I thought I was tough

 Come to find out ...

not so much.

as I lay here in my bed with Covid, 

sicker than I have been in years and years, 

I realized 

Sissy was my secret power.

She must have given me the idea that I could do anything.

We were planning on moving to Costa Rica

but

the more I think about it the more I think I was fucking nuts.

Maybe I had visions of grandeur?

I'm traveling there again this year and I'll sit and relax and think again.

I'll sprinkler her ashes and ask,

"is it supposed to be or no?"

and then I will decide.

In the past two years when the overseas travel was not a thing 

we did some traveling in our very own country.

Novel

Maybe my calling is mid Kansas?

Maybe Alabama?

Maybe Arkansas?

Not really sure.

As far as being sick right now.

This is day 4 and I am sick

first 2 days were non moving, sleeping all day with temps of 103+, aches, GI upset, sore throat

day 4 

I'm sitting up.

but still running low grade temps 

It's no joke 

This is my hot girl Summer with Olive so I have to get well

I have to be ready to paddle, ride, hike, eat and travel

so send good vibes

xo

m

it wasn't fast

 I just have to laugh...seriously....How long can this divorce last!???

papers have been filed....now I have to wait before I can buy house, buy a car, remove him from my insurance, shit....I can't even rent anything at this point.

it's insane.....but.  whatever.  It is going to be fine.  But a year and a half for a divorce between 2 people who really have nothing is ridiculous.  We have spent more in lawyer fees than we probably make in a year.   Because of him.  I'll leave that there.   I was willing to give him half of everything, the house ....etc....but he fought it.   

whatever.

So, here I am.

waiting still

I have said this a million times. I laugh that it seems so simple 

I just want to live and be happy.  I want to laugh and take care of the people in my life.

I want to have abs,

I want to have a house in  CR...

I want to have sex, good sex,

I want my kids to be happy,

I want my ex lovers to see my beauty....

I want to travel,

I want to be able to ride a gravel bike with my friends ...and not die....

Soon.  soon they say.

I dont want to buy a 450k house, (which still needs updated)

 because that is all that is available....

I'd rather live in a shack in CR

I dont want to rent

I want my kid to be happy

I want my lover to be happy

I want my friends to still love me

I don't want people to say "wow that was fast"

because....

it was not fast.   it was miserably slow.   10 years of the 19 were mostly sad, and self deprecating, and not living life to my fullest.    so ,NO ! it wasn't fast.   Shut your mouth.   Let me live ...

ok....

my rant for the night.

xo,

m

What? 100 days Left?

Did you hear?

Only about 100 days of 2020 left

Should I rejoice 

or cry.

Just this morning I woke up and thought

"when Summer gets here I have so much I want to do"

then....

I remembered its's 2020 and Summer is over.

stupid covid

Costa Rica last year in October....

It is the place which calls my heart on a daily basis.

So, as I sit typing this and glance at my vision board I realized I have not completed a damn thing this Covid season.

Short of "saving the world" in NYC

which was quickly forgotten....

 and replaced by divorce, living a smaller life,

 and trying to figure out how I can live and survive in CR.

I have really accomplished nothing.

I posted the picture to keep me somewhat accountable and positive

I was reminded how beautiful I am and that maybe I don't see what others may see.

It makes me laugh because I will forever be self conscious, even at 52.

Sure I put on a bikini....

but I also don't want to see pictures.

Sure I work out,

but I also can't seriously commit to a huge plan in order to see change.

I find myself wanting to sit with my Loves instead of stressing at the gym.

I'd rather walk my dog and clear my head than do sit-ups and push ups

Let's be honest ....

anyone who knows me knows I'd rather have a beer than do anything

ha...

truth

My divorce is hopefully getting closer to the end

seeing how it has been a year 

so, my time can be spent on more productive thoughts than 

that.

I can't wait to see what the second half brings and the day I can let it all go,

to only look back on the good and be able to be who I am without a monitor

xo

write ya later

m

Weightlessness, no gravity

Were we somewhere in-between?

I'm a ghost of you, you're a ghost of me

A bird's-eye view of San Luis

Oh, highway boys all sleeping in

With their dirty mouths and broken strings

Oh, their eyes are shining like the sea

For you, the queen of San Luis

I'm a ghost of you, you're a ghost of me

A bird's-eye view of San Luis

Cutting through the avenues

I'd always find my way to you

Beside the hook, the hammer lies

And fumbling round in the smoke

Spending time chasing ghosts

Hold me down, hold me down, child

Hold me down, hold me down, child

California called you queen

With your golden hair and magazine

Were you somewhere in-between?

Fast asleep, a flying dream

I'm a ghost of you, you're a ghost of me

A bird's-eye view of San Luis

I'm a ghost of you, you're a ghost of me

A bird's-eye view of San Luis

I'm a ghost of you, you're a ghost of me

A bird's-eye view of San Luis

I'm a ghost of you, you're a ghost of me

A bird's-eye view of San Luis

 

Traveling to Costa Rica -- Our Budget

So we have been wanting to go to Costa Rica for a vacation and we bagan planning a good 9 months in advance , well, because that is how I roll.  Plus I am cheap and like to know what everything costs and get the best deal.  First and foremost:  I signed up for hotels.com and we also have a southwest credit card.   I paid for everything on the CC then repaid wth the money I had saved through the year. This way I had the money. I was't accruing debt and when I paid the CC bill I also was able to get points for future flights.  I love this!   But please....dont make debt for a vacation.  Save ahead. Plan ahead

We are traveling as a family of 3 and my sister decide to go too...so if you want to go by our budget this would work well for 2 couples sharing a room or if it was just a family of 3 it may be a bit cheaper.   I'll tell you as a couple you could do this for less....but I will break it down for you,

This budget is for 9 days, hotels and tickets but no food or incrementals .  Ill try to include that after the vacation for those planning ahead.  Once I know exactly how much everything costs.

 It also includes the exit tax which I heard was needed to leave. :)

(except after the election, we may not want to come back!)

We had looked at VRBO and other places. There are so many amazing places to go and stay, but we decided for our first venture we would use Hotels.com.   

I was able to use my sign in acct and on Fridays they often had 50% off so many nice hotels are cheap. I will update and review the hotels once we travel.

So here is the breakdown of the costs.  We flew SW.  

Ill keep you posted on more as I figure it out .

write ya later

m