I came in like a Wrecking Ball 2025 to 2026

 hello 2026. 
holy fucking hell.  
All in 2 hours.
not even fucking midnight .....
breaaaakkkkk meeeee.

I'm closer to 60 than 40, My heart is still here....like a 30 year old. 

and yes, I still double space and use ....

I worry constantly about my kids, my other half, my heart,

It's comical. 

Shhhhhhhhhh

I will always come for you

My question tonight is, 

who will come for me?

who will show up for me ?

I won't be here forever,

who will take care of them?

I think about my " friends" all the time. 

I hope that some think about me too

Tonight was hard.

not because it was a new year but because it came crashing in

in the form of a kid's drunk SO that no one knew had these issues

long island ice teas and trauma don't mix

which any person over the age of 30 could have told them.

now I have a hole in the wall, got punched so hard it knocked my nose ring out.

and I've seen more vomit than need be.

but it's ok.  

I'll be there. 

like I said.  

i sure hope someone shows up for me

when I need them

because I might need someone soon

xoxo

happy new year 

m

Wash That Job Right Outta Yo Hair

amazing how this works

I woke up this morning and was rested.
My motivation has re-entered the room.
My sense of calm has shown it's face again.
Amazing what happens when you quit a toxic job and all the toxic people.
It felt great to delete them from my life, my social media and my cortisol level.
I'm not sure if all of this was brought on by my own brain or if things really turned for the worse and I just lost my sense of reality within the work space.
It does not matter one bit now!

Don't think I didn't cry or think " Am I making a mistake?"

What if, what if , what if.

Don't think I didn't question all the people I confided in at work.

How could they be so back-stabbingly cruel?

not just to me, but to many.

The Passive Aggressive Buddhist is the one that really got me.

I shouldn't admit it , but I did think about ways I could bring that person down at work...

But I knew it would not make me feel better in the long run.

But I still hope that the Karma Goddess gets them in some way.

Although from the person's history....Karma is constantly getting them, but they are too stupid to see.

That brings me some joy.

I did lose a few people who I really thought were my friends.

That is what I get for thinking and you would think I had learned this from divorce, but apparently i'm a bit of sympathetic person.

(Ie : idiot)

I laughed silently this morning as I walked through the grocery store; smiling at people and feeling....normal. 
I didn't think, " man, if I just drive into a tree I won't have to go to work tomorrow and see those people."
You know what else I learned?
That is not a normal thought process.
I believed all people thought about hurting themselves so that they didn't have to go to work.
My therapist informed me otherwise. 
so that's good.
I have started listening to this audible called 
Just Let Them Theory 

Pretty good info.  

With all of this said my new job training begins on the 13th.  

As I reflected back on my last position I now know what I want, and don't want, from a job situation.  

I've learned :

To stay private.  

To not do more than your job description states, unless paid.

To always remember it is a business and they don't care about you, per se.

That I can leave when it is not filling my needs.

I don't need to have guilt about anything job related.

And my opinions are best kept silent unless it is part of my job description, which it is not.

All of this new found information is going to bring my sense of self respect back, my cortisol level to normal, and my loving heart back from the depths of the hateful....

hopefully.

I'm taking quite the pay cut, 

so I better get something out of it 

Hopefully all of this will slowly sink in and I will be able to do some change for the better also.

I'm sure I could use it, too

write ya later,

m

Plants are the New Black and how to make cute OUI Jar Plant Things

Has it really been 3 months? 

Apparently. 

I haven't been on here much. I have been writing a wee bit. 

I write for a nature /eco blog ( kind of like ghost writing) once in a while, but I certainly haven't been writing anything fabulous.

So, in-between relentlessly showing up to work to fight COVID, 

which, 

by the way,

I am so over, 

I sometimes piddle around with rescued plants and come up with ridiculous DIY things.

My thrifty self started eating OUI yogurt. I love the little glass jars and I also love the price when it goes on clearance at King Soopers for 79 cents. I haven't died of food poisoning yet, so I keep eating it.

Then I made these little hanging jars with Pothos in them.

there you have it 

Little hanging jars....

If I remember, I'll repost when they grow.

It will be like paint drying.

I have a list of other boring things I hope to accomplish.

Like...

figure out what this is growing in this pot.

Is it something I planted last summer or is it a magic gift from the plant goddess?

I'm sure it is probably a weed.

I'll keep everyone posted on that too.

Then I got this cool Crassula Ovata,

or as I call 

big assed leaf jade plant.

See how crafty? I put little twinkle lights in it.

cute huh?

I ran 2 miles, which I was really happy about because my foot actually didn't hurt...

My entire body did hurt though, because I am out of shape.

I taught Olive how to drive a stick shift, which nearly killed us both.  She tried to kill me with angry attitude and refusal to try anything new and I about killed me by trying to stay positive.

Took 3 weeks, but I think she has it.

Went on a hike

Button Rock Dam

It was lovely.

I cut off all my hair.

Is that a sign of something

I won't say 2022 is going to be my year, but I'm gonna give it my half ass attempt.

I think what I really need to do is make a vision board and get some therapy.

I giving myself 5 more days of January to get my shit together,

then I'm putting on my damn party dress and moving along.

write ya later

xo, m

yo...heeeyyy. 2020

because it is the day 1 of the new year....

I could feasibly start 365 days.  

ya know...the better countdown.  

 I always find it difficult starting in the middle of the year.

so lets start here 

Hiked Mount Sanitas and saw these prefect pinecones.

It was a beautiful day, temp was above 37 and the sun shining. 

It helped clear my mind.

New Year New You...

I believe this may be a bit of bullshit, yet I still often buy in.

I want change. I want to be a better version of me....

and sometimes for me I need to set goals.

Ya know...

a vision board.

This year I have been doing some life changes.

the weirdest part of this is how many others feel the need to be part of my life changes.

Many who were dear friends who I now realize are not the people I had thought they were .  Im thinking they aren't the people they pretend they are either.

When people have dramatic change, such as divorce...we don't need people to start passing judgment and being dicks. Needed are friends who realize, "hey, maybe I don't know the entire story....maybe I am being a bit hypocritical....maybe I should help be supportive and just be here."

I haven't found this to be the case.

pretty funny.

People who have not a lot of wiggle room to pass judgement on a situation they will never know the closed door stories to, and really don't need to know, or better yet....should have no reason to even want to know.

It's amazing how many people are super invested in my personal life right now, but only the shit show part.

A significant person in my life states,

"this too shall pass....they will come around and love you again."

let me say something.

I am a grand person.

I love hard, I support people, even when I may not agree 100%, I can say I give more than I receive and I like it that way.

At tis point I am being asked to attend functions where I may cross paths with these wonderful people I had loved so much who have chosen to not even ask what happened....

I am to be kind and smile....

and let them come back around?

hmmm

funny thing is...

even at 50

I'm afraid I might pop one in the nose or even worse,

I'll pop off at the mouth.

I don't think I want them in my life....

even if they do "come around"

is it worth it.

and what the hell keeps me from yelling all the shit I know...?

about my situation, which hasn't been stated....and about all these hypocrites who feel they are way more righteous than me?

I bite my tongue everyday.

funny thing is....

I am just sitting here.

living.

smiling....

working....

waiting....

I refuse to let this take over my life.

as a good man said to me

" the best revenge is living a happy life"

I'm trying.

new year new me?

well it's day 1

let's see how this red carpet unrolls.

and yes....

Karma is a bitch...

her and I are friends....

we are quite familiar....

my karma received will be worth every stress given into it.

xo,

write ya later

m

New Year's...It's resolution time....Just be awesome

Here we go.  

As I get older I start to set my goals more in the medium range, with a few fancy ones thrown in.  One of my friends has a great way of thinking of her new goals.  Make a goal...then add a bonus.  I like that.

1. girls weekend getaway.

2. travel...alone.

3. Motorcycle ride, camp, ride.

4.  read a book every other month

5. run a 10k ( my friend has run a 10k a month on her list....whaccco!)

6. Pottery class

7. Art class

8. Writing class (  scares me)

9. yoga my heart, mind, soul

10 get a passport   (seems silly huh?  it just is a lot of paperwork)

and remember...

write ya later,

m

New Year's and Green Juice

Happy New Year, 2013.  I slept right through it.  I did wake at 11:58, just in time to hear a few gunshots ,then right back to sleep.  

Today we started the day with cleaning of the teen's room.  2 hours of inhaling his dead skin flakes ,lost hair, and forcing him to part with clothes he has had since 7th grade.  He was finally able to sit in a clean area and start the New Year fresh.

We lounged about in our jammies, read, played the ukeleles and knit.  It was glorious.

In order to keep with the spirit ofthe new year we had our daily juice., which I am going to share .

it is kale, apple and carrot

Even the kids will drink that one.

It's a good way to get dark green veggies in.

so far this year, Life is good

xo,

m

RE-solution: to do more art

Every year I say this and that.  I can't even go back to look for fear of how depressing it could be.

I'm thinking this year: Not so extreme.

Stay healthy….I will do that by running when I feel like it, working out at least 3 times a week and my big one; try to only have drinks one day a week.   That should kill me dead by January 7th.

I want to do more art.  Mostly because I suck and it helps me concentrate and try to get out of my head a bit.  It may even help me finish a few things.

I really like the idea of starting things.  BIG PLANS, you know.  Start a project, buy everything, start it, then realize, wow, I have to clean this shit up.  This is definitely not as much fun as it looked on Pinterest.  

Eff You Pinterest.

Another goal.  

Continue my secret meditation practice and my readings from different teachers.  I do actually realize I'll never hit Nirvana, but I can shoot for Prahna, right?

Yoga, meditation and a few less beers may bring me a wee bit closer to the right level. 

I'll tell you one thing.  I attempted to find Zen in cleaning the paintbrushes today after Olive and I had arts and crafts.  

 digipic of Clint Eastwood.   hard to see unless you are avout 40 feet back.   Squint your eyes uo

Olive working on Harajuki .  She is quite the artist.

Well, tomorrow I'm back to work.

I had a nice relaxing 5 days off.

Write ya later

Don't let the door hit you in the....

I'm a little nervous to see what 2012 will bring me.

 I'm always one for change, yet this year I feel hesitant, and slightly - well, afraid.

 Is it age? 

 No,that can't be it.... I have that shit every year.

That surely can't be it.

I guess I can sit back and see what happens, but honestly, my type A personality is not super patient or one to relax and "just see".

I haven't thought much of goals because last year ,

if you look, I did not complete any of those.

I did not learn a new language while getting laid with my thin new hips.

Damn those resolutions.

This year….

Maybe I'll go for speaking Pig Latin while eating Ho-Hos off my big belly while laying in bed.

I think I may be able to make that happen.

That's a resolution I get get behind….or better yet

on top of.

May you ring in the New Year the way you hope it to be.

I'll see ya tomorrow, bright  and early…

ready to take this bad bitch on.

xo 

m

happy new year!!!

1/1/2011!!!

Can you flippin believe it?  I can't.  It came too fast.  I didn't finish last years chores so now I must double up.  Its ok.  I'm ready I think.  I got a good start last year so it should make this year easier.

I hope to lose my hips this year, so trivial, but I like to start low.

I want to try to become a better parent....(this is the tough one)

Possibly quit drinking?...(not too sure about this one)

I want to learn a new language...( I wish it didn't have to be Spanish)
How about some Travel this year?
I got a good one, How about indulging in a little whoopie once in a while?
(and not by myself)
Is there a book in the future?  we'll see.
well...
theres the start of the list.
I have some work focuses I want to achieve,
but I'll keep that to my self.

A note on last year.
I never finished my 365 days :(
maybe I'll try it again...naaa
too much pressure
gonna go knit now.

xo,
m