What? 100 days Left?

Did you hear?

Only about 100 days of 2020 left

Should I rejoice 

or cry.

Just this morning I woke up and thought

"when Summer gets here I have so much I want to do"

then....

I remembered its's 2020 and Summer is over.

stupid covid

Costa Rica last year in October....

It is the place which calls my heart on a daily basis.

So, as I sit typing this and glance at my vision board I realized I have not completed a damn thing this Covid season.

Short of "saving the world" in NYC

which was quickly forgotten....

 and replaced by divorce, living a smaller life,

 and trying to figure out how I can live and survive in CR.

I have really accomplished nothing.

I posted the picture to keep me somewhat accountable and positive

I was reminded how beautiful I am and that maybe I don't see what others may see.

It makes me laugh because I will forever be self conscious, even at 52.

Sure I put on a bikini....

but I also don't want to see pictures.

Sure I work out,

but I also can't seriously commit to a huge plan in order to see change.

I find myself wanting to sit with my Loves instead of stressing at the gym.

I'd rather walk my dog and clear my head than do sit-ups and push ups

Let's be honest ....

anyone who knows me knows I'd rather have a beer than do anything

ha...

truth

My divorce is hopefully getting closer to the end

seeing how it has been a year 

so, my time can be spent on more productive thoughts than 

that.

I can't wait to see what the second half brings and the day I can let it all go,

to only look back on the good and be able to be who I am without a monitor

xo

write ya later

m

Weightlessness, no gravity

Were we somewhere in-between?

I'm a ghost of you, you're a ghost of me

A bird's-eye view of San Luis

Oh, highway boys all sleeping in

With their dirty mouths and broken strings

Oh, their eyes are shining like the sea

For you, the queen of San Luis

I'm a ghost of you, you're a ghost of me

A bird's-eye view of San Luis

Cutting through the avenues

I'd always find my way to you

Beside the hook, the hammer lies

And fumbling round in the smoke

Spending time chasing ghosts

Hold me down, hold me down, child

Hold me down, hold me down, child

California called you queen

With your golden hair and magazine

Were you somewhere in-between?

Fast asleep, a flying dream

I'm a ghost of you, you're a ghost of me

A bird's-eye view of San Luis

I'm a ghost of you, you're a ghost of me

A bird's-eye view of San Luis

I'm a ghost of you, you're a ghost of me

A bird's-eye view of San Luis

I'm a ghost of you, you're a ghost of me

A bird's-eye view of San Luis

 

Day 200: Just Relax and do the Pony

The days are good lately.

Finding myself is quite hysterical most of the time...

with moments pondering, sprinkled with slight reprimands from friends,

and returns to Earth moments from the Universe....but I'm hanging in there.

Day 200

Relaxing at the lake...and yes I wear a bikini

I'm slightly irritated with myself for not having kept a list of the things I wanted to do and have actually done this summer.  This is really unlike me, because I am a list maker.  Makes me feel better about how quickly my days blend together when I realize I have possibly completed a few tasks.

This past week, Sissy came and hung out with me for a staycation. Our main goal was to hit the big Hooplagers Pool Party at Wibby Brewing...

and that we did.

My poor poor liver.  I'm not sure what the deal is with those beer festival pours, but they get me messed up.

Last year, I went by myself and had a great time....This year was even more fun.

I have to say the absolute best part was the silent disco.

I love to dance, so when sissy said, "Let's go" I squealed like a piglet.

We possibly were the oldest in there, but who cares.  We are products of the 80's, knew all the dance moves and all the words and were given a "watch out'"area when Sissy started to "ride the pony"

Not familiar?

Here...

We were dying laughing, sweating, singing, spilling beer....

Note to all:

80's silent disco cannot be missed, even if you think...

"no...I don't dance, it will be embarrassing, people will stare, etc."

   Ya know what ?

Do the fucking pony and have some fun...

After the festivities, we rode ( on bikes so as not to drive) our slightly drunk, bikinied, old lady selves home and complimented each other on our dance moves and made sure to tell all our friends who said," I'm not going to a stupid pool party at the brewery with blow up pools, beer and pink flamingo floats...that's stupid" 

they missed out.

In short, the weekend staycation was great.

Only a few times did I lament on the fact I am still in a weird place....but it was easily brushed to the side with a reminder of how awesome life is.

How awesome I am...

How precious life is...

How just doing and being happy is ok....

How doing what is good for your self does NOT have to come with repercussions.

Really, you answer to no one....

except yourself.

So, as I said to me...

screw it...

do the pony, wear the bikini, laugh at yourself

and be ready when someone says...let's go.

As we get older it is harder and harder to find friends who are not stuck in the circle of what they should be doing according to friends, family, silly ideas...

Rarely do you come across the friend anymore who calls or texts and says,

"I'm coming to get you...we are going funnin' "

Don't miss out, because as I am quickly learning, tomorrow is not a guarantee....not even close.

I refuse to go down wishing I had kissed more, danced more, ate more macarones, or traveled solo...

yup

Write ya later

xo, 

m

365 days: Day 185 Punta Cana ...relaxed and washed out

DAY 185

Higuey, DR

 Something about the colors makes me happy

she smiled for a minute...ziplineing

Yes,  I booked a trip to Punta Cana DR when people are dying there. So what?  I like an adventure and a good deal.

Stayed at Barcelo Palace on Bavaro Beach and for all inclusive resort it was fine.

No one died, and I feel semi relaxed.

beaches were white and warm,

People were friendly 

I relaxed....

what more can I say........

except.....

I'm a dumbass for thinking it would be different.

Will I ever learn?

It really is time to move on...

really

(Look at that dumbasses sweet face)

vacationing with me is an adventure...

If you want it to be.

I enjoy trying stuff...

I tried almost every bite of food put in front of me...yes even meat, because when you don't speak the language it is important to not be rude....although a few locals helped with which meals traditionally did not have meat.

I like to do things....but I also like other people to take the lead, so if you are not strong enough to take the lead and decide what you would like to do, you will either be doing what I want to do, or nothing at all. 

If you decide things at the last minute while in a 3rd world country...it most likely won't happen because things need a bit of planning.

Something I discovered which was quite nice and new to me...

separate beds.  I slept like a baby.  Not my ideal sleeping arrangement when traveling with a person I am in love with, but....

situation was just dandy with the double beds. 

If you aren't having relations, kissing, touching....no need to be in my space.

I realized I find dark skinned DR men with light eyes, extremely attractive.

I was thankful I did not have the opportunity to really explore as much as I wanted to. ( wink wink)

If you sleep through half the vacation...

you are going to miss out, not my problem....

I can sleep at home...

I like to dance...and gamble occasionally

these things should happen while on vacation.

I cannot wait to meet someone who likes to take a bit of the lead...

I'm not saying all the lead, just someone who steps up, can make a reservation, can get a taxi in a different country, will carry the money and tip, and can try new things.

can't wait.

I posted a pic of me in my bikini, because I do wear a bikini and don't really care if I have a fat belly one day...

mostly I care because I don't find myself attractive looks wise.  My body is ok, but lately I feel washed out, old and pretty ugly.

(honestly though, I am all those things hahaha)

but it doesn't make me happy looking at pictures.

I am back home, getting mentally prepared for work and what comes next.

life is grand

write ya later

m

365 days : I run so you don't have to

you are welcome...

Today I ran so you don't have to.

I would like you to know we did NOT run far, so don't worry

Foxxy and I ran 2. 2 miles 

Then she gave up...

Looked at me as if the heat was going to be the death of her....

I looked at her and said, 

"Don't worry, I gotta poop....so we are both done"

She panted home the last mile and I concentrated on not having to go poo.

It's a runners thing.

maybe it's just my thing.

Anyways, I did minimal thinking on my run, which was nice.

A couple of times I thought...

wow, my legs feel pretty good and I'm gonna chalk that up to doing nothing for the past week or so.

I'm calling it my recovery drink and eat week....

and scroll through Instagram and then feel shitty for doing nothing all week, week.

pretty much a good week in my book.

As you can see from my picture I am carb loading for the mere fact I can.  

This was the first time in a while I looked at myself in the mirror and thought

you look good.

you are in a good spot.  

Looks good on you 

50 is good

....

well, don't look at that part, ignore that part....

and ignore that toenail that fell off from running yesterday

but everything else....

good job, lady

Sometimes, a good break from everything really pays off

I noticed it has made the house feel better.

Me, just doing what I want and not fretting.

the vibe is good.

did you hear that?

I gotta good vibe goin on.

2 days from now I will be relaxing in my bikini, giving an additional zero fucks, wishing I could tan, as I slather on the 50 block...

Wishing I could hold my liquor better,

and wishing I looked more put together....

but all that....

that is NOTHING.

Lately,

Ive literally been rocking this shit.

so, go relax...

I all ready ran, 

If ya wanna carb load, go ahead,

because we good 

xo,

write ya later