Make a list

It's been a huge month.

I set some goals and attempted to follow through and I'll tell you why.

I have this friend who carries around a pocket full of post-it notes and on each one is a thing he needs or wants to get done. He pulls them out multiple times a day and shuffles through them and every once in a while he throws one away....sometimes there are 2 things on one post-it....in that case he scribbles one line out and puts back in the pocket....

On a great day I'll hear him say

"That's IT!!! Empty Pockets!" 

he wipes his hands on his pants and smiles

"done"

Then it starts over.

Seems simple.

I have been more than overwhelmed with:

Covid

Work

Never-ending Divorce

House Hunting with no $$

Teenager

My Hair

Running

Working Out

My never-ending Period

Relationship

None is horrible, but as a compiled basket

it's a lot.

SO....

I said, Come on Girl...This is your life now....get yer shit together and move forward.

First thing first....

My beautiful family arranged for Sissy to come for 2 nights and just sit on the couch and all of us be happy together and it was divine!

Me and Sissy....

then I was told it's time to buy myself something....something simple

I bought run pants.

Then I started my list....

I have to start planning for our future....and that means cleaning up the house I am losing and start packing for a house or life in the future.

20 years of crap is a lot....

I often wish it would just disappear.

But no, I can do this.

I can

So this week....

my list is made and I giggled.

I moved a lot of our stuff to a rental space

and even drove a big truck to do it. 

in hindsight I wish I would have sorted the stuff out a bit more 

but oh well....

I have 20 more days until Tulum

and I can't wait.

I have some big news too

But I am going to wait.

xoxo

m

 

Path to You

Life is short .... so cliche
My life and the paths I have chosen have been wonderful
The people I have chosen to be with...
I love them all

People change
I have changed
My needs have changed
My love of activity and adventure has changed
My need for love and companionship has grown
And although my independence has grown 100 fold,
Literally.....
I want to share my love, adventures , laughter, ups and downs ,
with people who want to be near me .
It is a real thing
I feel it

Tonight I asked someone to help me
It’s not my norm.
But the people around me understand ....
My request was simple....
Explain
Explain what happened between us
Make it as beautiful as it was
Or is
Tell them,
So that I can breathe again
So that I can lift my head....
And heart .

Help me
So that I can climb from this pit
Into the warmth of it all
And smile
Again

Help me
So that my two hands ....
Can hold your two hands
My lips can whisper ....
Thank you
In your ear

Help me
So that my story can resume
In the open
Crossing with your story
As it is being written
Without shame
But as it should be ....
With love

Write ya later
Xo
M

365 days: Day 185 Punta Cana ...relaxed and washed out

DAY 185

Higuey, DR

 Something about the colors makes me happy

she smiled for a minute...ziplineing

Yes,  I booked a trip to Punta Cana DR when people are dying there. So what?  I like an adventure and a good deal.

Stayed at Barcelo Palace on Bavaro Beach and for all inclusive resort it was fine.

No one died, and I feel semi relaxed.

beaches were white and warm,

People were friendly 

I relaxed....

what more can I say........

except.....

I'm a dumbass for thinking it would be different.

Will I ever learn?

It really is time to move on...

really

(Look at that dumbasses sweet face)

vacationing with me is an adventure...

If you want it to be.

I enjoy trying stuff...

I tried almost every bite of food put in front of me...yes even meat, because when you don't speak the language it is important to not be rude....although a few locals helped with which meals traditionally did not have meat.

I like to do things....but I also like other people to take the lead, so if you are not strong enough to take the lead and decide what you would like to do, you will either be doing what I want to do, or nothing at all. 

If you decide things at the last minute while in a 3rd world country...it most likely won't happen because things need a bit of planning.

Something I discovered which was quite nice and new to me...

separate beds.  I slept like a baby.  Not my ideal sleeping arrangement when traveling with a person I am in love with, but....

situation was just dandy with the double beds. 

If you aren't having relations, kissing, touching....no need to be in my space.

I realized I find dark skinned DR men with light eyes, extremely attractive.

I was thankful I did not have the opportunity to really explore as much as I wanted to. ( wink wink)

If you sleep through half the vacation...

you are going to miss out, not my problem....

I can sleep at home...

I like to dance...and gamble occasionally

these things should happen while on vacation.

I cannot wait to meet someone who likes to take a bit of the lead...

I'm not saying all the lead, just someone who steps up, can make a reservation, can get a taxi in a different country, will carry the money and tip, and can try new things.

can't wait.

I posted a pic of me in my bikini, because I do wear a bikini and don't really care if I have a fat belly one day...

mostly I care because I don't find myself attractive looks wise.  My body is ok, but lately I feel washed out, old and pretty ugly.

(honestly though, I am all those things hahaha)

but it doesn't make me happy looking at pictures.

I am back home, getting mentally prepared for work and what comes next.

life is grand

write ya later

m

365 days : I run so you don't have to

you are welcome...

Today I ran so you don't have to.

I would like you to know we did NOT run far, so don't worry

Foxxy and I ran 2. 2 miles 

Then she gave up...

Looked at me as if the heat was going to be the death of her....

I looked at her and said, 

"Don't worry, I gotta poop....so we are both done"

She panted home the last mile and I concentrated on not having to go poo.

It's a runners thing.

maybe it's just my thing.

Anyways, I did minimal thinking on my run, which was nice.

A couple of times I thought...

wow, my legs feel pretty good and I'm gonna chalk that up to doing nothing for the past week or so.

I'm calling it my recovery drink and eat week....

and scroll through Instagram and then feel shitty for doing nothing all week, week.

pretty much a good week in my book.

As you can see from my picture I am carb loading for the mere fact I can.  

This was the first time in a while I looked at myself in the mirror and thought

you look good.

you are in a good spot.  

Looks good on you 

50 is good

....

well, don't look at that part, ignore that part....

and ignore that toenail that fell off from running yesterday

but everything else....

good job, lady

Sometimes, a good break from everything really pays off

I noticed it has made the house feel better.

Me, just doing what I want and not fretting.

the vibe is good.

did you hear that?

I gotta good vibe goin on.

2 days from now I will be relaxing in my bikini, giving an additional zero fucks, wishing I could tan, as I slather on the 50 block...

Wishing I could hold my liquor better,

and wishing I looked more put together....

but all that....

that is NOTHING.

Lately,

Ive literally been rocking this shit.

so, go relax...

I all ready ran, 

If ya wanna carb load, go ahead,

because we good 

xo,

write ya later

Vacation hate

My kids hate each other
It's so depressing
Just so that you don't assume that I'm actually enjoying myself on vacation
I'd thought I would let you know how much they hate each other
It has been non stop bickering. Today I left to the grocery for 18 minutes to pick up tampons and I came home to a 7 year old gloating on the couch, 14 year old crying on the porch and dad fuming , locked in the bedroom! Geez. I was gone 18 minutes
One kid got bit, one yelled at and the adult packing to leave

Can't say I blame him. It's nothing like being with kids that can't entertain them selves or be friendly. It's plain ol awful.
I decided to tell them they need to figure out the next 7 days quick or I swear I'm taking my bottle of cheap wine, my box of tampons, and I'm leaving . I'm now hiding on the porch with said items and my knitting... Waiting for results.

farewell...vacay time

See ya later...I'll be on this beach in Destin, Fl...

I need it.  We need it.  

I will post the oddities as they happen, unless I'm passed out somewhere...because 

while I'm at the beach...

I'll be hanging out here:

The Boathouse

and hopefully seeing some friends and...

just plain ol relaxing, as much as one can with kids.

Then when I come back I deal with new roof, new bathroom, loans and and new job.

love you

write ya later

m

Dreamy, dream, dream...and one nightmare

I had been working on making the deck enjoyable for my summer of relaxing.  I came home from the store the other day and here is what I saw:

WTF!?
My worst Nightmare!!!!
He said it needed re done.  Grrrrr...

ok so scenario:  

The roof needs redone, the bathroom needs redone and now the porch ....needs redone.  I cant step out my backdoor without breaking an ankle.

I have moved everything out front.  made a sitting are in the front, but its not the same.  *pout pout*

As much as I love projects I equally hate them.  It puts my mind at unease....which does not allow me to sleep.   It makes me curl up and wait.

We are applying for a home equity loan so that we can maybe get all this done at once.

Then let me tell you what else needs done.

The carpet in the basement needs pulled up then the floor scrubbed and sealed

the living room painted and new furniture.

In the mean time...I'm gonna go out and sit and read and not think about it.

We go to Fl in 2 weeks.

I'm gonna think about that...

and about the dream I had last night where Justin Timberlake loved me.

Alot...

In my dream I had hoped it was SNL BeeGees Justin,

but it was this one

I'll Settle.

we miss it all ready

the kidds, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

Laundry in the washer, grocery shopping done, today it is going to be 100 degrees here in Colorado.  We aren't at the River anymore.  I think I will spend the first part of the morning looking for a vacation house, on a river or lake or something.

The kids don't ever really realize how cool certain things are, especially with video games around and stuff.

I wonder if they thought the River was as awesome as I did.

We took pictures of us Tubing down the Muskegon River with an underwater camera.  Can't wait to get those developed.

Thursday night lovers...

I rocked my night tonight watching "Mr Eyebrows, Miss Fish and the Greek Gal" rockin' it on Summer Lovers. I remember being a teenager and thinking if this doesn't happen to me at some point in my life, I will just die, because this is WAY BETTER than a Judy Blume book....unfortunately I can say as an adult...it never happened. I may have a had a night in a gay club that semi resembled this, but I didn't wake up in Greece. Damn the 80's...

the chick in this movie "urban legend has it" died in a motorcycle accident. bummer.

I loved her, and him, with his sexy eyebrows, and Daryl too...with her perfectly flat torso....whatever the case ,I have now spent the better part of my evening looking for places in Greece with full access to fluffy muscled up eyebrow guy and an extra girl or two. I believe this would cure me from all sadness, along with greek wine.

Where is that "Regardiez Moi" chick when you need her?...isn't she Greek...or Minty, what about your hubby? He must come from the land of large eyebrows and flat girls...I just need to find a small cabana, large bed, nice beach, ample wine, olive oil optional and the dollar higher than their $$.

Got it? This would be a perfect vacation/school break for me.

I'm sure my sister (?) would watch Olive for 2 weeks.

Or for exchange of Colorado Living Quarters during ski season, central to all ski areas and many breweries.