Finding myself is quite hysterical most of the time...
with moments pondering, sprinkled with slight reprimands from friends,
and returns to Earth moments from the Universe....but I'm hanging in there.
Day 200
Relaxing at the lake...and yes I wear a bikini
I'm slightly irritated with myself for not having kept a list of the things I wanted to do and have actually done this summer. This is really unlike me, because I am a list maker. Makes me feel better about how quickly my days blend together when I realize I have possibly completed a few tasks.
This past week, Sissy came and hung out with me for a staycation. Our main goal was to hit the big Hooplagers Pool Party at Wibby Brewing...
and that we did.
My poor poor liver. I'm not sure what the deal is with those beer festival pours, but they get me messed up.
Last year, I went by myself and had a great time....This year was even more fun.
I have to say the absolute best part was the silent disco.
I love to dance, so when sissy said, "Let's go" I squealed like a piglet.
We possibly were the oldest in there, but who cares. We are products of the 80's, knew all the dance moves and all the words and were given a "watch out'"area when Sissy started to "ride the pony"
Not familiar?
Here...
We were dying laughing, sweating, singing, spilling beer....
Note to all:
80's silent disco cannot be missed, even if you think...
"no...I don't dance, it will be embarrassing, people will stare, etc."
Ya know what ?
Do the fucking pony and have some fun...
After the festivities, we rode ( on bikes so as not to drive) our slightly drunk, bikinied, old lady selves home and complimented each other on our dance moves and made sure to tell all our friends who said," I'm not going to a stupid pool party at the brewery with blow up pools, beer and pink flamingo floats...that's stupid"
they missed out.
In short, the weekend staycation was great.
Only a few times did I lament on the fact I am still in a weird place....but it was easily brushed to the side with a reminder of how awesome life is.
How awesome I am...
How precious life is...
How just doing and being happy is ok....
How doing what is good for your self does NOT have to come with repercussions.
Really, you answer to no one....
except yourself.
So, as I said to me...
screw it...
do the pony, wear the bikini, laugh at yourself
and be ready when someone says...let's go.
As we get older it is harder and harder to find friends who are not stuck in the circle of what they should be doing according to friends, family, silly ideas...
Rarely do you come across the friend anymore who calls or texts and says,
"I'm coming to get you...we are going funnin' "
Don't miss out, because as I am quickly learning, tomorrow is not a guarantee....not even close.
I refuse to go down wishing I had kissed more, danced more, ate more macarones, or traveled solo...
he appeared from next door, moonshine in hand ....
"ya'll got Lawn Jockeys where you come from?"
uhmmmm
I'm sure somewhere but not like around here.
"Yeah I bet they paint them white where you live"
(just pour it big boy)
I shook my head and waited for him to get to pouring the moonshine from the jar.
I don't miss much from the South, short of the Gulf Coast water, boiled peanuts and the moonshine.
Nothing like a nice warm jar of liquid fire to help make you think about what's wrong in the world.
The key to drinking moonshine with people you don't know well, is to laugh, pay attention, listen and try, just try, to keep your mouth shut.
Moonshine drinking is not the time to voice any political opinions, ways of life, or who you may think is the greatest Nascar driver to date.
Just don't
"down the gullet and opinions closed"
I made it through the night, without a single vegetarian , race, presidential, or NASCAR comment leaking from my moonshine covered lips.
it was a good night....
others did not fare so well.
The subject of Palestinians and Jews popped out during the last 2 inches of jarred fire and at that point I excused myself to practice moonwalking around the kitchen with Sissy and a quick twerking lesson from another person.
I travel to Nashville a few times a year to relax and see Sissy. This time it was to just get away, escape, and think.
Sissy....post moonwalking
Surprisingly enough I did not have a hangover the following day and was able to meander around Spring Hill a bit and try to relax...get my liver in order for St. Patrick's Day.
Wandering around Spring Hill included the Tractor Store, the town hot spot, where I was able to treat myself to a $9 'Heifer Please' t-shirt, evaluate the baby chicks, and look at all the bedazzled cowboy jeans....
It's the little things.
When I'm in Nashville, I am just me...I often don't wear makeup or fix my hair. I lounge about watching the bird feeder, admiring the Spring blooms and never really eat a full meal.
me....
popcorn tree aka cherry blossom
It's perfect. We go out and I go out as is and make conversation with anyone who approaches.
Golf with a grey haired man at the bar, cool eyeglasses with a beautiful 20 something who "loved my look" and a lot of "let me check out your shirt 'lil mama' "from good looking young men enjoying the Irish beer and what nots.
escape for me....talk, smile, laugh, mingle...
Escaping or running away from problems often seems like a great idea...until you have to come back, then it is much worse.
Almost as if things compile at a different level.
Like the spirits that be are trying to teach you another lesson on top of the shitty lesson you are all ready trying to figure out.
I talked a lot of stuff out and the main thing I was able to establish was that I need to keep talking to someone. I told Sissy, "but they (therapists) don't, and won't give me answers..."
She replied, " but it is going to help you figure it all out at some point."
We talked about going from relationship to relationship and being alone for a while.
I want to be alone, but I also want to be near my friends.
"have you ever been alone?"
yes, but within that alone I have always had my people close to me. I have always been very solo, especially when single. (hell, I'm so solo now it's ridiculous...) Going out , outside my circle...meeting people none of my friends knew...but yet I have always had my friends to come home to. Those friends who are always there...the people who just come and sit on the couch and hang. Slumber party friends, cuddle up friends, 'we got this' friends....
So....
alone?
maybe not....
I am an extrovert who lives inside her brain....alone.
Overthinking and very awkward,
yet seem to draw people to me within this weird personality default.
