yo...heeeyyy. 2020

because it is the day 1 of the new year....

I could feasibly start 365 days.  

ya know...the better countdown.  

 I always find it difficult starting in the middle of the year.

so lets start here 

Hiked Mount Sanitas and saw these prefect pinecones.

It was a beautiful day, temp was above 37 and the sun shining. 

It helped clear my mind.

New Year New You...

I believe this may be a bit of bullshit, yet I still often buy in.

I want change. I want to be a better version of me....

and sometimes for me I need to set goals.

Ya know...

a vision board.

This year I have been doing some life changes.

the weirdest part of this is how many others feel the need to be part of my life changes.

Many who were dear friends who I now realize are not the people I had thought they were .  Im thinking they aren't the people they pretend they are either.

When people have dramatic change, such as divorce...we don't need people to start passing judgment and being dicks. Needed are friends who realize, "hey, maybe I don't know the entire story....maybe I am being a bit hypocritical....maybe I should help be supportive and just be here."

I haven't found this to be the case.

pretty funny.

People who have not a lot of wiggle room to pass judgement on a situation they will never know the closed door stories to, and really don't need to know, or better yet....should have no reason to even want to know.

It's amazing how many people are super invested in my personal life right now, but only the shit show part.

A significant person in my life states,

"this too shall pass....they will come around and love you again."

let me say something.

I am a grand person.

I love hard, I support people, even when I may not agree 100%, I can say I give more than I receive and I like it that way.

At tis point I am being asked to attend functions where I may cross paths with these wonderful people I had loved so much who have chosen to not even ask what happened....

I am to be kind and smile....

and let them come back around?

hmmm

funny thing is...

even at 50

I'm afraid I might pop one in the nose or even worse,

I'll pop off at the mouth.

I don't think I want them in my life....

even if they do "come around"

is it worth it.

and what the hell keeps me from yelling all the shit I know...?

about my situation, which hasn't been stated....and about all these hypocrites who feel they are way more righteous than me?

I bite my tongue everyday.

funny thing is....

I am just sitting here.

living.

smiling....

working....

waiting....

I refuse to let this take over my life.

as a good man said to me

" the best revenge is living a happy life"

I'm trying.

new year new me?

well it's day 1

let's see how this red carpet unrolls.

and yes....

Karma is a bitch...

her and I are friends....

we are quite familiar....

my karma received will be worth every stress given into it.

xo,

write ya later

m