Life is short .... so cliche
My life and the paths I have chosen have been wonderful
The people I have chosen to be with...
I love them all
People change
I have changed
My needs have changed
My love of activity and adventure has changed
My need for love and companionship has grown
And although my independence has grown 100 fold,
Literally.....
I want to share my love, adventures , laughter, ups and downs ,
with people who want to be near me .
It is a real thing
I feel it
Tonight I asked someone to help me
It’s not my norm.
But the people around me understand ....
My request was simple....
Explain
Explain what happened between us
Make it as beautiful as it was
Or is
Tell them,
So that I can breathe again
So that I can lift my head....
And heart .
Help me
So that I can climb from this pit
Into the warmth of it all
And smile
Again
Help me
So that my two hands ....
Can hold your two hands
My lips can whisper ....
Thank you
In your ear
Help me
So that my story can resume
In the open
Crossing with your story
As it is being written
Without shame
But as it should be ....
With love
As I have been doing my homework for therapy I have been struggling with how I can be better.
Not better as a person, because honestly I am a pretty great person...
but better in my abilities to help the ones I love be better people. (and to not sound like a twat, to also help me see the ways I have made mistakes and possibly not do them any more, or at least know that I am doing it)
Now we all know you cannot change a person, but with gentle encouragement one may be able to help a grown ass adult see the light in a different way. Maybe shut up for a minute and say," wait a minute, I have never thought of it like that."
Granted , this is not a thing for teen to 37 year olds, but I think at about 40 or so, people are able to have some insight to life.
So, I came across this beautifully logical article and it just made sense.
PERFECT SENSE
Here is the mystical answer I was looking for.....
As I read said article I got all antsy on the inside.
YES!!!!
how many times in my life, to myself (under my breath), or to my partners and even to my kids....
JUST BE KIND.
BE KIND
So, in my struggle to figure out how I can be the best I can be for all the people I cross paths with and attempt to build people up instead of accidentally (or not) tear them down , I took this study to heart.
You can be kind or be an asshole and the relationships ,and I'm gonna guess this goes for not only lovers but friends too, which survive are the ones who are actively kind and responsive.
here is the part that hit me in the heart and made me say ..."this right here"
Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: he’s requesting a response from his wife—a sign of interest or support—hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.
The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that
The partner has a choice, read it again,..... a choice.
Turn towards or away
acknowledge in a kind manner (regardless if you give a shit or not) or turn away.
I have been guilty of this.
I remember early on in my relationship I was so unsure and unsafe from the baggage I carried (and still carry) that I could not accept anything as truth.
"you are beautiful" was answered with "whatever" and thoughts of "they say that to everyone".
It was my answer to everything.
Even though this person, looking me in the eye, was saying it because they felt it.
I negated those feelings, I turned away, I did not connect.
This habit does not make for a relationship of trust and love.
I am only going to point out that one thing. There were many, and they came back like shots in a war zone. I will not talk about the other person, because he did what he did to protect his heart.
18 years now and we still turn away and I know we are doing it.
Even when we try to be kind, I feel it and I question it, now in the back of my head...."he's just saying that because the therapist told him to" or "he knows I'm upset so he is trying to back track"
I never think
"he loves me"
can you see the problem here?
Moving forward with a smile, I am, at 50, learning to accept responsibility and the love people can offer and give it back. There is no reason for me to be a dick to people anymore, and honestly there never was a reason. My wings were never broken they were just not fully expanded and now they are. I know my faults and I hope people reading this will understand their faults too.
That pointing out people's ugly traits to their faces is not always the best in the long run.
I woke up early after a night of crazy dreams and thoughts.
I have been watching Sons Of Anarchy on netflix and it gives me stress.
Seems odd when I think of it, considering I did my punk rock years growing up around skinheads, bikers and many fist fights.
That must be the only reason I can't handle even watching them on TV anymore. Because I know when that fist hits the jaw, people don't just fall over, they see dancing bears on unicycles and sometimes don't rise very quickly.
Seeing all the Aryan Nation stuff on the show reminds of my college days in Gainesville.
Something many people would not even fathom.
In Fl. the Aryan Nation is quite a recruiting team. You know, the Army, Airforce, Marines, then the Young Nationals.
Nice white shirts, suspenders, shiny boots and that great 9th grade education.
(they like to keep the lower end dumb)
Often mistaken for Mormons or boyscouts.
I was never afraid, although maybe I should have been.
They ran in my circle of people, I knew them, drank beer with them, went to shows with them...they seemed fine to me...
until they started spouting off their pea brained ideas. But if it was just to see a Bad Brains show, they were the ones to go with.
People moved out of the way, you always got front and center, and they actually treated the girls with respect.
I try to not discuss my beliefs as such, but you kind of bring it out.
People often judge me so I tend to keep quiet.
I honestly believe doing is the action.
Its so hard for me to watch people go to church 3 times a week and
have someone tell them what to do, read, or judge. I do know everyone
has their own way of being strong... I just can't buy into it. It
kills me. Some/ most never ever put into action any sort of goodness
into the world short of their congregation . They tithe their own
people. They condemn. I understand they are " building an army".
But is it really right? I can't say anything...all I can do is be
quiet and do good and when people ask my belief all I can say is to do
the best I can do right now.
Every day I make conscious desicions to change the world... Baby
steps, from not using plastic bags to donating to local charities ...
But I really try to do... Do to be an example . Yes I'm vegetarian
but I won't preach, I just feel the world can do without all the
manufactured feed and killing . It's baby steps
I find great inner love for mankind when I do this silly stuff....
Even more when someone turns to me and says that's awesome, let me
help.
It's the power of one
It's awful lonely, but every day I meet another person that smiles at
me for no reason and I know they too believe in the power of one
