the getaway, the racist neighbor and the inability to relax

3/14/19

'moonshine'

oh....the racist neighbor....

he appeared from next door, moonshine in hand ....

"ya'll got Lawn Jockeys where you come from?"

uhmmmm

I'm sure somewhere but not like around here.

"Yeah I bet they paint them white where you live"

(just pour it big boy)

I shook my head and waited for him to get to pouring the moonshine from the jar.

I don't miss much from the South, short of the Gulf Coast water, boiled peanuts and the moonshine.

Nothing like a nice warm jar of liquid fire to help make you think about what's wrong in the world.

The key to drinking moonshine with people you don't know well, is to laugh, pay attention, listen and try, just try, to keep your mouth shut. 

Moonshine drinking is not the time to voice any political opinions, ways of life, or who you may think is the greatest Nascar driver to date. 

Just don't 

"down the gullet and opinions closed"

I made it through the night, without a single vegetarian , race, presidential, or NASCAR comment leaking from my moonshine covered lips.

it was a good night....

others did not fare so well.

The subject of Palestinians and Jews popped out during the last 2 inches of jarred fire and at that point I excused myself to practice moonwalking around the kitchen with Sissy and a quick twerking lesson from another person.

I travel to Nashville a few times a year to relax and see Sissy. This time it was to just get away, escape, and think.

Sissy....post moonwalking 

Surprisingly enough I did not have a hangover the following day and was able to meander around Spring Hill a bit and try to relax...get my liver in order for St. Patrick's Day.

Wandering around Spring Hill included the Tractor Store, the town hot spot, where I was able to treat myself to a $9 'Heifer Please' t-shirt, evaluate the baby chicks, and look at all the bedazzled cowboy jeans....

It's the little things.

When I'm in Nashville, I am just me...I often don't wear makeup or fix my hair. I lounge about watching the bird feeder, admiring the Spring blooms and never really eat a full meal.

me....

popcorn tree aka cherry blossom

It's perfect. We go out and I go out as is and make conversation with anyone who approaches. 

Golf with a grey haired man at the bar, cool eyeglasses with a beautiful 20 something who "loved my look" and a lot of "let me check out your shirt 'lil mama' "from good looking young men enjoying the Irish beer and what nots.

escape for me....talk, smile, laugh, mingle...

Escaping or running away from problems often seems like a great idea...until you have to come back, then it is much worse. 

Almost as if things compile at a different level.

Like the spirits that be are trying to teach you another lesson on top of the shitty lesson you are all ready trying to figure out.

I talked a lot of stuff out and the main thing I was able to establish was that I need to keep talking to someone. I told Sissy, "but they (therapists) don't, and won't give me answers..."

She replied, " but it is going to help you figure it all out at some point."

We talked about going from relationship to relationship and being alone for a while.

I want to be alone, but I also want to be near my friends. 

"have you ever been alone?"

yes, but within that alone I have always had my people close to me.  I have always been very solo, especially when single. (hell, I'm so solo now it's ridiculous...) Going out , outside my circle...meeting people none of my friends knew...but yet I have always had my friends to come home to.  Those friends who are always there...the people who just come and sit on the couch and hang. Slumber party friends, cuddle up friends, 'we got this' friends....

So....

 alone? 

 maybe not....

I am an extrovert who lives inside her brain....alone.

Overthinking and very awkward,

yet seem to draw people to me within this weird personality default.

overthinking and awkward....

but so full of love.

write ya later

m

Raising a Smart Teen is a Pain in the Ass

Raising a teen is weird.  

I'm not sure if we can really call it "raising"…it's more like push, shove, yell, cry, threaten and a shit ton of praying.

no kid comes with a guide book and honestly, teens are super scary bizarre.

This book would do my family no good.

Here are a few of the reasons:

1.  They have access to everything.  and I mean everything.  

When we were kids we had to use the Dewey Decimal System and if you were slightly lazy or dyslexic you gave up on finding out information first hand pretty quickly. Easiest ways were National Geographic and friend of a friend system.  You had to wait for a friend to fill you in from either their big sister's experience or their own personal…and sometimes even from a friend of a friend.  You remember. " My cousin's older sister's best friend, said if you smoke Virginia Slim Menthols they taste like candy"   

Now they just google it, or learn about it on Grand Theft Auto.

2. same genre. 

 I had to read every stinking one of Judy Blume's books to learn how to semi french kiss then when it was time I still did it wrong.  Same with my period.  If I didn't have Judy Blume I would have died in 7th grade not knowing if I would EVER get my period and why did all my friends get theirs first!?

now?  they just google it and half the girls are so GMO'd up they have boobies and start their periods in 4th grade.

Let's not even talk abut the porn factor and the search for Playboys in the woods. (and don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about)

3. Drugs they have now are bad ass.  

Sure we had coke, pills and acid…pot too.  We did our share and honestly Jungle Juice and Mad Dog were probably the most dangerous for our group.  Now I have to worry about Molly, Meth and her little sister Heroin.  It's one of my favorite thoughts.  My all ready slightly stupid teen decides to try out a lil toke on a meth pipe.  Guarantees basement living and no brain growth.   That's what we need.  Let's keep the Grand Theft Auto empire alive.  Whatever happened to just eating some shrooms, getting blasted and saying…."man I'm not doing that again….well at least not for a while!"       ?

Another thing is I now have access to everything.  I liked the days when my mom said, "Have a good day at school , Honey" and that was it.  She wouldn't have known if I was dead until the street lights came home and I wasn't there.  Now with all the electronics I can track my kids every move; and honestly….I don't want to.  Some things are better off not knowing.  My mom often had an idea, but hardly ever any hard evidence and that, my, friends is exactly what kept us friendly to each other.

I'm blessed with one of those kind, smart, artsy type teens.  He is sensitive, but his own person.  He thinks in his own way and I can no longer micro- manage that.  This is where the hardest part of parenting comes in.  Letting them learn their own lessons and make their own path, even if I see it may be a hard path.  No pushing or yelling will change that when they have their own brains.  

Sometimes my kid is right and I can't outwardly agree because I am the parent.  

 Like the other day when he says, "Why do I get a zero for not taking notes in class?  That is stupid.  I'm listening…. I don't like to write and listen at that the same time…I shouldn't get a zero for that, that is stupid"  

Yes, it is stupid.  It is stupid for an AP teacher to pass out Zeros to a kid who makes A's on the tests, but that is the rule and you have to follow rules.   That is the lesson.

"Yeah, well, whatever…I guess I'm going to fail then".

Smart kid.  Honors and AP and he may just fail, not because of tests, but because of marching to the beat of his own drummer with anarchy sticks in his hands.  Learn your own lessons kid.  I'm right there with you in my mind.

Alopecia Sucks.  

plus try your teen age years with no hair.

xo,

m

Don't let the door hit you in the....

I'm a little nervous to see what 2012 will bring me.

 I'm always one for change, yet this year I feel hesitant, and slightly - well, afraid.

 Is it age? 

 No,that can't be it.... I have that shit every year.

That surely can't be it.

I guess I can sit back and see what happens, but honestly, my type A personality is not super patient or one to relax and "just see".

I haven't thought much of goals because last year ,

if you look, I did not complete any of those.

I did not learn a new language while getting laid with my thin new hips.

Damn those resolutions.

This year….

Maybe I'll go for speaking Pig Latin while eating Ho-Hos off my big belly while laying in bed.

I think I may be able to make that happen.

That's a resolution I get get behind….or better yet

on top of.

May you ring in the New Year the way you hope it to be.

I'll see ya tomorrow, bright  and early…

ready to take this bad bitch on.

xo 

m

Righteous and Pious

this is not her 


A friend of mine's kid is having a baby...probably today.  It's exciting, especially for her.  

I gave her a little advice, well from inside my head. 

 "Don't be getting all Pious and Self Righteous all of a sudden". 

 Yeah, in a few hours and possibly through most of the pregnancy, you will, and have, felt enlightened and above many of your friends.  Yea yea, you have had moments of anger and self doubt, usually when you have to throw away your T-back underwear for Big Belly Underwear that won't roll down and fall off under your maternity stretch top jeans, but for the most part...you have probably felt like now you have basically risen above all of your low life life friends and such...(this goes for all people who have had a baby). 

 Let me tell you something...

You have been allowed to join the secret club, but don't be all self righteous to us Mom's, especially your very own mom.  You may think in your head... " I wish she would shut the heck up...it's MY baby."..."I know what to do."  And yes, you will know what to do 90% of the time...ok maybe 47% of the time then the other 33% of the time you will make shit up, but I will righteously tell you, as an older mom,...you are gonna wish, at some point, and it may be in hindsight, that while your mom was quietly nodding her head and agreeing with you, with a smile, that she would, or would have, just told you the easy way, or the right way to do it.  Plain and simple...

Because, you know what Miss High and Mighty? She all ready knows what you have yet to learn.

There may even be a day you are sooooooo fricken tired, you just want to put the baby in the carrier, under the shade of a tree, and run to the nearest hotel and sleep for a week...you will feel angry, mean and pissed...But you won't say anything, or hell, maybe you will, and you will say it all righteously, like, "I DESERVE THIS SLEEP"....and you will be right...but no one will care...except your mom, or the other older mom down the street.  If you are lucky they will quietly hold the baby, smile gently, and not say a word and you will sleep...

When your baby has had Diarrhea for 3 days straight and you are on the way to the Emergency Room for every known test in the book because you know, and Google told you, that your child has a rare disease from the third world county we old Mom's call "Bounce Town", she will quietly and non chalantly say, " Have you checked his gums for new teeth?"  and you will announce, "Duh, MOM....of course I have! Jeesus."  and then secretly peek into his mouth and hang your head in shame as you decide not to go to the ER, because maybe he is feeling better now.  But us old Mom's, we won't really say anything.... We'll just bring over some frozen wash cloths and teethers and smile.

When you scream and holler that 

"OMG!!!! HE CANNOT EAT MASHED UP PEOPLE FOOD YET!!!! HE IS ONLY 4 MONTHS OLD AND MUST STILL EAT PEAS IN A JAR!!!!" 

 We will stop feeding him peanut butter and mashed potatoes....and follow your commands.

Then when you are on your second kid, you will think back and realize your baby survived eating mashed up people food from Gramma or Grampa (or the old lady down the street) and you will tell other first time Mom's, "Oh Please, what do you think they did before jarred food at Target? My Mom used to feed my Carne Asada when I was 5 months old and I'M still alive!"  and you will say it all righteously....and at that point you will have become....just as we have....moms who are just trying to help, because we know, not because we are righteous.

love you,

m

ps: I miss my mom...and I can't tell you what I would do to have her just tell me what to do once in a while...now.