365 days: Day 185 Punta Cana ...relaxed and washed out

DAY 185

Higuey, DR

 Something about the colors makes me happy

she smiled for a minute...ziplineing

Yes,  I booked a trip to Punta Cana DR when people are dying there. So what?  I like an adventure and a good deal.

Stayed at Barcelo Palace on Bavaro Beach and for all inclusive resort it was fine.

No one died, and I feel semi relaxed.

beaches were white and warm,

People were friendly 

I relaxed....

what more can I say........

except.....

I'm a dumbass for thinking it would be different.

Will I ever learn?

It really is time to move on...

really

(Look at that dumbasses sweet face)

vacationing with me is an adventure...

If you want it to be.

I enjoy trying stuff...

I tried almost every bite of food put in front of me...yes even meat, because when you don't speak the language it is important to not be rude....although a few locals helped with which meals traditionally did not have meat.

I like to do things....but I also like other people to take the lead, so if you are not strong enough to take the lead and decide what you would like to do, you will either be doing what I want to do, or nothing at all. 

If you decide things at the last minute while in a 3rd world country...it most likely won't happen because things need a bit of planning.

Something I discovered which was quite nice and new to me...

separate beds.  I slept like a baby.  Not my ideal sleeping arrangement when traveling with a person I am in love with, but....

situation was just dandy with the double beds. 

If you aren't having relations, kissing, touching....no need to be in my space.

I realized I find dark skinned DR men with light eyes, extremely attractive.

I was thankful I did not have the opportunity to really explore as much as I wanted to. ( wink wink)

If you sleep through half the vacation...

you are going to miss out, not my problem....

I can sleep at home...

I like to dance...and gamble occasionally

these things should happen while on vacation.

I cannot wait to meet someone who likes to take a bit of the lead...

I'm not saying all the lead, just someone who steps up, can make a reservation, can get a taxi in a different country, will carry the money and tip, and can try new things.

can't wait.

I posted a pic of me in my bikini, because I do wear a bikini and don't really care if I have a fat belly one day...

mostly I care because I don't find myself attractive looks wise.  My body is ok, but lately I feel washed out, old and pretty ugly.

(honestly though, I am all those things hahaha)

but it doesn't make me happy looking at pictures.

I am back home, getting mentally prepared for work and what comes next.

life is grand

write ya later

m

decisions decisions

I was just reading Matt's blog and was so happy for his new adventure. You know,from every bad, if you hang with it long enough, good is bound to happen. It's sometimes a super crazy hard concept...but it's one I roll with. Same with everything happens for a reason and if I don't give in or give up...it usually works out, one way or another. I can remember when I used to not even try things for fear (and boy I got it) of failure. Now, I put on my big girl panties and give it a try...what's the worst that could happen short of death of me or someone else, and that can't possibly happen too often. Although unfortunately it does happen.
Every thing happens for a reason... so, I was offered an actual nursing job in the hospital on ortho/nuero. Of course this is the craziest time for me. I'm in school...I'm starting a round of clinicals at another hospital...and I barely have time to take a shit...but I decided to go ahead and take the job. I spoke to the Director yesterday and she wanted me to start this week. wow...ok...
I have a huge problem with saying ok before I actually look at anything, but this time I told her I want to look at my schedule and do what's best for me. HA!!! yeah, you read that write...I said I would email her the next day with when I can start. This is a big deal for me... I took a minute and figured something out without jumping face first into the pot.

So, this morning I sent her the email with the dates of starting 10/23...which is 2 weeks, but I need to give the Long Term Care place my notice, so I think that is acceptable.

I said as I hit send, if it's not acceptable...then it wasn't meant to be right now. Right? I would usually say My Plate Is Full...but actually my plates are so full I can barely wobble outta the the kitchen. I'll find out later.

At this point I am sitting at work...the hospital system is down, the phone is ringing off the hook and all I can think about is that I am going to graduate in 6 months as an RN!!! (well, if all goes well) what the hell am I gonna do with all that time that is now occupied with school, job juggling, and homework....and on top of that NO MORE CARE MAPS!!!!!!!!!! woop woop

I think I will take a minute and dream about it....and you know what else? if I get this job...when I graduate I will have a job to just transition into...it's crazy!

A Password to Remember, or not.

How did we become so secretive? It's a strange thing to think about. Back in the day, the spouse would have a secret affair and actually have to plan it out to make it work. Cover their tracks, find a clandestine (you like that word?) hotel to meet. It was actually work. I'm sure just the mere thought of all that work kept some people honestly safe. Too lazy to even go out and get some on the side.

I like that.

Makes me feel safe. See, I am horribly insecure in my relationship, as you may have noticed from past posts. In many old relationships I was the last to know....and being the last to know is not just painfully idiotic and heart wounding, but also puts a nice big imprint on your frontal lobe which will never let you move past, sideways, or around a similar situation without fear. I'm like Pavlov's Dog. I remember...ouch...I remember.

The Internet, iPhones, Texting, Facebook, Craigslist, Ashley Madison...you name it, it has removed any sort of safety net within a relationship. A click of the phone and a naked picture can be sent (just for fun), or a little online back and forth chit chatting can make the mundane life at the office seem even worse. I have friends which you email or text and they send something back within , let's say, 2 minutes. To me, that suggests either they have absolutely nothing going on in their life, they are too occupied with the phone, or they are waiting for someone fabulous to text them and I happen to be stuck in the middle. It bothers me.



It bothers me that we all have our own "accounts". How many of you know your significant others passwords or accounts? I don't, and when I do, I check them...and usually find weird shit and think, that is exactly what I get for looking. I have one email account which I've had since computers were invented and this blogger account...he has my passwords. I have stopped using Myspace, can't figure out Twitter, I hardly use my cell phone, and I never chat...because I'm not to be trusted. I would chat with Charles Manson if he IM'd me. Seriously. I have no boundries, because things are too easy. All You have to do is IM me and say, "wow,I love your typing skills" and I'm hooked. Online affair at it's finest. If I'm that easy, I can only imagine how the men are. A few emails and naked picture, who could pass that up? Not any man I know. ( let me clear something up, when women send pictures, it's to get you to notice, when men send pictures to women...it's freaky. I don't want to see your flagpole in a 2 inch shot on my iPhone...it freaks me out)
I don't want to find myself in a predicament like John Edwards wife...."What? you have a love child?! How the hell do you have time for that? OHHHHHHHHH? you met her on Myspace, sent a few dirty pictures then met at the hotel across from the Pentagon??...The little colonial looking hotel? Wow, and I thought you were at work, campaigning across America. I know I have put on a bit of midsection weight, but a child?!! and she's 6 months old!? I have been fighting Cancer, I thought you loved me............you couldn't have waited 6 more months until I'm dead?

Yeah, sucks...it's a wee bit embarrassing. See, you don't need time and planning anymore. You just twitter a meeting spot or look up a "non prostitute" on Craigslist, how about a girl who will date you for a donation?...and you are done. No one needs to know the wiser, and how could they? They don't have your password.

Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting.... Yah!

I gave up beer for Lent.
Let's put it this way, I'm trying to give up beer for Lent. The way I look at it is , God will forgive me if I don't do very well.
Last night was the first night I went to bed without a sip from the micro-brew Gods and I tell you what...I had insane dreams!
Normally I don't sleep. I sleep for about 2 hours then I toss and turn and think about the laundry, strangling the kids, stuffing socks into Bobby's snoring mouth, ripping the dogs toenails out one by one, but last night...last night...I slept like a log.
I guess I would call it sleeping. I was Karate chopping through my dream, doing spins up to the top of my book case, quickly dusting while I was up there, and then smacking the floor with a "HiYAH!!!" It was crazy. I was like Spongebob square pants on crack in my dream! I never sleep like that...well not without Xanax. So this morning, I'm refreshed, at work, PMS ing and thinking about how everyone should be Kung-fu fighting in their sleep.

I gotta get to work. I got written up again for not closing my drawer, which basically means not turning all of your programs off. This is the 2nd time in the year...after 4 times in a 12 month period I get canned. hahahahahah...funny huh? I have people in my office who don't call in or show up for work and I'm going to get canned for not closing my drawer...typical