny Swedish modern decor....yummy....

But first I'll let Olives stupid ol Barbies live in it...but the day she forget to admire it ...it is SOOO mine.

Not a lick of Photoshop

she is so cute....too bad she is such a little Pixie

(click the picture to see in full size beauty the little tiny freckles aka Angel Kisses)

having fun, yet?

Well, if you still arent done with your shopping there are a few easy things you can find on Craft sites. Seriously...some of these you can actually get done in a few hours

Tip Junkie

Instructables

We made these last night

Oreo Truffles *****Easy

they took about 1.5 hours minus the time they spent in the fridge while I drank wine.

Cover Some Buttons with CraftPudding *****Easy

takes about 30 minutes, fun and everyone, for some reason loves coverd buttons

Remember these?
Synda and I made Bottlecap Magnets last year

fairly easy, and really fun but you need:
epoxy stuff, magnets, bottle caps or a few 12 packs of beer and drink fast, and 1" paper hole punch to cut out perfect circle for the inside...if you are a scrapbooker these would be really easy.
Just take a trip to Hobby Lobby

well...you can always bake...

or if you knit...
here are some easy leftover yarn knittables

thanks: Another Knitting Blog
I think these (above) in half the size would be perfect and quick!!!

but mostly, remember it's not about Money spent...it's the thought ( tell this to my kids)
Sometimes when you think of giving something homemade you feel weird, but secretly...every one loves it, even those weird slippers Gramma makes every year

Slouchy Beret

I thought this picture was funny. I must perfect my self picture taking skills.

I got home from work early today and because Eddie didn't crap on the floor and I didn't have to spend 2 hours steaming cleaning smelly dog poop off the carpet...I finished my beret. It's one of those hip ones like super star Lindsey Lohan wears....see...

mine is way more awesome and the expression on myself almost resembles the drunken glare we see from her...although the picture above looks actually quite nice.

Here are 2 more examples of fashion style and the slouchy beret...

The Alien Woman and that guy who looks good with his clothes off (hat is just a waste of time to me in this picture.)

Anyways...being out of school and getting stuff done is really cool. I have more but I can't post them til after Xmas

Graceful tactics

I wonder who allowed me such grace in this life? Was it a joke? Possibly. I fall when walking through the parking lot at Target, and I'm the kind of person who yells at the poor soul walking next to me like they pushed me to the ground. I have no grace yet some how I am often able to fake it. Fake it like you wouldn't believe.

"Myssi, make sure you do the treatments...and sign off on them."
yeah yeah, I will...I do everything. I'm pretty organized. I like to get things done, so don't you worry.
Treatments....I can do treatments.

I look at the sheet, get my accouterments (how'd ya like that 50 center?) ready and go into the room.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (me screeching to a halt)
hmmm, okie dokie, regroup, and regroup quickly....

"Hi, I'm Myssi, I'll be your nurse tonight...how are you feeling? Are you having any pain?"
I glance around the room, which is tightly packed with a customized hospital bed, Big Potty Chairs, and basically just a lot of stuff. It doesn't smell friendly in here. Frankly, it is kinda stinky.
The heat is cranked up and there is a caccoon of a woman hanging half on and half off the bed, legs like tree trunks, toenails wrapped around each toe. I glance at my medicine sheet to get a little quick info: She's barely 45 and about 400 pounds.
"No pain", she says, "just tired".
"Well good...I have a few treatments to do this evening. We have to get you all powdered up and make sure everything is doing ok skin wise, because you know, sometimes laying in this bed and not getting around you can have some skin issues".

"yeah, I know"
I plan my attack in my head. Should I start with the ladies and work down...or start with the tree trunks and work up? How much stuff will I need?
No sense lolli-gaggin, lets get on it.
"So Ms. Grande (name changed)...I think we could start with the top and work our way down..."(graceful, huh)
I pull on my rubber gloves,( and just so you know I didn't snap them like I usually do and think in my head 'bend over') and get all of my stuff on the table: ointment, antifungal, saline,warm washclothes ,22+ pillowcases, and some smell beautiful powder.
I gently undo her robe, which is barely covering anything, trying to remember this lady is sick, take a breath and start with the boobies.
Each skin fold, or area where skin touches skin I need to clean, powder and place something in between. On first glance I thought maybe gauze would work, or wash cloths, but on better inspection I chose pillowcases. Lifting each boobie I gently cleaned and powdered and tried to make small talk. You know, the weather, animals...avoiding all real talk....
"it's so nice to get clean" she says to me.
"Yes it is...and boy this powder smells like an English Tea Garden."
Each fold I lift is like wrasseling Jello squares, but bigger, and I want to giggle, because life is funny.
I get to her pannus...which is a fancy name for her belly roll... I can't lift it all...but my grace has kept me from calling another nurse for help. I figure this is odd enough for both of us. She reaches her chubby fingers down to help. There appears to be no bottom so I just wipe into the crevice and she announces that I did PERFECT...With a sigh she asks me if I could French braid her hair because she feels like Grizelda and can't bear it anymore. I grimace, I want to...but I can't French Braid...but I offer a normal braid? She glances at me and declines. (note to self...learn the art of French Braiding because it makes people happy.)
I move down to her legs and feel overwhelmed by the amount of skin and weight of her legs, but know it must be worse for her. People don't choose this...so I plod on. Clean, apply cream and powder up...I've places so many pillowcases between things she announces to me that maybe less cases would be better.
Hmmmm? "Maybe you are right"
So I start back at her belly and remove some of the cases and redo some.
I'm finally done.
I wish I had toenail clippers.
I ask her what is going on with her toenails?
She laughs and says they grow too fast.
"I see that", I say.

I step back and admire my work, and the fresh powdery air.
" I need to get up and use the bathroom," she announces into my cloud of powder.
Oh my god...
OK...Let's do this thing.
It takes us about 35 minutes to get up to the side of the bed. She giggled when she rolled back and I yelped.
"Wait a minute!!! Where are you going to?!!!" I screech.
"I'm Tipping ooovvvverrrr"

"Holy Shmoly...not on my clock lady!!"
She laughs, "You are funny."

yeah real funny...

We finally made it to the bathroom.
She sat down to peepee and it went on the floor.

I guess I didn't realize that if you have a large derrière the peepee part is not over the hole.

Oh well...
things happen...
I cleaned it up, commented on the fact at least we had slippers on and helped her back to bed.

"Goodnight, and Myssi, thank you, thank you for being so graceful."

last day of school for the semester and I have a crankin hangover. I took it upon myself to drink a bottle of cheap champagne. Well, Liz was going to help, but there is something wrong with that girl. She's a sipper, which in turn calculates me up a notch as a drunk, because I was able to miraculously polish off 10 glasses to her one. I need to school that girl on alcohol. It does no one any good when it sits in the bottle. especially alcohol with bubbles.
We went for sushi and I discovered Lava Rolls..."el Yummo"
Oh yeah, and managed to "share" a carafe of saki with Liz...(I drank it all), so needless to say I am crankin my last final out with an awesome hangover.
Then I am going to knit...because I have time now, and I can

xoxox
write ya later
m

ps. I'm working on setting up my camera so that I can take my self portraits, except the more I thought about it the more I'm not sure if I can actually say something positive 365 days of the year.

it is time

It's Sunday and I'm trying desperately to get things in order.
Went to Synda's last night and drank wine, ate yummy fondue, and talked about stupid things girls talk about...yakety yak.
We decided that I need to do a 365 day blog. Hmmm what could it be? what could it be to help me be more creative in my mind and help my self ????
We came up with the idea of Picture and a Positive Thought/Post.
It will require me to take a self portrait everyday and post. Regardless if I like the picture or not. You see. I really have no pictures of myself. I hate pictures of myself. I destroy them all and I thought that Maybe, just maybe , if I HAD to take pictures of myself and look at them it would help....and maybe be a bit cathartic. A little something for the soul...and maybe even help some other people realize that it is what it is...not what photoshop makes it. Beauty, humor, intelligence can not always be fixed with photoshop.
Don't get me wrong...
I believe photoshop can fix many a things; ie: old lady skin, chicken necks and the big red zit in the middle of your forehead...but it can't fix what the world feels when it sees you.
xoxo
m

Almost holiday time

I treated myself, i mean the family to a new addition. We have now had Eddie for about a week and boy he is something else. He is so cute and I do believe I am in love.



School has one more week then I am done until Martin Luther King Day...so that should give me plenty of time to do things with the family. The only problem is that it is -10 degrees here. I can barely stand it. I just want to run away and be warm!!! I haven't run in weeks, I can't find the time to work out...it sucks....
But I have Eddie...isn't he cute

I just walked in the door from my last clinical this semester. I look like shit...I'm tired...But I am DONE!!!!!

with this semester...no more clinicals!!! woop woop...that means no more working for free...this semester...

you know...like Doctors do...but I'm not a Doctor...not even close.

I don't care, I have my wine and am throwing my "Blue Student Uniform" into the garbage....i mean Laundry...not to be touched until next year! SWEEEET

No more free Foley emptying for anyone for the next 9 weeks. If you need some sort of health help, you gotta pay. I am back...back with time to write

The Corner Office

i spent part of my work day changing offices. It was a cluster F. the new director is moving his stuff in and we have to move out!!! OUT...to a tiny little office. You just don't know what it is like to lose an office you never even deserved... the ever wanted corner office with windows on the second floor. We always kept it hush hush about our office, knowing deep inside eventually someone would find out how flippin awesome it was and make us move. Well that happened last week. Our department finally got a Director and he came in to meet us and said " Whoa...wait a minute here...this is a NICE office" as we were jammin out to PINK and crunchin on crackers. I turned around and thought to myself "SHITHOLES...here it comes...the I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but this office is going to be mine, news". and 3 days later...the email telling us we need to look for another office arrived.

we looked...they sucked, then we sucked it up and opted for the tiny office next to the sweet undeserved office we had been using for 4 years...and said..."it's better than the basement. We will still have windows..."

So, today, I had to start moving our stuff. If we worked in any real company, I'm pretty sure someone would come to help us, but instead I had to clean out all the old crap the last person left behind...which was fairly easy....I pulled the recycle bin right into the office and started dumping. Someone had the nerve to ask me if I should be saving any of it....I shot fire balls out of my eyes and they shut up. I called someone to get us a desk that we found on a different floor, got that moved in and then started the task of moving the computers.... I finally got so angry I yelled Fuck All Of This Crap....I'm Leaving!!!! and as I walked out the door my co-worker said, "see ya in the morning?" " Yeah...see ya in the morning."

stupid work.

men and their underoos

so, I was just reading this mind altering survey about men. Men only buy underwear when they are looking for a mate.
per Daily Mail UK:

"Men's underpants buying activity reaches a peak at the age of 23, but declines gradually until the age of 33 when it falls to zero - because many men are in a stable relationship."

???
I was confused at first then on further thought...do they go comando?

YUP...
I believe it.

When was the last time your man purchased his own underwear???...and if you are a single man...when was the last time you bought new underwear? When you were going to get laid, I'll guess, or hope.

The only time they get new underwear is when we get so sick of looking at the raggedy ass waist band and stains that we march our butts to Target and buy them a 6 pack.

No one buys my underwear, except for me, and lord knows I would never expect my other half to buy my underwear, bras, or any other privates... but for some unknown reason men don't want us to act like mothers...yet they expect it.
Buy your own damn Underwear!!!!
Seriously...

It appears from the article that underwear purchasing by men stops completely between 33 and 37 then amazingly picks back up at around 38...
hmmmmmmmmm
let me think about this....
women get so sick of buying their underwear that they leave, ie divorce = need for man to get laid and return to buying their own underwear again.
amazing how that chain of events happens huh?

it's something isn't it? Bizarre...

just a little bit to ponder on this lovely Friday

I'm tired....a Nursing Students Thoughts

I know I know, I say it all the time, but I am, I am tired.

Emotionally, physically and just plain old brain dead.

I think it's mostly brain dead.

My schedule is so screwed I have to ask my calendar where the hell I am supposed to be everyday and when I get there...I have to ask what class I am in, and pray I did the homework.

I really don't want to learn any more. At least not what I have to learn, now if I learn by default, that is a different story.

I have great friends and co-students who help me everyday. They make me laugh, they share their snacks, they give support and there are a couple of them that are so helpful that I wouldn't get through this without them...they are now my family. They now know my schedule and life better than my real family does. Is that a good or a bad thing...or just a nursing student thing?

We each have our own personalities...that's ok, it teaches patience...and jeez, we all could use a little more of that.

I want to tell you something, last week I was getting ready for clinicals...for the few of you who don't know what that is...it's working for free, which is fun the first semester but by the 4th...IT BLOWS!!

(back to the story)

I was rushing around trying to pull my head out of my ass while pouring dry cereal into bowls and setting timers and notes all over the kitchen so that the kids don't blow up the house while I'm gone (nursing students can't afford daycare) and my daughter says...

"What is that sticker on your arm?"

"Who knows...is it a banana sticker?...just get it off I gotta go."

She hands me the little tiny sticker...it's blue.

I read it and smiled...and started to lose it, which is normal for nursing students.

I don't really believe in God...(i know, strike me dead...please, then maybe I could get a nap in or something)...But I do believe in what you put out...you get back...It's the pay it forward/universe loves me kinda thing...

here's the sticker and what it said:

"God placed me on the earth to do a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind, I will never die."

Where that little sticker came from, I haven't a clue, but it was stuck to my sleeve for a reason. I believe that :)

Friday, thank you very much

here I am at the first part of work at 5 am. It's strange how as the end of school is in the near future I am starting to wish it would come quicker. I'm ready to have days off. I'm ready to make decisions that result in something opposed to effecting something. 3 more weeks of school (about) this semester, then the last semester of Capstone and whatever other bull crap they decide we need...then take the test and cross my fingers.
I'm going to take a vacation when school is done...celebrate 42 years on this planet...with hopes of a few good years left.

I can't believe the holidays are right around the corner and I haven't even started thinking about them. What to buy? What to do? :)
As I drove in this morning I thought it would be nice to just get away for the thanksgiving holiday. Maybe just go up to the mountains and stay in a hotel and swim in the heated pool, eat dinner out, heck...if we went to a ski resort I could possibly slap on my old snowboard. anyone want to go?

Take 5, "Hospital Scene...George Clooney Dude"

Yo, today at clinicals was great. Cancer room 20....fractured hip and renal failure room 18. Yeppers... I made it through. Still didn't have to touch a penis, so I feel pretty good about that. Fellow nursing student had to do a foley+ foreskin...I mighta screamed. Next time...I'm super at removing and I've been told if they get wood to "thump" it...but I really think the person who told me that was jackin with me, but not sure.

Clinicals today involved a Clooneyish PA and one of the most adorable RN students ever. I saw them making eyes at each other and the most awesome person that I am...I took care of it. I exchanged phone numbers for them :) hahahahaha They are soooo gonna thank me later. uh huh uh huh (doin the dance) If I was just a bit younger and single...

I rock...I'm just tellin ya...this is great karma points

also this hospital is like ER...everyone is good looking and available...or so it seems, its gonna be a funny next few months

good morning Vietnam

like a war zone around here
Up at 430 to get everything and everyone ready for the day. I have clinicals so it throws the entire planet in my house out of whack. I have to count on a 12 year old to get the 5 year old ready for school and get her there on time.

took a shower, wiped off with my favorite green towel ..."sniff sniff" what the hell? what is that? (smell towel)
damnit!!! Olive (i'm assuming ) used my towel to wipe her pee pee crotch when we ran out of TP. Nice...is it some sort to of lesson? Or just some sort of Karma?

Back into shower...rinse repeat...clean towel.

Put dogs out, then lock them in laundry room...step in cat vomit.



fuzzy slippers+ cat vomit = not good...and pissed mommy.

throw favorite fuzzy slippers down the stairs and start to cry...wipe tears, regroup, and pray my patient today doesn't have as a bad a day as mine is starting.

Gotta run.
9 hours of clinicals
then to work for 3 hours then home to .....
i don't know...can't think anymore.

Cupcakes for Halloweenie

worms
&
rats


plain old white cupcakes with the smashingly delicious peanut butter cream cheese frosting.
I believe I ate my weight in Frosting.
I wanted the oreos to look like rat poop...but I just ended up making it look like the rat was eating the garbage.

shovel kid shovel

swim, Olive, swim!!!

Ilin...get to shoveling we have 16" of snow in 2 days

We are snowed in right now. I called into work, roads are too icy to drive for me.

today the agenda is scary movies, work on a Halloween costume for myself , make cupcakes for Olive's school party and finish my paper.

Tomorrow I work a bit in the am and them the 7p to 7a again.

hope everyone is enjoying the snow day (around here at least)

dude...you win (dedicated to Nurse John)

For some reason....it just seemed funny to me

yeah...

you go brother....

eat that cake...or ..whatever it is you Walmarter's eat

gross by the pound

if I could take a picture of tired I would...right now...but she's too tired.
I got home from being up 24 hours straight...ate,mmm let's see,1 pound of lowfat cottage cheese and am now going to bed.
I'm too tired and gross for even myself right now.

I do want to say Happy Birfday to my sister Kandy...
I love you

WE love BMI

My other half makes money off of music from his old band and the music he wrote
"Jumpin JImes"

here's a little bit of the stuff he did...this must be from Pacific Blue?
Bobby is the Guitar Player...makes me laugh...
they are also in the Tracy Ullman show where she gets addicted to Swing Dancing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uY0xyLHalo

funny :




I'm doing clinicals this week and starting my new nursing job...so I will be back to post later

ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

so,
computers are down AGAIN at work...I'm leaving, seriously...
out

For a bit of Upbeat News

Ya know...it's been a weird day...Boy In a Balloon...Guy Hanging From Tree...You know, happy happy...feel free to read some of them....

The Peoples Republic Of Boulder is getting weirder and weirder...

1. 6-year-old Colorado boy floats away in homemade aircraft
2. Body of man found hanging from tree in Boulder Canyon
3. Motorcyclist killed on North Foothills Highway
4. Motorcyclist killed on Foothills Highway identified as John Chavez,...
5. Boulder to break ground on Valmont Bike Park on Saturday
6. Two medical-pot shops open in Louisville, just before moratorium
7. The truth about medical marijuana
8. Benjamin Koller, father in Lafayette baby death, charged with...
9. Boulder police identify suspects in possible kidnapping
10. Beloved Turnpike dog, Shep, moved to Broomfield museum

huh ? where do these people come from?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

oh yea...this is more like it

new favorite


REGRETSY

the Uporn version of Etsy

H1N1

Got an email today which required me to go get my H1N1 vaccine today.
I always have the slight feeling of being a guinea pig, but I'm all for it. If it can possibly help others I'll give it a try. I'm not all conspiracy theory type of a person and I think modern medicine is pretty cool...hell, look we have almost wiped out Measles in this country...

Anyways, it was a weakened live vaccine given as a nasal spray...side effects, sore throat and headache...I don't have either yet. But hell I often have a headache and the spray reminded me of the 80's (if you know what I mean). Zip Zip...one line up each nostril...except it was spray.

they gave me M&M's and a glass of lemonade for my troubles...

anyone else gotten their shots yet?

Warsh Day...

have I ever told you how much I hate doing laundry?....it's like working at the post office. Even with my new washer, I still hate it

resignation

I just sent my letter of resignation to the LTC facility...
My new job starts in 2 weeks.

wow
(why do i always feel bad when I leave somewhere)

decisions decisions

I was just reading Matt's blog and was so happy for his new adventure. You know,from every bad, if you hang with it long enough, good is bound to happen. It's sometimes a super crazy hard concept...but it's one I roll with. Same with everything happens for a reason and if I don't give in or give up...it usually works out, one way or another. I can remember when I used to not even try things for fear (and boy I got it) of failure. Now, I put on my big girl panties and give it a try...what's the worst that could happen short of death of me or someone else, and that can't possibly happen too often. Although unfortunately it does happen.
Every thing happens for a reason... so, I was offered an actual nursing job in the hospital on ortho/nuero. Of course this is the craziest time for me. I'm in school...I'm starting a round of clinicals at another hospital...and I barely have time to take a shit...but I decided to go ahead and take the job. I spoke to the Director yesterday and she wanted me to start this week. wow...ok...
I have a huge problem with saying ok before I actually look at anything, but this time I told her I want to look at my schedule and do what's best for me. HA!!! yeah, you read that write...I said I would email her the next day with when I can start. This is a big deal for me... I took a minute and figured something out without jumping face first into the pot.

So, this morning I sent her the email with the dates of starting 10/23...which is 2 weeks, but I need to give the Long Term Care place my notice, so I think that is acceptable.

I said as I hit send, if it's not acceptable...then it wasn't meant to be right now. Right? I would usually say My Plate Is Full...but actually my plates are so full I can barely wobble outta the the kitchen. I'll find out later.

At this point I am sitting at work...the hospital system is down, the phone is ringing off the hook and all I can think about is that I am going to graduate in 6 months as an RN!!! (well, if all goes well) what the hell am I gonna do with all that time that is now occupied with school, job juggling, and homework....and on top of that NO MORE CARE MAPS!!!!!!!!!! woop woop

I think I will take a minute and dream about it....and you know what else? if I get this job...when I graduate I will have a job to just transition into...it's crazy!

weekend vacation

To the yearly outing of the Pumpkin Patch. Once again Ilin has missed out because he was at his dad's. Olive, Daddoo, and I enjoyed perfect weather for free, yes I said FREE, all you can carry pumpkins. We brought the wagon, accidentally forgot the gloves, but did ok anyways....we were even able to get one for 2 of our friends.

mmmm donuts

Twat Class 201

Is it real or some sort of myth?
Nurses eat there young...
could it possibly be a defense mechanism?

It's a question I ask myself many times a week as I sit through classes.
"How does one person get to be such a bitch?"
" Why are 98% of female nurses so twatty?"
" Is there NO camaraderie in this group of people?"

Seriously, are all nurses so threatened by other nurses they can't even be nice any more? I have decided there is some sort of secret class they give us new nurses right before graduation.
Twattieness 201
This will prepare us for talking behind each others back, rolling our eyes when patients need something, making students cry, making family members of ill people feel uncomfortable...
and eating our young.
I'm not sure at this point I would pass this class, but one more set of clinicals like my last set and I may just flop over to the other side...
Bitches

it's ridiculous

Is Erin having a Baby?

I sent Erin, over at Fly in My Mint Julep, an email last night and haven't heard back. Could she possibly be squeezing a child from her loins as we speak????

go on over and wish her and Andoe luck...for the next 18 years....I know she's gonna need it :)

All I can think about for her right now is how much she is going to love that first glass of red wine...maybe Andoe will remember to bring some champagne or wine to the hospital.

Miss Chief...look

it's a bad picture...but goats rock

Boys will be Boys

My kid had a sleepover this weekend and got in trouble.
The police brought them home...It was one of those things where they didn't even realize they were getting in trouble. It's a bummer, now we have a group of good boys having to go through the court system and they are scared to death.

Its a proven fact that boys don't put action with consequences until around the age of 19. This is why the military recruits young men...because they don't see the big picture.

I'm trying to raise a caring smart kid, but when they can' t understand the results of the action how the heck can you? I tried to explain it to him: It's like throwing a handful of rocks up in the air in a group of people. They look cool leaving your hand ....but inevitably someone will get clonked on the downfall...and it will hurt...maybe bad...and even you might get a rock to the head.

At least we are learning life lessons at 12-14 years old, opposed to the first lesson of drunk driving in a car full of teens. I hope this all sinks in.
It breaks my heart to see these boys freaking out over all of this, semi innocent poor judgment, but like one of the dad's said...

"sometimes life really does hand you a bowl of lemons...you just have to deal with it"

Breaking Point...we all have them

Closely reaching mine today.
quick week in review, jeeez I am always complaining about something, but I think this is what happens when you go to Nursing School (maybe the reason nurses are such twats?)
schedule which thank god is almost done this week:
Monday: 430 up...off to school til 2 then to work until 645
tuesday: work 7-3 then upstairs to the Mental health wing for clinicals 3-11 pm
wednesday: same as Tuesday
thursday: school all day (bailed on work...thanks Wendy)
Friday: worked 7-130 then to Old folks Home for work 2-11pm
saturday: back up at 6 am off to old folks 6a-230 p

I started my period...not in my pants this time, which was a bit of a plus. But I'm tired.
And all I can think about is how I'm not even at the halfway point of this semester.
yeah...
not even halfway

did time stop and noone told me?

school conferences

My Brain Hurts by aknacer

Man alive...I don't care for school conferences.

Ilin's 7th grade parent teacher ones were tonight. They were fine but the build up, not so fine.

When Bubba got home from school today he had that weird pasty color thing going on. I asked him what was up and he states he is getting a migraine. Migraines, the most unfair thing in the world for kids, well maybe not the most, but pretty sucky. I asked if he was seeing fairies (little blinky things in your peripherals) or auras. He said no, just everything stinks. That is a good thing when you have migraines...not good, but not as bad as auras. Gave him a tylenol and sent him to his room. I forgot to feed him. One hour later he comes out, pasty,sweaty and weird looking telling me he thinks he is going to barf. Another good mom action, give a kid a tylenol with no food....you know what is even funnier?...I'm a nurse,..ok whatever...so I lead him back to bed, hand him a piece of wonder bread and slap a cold washcloth on his head. Poor baby i hate when I can't fix things.

back to conferences....

Each teacher always says the same thing, "the kid is gifted...he just runs at B level it appears to be ok with him." His writing teacher says to me, " You know, I often use his writing as examples, I am going to enter some of his stuff in a state writing contest, did he tell you?" uh...no...

She says" He is so laid back, we just let him roll with it...if we ask him if he wants to redo a B paper for an A he always says, 'it's all cool,nah'. So the group of us teachers just feel he's just a little bored."

That's fine. I understand. If you were to meet Ilin you would just think he's a normal kid...but he's different, there is something in there, and I can't quite figure out how to help him figure it out. He's like Molasses in Winter...an introvert...does whatever. You tell him to do it, he does it but he's not going to do it unless you tell him. The teachers say he makes 100's on everything in class, except for some of the math, but he's in advanced placement math so a lot of that is based on participation so he rakes in 95% on most of that. It's just odd.

The teachers say he's an awesome kid: polite, caring, helpful, has a ton of friends, just quiet and fiddely ( I know not a real word).

And tonight that weird kid has a migraine...maybe his head is going to explode with whatever he holds onto in there.

can't sleep

morning time...my favorite. This morning I thought it would be much better if I could have slept in. But no chance. I got Bobby up at 430 am then tried my hardest to cover my head with blankets and pillows and go back to sleep, but nada.

I got up and worked out my arms with Jackie (dvd), had some coffee, and thought about running....I came to my senses at the running idea.

Classes are going ok. Just super time consuming. The 2 people who sit behind me work at my hospital on Ortho Nueuro as LPN's doing actual floor work. They told me to go talk to their Director, they are always short staffed. So, I emailed her from work and she said to come see her today. She needs someone to work nights. My friends tell me nights are awesome. More pay, great time to learn and less hectic....so why do I get so scared of everything. I mean the goal is to become a nurse right? BINGO...Everyone fears a bit of change, so I'm hoping the anxiety is normal...but I would love to be able to take a floor job, learn the ropes, and be able to walk into an RN job when I graduate. After Saturday at the Long Term Care place, I'm just not sure how much longer I can do that job. I had 28 residents!!!!! That is like babysitting,feeding,caregiving etc,etc for 28 preschoolers and infants combined...I'll give you a moment to picture it in your head....

see what I mean? plus there was a death, it was before my shift, but he was still in the bed waiting for the mortuary for the first part of my shift.

So night time shifts....7p to 7a...vampire hours. Does any one work them? Any suggestions? The good thing is 3 shifts and it is full time.

Today...behavior health clinicals. Well tonight. I work at the hospital doing my regular job until 3pm then I go up to the locked ward and work from 3p to 11p...the cuckoos nest. I'll let ya now how it goes.

Psycho child

Not really sure what has happened to my 5 year old, but I think something has taken over her body. She has been an absolute Biatch the last 5 days. She is controlling and screamy...and we had an all out yelling match in the bathroom over toothpaste! I wanted to swing her around by her pony tail...but for the record, I didn't....but i swear to flippin God I wanted to...i really did. I know how everyone blogs about how perfect everyone and every thing is in their house, but I live in REALITY WORLD.

scene one (Reality World)

mom:~~~Olive, what is on the back of your sleep shirt?

olive:~~~I don't know, i can't see behind me (all with head wobble and hand on hip).

mom:~~~ OK...well, I'm trying to tell you that there is something on the back of your sleep shirt.

olive:~~~DON"T touch me, I will loooooook!!!!!!!

mom snatches back of sleep shirt as olive attempts to escape....(grab and smell)

mom:~~~~ IT'S POOPIE!!!!!!! HOW IS THERE POOP ON YOUR SHIRT....AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TRAIPSING AROUND WITH IT THERE?

mom runs around looking for skid marks on the couch and possibly walls.

(*^%^^*&^*^$&&)_#$#@@#%^#*!!!!!)

Big Brother comes on and says, mom...she just crapped in the bathroom...go look.

mom:~~~olive take that shit...i mean shirt off!!!

olive:~~~ I said...don't tell me what to do.

mom now starts screaming at dad who leaves and goes to garage as mom falls into a heap onto the floor...........thinking about how bad it is now...what will it be like in 10 years....please god...help me.

orange pylons

Freak me OUT!!!
i've been having anxiety attacks just driving to work.
The city is doing a massive road redo in front of the hospital and it is screwing with me. I start hyperventilating when I see all those orange cones and signs as to what side of the street I am to drive on. Yesterday, they closed the correct side(meaning the right side here in USA) and directed me to drive into the left side. I took one look at that road/sign holdercouldpassfora`vagrant`killer construction guy and said, "are you sure?"
he just yelled,
"Come ON LadYYYY!!!!"

arghggghhhhgggg...okokok...I'm going
I could barely navigate which just proves I would crash and burn in Europe or anywhere for that matter other than my street and driveway.
I hate driving.

I hate Orange Pylons....and if the construction workers looked like this:
I'm pretty damn sure I wouldn't have anxiety.

BACK...

But not 100%.
here's how I know:
Got up at 430 am to get to work and make a few bucks...left the house with my lunch but forgot my work badge, my purse, wallet and everything else. lordy

I don't have the flu, that is good. Just some sort of nasty cold which is going around.
I'm still tired.
I have a huge test on Thursday for Pharmacology and pharmacodynamics (nice word huh?). study study study.

I'm sure by the end of the day I will have something funny and possibly intelligent to say, so stay tuned.
in return...i just want you guys to know I still love you!!!

uggh...achooo...ouch

sick...i'm so very sick...and I never get sick. Sinus cold something or another...my hips hurt, my thighs hurt, that weird spot behind your legs hurts also, you ladies know?...the spot you feel when giving birth...the pain. chest hurts and head hurts...you got the picture?

Olive had Pneumonia...spent the day in the hospital.

Ilin had regular flu...and looks better but is still coughing.

and Daddoo left. He has done everything he possibly can to not get sick, short of moving out.

I don't know how much longer I can do it without crawling into the closet with a pillow and a Neenee and shutting the door. School lunch is not really on my bucket list, either is transporting kids or dealing with dogs....I just want to die curled up in a ball...in the closet, watching House Husbands.

Nightime gifts

Not sure why the male species thinks it's ok to rip one off as soon as you step away from the bed to go potty in the middle of the night. I don't do that, and I'm pretty sure none of the fairier sex does it either.

It drives me crazy.

As I walk back from the potty I get a slight whiff of something foul and I automatically think, "what the hell did the dogs eat?"

Then as I get closer to the bed I realize it wasn't the dogs..."Damn him".

He's like Pavlov's dog, feel bed move...fart.

I stand next to the bed and ponder basic chemistry....Things always, including thick scent, move from higher concentration to lower concentration. So with that in mind, I fear lifting the heavy sheets...instead I contemplate murder.

I just don't get it....

stupid boys

Piggy Flu

My Kid has the flu :(

email...

I just accidentally deleted everything in my email...Everything, except stuff saved in folders.
I momentarily had a heart attack, seriously....
then a feeling of heaviness lifted off of me.

bizarre.
wouldn't this be awesome if you could do this with your life?

wowza.
I feel good...
now I want to find something else that can give me the same feeling.

I am now a deleted junkie

Too Early for Real Work?

my kid ,taken by Mike Stowe

I got up at 440...trying to get my work hours in.
Time is irrelevant at this time of the day. It's different.
It's different than coming home from a late night of debauchery,you are going to work.
The people who are up are different. When I looked into each car, it was mostly people you would prejudge as not even having jobs...losers...bummy looking people, and me,of course.
Young men who look like neigh-er do wells up at 430 am going to WORK!!! A schedule which would kill most middle to upper class people. I thought about it. These are the blue collars who work at 430 am get off work at 5 pm, drink beer at the local tavern and start over. The back bone of America. Strong working stock. Made me proud. Of course I was probably a bit delirious from being up so early, but proud.

write ya later
m

Another Classic Nursing School Disaster

The give us our schedules for the semester. Many times things really need to be planned out. When we do clinicals we have to know what hospital we will be working at so that we can plan ahead. Today when I get to school to plan for our clinical days, get all our paperwork done and all info needed to start at our given hospital, another student comes up to me and says, "Teacher just said you are in the wrong group." No, I am not in the wrong group. I am at the hospital which is right across the street from my house....says on the schedule right here...the one they passed out last month. "Well, I guess, she has a different schedule?"

yea... a different schedule! why would the teachers change the schedule days before our assignments but not tell anyone? Your guess is as good as mine. It is the classic case of teachers not having their shit together. I have to get up every day and be on time, schedule my life and work load around classes that they could care less about .... or so it seems.

I work, I school ,I have kids...and I understand that is not the teachers problem...but a little time respect would be nice. Really... here's a scenario: we have class starting at 830 am goes until 2 pm...we don't change classrooms, just teachers. In that time period we have 4 ,15 minute breaks or so and an hour lunch...hmmmm do the math. We could actually be done at noon and eat lunch on our own time....or go to work, or not have to bay an extra 2 hours of babysitting etc etc. Yes, many of the students are kids or people who do nothing else but this school stuff...whatever.
I'm done ranting
really

loving right now

Ben Harper....
I just can't get enough of you
I just can't...

Thursday night lovers...

I rocked my night tonight watching "Mr Eyebrows, Miss Fish and the Greek Gal" rockin' it on Summer Lovers. I remember being a teenager and thinking if this doesn't happen to me at some point in my life, I will just die, because this is WAY BETTER than a Judy Blume book....unfortunately I can say as an adult...it never happened. I may have a had a night in a gay club that semi resembled this, but I didn't wake up in Greece. Damn the 80's...

the chick in this movie "urban legend has it" died in a motorcycle accident. bummer.

I loved her, and him, with his sexy eyebrows, and Daryl too...with her perfectly flat torso....whatever the case ,I have now spent the better part of my evening looking for places in Greece with full access to fluffy muscled up eyebrow guy and an extra girl or two. I believe this would cure me from all sadness, along with greek wine.

Where is that "Regardiez Moi" chick when you need her?...isn't she Greek...or Minty, what about your hubby? He must come from the land of large eyebrows and flat girls...I just need to find a small cabana, large bed, nice beach, ample wine, olive oil optional and the dollar higher than their $$.

Got it? This would be a perfect vacation/school break for me.

I'm sure my sister (?) would watch Olive for 2 weeks.

Or for exchange of Colorado Living Quarters during ski season, central to all ski areas and many breweries.

I like...

When I get the IV in on the first try....

almonds

sprinkles on white frosting

impractical shoes

knowing I'm right

when the clouds look like they are upside down

the feel of a loving hand on the back of my neck

a best girlfriend's hug and cheek kiss for good bye

when they turn the sprinklers on at the cemetery

rolly pollies

clean sheets

Nursing Refresher

Clinical practice today. In a few weeks I hit the floor as an RN in training.
It's scaring the shit outta of me, so if there is anyone that has or is going through this, please comment me some good vibes.
I realized today, in class, I haven't actually done ANY of the stuff on a real person...I mean, sure I've given a bed bath. I've changed some bandages, placed a catheter...with another RN standing right next to me. This stuff is weird to do. You have to touch penises, vaginas, clean open wounds...make people feel safe and ok when you are a little wary. When someone is dying, you have to stay calm, hit the buttons, get help, and start the procedures without freaking out the family that my be standing right there.
You can't turn around an start screaming,
"He's Going Downhill...FAST....HELPPPPPPP!!!"
No one wants to hear that in the hospital. Just like you have to remember you cant say,

"Everything is going to be ok."

Because many times it's not going to be ok.
It's not TV...It's a real person and I can barely stay calm when my own kids hurt themselves. ( I have heard this is normal)
....nothing is normal in my life right now.
NG tube...ear to nose to Xyphoid process...clean not sterile.
head forward swallow.
choke choke=lungs...remove
etc etc
(fatmandy flikr site)

see what I mean...it sucks



good thing I wore my fancy red corduroys today...
because on top of everything else
i started my period in my pants.
perfect start to the day

spinny dress

I made the cute dress as seen on mmcrafts

Olive loved it. I used the cheap material because I wasn't really sure how it would turn out. I promised Olive I would make a nice fabric one.

this is the BEST spinny dress for little girls.

I do agree with mmcrafts...it needs a bit of jazzing up.

This is why I love to sew for 5 year olds...they love everything, and never ever want to take it off.

cherries or pits?

after a fabulous weekend of fighting over relationship stuff that never seems to go away, drinking a magnum bottle of crap wine with Synda, throwing away old clothes, I am possibly ready to re-evaluate my life and where I am going. yeah yeah...like I don't do this every four months...but the point is, I don't want to keep doing it. Life should be easier than it is for me. (Big cry baby I know.)
Here's the thing. I write and am online because it is a world I don't have at home. It's friends, attention, support and all around good feelings. The world wide web is an amazing thing if used in it's correct capacity. When not used in a friendly manner many things can happen. People get hurt, you learn things about people you never wanted to know (or should know) and life gets disrupted.
*NOTE* Don't look for things unless you are ready to deal with the end results.
So my head has been a muddled mess, having a hard time finding humor in things that I should, and not letting go. Talking about things only makes it worse in my household.
There are always, well almost always, lives before a new part of your life begins. This is truth.
In my new life, I have made many mistakes, I admit, but have learned from them. My online life has been quit. I have done this to bring relief into this area of my relationship...but it doesn't ease the mistrust. I have cut myself off from true friends, past and present, and hope they understand...and my true pals DO understand...they don't approve, but they understand.
I continue to make myself a better person, in my tiny tiny head....and hope good comes from it.
It will, one way or another...on my end.
The other end of this stick of dynamite also needs to be diffused. Or for lack of a better analogy, will continue to explode over and over again like a string of firecrackers....and I'm tired of putting out little tiny fires in my life. I can't continue to walk around putting fires out, leaping, ducking and only getting spurts of joy....I can't look away all the time, eventually I will see...Because when I do see, I want to see and feel happy, not sad.
live, love and be what you want back. I have a time frame and today it goes into action. I will not go longer than I should. I will take care of myself, learn, and become the strong person I know I am.
I don't want to hate myself for making wrong choices anymore...it's time to move on.

to top off my day, school started today. Long days are ahead, so you may hear me complain about it a bit on here, because I have to be strong at home. My schedule is unknown at this point...i can't quite figure out what is best for the kids and what the 12 year old can handle with the 5 year old. Do I come to work at 330 am and drive home at 8 am( to get 5 hours of work in), then drop the kids off at school then head to class? it's hard to figure out until I start putting it in motion. but...I'll still be around here...my little secret outpost...place to write, whine and laugh...at myself.

xo
write ya later
m

Girls night baking

Olive and I had girls night while the boys were at Rockstar Practice. We usually eat dinner in the living room on towels in front of the TV. Olive gets to pick the meal...I pick the show...She drinks whole milk (gasp) and I usually have a glass of wine. Today we broke stride...I suggested we do something fun. Mostly this is because we went to Target and she had a huge breakdown as I gently tried to not strangle her while explaining: we, (meaning she) do not always get a TOY when we go to Target, regardless of size or price. It went over like the Zeppelin...except in slow motion, which required a 7 minute time out in the middle of the store. This is always a bummer, but you know, things have to be dealt with in a timely manner and sometimes this is where it happens.

back on topic...

We decided to use the huge zucchini my office mate gave me to make chocolate zucchini cupcakes. I do not cook well. Not to say that I don't LOVE to cook, I just suck at it. You have to measure, follow directions, and not forget to set the timer in order for it all to do it's magic. I am not good at magic or directions; I am a wing-it girl.

Olive is good at dumping, cracking eggs, and tasting...me, I stir, pick out eggshells, and handle the hot stuff...so we set off as a team to see what we could do.

We used every cooking utensil in the kitchen.

look how chocolatey!!!

We completed the task with cream cheese peanut butter frosting. oh yeah and sprinkles...because everything is better with sprinkles.

The cupcakes were as moist as could be, the chocolate chips melted into gooey yummness...they weren't too sweet (but that is because I didn't have enough brown sugar), and that peanut butter cream cheese stuff...oh my god...who needs cake when you have that stuff.

the recipe came from Smitten Kitchen (for the frosting).

When we were baking the cuppy cakes I turned to my partner and said

"Now we must clean up".

She looked at me and said,

" I wasn't your partner, I wasn't helping...i was Watching...so I don't have to clean up....I'm gonna watch just a bit of TV before dinner."

The kitchen is clean, Olive is bathed and now I am going to watch TV with my Girls Night Vat of Vino...

next time you need a project...remember me.

xo

write ya later,

m