Day 200: Just Relax and do the Pony

The days are good lately.

Finding myself is quite hysterical most of the time...

with moments pondering, sprinkled with slight reprimands from friends,

and returns to Earth moments from the Universe....but I'm hanging in there.

Day 200

Relaxing at the lake...and yes I wear a bikini

I'm slightly irritated with myself for not having kept a list of the things I wanted to do and have actually done this summer.  This is really unlike me, because I am a list maker.  Makes me feel better about how quickly my days blend together when I realize I have possibly completed a few tasks.

This past week, Sissy came and hung out with me for a staycation. Our main goal was to hit the big Hooplagers Pool Party at Wibby Brewing...

and that we did.

My poor poor liver.  I'm not sure what the deal is with those beer festival pours, but they get me messed up.

Last year, I went by myself and had a great time....This year was even more fun.

I have to say the absolute best part was the silent disco.

I love to dance, so when sissy said, "Let's go" I squealed like a piglet.

We possibly were the oldest in there, but who cares.  We are products of the 80's, knew all the dance moves and all the words and were given a "watch out'"area when Sissy started to "ride the pony"

Not familiar?

Here...

We were dying laughing, sweating, singing, spilling beer....

Note to all:

80's silent disco cannot be missed, even if you think...

"no...I don't dance, it will be embarrassing, people will stare, etc."

   Ya know what ?

Do the fucking pony and have some fun...

After the festivities, we rode ( on bikes so as not to drive) our slightly drunk, bikinied, old lady selves home and complimented each other on our dance moves and made sure to tell all our friends who said," I'm not going to a stupid pool party at the brewery with blow up pools, beer and pink flamingo floats...that's stupid" 

they missed out.

In short, the weekend staycation was great.

Only a few times did I lament on the fact I am still in a weird place....but it was easily brushed to the side with a reminder of how awesome life is.

How awesome I am...

How precious life is...

How just doing and being happy is ok....

How doing what is good for your self does NOT have to come with repercussions.

Really, you answer to no one....

except yourself.

So, as I said to me...

screw it...

do the pony, wear the bikini, laugh at yourself

and be ready when someone says...let's go.

As we get older it is harder and harder to find friends who are not stuck in the circle of what they should be doing according to friends, family, silly ideas...

Rarely do you come across the friend anymore who calls or texts and says,

"I'm coming to get you...we are going funnin' "

Don't miss out, because as I am quickly learning, tomorrow is not a guarantee....not even close.

I refuse to go down wishing I had kissed more, danced more, ate more macarones, or traveled solo...

yup

Write ya later

xo, 

m

Kindness .....the simple answer

Some times things are just that....

"Simple"

As I have been doing my homework for therapy I have been struggling with how I can be better.

Not better as a person, because honestly I am a pretty great person...

but better in my abilities to help the ones I love be better people. (and to not sound like a twat, to also help me see the ways I have made mistakes and possibly not do them any more, or at least know that I am doing it)

Now we all know you cannot change a person, but with gentle encouragement one may be able to help a grown ass adult see the light in a different way.  Maybe shut up for a minute and say," wait a minute, I have never thought of it like that."

Granted , this is not a thing for teen to 37 year olds, but I think at about 40 or so, people are able to have some insight to life.

So, I came across this beautifully logical article and it just made sense.

PERFECT SENSE

Here is the mystical answer I was looking for.....

The Secret to Love is Just Kindness

link here to article

seems legit

As I read said article I got all antsy on the inside.  

YES!!!!

how many times in my life, to myself (under my breath), or to my partners and even to my kids....

JUST BE KIND.

BE KIND

So, in my struggle to figure out how I can be the best I can be for all the people I cross paths with and attempt to build people up instead of accidentally (or not) tear them down , I took this study to heart.

You can be kind or be an asshole and the relationships ,and I'm gonna guess this goes for not only lovers but friends too, which survive are the ones who are actively kind and responsive.

here is the part that hit me in the heart and made me say ..."this right here"

Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: he’s requesting a response from his wife—a sign of interest or support—hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.

The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that

The partner has a choice, read it again,..... a choice.   

Turn towards or away

acknowledge in a kind manner (regardless if you give a shit or not) or turn away.

I have been guilty of this.

I remember early on in my relationship I was so unsure and unsafe from the baggage I carried (and still carry) that I could not accept anything as truth.

"you are beautiful" was answered with "whatever" and thoughts of "they say that to everyone".

It was my answer to everything.

Even though this person, looking me in the eye, was saying it because they felt it.

I negated those feelings, I turned away, I did not connect.

This habit does not make for a relationship of trust and love.

I am only going to point out that one thing. There were many, and they came back like shots in a war zone.  I will not talk about the other person, because he did what he did to protect his heart.

18 years now and we still turn away and I know we are doing it.

Even when we try to be kind, I feel it and I question it, now in the back of my head...."he's just saying that because the therapist told him to" or "he knows I'm upset so he is trying to back track"

I never think

"he loves me"

can you see the problem here?

Moving forward with a smile, I am, at 50, learning to accept responsibility and the love people can offer and give it back.  There is no reason for me to be a dick to people anymore, and honestly there never was a reason. My wings were never broken they were just not fully expanded and now they are. I know my faults and I hope people reading this will understand their faults too.

That pointing out people's ugly traits to their faces is not always the best in the long run.

be kind.

love hard

listen 

touch

and 

don't wait to tell someone their good things 

and be understanding that your bad things....

they can be fixed 

I believe in you

and me

just listen.... so far from ok...........

little changes, let us make.

xo,

m

How to pick a therapist

I'm picking a therapist.

Would anyone care to help?

I'm all ready full of OCD and anxiety, now I have to choose a therapist from a list, suggested by distance from my home, acquired from my insurance company.  There was no asking what I might need counseled in or anything...I guess I get the generic form.

It's comical.

First I started with the names...

Do they sound like therapists?

Then I google.

I google the letters after their names, their names, and then judge everything about them by their website content. 

I mean, that seems logical, right?

how else do you do it?

Of the 6 choices, one was quickly eliminated because they had no website.

This led me to believe they either were ancient with no ability for online presence, or that they were attacked by one of the people they were counseling and decided to not be present in the manner that they would be easy to locate.  There were no pictures or addresses so I decided to scratch that one of the list...I didn't want to be murdered by accident....ya know just trying to get to and from the building. I watch crime TV....I'm not dumb. So, with that said.... One down.

This dreamboat was not on my list...

I would not pick him anyway, I couldn't imagine telling him about my issues and him looking at me like that....nope. Nothing would get solved, it would be worse, way, way worse.

The other five I sorted by navigating the reviews and lists of "therapies" they can entertain/cure me with.

First off: the name Jilab... I can't even, then her most respected therapy is dance and movement therapy. I'd have to be effin crazy to drag my anxiety ridden self into marriage counseling and be treated with 45 minutes of "dance / movement" therapy!  

Unless I am doing this :

I don't think I can entertain the thought of dance therapy, and to be honest, today in boxing class I couldn't even figure out my left hook from my right hook, so this is probably out.

 Oh wait she also has hypnotherapy and aroma therapy for the soul.

no, no and another no....

badd-a-boom

OFF THE LIST!!!

That left me with a therapist who looks like Pat, which is fine, but I could not imagine my other half telling Pat his problems without thinking of SNL, honestly, could you?  And regardless of how mad I may be at my significant other....I'm not that mad.

"Y'all gotta just love each other"

Sorry Pat...off the list.

The next was a young lady.  Quite attractive and well put together. 

I circled her name....

wrote down the number....

picked up the phone ....

Then decided she was too sexy.

Won't work. 

The last was the farthest distance from my house but his website was up to date, easy to navigate and his smiling face was like the friendly, bald science teacher from middle school.

He did not look threatening, he graduated from a real college, not online certification, and he was not wearing a bow tie. 

plus he had the balls to say he was "seasoned" 

I like it.

Now if I get there and he is this "seasoned" I may have to re-evaluate a few things, including my method of choosing a therapist.

I'll try to keep you semi posted about the funny stuff....Not the bullshit tears and stuff

If you have any other suggestions feel free to leave a comment. 

all free therapy is gladly accepted.

Write ya later,

m