On CALLLLLLLLL

Oh lord have mercy, I know I'm cursing myself by looking forward to not having to work tonight. RN's have this great system of being "on Call". My shift starts at 630pm then runs until 7 am The Forbidden Zone called the "Night Shift"...putting me on call means they can call me to come in, if needed, anytime before 4am. So, yes I am sitting in my bathrobe right now, supposedly working on a paper for school (yeah right)...waiting for the damn phone to ring. Last time I was on call I didn't get the phone call until 2 am, which really sucked.

Last night Lizaldiff and I split the shift. I worked until 11 pm and she worked from 11p til 7am. It was cool, except my night was a total cluster @uck. I got there and realized once again I had two Neuro/spine patients, which I guess I just need to figure out how to love...but they freak me out. There is so much to watch for. Liz always teaches me so much, but it's never til after the fact, as most things with nursing are...

"OOOOHHh, that makes sense, guess I should have been watching for paralysis in the legs if its a t-7 fusion. Too late, sorry next shift...they peed though!"

These are things they swear I will learn the more I do.

My first two paitents...neuro/spine. One guy was fresh out of surgery the other surgery earlier that day. My third patient was a lady who had a CVA and on top of that was blessed with the gift of hospital acquired Cdiff . For those not familiar:

(ps check out that website if ya need a laugh)

So the first part of my night was spent wiping a rear end of a very proud older woman with explosive, very contagious poopy issues.

Can you imagine? Let's hope you never have to.

With all that said, I better get back to my project on Gall Stones (so exciting I could fall outta this chair)

I just wanted ya to know I haven't forgotten about ya. I effin busy...seriously. But may 5th...I can see the light!

xoxo write ya later...

m

360 days of my life #70

360 days, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

360 days of my life #69

360 days, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

360 days of my life #68

360 days of my life, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

360 days of my life #67

Today I did a 10K run. It's not as far as it sounds...maybe 6 miles? But the cool thing is that I saw some wildlife today.

On the weekends I try to run a bit longer so I usually start at my house then run to Macintosh Lake around a time and half and then head back.

Today was beautiful. Maybe 54 degrees and sunny.

Not too muddy.

Here's the lake, Oh yeah and the Twin Peaks...

I run around this lake...not over those mountains.

Today a special treat...

Bald Eagles

Huge and right on the path. I called Bobby and told him to bring Olive down and the camera. I think maybe even he was impressed.

The run was nice, no dog...just me and the iTouch listening to Marc Maron Podcast "WTF"

I traveled around the lake at my slow but steady pace. Giggling at the podcast and saying hi to everyone I came across. Including the prairie dogs. I mooed at the cows. (I speak their language) and then stopped to watch a guy on a long board paddle across the lake.

HmmmMMm?

that looks brilliantly relaxing.

so, I got on the horn and called Bobby. "what do you think about longboarding type paddle thingy across the lake? Doesn't that sound cool? Maybe we could do that together?" He was silent..."is it exercise?"

"Well, Bobby, I imagine getting it off the car and stuff is a bit strenuous, but it looks cool."

(all this why I am standing at the side of the lake hopping back and forth)

He replies, "No, not if it's any type of workout...not interested."

bummer. Wouldn't it be cool if we did some things together?

He says," we drink beer...except you quit that like an idiot, and you don't even go to church"

"Well, maybe I'll start going to church...", I said (just trying to get a rise out of him).

Its a bummer for me to have a mate who doesn't want to do anything with me. He doesn't vacation, unless I totally plan it and it involves not driving or doing anything, he doesn't ski, snowboard,hike,bike, run, workout, or enjoy going out. It baffles me.

I offered to get us a personal trainer thinking maybe he would want to workout. How about scuba lessons?...I did get him to try dance lessons when we first got together, he quit the second class.

I'm lonely for an outdoor companion.

Does anyone know of a place I can look for an outdoor platonic partner?

Male or female...

funny thing is, my friends don'e even really stick to anything either.

360 days of my life #66

360 days, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

360 days of my life #65

360 days, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

It's A-OK

Today was the last day of my true clinicals. It was uneventful, which is just fine. When I walked out the door the clouds opened up and rays came down and all seemed right in the world. Truly right, although only momentarily...it was A-OK. I danced a little jog, did a little yelp and wished there was someone to kiss. I hopped in my car and went home, changed clothes, slapped my running shoes on my feet and took off for a mind cleansing run. As I ran, the semester flew off the ends of my fingertips. The anger and angst for my teachers were pounded out through the bottoms of my soles and I ran. I listened to NPR and thought about an old lover who told me,

"why not run 7 miles? You have two working legs...why not?"

And he was so right. Just run.

I thought of Forrest Gump, "Run Forrest, RUN!!!.........Run Myssi RUN!!!!"

My mind weaved in and out of NPR and Ira Glass's soothing voice, as I thought of how my life is my own and I can make time for myself. I wished I could take the burdens this old friend seems to be carrying and run them away for him....because it seems he may never be able to run far enough.

I want to make things right.

I willed myself to forgive the anger which wasted my mind space on someone who didn't believe in me.

I ran.

Everything pounded out on the pavement, slowly, evenly, with direction.

As I rounded mile 4.5 a biker came by and yelled, "You GO girl!!!!" and thumbs up.

my heart opened.

my mind cleared.

and it was A-ok.

I arrived home, went upstairs, and scrubbed everything else off, and down the drain. Felt the strength in my legs, the slight pain in my knees, and smiled.

One more test, 4 more weeks, and another part of my story will begin.

Because I am strong.

360 days of my life #64

runner's rash, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

360 days of my life #61

3/15/10

anyone want to buy a shoebox ford?

it runs, honestly we drove it all the time.

She has new seats.

Custom pin-striping from some famous dude...

if you or you know anyone...let us know

I'm so sad...I love this car

allow me to vent myself

For 4 years I have talked about how when I graduate and am an RN I am going to treat myself to a real grown up car. Not a crap car, not a practical car; a real grown up car.

Something the kids don't fit in.

I have 5 weeks til I graduate and I honestly have really been thinking about how things may change. I have been "visualizing the big picture". Summer is almost here, I won't be paying for daycare (175$/mo). I won't be paying for kindergarten(265$/mo). If I get a job as an RN my pay should about double, and I only carry about 4K$ in debt for the entire household. We have no car payments (paid off) and the only thing we really pay is Mortgage.

A new car for me seems justifiable...NO? I have worked hard working 2 or 3 jobs at a time. Juggling school, family, household and scheduling so as not to interfere with "other's" schedules. Often working 12 hour shifts at night so the kids can get to school with no problems or upsets.

SOOOOOOOOOOO

Last week when Bobby emailed me that his truck broke down and it was going to cost 6500$ to fix my heart broke. I thought to myself, "Is this some sort of marriage test? Because I will kill him." Nope. So I didn't panic. I said it's ok...my credit score is awesome (850 if you must know) I'm sure we can get a used car from the bank, a repo.

I go through the list and find some cars under 8K. fine cars, sporty cars, new looking 40 miles to the gallon cars!!! But he refused. He wanted a car HE wanted.

So, I shut up.

I have learned to stop bitching...except to you, my personal life coaches.

He didn't negotiate a price. He said it was under sticker price. (as it should be, it's a used crap Dodge something or another)

he didn't keep the price under 300$/mo

He made me drive an hour to sign papers for a loan for a car that isn't mine.

he got this: Tried to tell me its like a station wagon....( i don't want a station wagon)

So for the next 72 months (yeah, you heard over 300$/mo for that amount of time...you do the math) I am locked into making a payment.

I could have had another kid.

Maybe a vacation?

Maybe a car...for me and achieving my goals, by myeslf, for myself and this family.

360 days of my life # 60

is honestly sucking the life outta me

360 days of my life # 59 (missed a few)

Its sad when your new favorite thing is a vacuum cleaner.

Just let me tell you a bit about this thing. It's no Dyson, couldn't justify spending 599 for the one I really wanted... BUT this thing sucks like a 50$ hooker...Joking joking, don't get offended and run away. It is really awesome. You want to know why? Because a man finally did the vacuum justice, they hooked a dog brush to this thing! You heard me, a dog brush!!!

You can vacuum the fur right off man's best friend before it even hits the carpet.

Just between you and me. I tried this with the old vacuum and it just about sucked the entire dog into the vacuum. This one comes with a long hose and a deshedder brush.

I'm in love.

Love Love Love

Todays hospital clinicals

I put a straight cath foley in a little old lady with screaming diarrhea and a vagina which would scare the hair off a hyena....that is enough clinical skill to rule the world as far as I'm concerned. I need to study....I'm gonna fail my test again

360 days of my life #51

So these are my dried up red eyes after crying ...I seriously had it out with one of my clinical instructors. I am a strong woman...I have a few things I do when confronted...fight with words, drop the F bomb, or cry...I did not drop the F bomb...I did fight back and when she hit me personally...i cried...like a sniveling 4 year old and demanded the DAMN TISSUE! which she kept hidden so I HAD to ask for it. I was told that she felt I didn't interract well with others...that I will have a rude awakening if I ever try to leave my place of employment with my attitude. I'm sorry? what did you say? It takes a voice...and If I have to be the voice for change then I will be...screw you. If I see something I don't understand...I ask...If I seem something that is wrong, I say it...and if I see something funny...I laugh...YOU HAVE TO...I am a person, I care and I do...don't tell me I'm going to have a rude awakening...I'm 42 years old, what are talking about? Life is a rude awakening. I'm here to smack it in the face, I'm not a robot and never will be...I will also never conform because someone tells me that;'s just the way it is...No way. I am a smart woman,a kind woman, and a strong woman...don't tell me I'm going to have a rude awakening...

my 360 days has gone to hell

well...

i have a couple of pics to add...

but here is what I have now decided...because thats the kinda chick I am.

Bobby made coffee for me and by the time I got it this morning it was cold...so i heated it up in a pan (we have no microwave)...poured it into my cup, sat it down.

found the cup took a sip, burned the bejeezuz outta my mouth, threw the cup down cursing myself...then sat down to finish homework. Looked around my shithole of a house right now and shook my head at the dustballs of dog hair floating in the corners, hell they aren't even in the corners anymore....

they are just wandering around in plain site! I got up and left that area of the house. Went downstairs to put the sheets in the dryer and realized I have actually stopped sorting clothes before putting them in the washer. Who the hell cares? It's just underwear. If it has to be sorted washed in cold or ironed its not for me...or my family, hence the reason we look like ragamuffins. I looked around my laundry room and remembered Bobby had bought me that cool thing to put my fabrics in and to start fixing my sewing area..

well, that has taken so long he has taken it over for his guitar crap. Oh well, as my brothers used to say, "you move, you lose"

I have stopped combing my hair unless super necessary and have started just admiring Sephora catalogues yet wondering why bother. I haven't run in a week and yesterday I had to ask Bobby to "remind me again how to turn the satellite on and change the channels so that I can Watch James Bond" He shook his head in disgust. I understand...I'm disgusted to too. Who would want to live with a person who doesn't sort laundry or wear makeup...or god forbid forget to turn on the TV. I may be a lost cause. I think I need a secret admirer to get me back into the swing of things. Because if I remember correctly my mom used to say "Use it or Lose it". that would suck, but it may be too late.

I can't find my coffee.