I Drug Tested my Teen

Yup, I sure did.  He's been acting weird.  He's been lying about weird things and not remembering anything.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  On the way home from work I stopped at Walgreens and got one of those drug tests that checks for anything and everything.  The little voice in my head said to be ready for what it might reveal, I told that voice to shut up.  I know...I know.

I got home, marched up the stairs handed him the cup and said,  "Look.  You have been acting the fool the lately, I don't know what's going on and I need to know.  Would you like to tell me what this is going to say before you pee in the cup?  it's your chance to be honest."  He looked me in the eye and said, "It's going to be clean"
I thought to myself...sure it is buddy...you apparently don't know how long that shit stays in your system.   I say, "you sure?  I'm doing this because I love you" (classic mom line)" Right now I don't trust you and I need to get you and us back on track.   Are you scared?"  He said , "yeah, just because it's weird, but I understand why you are doing it....and mom, It's going to be clean.  I haven't smoked pot in over a month, from the last big talk we had.... I decided then I had to stop."

off to pee

I had him set it on his dresser and we stuck the cardboard thing in with 8 windows to check everything from pot and alcohol to meth and heroine....and we waited.  10 minutes staring at his nice clear yellow pee and watching for the double red lines to appear in each window.   Ever so slowly the double sets of lines like 8 tiny pregnancy tests started to appear.  There was one which was a bit faint...."What's that one?"    That my son is THC...weed.  He looked at me then looked at the card and said "look the lines are there!...I TOLD you....one month or more it has been."

He was clean.  17 years old....and clean.   I was not clean of anything at 17.  You could have waved that card above my pee and it would say....FAIL.  I was happy for him, I was happy I could tell my other half...he's not on drugs...but not happy that it doesn't give us any reason for the decisions he is making.

Being a teen sucks ass.  I can mark the month on the calendar when things started to go from good decisions to I don't give a fuck decisions.  I can say I don't blame him.  The kid lost all his hair when he started high school....1 month later the kid contracted Tuberculosis.... 2 weeks later he got hit by a car on his bike and was charge with riding on the sidewalk  and had to pay for the rich lady's car who rolled a stop sign.  Is life fair?  Fuck no...but that doesn't mean I can baby my favorite child.
This kid was my savior, this kid I had plans for, this kid I spent days at home reading to him and using flash cards, and telling him how amazing he was.

this kid who is gifted and failing high school was not in my plan.

at least I can say it is not drug related...and I can also say that he gave me a hug afterwards, as I cried and told him why I am so scared for him...He just said..."Mom, I love you...I am not mad...I understand, I'm scared for me too sometimes ."....and maybe that is enough

Xo,
m

Raising a Smart Teen is a Pain in the Ass

Raising a teen is weird.  

I'm not sure if we can really call it "raising"…it's more like push, shove, yell, cry, threaten and a shit ton of praying.

no kid comes with a guide book and honestly, teens are super scary bizarre.

This book would do my family no good.

Here are a few of the reasons:

1.  They have access to everything.  and I mean everything.  

When we were kids we had to use the Dewey Decimal System and if you were slightly lazy or dyslexic you gave up on finding out information first hand pretty quickly. Easiest ways were National Geographic and friend of a friend system.  You had to wait for a friend to fill you in from either their big sister's experience or their own personal…and sometimes even from a friend of a friend.  You remember. " My cousin's older sister's best friend, said if you smoke Virginia Slim Menthols they taste like candy"   

Now they just google it, or learn about it on Grand Theft Auto.

2. same genre. 

 I had to read every stinking one of Judy Blume's books to learn how to semi french kiss then when it was time I still did it wrong.  Same with my period.  If I didn't have Judy Blume I would have died in 7th grade not knowing if I would EVER get my period and why did all my friends get theirs first!?

now?  they just google it and half the girls are so GMO'd up they have boobies and start their periods in 4th grade.

Let's not even talk abut the porn factor and the search for Playboys in the woods. (and don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about)

3. Drugs they have now are bad ass.  

Sure we had coke, pills and acid…pot too.  We did our share and honestly Jungle Juice and Mad Dog were probably the most dangerous for our group.  Now I have to worry about Molly, Meth and her little sister Heroin.  It's one of my favorite thoughts.  My all ready slightly stupid teen decides to try out a lil toke on a meth pipe.  Guarantees basement living and no brain growth.   That's what we need.  Let's keep the Grand Theft Auto empire alive.  Whatever happened to just eating some shrooms, getting blasted and saying…."man I'm not doing that again….well at least not for a while!"       ?

Another thing is I now have access to everything.  I liked the days when my mom said, "Have a good day at school , Honey" and that was it.  She wouldn't have known if I was dead until the street lights came home and I wasn't there.  Now with all the electronics I can track my kids every move; and honestly….I don't want to.  Some things are better off not knowing.  My mom often had an idea, but hardly ever any hard evidence and that, my, friends is exactly what kept us friendly to each other.

I'm blessed with one of those kind, smart, artsy type teens.  He is sensitive, but his own person.  He thinks in his own way and I can no longer micro- manage that.  This is where the hardest part of parenting comes in.  Letting them learn their own lessons and make their own path, even if I see it may be a hard path.  No pushing or yelling will change that when they have their own brains.  

Sometimes my kid is right and I can't outwardly agree because I am the parent.  

 Like the other day when he says, "Why do I get a zero for not taking notes in class?  That is stupid.  I'm listening…. I don't like to write and listen at that the same time…I shouldn't get a zero for that, that is stupid"  

Yes, it is stupid.  It is stupid for an AP teacher to pass out Zeros to a kid who makes A's on the tests, but that is the rule and you have to follow rules.   That is the lesson.

"Yeah, well, whatever…I guess I'm going to fail then".

Smart kid.  Honors and AP and he may just fail, not because of tests, but because of marching to the beat of his own drummer with anarchy sticks in his hands.  Learn your own lessons kid.  I'm right there with you in my mind.

Alopecia Sucks.  

plus try your teen age years with no hair.

xo,

m

I brought you in....I'll...

I feel bad...
I had it out with my 13 Y.O. I just couldn't take his nonchalant attitude towards school anymore. I asked him yesterday where his notebooks for school were. He actually looked me in the eye and said,
"I only have one."
Seriously...let me do the math....7 classes, full year of work and you have ONE EFFIN notebook? not even a 3 ring binder? REALLY?????? Why the hell do I go school shopping if we can just use one NOTEBOOK for the next 6 years!!!!????
and by the way, you little shit...I'd like to point out to you, that I have NEVER...ONCE....seen a graded paper from you. NOT ONE!!!!!!!! Where are they?
"Ummmmmm, I recycle them."
(nice terminology)
You mean you throw them into the garbage?...
I will kill you...do you get it? I have that ability, I am your mother, and as you know I brought you in; I can take you out, and no one will even question it...if you don't start bringing shit home, doing your homework, and using more than ONE EFFIN FOLDER for 7 classes...I will kill you....I will.
I seriously will.

I quit drinking yesterday...
I could have used a cocktail before and after that conversation.
Oh well...I treated myself to a Bubbly Water with a lime wedge.


I will kill him...seriously

school conferences

My Brain Hurts by aknacer

Man alive...I don't care for school conferences.

Ilin's 7th grade parent teacher ones were tonight. They were fine but the build up, not so fine.

When Bubba got home from school today he had that weird pasty color thing going on. I asked him what was up and he states he is getting a migraine. Migraines, the most unfair thing in the world for kids, well maybe not the most, but pretty sucky. I asked if he was seeing fairies (little blinky things in your peripherals) or auras. He said no, just everything stinks. That is a good thing when you have migraines...not good, but not as bad as auras. Gave him a tylenol and sent him to his room. I forgot to feed him. One hour later he comes out, pasty,sweaty and weird looking telling me he thinks he is going to barf. Another good mom action, give a kid a tylenol with no food....you know what is even funnier?...I'm a nurse,..ok whatever...so I lead him back to bed, hand him a piece of wonder bread and slap a cold washcloth on his head. Poor baby i hate when I can't fix things.

back to conferences....

Each teacher always says the same thing, "the kid is gifted...he just runs at B level it appears to be ok with him." His writing teacher says to me, " You know, I often use his writing as examples, I am going to enter some of his stuff in a state writing contest, did he tell you?" uh...no...

She says" He is so laid back, we just let him roll with it...if we ask him if he wants to redo a B paper for an A he always says, 'it's all cool,nah'. So the group of us teachers just feel he's just a little bored."

That's fine. I understand. If you were to meet Ilin you would just think he's a normal kid...but he's different, there is something in there, and I can't quite figure out how to help him figure it out. He's like Molasses in Winter...an introvert...does whatever. You tell him to do it, he does it but he's not going to do it unless you tell him. The teachers say he makes 100's on everything in class, except for some of the math, but he's in advanced placement math so a lot of that is based on participation so he rakes in 95% on most of that. It's just odd.

The teachers say he's an awesome kid: polite, caring, helpful, has a ton of friends, just quiet and fiddely ( I know not a real word).

And tonight that weird kid has a migraine...maybe his head is going to explode with whatever he holds onto in there.