new job tonight

Tonight I head to my new employment.  

I will be training with someone I have never met, on a floor I've never been to, and with people I don't know.  I don't even know where the bathroom is.  I have had to take an EKG test, which went ok...and now a BKAT which is a basic nursing test which I can't remember anything on.

I will be learning new things which I wasn't worried about until today.  I printed a common drug list for the cardiac drugs and I am reviewing my emergency drugs.  It's like going back to school.  I am hoping and praying they don't think I'm an idiot.  Which, honestly, right now I am feeling like one.  I hope that I haven't made the wrong decision.  Leaving the comfort of my other floor where I knew something and knew the people for unknown territory.  I keep hearing Liz's voice , "you will be back."  Was it a premonition or just a snarky remark to send me off.

When I left my job I always thought there would be an email of thanks or a party or something.  6 years of my life, and i just walked off the floor at the end of my shift and no one said a word except for one older nurse who said she was sad I was leaving.  

My schedule for the next few days is a bit hectic.  They scheduled me every other night which would kill the normal person, but I'm going to suck it up and just go for it.

Please keep your fingers crossed for me.

write ya later,

m

friends whatever

You now what sucks the big one?

I'll tell you...here, let me give it to you without the fancy packaging.

FRIENDS...or the so called...i guess it would be better to call them pass throughs.

It's the leave the job, or whatever, and then you are the outcast.  

It's not just job, it's in general.  As you know I have some pretty dear friends.  As you get older friends are harder and harder to come by.  

I, personally, take my friendships extremely seriously.  I'm guessing that is why I only have a few.  If something happens, you can count on me...but on the other hand...I'm not gonna think 3 times about you if you are a fair weather friend.

(notice how I said 3...I'm a bit slow)

frienships are harder than love relationships because they are harder to let go.  I'm the type that just has to cut it loose because I know in my heart I am the one that cares more, so it is easier to just forget about it than to keep dragging it out....like a bad hang nail

back to the subject:

I left my place of employment where I met some great people.

it bums me out that I know in my head I will never really see them and again and they could give a shit less.

(insecurity at its finest)

It sucks that you can't put an ad out for new friends, because I have a ton to offer.

Wanted:

cool milf friend who likes to drink microbrews, knit, run, hang out and just chit chat 1-2 times a week.  preferably has kids, is not "religious" and willing to start at 7 am or any given time. 

must be flexible.

must have a sense of humor...

a real sense of humor....

and willing to try new things.

please email asap

desperate

well...there you have it...you can tell I'm in a transition.  I'm sure its my fault or my shitty attitude, but that should be a plus.

ps new job is going good...people are nice, willing to teach, and its been ok.

imagine that?

all done with the reboot...

YEA!!!!

Even though I am done, I believe I will continue to juice during the day.  Today I juiced breakfast, snack and lunch.  I feel fine.  It keeps me from feeling heavy.

I really don't know how many people honestly have the will power. But I guess if you realize that you may slip up but keep on going it works.  2 Fritos won't kill anyone...i don't think.

It's been a busy week for me.  I have been orienting at a new job and feels like I have been in Nursing school all week, and if you guys remember...I did not super enjoy it the first time.

Dinner tonight for the fam:

Grilled Salmon 

Fresh green beans

and i'm not sure what else.

Because I'm weak day 4.5

this post was for last night.

I did great all day....nothing just juice and that was extremely hard when they served lasagna at the meeting.
BUT!!!!
I went out with a girlfriend to get a manicure and my will power gave in.  I had a martini and a half a mozzarella and basil panini...I felt crappy this morn.  :(
BUT #2   I'm back on the juice today, so with me luck at me new job orientation and that temptation doesn't get me....
The real problem is I'm getting ready for my monthly problem and its making me HUNGRY!!!!

I have a bit more energy,
maybe I'll actually do something today I: run...workout?
we will see

write ya later

Happy Birthday Dana D....old lady

My first day of work in Boulder Colorado I had to call in sick because I was puking and crying on the way to work.  All I could think was that this lady gave me a job, knew nothing about me, and here I am snot and puke out the car door begging it to go away.  My boyfriend at the time called in, "She's really sick, and she really wants to come in but she looks awful".

They granted me the day off. Maybe they thought I wouldn't come back.  

I went back and that began my life at the Walnut Cafe, with my first away from home family I ever had.  And boy howdy, were we a family, bitchiness and all.  

My bosses were slave drivers...I swear to god.  I can't tell you how many times I heard,

"Oh you crybaby, put your big girl panties on and suck it up...."  

Then 2 hours later, "Come on Red, have a piece of Pie with me"

grrrrrrrr

How many tearful events in the back thinking I can't work another day? Then back I go, smile and do it...and actually love it after the fact.

How many margarita bitch sessions were held at Casa Alvarez?  Too many to count.

She was there for the birth of my son, right there with the rest of my family (walnut cafe)...rooting me on...then quietly telling after all was said and done, "Man, I ain't NEVER having a baby...that was crazy!" 

She found me a sitter, so I could come back to work and not worry about it...and if I remember correctly she even paid her, so I wouldn't freak out, because I tend to freak out.

For that, I was forever grateful. 

One time I asked her how the Walnut happened...She said she was all ready working, might as well own the place...she told me she was gonna be a millionaire in time to enjoy it...saved her money, borrowed a bit...and worked her ass off, and if you have seen her you know she has no ass...Now, I'm not saying she is a millionaire, but I know for a fact she is a millionaire in heart felt love and compassion ( and probably not hurting for dough, either.)

She is an amazing woman, More than our community could ever know.  She takes things in stride, doesn't gloat, and piles it on.  She is there when you need it...be it a kidney, money for a fund raiser or even a few kind words. She is a friend above friends.  

She has made our community see equal rights aren't just for big city crazy gays ( I love you)...It's for all of us...right here, who serve you breakfast every morning.  She made it a safe place to show your love in any old direction.  She makes people realize love is love...and you can't deny love, especially with pie and Dana, in all her glory, shoving it in your face for a dollar a slice....while you wait for a table.

Today is her Birthday...

Her half a century

and man D...

My life would have been so different without you.

I am so thankful...

for you

Beautiful

loving 

amazing you

PS:

I know for a fact she IS enjoying it...so when you see her out surfing, riding, scootering,snowboarding, hiking,...whatever,

give her the the thumbs up.

and be thankful she is on humanity's side.

day 3 juicing reboot

Honestly ...I'm starving.  

I want to eat something.  

the only thing better about today is that I didn't visualize someones nationailty as a food source like some bad Warner Brothers Cartoon.

mmmmm fooood

But I'm still drinking juice.

I had new employee orientation today and one problem with the juicing is that I had to pee about 10 times this afternoon...which is not conducive to the orientation time schedule.

How do I feel?

I feel fine... I was a little sleepy today, but that may have been because I was bored from the training.  I worked out yesterday and am trying to decide if I wanna run today.  It's really hot...maybe I'll just do abs.

I haven't really pooped yet, which is a bit of a bummer because I thought for sure it would let loose....but today, nothing, just some beet colored peepee.

yesterday I had a super yummy juice...super yummy, the best one, yet.

1/2 cucumber

3 stalks celery

1 green apple

handful of mint

and a squeeze of lemon

Bobby is still drinking juice and having some food too.  Mostly juice...then meat, which yes, defeats the purpose, but he figures if he is at least juicing too he is getting more than he usually would.  Makes sense.

We can talk more about how I feel tomorrow.

I really don't see this changing the way I really eat.  Some of that is because I eat fairly well all ready.  I will try to keep the extra sugars and whites from my diet , but  a big piece of french bread, Olive oil, a chunk of blue cheese and some olives are what I'm thinking of right now.

mmmmmm

olives

reboot day 1.5

first juicing experience was, let's just say...earthy.  I kind of went overboard:

5 kale leaves,

cucumber

1 red beet

4 stalks of celery

Whole lemon (not a good idea)

3 carrots

3 granny smith apples

it made enough for Bobby and I (2 pints)...it smelled like earth and tasted like the wet lawn...but we drank it.  Bobby chugged his.  I slowly drank mine then added a bit of ice and choked down the rest.

I had 62 oz of water in the next 3 hours.

I noticed the mental hunger pains right away.  We were at the pool and I started thinking about the nachos they were eating from the concession  oooey gooey disgusting nachos that I would NEVER think of eating.

It got so bad, every time a person with a distinct Nationality walked by I would think :

mmmm I could eat some sushi

yummy I could eat some burritos

ooooh yeah, babaganoush

that was pretty bad.

the meal plan for the reboot has you eat one raw meal, so last night I had all raw veggie salad with broccoli slaw (which comes prepared ...no dressing just julianned veggies) i added fresh yellow pole beans, 1 tomato and a splash of apple cider and mustard...shook it up, a few squirts of hot-sauce...done  (just typing hot sauce makes me hungry).

Bobby, on the other hand apparently snuck in and had a tuna sandwich on white bread...oh well.

This morning I woke up, not hungry really, still haven't pooped, but I don't have a headache or anything like they said I might.

for breakfast i had:

strawberries,

3 stalks celery

3 carrots

nectarine

1 granny smith

1 red delish

it was quite yummy

I have many chores to do, including body maintenance ie: wax, paint, color

gonna try to stay busy enough to not think about it.

Juicing for a reboot...what's next?

I may have told you, or maybe not...I may have mentioned it in passing.  I have high cholesterol.  Bummer huh?  I'm veg, I run, I'm not overweight, but my LDL is inching up.  Last check I was at 242.  That sucks.  Yes, as the dr. says, "sometimes it's the luck of the draw"

I'm not on any meds, I refuse.  I guess I'll just wait to stroke out.  That seems a bit selfish huh?

Many of you who have read my blog know I love a challenge.  Health is always a fun one.  I'm up for anything, especially if it can show that normal people ( 42 year old, nightshift working mom, drinker, bitcher and complainer) can do these things too.  Here is my new one...and I'm going to honestly blog it for the next 7-10 days.

I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead  with Bobby the other night and it was truly pretty amazing.  It made sense,  perfect sense, that eating non processed foods could possibly heal your body.  Let me tell you a secret....even Bobby said,

(The one with the glasses is Bobby, the epitome of health)

 "You know, I think I'd like to try that"  That is no short of a miracle.  He is not unhealthy, but he does NOT embrace health, but I have noticed that things have slowly started to change after the stint in ICU over Thanksgiving.  He is also watching his younger brother go through Ulcerative Colitis (an autoimmune disease) and it is really making him think.

Today I headed to Target, bought a juicer, which was on sale for 54$ and then headed to the farmer's market and bought a fill it up for 12$ of organic produce...and today I am going to start.   Bobby is cramming in some pizza and beer for lunch before he starts, which made me laugh...but whatever it takes.  I am going to say that, he probably won't make it, because he doesn't have great will power and hell, I may not either, but I'll let you know how I feel.

I have to go get some apples...later my friends...and if you want to try it with me...lets do it.  

Today: ran 3.5 miles, abs, start an all juice fast

stupid stupid workouts

What happens when i stop working out?
Yes, I realize I am obsessed.  I like to pride myself in a non addictive personality.  When given the challenge I quit drinking.  Back in my twenties, I quit all drugs, cold turkey...cleaned up, because it was time.
I often stand in the mirror and look at myself, then I look around.  Usually there is no one in my bedroom so I take it to the street, in my mind.
( I do understand this may be offensive to some, sorry...it's my blog, get your own and pass judgement on me)
I meet naturally healthy people.  It's awesome.  Yet there is something that doesn't quite do it for me.  They often look strappy and thin, slightly withered and "unhealthy".  Too much vegan cheese?  I'm not sure.  I just can't be happy with it.
I look at people who at some point they have just stopped caring about size.  They seem happy.  I like it.  They have switched from bikini underwear to full bottoms....pants to skorts or better yet the smock.  Do their spouses look at them and wonder what happened?  Or is it such a slow progression that they don't notice?
I announced yesterday I am going to switch to smocks.  Where do I purchase one?  Bobby said, "No you won't...you would never allow yourself to wear a smock".
He's right.
I have noticed many men in their early 40's start really working out again.  Trying to recapture youth?  what do their wives think, "Fine, you run 100 miles I'll eat all these 100 calorie treats and we will see who wins."
hmmm
who wins?
For me things happen quickly.
If I stop caring...I can tell.  ( right now I can't get a brush through my hair)
If I stop running...in 3 weeks I can't run 3 miles. ( I blame it on my shoes)
If I stop working out at least 3 times a week, I can't breathe in the first 10 minutes of a workout. ( when this happens I grab a beer and sit down and watch)
Yesterday I started my p90x again.
I did legs and back....ie: squats and pullups.
today I can't get up and down the stairs.
tonight I will run.

take it for what it is.
let me just add one more thing to this nothing post of what is on my mind
If my other half weighed more than 121 pounds, possibly my life would be different.
I can't stand when my underwear are bigger than his.
It makes me want to die.

next post: lack of sex...drive

what I did today 365 days

Today Kids, Eddie and I went on a hike up at Lions Gulch Homestead, which was so beautiful.  It was a 6.2 mile hike we only made it 5.5 before it started storming.  It was worth it.  The kids helped each other and seemed to enjoy...and the dog has been sleeping since.

When I got home...there was action out the back door!

Apparently after the break down a few days ago of me weeping that my life is in disarray and I can't believe all the half done things around the house, Bobby decided to start the deck.

He wouldn't give me the price of the wood because he knew my asshole would tighten up so tight that the tears would be forced from my eyes just from the pressure...and it would appear to be a break down again.

 working on the right side

 No, it's not skeletor, its Bobby

 Ed enjoying the 3 feet of deck

much nicer...

He's so cute

We ran out of screws before I had enough planks put down to put my table on there

Bobby's back hurt and my feet hurt.

At least it's a start.

I won't break my leg when stepping out the back door when drunk.

physical, lets get physical

I started my day by covering my tattoos as best as I could manage.  Not always easy when its 100 degrees out.  

Made it to my paperwork meeting for the new job.  I actually had everything filled out and in order so the lady behind the desk was quite pleased, which in turn pleased me.  She took my picture twice, and was kind enough to gently tell me I was grimacing in the first...I could have told her that...I apparently grimace in all my pictures.  The second was proved to be a bit better.  Paperwork was signed, copied, and given back.  

"you have 15 minutes to get to your next appointment...the physical and drug test"

great.

There used to be a  day when I would worry about it, but now my biggest worry is not being able to pee or better yet, knocking the pee over when I set it on the ground.

The medical assistant was speed and friendly.

"wash your hands, go in the bathroom, pee in cup...DONT FLUSH"

grabbed my cup as I was doing the peepee dance...

"what are you doing?"

I'm dancing to Prince, what do you think I'm doing?  I gotta PEE...

he laughed,"Girl, You are pretty funny for a nurse."

what's that supposed to mean?

I did my magic in the bathroom, emerged smiling and handed him the cup..." don't spill it, that's all I got, because I missed the cup for the first 7 seconds"

He did the drug dip....

3 minutes later...

"you passed"

I jumped up and down and clapped my hands together like a three year old

Woopee!!!!!

stopped abruptly and said , of course I did, what do you think I am, a druggie?

He looked at me, "most nurses around here aren't very friendly let alone funny....I only have met about 3 in the entire time I've been here....I sure hope you make it over there."

Yikes

for the next 2 nights I've had the dreams where my teeth are falling out of my head and I can't find my classroom with the occasional flash of having to pee in front of a crowd.

I feel lost and scared.  I usually enter this kind of change with odd curiosity...lately I can barely function.

It will be fine.  

it's a new job,

not the end of a lifetime

It's a beginning

right?

organizing the vacation pix

You have to take care of the pictures from vacation quickly, otherwise they just sit there.

I need a better way to do it

Right now it is from camera to iphoto then to flikr then to Picnik then back to flikr

See what I mean? 

what do you guys use for editing? 

I am so lazy

But...

I did find this little gem from the last day of vacation

on the Pier on Okaloosa Island

7/10/11

home sweet home

we are home...
the big dog hates us and won't go upstairs
the grass looks like a monsoon hit.
the ceiling is leaking.

its so nice to be home

Don't put the ...

Pop on there.... I said, don't put the pop on there!... Dagnabit... I saaaaaid don't put the pop on there....
You put the pop on it.
( guy turns around and looks at me...)
That's what we here in the South call ' flat bread'... You've had yerself some flat bread before huh?
All I could do is laugh.
Yup I've had me some flat bread before.
Only a couple more days of vacay.

Xo

Vacation hate

My kids hate each other
It's so depressing
Just so that you don't assume that I'm actually enjoying myself on vacation
I'd thought I would let you know how much they hate each other
It has been non stop bickering. Today I left to the grocery for 18 minutes to pick up tampons and I came home to a 7 year old gloating on the couch, 14 year old crying on the porch and dad fuming , locked in the bedroom! Geez. I was gone 18 minutes
One kid got bit, one yelled at and the adult packing to leave

Can't say I blame him. It's nothing like being with kids that can't entertain them selves or be friendly. It's plain ol awful.
I decided to tell them they need to figure out the next 7 days quick or I swear I'm taking my bottle of cheap wine, my box of tampons, and I'm leaving . I'm now hiding on the porch with said items and my knitting... Waiting for results.